


50 Flavors Bittersweet

by Cysteine



Series: 50 Flavors of Creampuff [2]
Category: 50 Shades of Grey - E. L. James, Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: 50 Flavors of Creampuff, 50 FoC, 50flavors, 50flavours, F/F, Like 50 Shades but not abusive and gay, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-03-19 15:14:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 139,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3614628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cysteine/pseuds/Cysteine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The continuing saga of tweaking/fixing the 50 shades series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Adonis Festival and Hunt

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is dedicated to *my* Laura.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back for the second book. Issues with 50SD: Christian stalks Ana at work, offers to take her to Jose's Photography thing just to rub it in that she is his and that Jose can't have her, and he's manipulating her with guilt over his sadness to get her back. He then proceeds to buy all of Jose's (disturbingly creepy photographic fixation) large portraits of Ana so that others can't ogle her. Ana isn't your property and you don't own her image. He ignores her complaints about his intimidating her, which is a massive red flag for abusers... they can't handle criticism. Hopefully you see why I switched this out for the Adonis Festival and Hunt.

 

* * *

 _**Prologue** _ _  
(Carmilla's Point-of-View, Brazil, 1787)_

He's come back. Mother had to know I've been captured by these zealots by now. My right eye is swollen shut from the beating I was given as they restrained me and started dousing me with holy water, burning me like acid as I saw clumps of my hair fall away from my scalp and splatter onto the floor.

_Is it any wonder I denounced God, if this is what their followers do in his name?_

I have grown numb to the silver cord that burns and bites into my flesh as I'm bound and shackled to this iron cross. He thinks my soul is something worth saving, apparently. Across the room I see a less fortunate girl who is nearly dead from the 'interrogation'.  _All because they thought she was a witch for having red hair._  If she were a witch, wouldn't she have done something to escape?

He hits the girl with a belt. "Get up! Get up, you witch! Get up, witch! Get up, get up, witch!" She is shackled with iron onto the floor, and makes a pitiable, sobbing noise. "Stop. Please stop."

She doesn't scream like I thought she would. Like she should. Instead, she curls up small, hoping to be spared from more hits. Some days he only strikes a few times, other days he goes for hours. The blood smells thin when she bleeds, and I know it wouldn't be a substantial meal if I drank her down. The jailer doesn't seem much more appetizing, as he smells of stale drink and faintly of urine.  _Oh God, I'm looking at people like flavors again. How long have I been starved from having blood?_

I close my eyes and wait for the sounds to stop. He does, and I can smell and hear him turn and stomp towards me.

"Will you repent for your sins?"

"I cannot apologize for what I am, you dimwit."

He stoops down and grins. He smells nasty. Of cigarettes and drink.  _There you are, you little shit._

"Then you will face the wrath of God."

"And you are going to face the wrath of one pissed off Mother."

He presses a silver cross firmly against my flesh, just above my left breast. I smell the burning flesh a second before the searing pain hits me.  _Bastards found out about my weakness, and they are being right bastards about it._

The fiery pain slices through my skin and it feels like he's burning the bone beneath it, and I have never wanted someone dead as much as this man before me. My eyes are shut in pain as I hiss, forcing myself to not wail in pain because he would enjoy hearing it.

The pain subsided as I heard a gasp of air escape with a familiar gurgle, and I smiled as I opened my left eye to see the man's throat being torn into as he would quickly die by exsanguination.

"Mother, save me some, I haven't even had so much as a rat for a week." I said, surprised as I realized the woman before me wasn't Mother, my maker. It was Elladora. Her golden-blond hair was drenched in blood, making it look almost black in the dim lighting. Silver eyes shone back at me, and her fangs dripped with blood.

All of the torture I had received for the past week was nothing in comparison to seeing the woman I loved turned into a monster, the very same monster she claimed to be disgusted by when Mother outed me to her.  _Stone cannot love flesh_ , she said. If she turned Elladora as a mercy so that she and I could be together, then she didn't understand why I loved her in the first place. My love turned towards me, and my stomach turned at the sight of her gorging herself on blood.

"Carmilla? Is that you?"

I nodded, disliking the look of disgust she gave me. "Mother sent me to come get you."  _Mother? No... this can't be happening._ Elladora had hated finding out that I was a vampire, had gone out of her way to tell the Priests who quickly informed the Portuguese Inquisition and she had lured me to a trap where they caught and tortured me.  _So much for love._

Elladora rifled through the dead body's possessions, found the keys, and began to free me. I sagged to the ground, thirst consuming me as I growled and crawled to the nearest source of blood to sustain myself. The redhead was still huddled, shaking in fear.

"God protect me, I am not a witch! God protect me, I am not a witch! God protect me..."

I felt sick as my teeth closed over her neck, and I bit deeply into muscle and flesh as I fed on all of her blood.  _God damn me, for she is not a witch..._

* * *

I have survived Day Two Post-Carmilla, and my second day at work. It has been a welcome distraction. The time has flown by in a haze of new faces, work to do, and working with my new boss, Mr. James Stevenson. He smiles down at me, his blue eyes twinkling, as he leans against my desk.

"Excellent work, Laura. I think we're going to make a great team."

Somehow, I manage to curl my lips upward in a semblance of a smile.

"I'll be off, if that's okay with you," I murmur.

"Of course, it's five thirty. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight, James."

"Goodnight, Laura."

Collecting my bag, I shrug on my jacket and head for the door. Out in the early evening air, I take a deep breath. It doesn't begin to fill the void in my chest, a void that's been present since Sunday night, a painful hollow reminder of my loss. I walk toward the bus stop with my head down, staring at my feet and contemplating being without Baby Smaug, the Smart car.  _I named her and had to give her back._  I couldn't swallow my pride and keep that as a gift.

I shut the door on that thought immediately.  _No. Don't think about her._  Of course, I can't afford a car—so I dismiss it and try to keep my mind as numb and as blank as possible. I can't think about her. I don't want to start crying again— not out on the street.

The dorm feels empty. I miss Betty, and I imagine her lying on a beach sipping a cool cocktail. I turn on my laptop and play something on netflix so there's noise to fill the vacuum and provide some semblance of company, but I don't listen or watch. I sit and stare blankly at the brick wall. I am numb. I feel nothing but the pain.  _How long must I endure this?_

There is a knock at my door, which startles me from my anguish, and my heart skips a beat.  _Who could that be?_

"Delivery for Ms. Hollis." A bored, disembodied voice answers, and disappointment crashes through me. I open the door and find a young woman noisily chewing gum, holding a large cardboard box. I sign for the package and close the door. The box is huge and surprisingly light. Inside are two dozen long-stemmed, bi-colored white and red roses with a card.

_Congratulations on your first day at work. I hope it went well.  
-Carmilla_

I stare at the typed card, the hollow in my chest expanding. No doubt, her assistant sent this. Carmilla probably had very little to do with it. It's too painful to think about. I examine the roses—they are beautiful, and I can't bring myself to throw them in the trash. Dutifully, I make my way into the kitchen to hunt down a vase.

And so a pattern develops: wake, work, cry, sleep. Well, try to sleep. I can't even escape her in my dreams. Dark burning eyes, her lost look, her getting beaten and bleeding for Mrs. Robinson haunts me. And the music.. so much music—I cannot bear to hear any music. I am careful to avoid it at all costs.

I have spoken to no one, not even my father. I don't have the capacity for idle talk now. I want none of it. I have become my own island state. A ravaged, war-torn land where nothing grows and the horizons are bleak. Yes, that's me. I can interact impersonally at work, but that's it. If I talk to dad, I know I will break even further—and I have nothing left to break.

I am finding it difficult to eat. By Wednesday lunchtime, I manage a cup of yogurt, and it's the first thing I've eaten since Sunday. I can't even my favorite pastries. I am surviving on a new found tolerance for lattes and Coke Zero. It's the caffeine that keeps me going, but it's making me anxious.

James has started to hover over me, irritating me, asking me personal questions.  _What does he want?_  I'm polite, but I need to keep him at arm's length. I sit and begin trawling through a pile of correspondence addressed to him, and I'm pleased with the distraction of menial work. My e-mail pings, and I quickly check to see who it's from.

Thursday morning, I find an e-mail from Carmilla.  _Oh no, not here . . . not at work._

* * *

Forgive this intrusion at work. I hope that it's going well. Did you get my flowers? I note that Friday is the Adonis Festival and Hunt and I'm sure you've not had time to purchase a car, and it's a long drive. I would be more than happy to take you—should you wish. Let me know.  
_-Carmilla Karnstein_

* * *

Tears swim in my eyes. I hastily leave my desk and bolt to the restroom to escape into one of the stalls. Danny's hunt is out in the nearby forest. I'd forgotten all about it, and I promised her I'd go. _Shit, Carmilla is right; how am I going to get there?_

I clutch my forehead.  _Why hasn't Danny phoned? Come to think of it—why hasn't anyone phoned?_  I've been so absentminded, I haven't noticed that my cell phone has been silent.

 _How did she get my e-mail address?_  She knows I am working here, so an e-mail address might be posted on the company website.  _She was upset to find out I got hired by the company she was investing in, after I asked her to not exert her influence._

 _Can I see her again? Could I bear it? Do I want to see her?_ I close my eyes and tilt my head back as grief and longing lance through me.  _Of course I do._

Perhaps, perhaps I can tell her I've changed my mind... No, I cannot be with someone who  _takes_   _pleasure_  in inflicting pain, particularly someone who can't love - memories flash through my mind - the big cat sanctuary, holding hands, kissing, the skype session, her gentleness, her humor, her violin playing, and her dark, brooding, sexy stare.

 _I miss her._  It's been four days, four days of agony that has felt like an eternity. I wrap my arms around my body, hugging myself tightly, holding myself together. I miss her. I  _really_  miss her... I love her.

I cry myself to sleep at night, wishing I hadn't walked out, wishing that she could be different, wishing that we were together.  _How long will this hideous overwhelming feeling last?_  I am in purgatory.

_Hollis, you are at work!_

I must be strong, but I want to go to Danny's event, and deep down, the masochist in me wants to see Carmilla. Taking a deep breath, I head back to my desk.

* * *

Hi Carmilla. Thank you for the flowers; they are lovely. Yes, I would appreciate a lift. Thank you.  
_Laura_

* * *

Checking my phone, I decide to quickly call Danny.

"Hi, Danny. It's Laura."

"Hello, stranger." Her tone is so warm and welcoming it's almost enough to push me over the edge again.

"I can't talk long. What time should I be there tomorrow for your thing?"

"You're still coming?" She sounds excited.

"Yes, of course." I smile my first genuine smile in five days as I picture her broad grin.

"Seven thirty."

"See you then. Good-bye, Danny."

"Bye, Laura."

* * *

What time shall I collect you?  
_-Carmilla Karnstein_

* * *

Danny's thing starts at 7:30. What time would you suggest?  
_Laura_

* * *

The staging area is some distance away. I shall collect you at six. I look forward to seeing you.  
_-Carmilla Karnstein_

* * *

I'm going to see Carmilla, and for the first time in five days, my spirits lift a fraction and I allow myself to wonder how she's been.  _Has she missed me?_  Probably not like I've missed her.  _Has she found a new submissive from wherever they come from?_  The thought is so painful that I dismiss it immediately. I look at the pile of correspondence I need to sort for James and tackle it as I try to push Carmilla out of my mind once more.

That night in bed, I toss and turn, trying to sleep. It is the first time in a while I haven't cried myself to sleep. In my mind's eye, I visualize Carmilla's face the last time I saw her as I left her apartment. Her tortured expression haunts me. I remember she didn't want me to go, which was odd.  _How is she doing now?_   _Has she already moved on, and just trying to play nice or trying to win me back?_

I decide to make a phone call, considering my closest friends are living with and working for her. Perry answers after a few rings.

"Hey, Perry."

"Laura, um... hi." I hear some rustling in the background. "Hey, I'm going to put you on speakerphone, okay?"

"Um, who else is there?" I ask.

LaFontaine's voice cuts in. "Who do you think?"

"Hi, LaFontaine."

There is a pause and I can't help but blurt it out. "How has she been doing?"

Perry  _tsk_ 'ed. "You know we can't talk about that."

I frown at that. "Has she found a new girlfriend?"

LaFontaine scoffed at that. "No, worse."

"Worse?"  _What could be worse? She found submissive number 17? She ran back to Mrs Robinson?_

"No, she started... drinking again."

"Susan!"

" **La.**   _Fontaine._ "

Perry must have taken me off of speakerphone, as I could hear her say in a hushed voice, "We signed an NDA."

"Well, I can still be an... unofficial truth speaker..."

"I like my job, LaF. Besides,  _she_  left  _Carmilla._ " Perry shushed her friend and put it back to speakerphone mode.

I decide to speak up. "So she's dealing by being a drunk?"  _That seems pretty un-Carmilla of her..._

LaFontaine replied immediately. "She can't actually-"

"-she's dealing. But she does miss you." Perry said apologetically.  _Why would I stay when things had reached such an impasse?_  We were each skirting around our own issues—my fear of punishment, her fear of...  _what?_  Love?

"And I miss her. Doesn't change anything."

Turning on my side, I hang up and hug my yellow pillow, filled with an overwhelming sadness.

She thinks she doesn't deserve to be loved.  _Why does she feel that way? Is it something to do with her upbringing? Her birth mom, the whore?_  My thoughts plague me into the early hours until eventually I fall into a fitful, exhausted sleep.

* * *

The day drags and drags and James is unusually attentive. I suspect it's the plum dress and the black heeled boots I've stolen from 'my' closet in Carmilla's place, but I don't want to dwell on the thought. I resolve to go clothes shopping with my first paycheck, and have all this returned. The dress is looser on me than it was when I tried it on before, but I pretend not to notice. Finally, it's five thirty, and I collect my jacket and purse, trying to quell my nerves.  _I'm going to see her!_

"Do you have a date tonight?" James asks as he strolls past my desk on his way out.

"Yes. No. Not really." He cocks an eyebrow at me, his interest clearly piqued.

"Boyfriend?" I flush.

"No, a friend. An ex-girlfriend." Both eyebrows are up now.  _Yeah, not that it's any of your business._

"Maybe Monday you'd like to come for a drink after work. You've had a stellar first week, Laura. We should celebrate." He smiles and some unknown emotion flits across his face, making me uneasy.  _Is this some lesbian fetish? Ugh._  Putting his hands in his pockets, he saunters through the double doors. I frown at his retreating back.  _Drinks with the boss, is that a good idea?_  I shake my head. I have an evening of Carmilla Karnstein to get through first.  _How am I going to do this?_  I hurry into the restroom to change into my best denims, trainers, and my grey whovian shirt and make some last-minute adjustments to my hair. In the large mirror on the wall, I take a long, hard look at my face. I am my usual pale self, dark circles round my too-large eyes. I look gaunt, haunted. I apply some mascara and eyeliner, hoping the color helps hide my paleness. Tidying my hair so that it hangs artfully down my back, I take a deep breath.  _This will have to do._

Nervously I walk through the foyer with a smile and a wave to Lana at reception. _I think she and I could become friends._  James is talking to Elsie as I head for the doors. Smiling broadly, he hurries over to open them for me."After you, Laura," he murmurs. "Thank you." I smile, embarrassed.  _I can get a door for myself, it's actually awkward that you came over here to do that._  It's different if he were going out the door first and I was right behind him.  _Does he think that he should get a cookie or my approval for doing this for me?_

Outside on the curb, Kirsch is waiting. He opens the rear door of the Jeep. I glance hesitantly at James who has followed me out. He's looking toward the Jeep SUV in dismay. I turn and climb into the back, and there she sits—Carmilla Karnstein—wearing her skin-tight leather pants, black tank top, and a black tactical leather jacket that made me think of Max from Dark Angel.

She was exuding the grace and litheness of an apex predator as her dark eyes feasted on me. My mouth goes dry at the sight of her. She looks glorious...  _except she's scowling at me._

"When did you last eat?" she snaps as Kirsch closes the door behind me.  _Right. This crap._

"Hello, Carmilla. Yes, it's nice to see you, too."

"I don't want your smart mouth now. Answer me." Her eyes blaze.

"I've eaten as much as  _you've drank_  lately." I snap back at her.

"When did you last have a proper meal?" she asks acidly.

Kirsch slips into the driver's seat, starts the car, and pulls out into the traffic. I glance up and James is waving at me, though how he can see me through the dark glass, I don't know. I wave back. "Who's that?" Carmilla snaps.

"My boss." I peek up at the beautiful woman beside me, and her mouth is pressed into a hard line.

"Well? Your last meal?"

"Carmilla, that really is none of your concern," I murmur, feeling extraordinarily brave.

"Your health and well-being concerns me. Tell me."

"No, it  _really_ doesn't." I groan in frustration, rolling my eyes heavenward, and Carmilla narrows her eyes. She reminds me of Grumpy Cat. And for the first time in a long time, I want to laugh. I try hard to stifle the giggle that threatens to bubble up. Carmilla's face softens as I struggle to keep a straight face, and I see a trace of a smile kiss her beautifully sculptured lips.

"Well?" she asks, her voice softer.

"Tell me about your drinking first." I whisper. She closes her eyes as fury and possibly regret, sweeps across her face.

"I see," she says, her voice expressionless. "You look like you've lost at least five pounds, possibly more since then. Please try to eat, Cupcake," she scolds.

I stare down at the knotted fingers in my lap.  _Why does she make me feel like an errant child?_  She shifts and turns toward me.

"I haven't been hungry lately; you know, the grief." Carmilla's eyes meet mine, and where mine are blinking back angry tears, hers seem to flinch with guilt.

"Yeah, I know that feeling. Other than that, how have you been?" she asks, her voice still soft.

 _Well, I'm shit really..._  I swallow.

"If I told you I was fine, I'd be lying."

She inhales sharply. "Me, too," she murmurs and reaches over and clasps my hand. "I miss you," she adds.  _Skin against skin, that simple touch I've been craving..._

"Carmilla, I—"

"Laura, please. We need to talk." I'm going to cry. I shake my head no.

"Carmilla, I . . . please . . . I've cried so much,  _too much..._ " I whisper, trying to keep my emotions in check. "You said that I could walk away at any time, and that you wouldn't stop me. But then that would be it."

"Oh, baby, no." She tugs my hand, and before I know it I'm in her arms, my head on her shoulder. She has her arms around me, and her nose is in my hair.

"I've missed you so much, Cupcake," she breathes. I feel like I should want to struggle out of her hold, to maintain some distance, but her arms are wrapped around me and I don't want to lose this.  _If this is only temporary I'll drink up every last second before I have to leave again._  She's holding me as I melt.  _This is where I want to be._  I nuzzle my head against her, and she kisses my forehead.  _This is home._  She smells of linen, incense, and my favorite smell—  _Carmilla._  For a moment, I allow myself the illusion that all will be well, and it soothes my ravaged soul. A few minutes later Kirsch pulls to a stop at the curb, and I blink as I try to get my bearings.  _We're still in the city._

"Come"—Carmilla shifts me off her lap—"order up."  _What?_  I see we're at a Sonic.

"You're going to want some food in you before tonight. Tater tots okay?" Carmilla glances toward the menu by way of explanation. Of course. Food. Kirsch lowers his window and orders himself an extra long cheese coney and an ocean water, while Carmilla gets a #1 Cheeseburger combo with a cherry limeaid. She gives me a warm, avuncular smile that makes me feel safe. I smile back.

"Um, Onion rings, junior bacon cheeseburger, plain with no pickles or lettuce."

"Want a drink?"

I shrug. "I'll share yours, but I get your cherry." I say, smiling shyly.

"You cheeky girl." Carmilla replies as Kirsch makes the order and pays for it. I flush as Carmilla takes my hand in hers. She looks quizzically at Kirsch who stares impassively back at her, revealing nothing.

"Good?" Carmilla says to him.

"Yes, ma'am." Carmilla nods as she turns and faces me. I revel in the feel of her hand and her long, skilled fingers curled around mine. I feel the familiar pull—I am drawn, Icarus to her sun. I have been burned already, and yet here I am again.

I peek up at her, and she's wearing her enigmatic half smile. She glances at me, dark eyes alive, and it's there in the air between us, that electricity. It's palpable. I can almost taste it, pulsing between us, drawing us together. I gasp as I bask briefly in the intensity of this visceral, primal attraction.

"I feel it, too, sweetness." she says, silver flecks shining in her intense eyes. Desire pools dark and deadly in my groin. She clasps my hand and grazes my knuckles with her lips, and all my muscles clench tightly, deliciously, deep inside me.  _How can she still do this to me?_

"Please don't bite your lip, Cupcake," she whispers. I gaze up at her, releasing my lip. I want her. Here, now, in the SUV.  _How could I not?_

"You know what it does to me," she murmurs.  _I still affect her._  Abruptly the windows lower, breaking the spell, and we're getting our food. My hunger is ravenous as I tear into it, savoring the bacon and cheese as Kirsch gets us underway.

"How's the new job?"

"Good, thank you. Interesting."

"What's your boss like?"

"Oh, he's okay."  _How can I tell Carmilla that James makes me uncomfortable?_  Carmilla turns and gazes at me.

"What's wrong?" she asks.

"Aside from the obvious, nothing."

"The obvious?"

"Oh, Carmilla, you really are very obtuse sometimes."

"Obtuse? Me? I'm not sure I appreciate your tone, Miss Hollis."

"Well, don't appreciate my tone all you want. I'm going to enjoy some tater tots." Her lips twitch into a smile.

"I have missed your smart mouth." I gasp and I want to shout, I've missed you— _all of you_ —not just your mouth! But I keep quiet and gaze out the window as we continue on. The dusk is to our right, the sun low on the horizon—large, blazing fiery orange— and I am Icarus again, flying far too close. The sky is awash with opal, pinks, and aquamarines woven seamlessly together as only Mother Nature knows how.

* * *

It's a clear, crisp evening, as we're pulling into a makeshift parking lot just outside of a heavily wooded area. It's windy, and without a jacket, I'm cold.

"Good burger, Miss Hollis?" she asks, her voice mild, her dark eyes penetrating me.

"Yes, thank you, Ms. Karnstein," I reply politely.

"Well, let's go join the hunt." She holds her hand out to me and taking it, I climb out of the Jeep. A young woman with long curly auburn hair sporting black war paint in the shape of the batman logo over her face walks over to meet us, smiling broadly, and I recognize Levi as one of Danny's friends from the Summer Society.

"Welcome to the Adonis Festival! Oh-" she looked awestruck at us there, and Carmilla smiled politely as Levi apparently fan-girled.

"Yeah, hi." Carmilla said sheepishly. That's when I realized that she was looking at me as she pulled out her radio and clicked it on.

"Ginge to Xena: Gabrielle has landed. Repeat, Gabrielle has landed." She beamed at the pair of us. "Danny's really glad you could make it out here."

I tried to smile, feeling awkward at getting this kind of reception. "Okay, cool."

"Is this like some sort of Lilith Fair/Michigan Womyns Music Festival kind of thing?" Carmilla asked.

Levi shook her head. "Not at all; the Summer Society is radically inclusive organization and accepts everyone who identifies as part of the sisterhood, including transguys, transwomen, agender, twospirit, and genderqueer people."

"Here I thought you were just some sort of sapphic sorrority society." I glanced over and saw Carmilla using her seductive gaze to purposefully unnerve Levi.  _Do I have to put sunglasses on her in order to protect other girls from that gaze?_

"Um, well, uh..." She shuddered slightly. "Please follow the arrows so you both can sign in and qualify at the archery range."

My anxiety has returned full force, and I realize that our time in the Jeep has been the eye of the storm. Carmilla is quiet and brooding . . . apprehensive even; our lighter mood from earlier has dissipated. There's so much I want to say, but the time is wrong. Carmilla stares pensively out into the woods.

"Danny is just a friend," I murmur. Carmilla turns and gazes at me, her eyes dark and guarded, giving nothing away. Her mouth—oh, her mouth is distracting, and unbidden. I remember it on me— _everywhere_. My skin heats. She shifts visibly and frowns.

"Sorry, I am smelling something... off."

"Well, you just forced me to eat fast food." She arched an eyebrow at me.  _TMI, Hollis!_

"You haven't eaten well lately, sweetness, and I..." She turns her head abruptly, sniffing the air. "Does your friend Danny have a dog?"

 _Dog?_  I shake my head, confused. "Don't try and change the subject, Carmilla."

She sighs, distracted.

"I don't want to fight with you, Cupcake. I want you back, and I want you healthy for..." she drifts off.

_What? What does that mean?_

"But nothing's changed." _You're still fifty flavors of fucked up._

"Let's talk about this on the way back. We're here." Carmilla says, following the signs for the staging area of the Adonis Festival and Hunt.

Carmilla takes the lead, leaving me speechless. "Why do you do that?" My voice is louder than I expected.

"Do what?" Carmilla is taken aback, eyes darting around.

"Say something like that and then just stop."

"Cupcake, we're here. Where you want to be. Let's do this and then talk. I don't particularly want to have a scene in front of everyone." I flush and glance around. She's right. It's too public. I press my lips together as she glares down at me.

"Okay," I mutter sulkily. Taking my hand, we follow the signs to another clipboard-carrying sister of the Summer Society. I first mistook her for Danny, but realized she wasn't over six feet tall and had a nose piercing. Her blood red war paint looked like it was from Braveheart and I could have sworn Carmilla blushed slightly at that.

"Welcome to the Adonis Festival and Hunt! I'm Jessie, and I'm going to need both of you to fill out this liability release form."

"Liability release form? You think we'll get hurt here?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Well, we have an entire process to help reduce injuries, but... well, accidents can happen when you're running through a forest."

Carmilla seemed to speed-read through the form. "Not liable for any injuries up to and including death by bow-hunting accidents..." She shrugged at that. "Fairly certain I won't get hit with an arrow."

"Arrows?" My voice cracked.

"Once you sign here, you two will go to the archery range and the best dozen archers get to participate in the hunt. This way we keep the chance of injury to a minimum."

"Oh okay, yeah, I probably won't be that good. I bet Danny will make it though."

"Lawrence? Yeah, she's a bit of a bad-ass there."

"So, this is a legitimate bow-and-arrow hunt?"

"Oh, right. So the Summer Society pays honor to Artemis, the Greek Goddess of the hunt. She was also the Goddess for wilderness, childbirth, protecting young girls... essentially she was the bad ass Feminist Goddess in Mythology. So the story is that Adonis bragged that he was a better hunter than she was, so she sicced wild boar on him in order to make him prove it. I mean, if he's such a bad-ass hunter and can kill gentle animals who aren't doing anything to bother him, maybe he should try hunting something that is actively going after him and can kill him?"

"Uh-huh." I reply, not certain how this pertains to bow-hunting here. "Do we get to do the face paint too?"

"Have to qualify to be on the hunting team first."

Carmilla frowned at that. "You have a holiday where you get to hunt down a kill a man? Much better than Krampus at Christmas."

Jessie paled at that.

"Um, no. We  _don't do_  a human sacrifice. We're hunting a feral hog as they are considered an invasive species that is destroying the countryside. But otherwise this is a field day and we party afterwards."

"And then you slaughter and cook it?" Carmilla asked.

"Yeah, and we even get some bands to come and play, too." Carmilla and I sign off on the release forms and make our way over to the range, and I glanced over at Carmilla's arms and fingers.  _She probably is really good with a bow, isn't she?_  As we line up to qualify for the hunt, I hear Danny's voice loud and clear.

" **You! Get away from her!** " Before I can focus my eyes, I feel a whoosh of air go by as Carmilla flies backwards twenty feet and slams against a tree, making a sickening crunching sound. The person handing out arrows bolts out and puts their hands out in front of Danny. Judging from the fauxhawk that reminded me of LaFontaine, I guessed that this person was agender or genderqueer. They also wore eye black as war paint and it gave a kind of fierce look as they stood up against Danny, considering we were the same height but they were definitely more muscular.

"Danny! Calm down, she's not harming anyone!" I look over at Carmilla, crumpled and bleeding into the grass.  _Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god..._

"I thought I smelled a corpse!" Danny spat, eyes narrowed at her. Danny's war paint was the most vicious-looking design of the group, black ichor dripping down her face like Lexa. I was frozen in place, scared that the woman I loved was dead.

_How was Danny able to throw her that far?_

In the distance, I hear Carmilla get up slowly to her hands and knees and pops her back unnaturally as she groans in pain.

"Ugh, I thought I smelled wet dog." Carmilla's eyes shone white-silver as she sneered, and I noticed her canine teeth looked a bit pointier than normal.  _Carmilla! You're alive?!_

"I'm going to rip out your throat, clot sucker." Danny spat, ripping her shirt off and exposing a grey sports bra.

"Ha! Moonrise isn't for another 8 hours, dumb ass."

Danny's smile turned into a feral snarl. "You think just because the full moon isn't in our sky right now, I can't sense it over Russia?" Her shoulders seemed to pop out of their joints as her body contorted as Carmilla growled at her.

"Laura, get to the Jeep! Get to Kirsch and tell him code 3." Jessie grabbed my hand and started to pull me away.

"Carmilla? What's going on?" I asked as I tried to make sense of what I saw before me.

"Time to get out of here, Laura! Jia! Can you calm Lawrence down?"

The agender Summer Society sister shook their head at that. "Her beast is bigger than mine, and I still need moonrise! Danny! Look at me!"

Danny wasn't looking at Jia though. She was staring directly at me. "Laura, I had no idea you were fucking an undead beast from the pits of hell!"

"Danny!"

"Back off, Jia!"

Carmilla stood, popping her neck with an inhuman twitch of her neck. "Think you can take me, you  _basic,_  fucking bitch?" She took a few steps backwards into the woods away from the rest of us as Danny's skin turned into fur and there was a red werewolf on all fours where my friend had once stood.

Jia and Jessie each had an arm on me and dragged me away from the confrontation. "Laura, your girlfriend just pissed off a werewolf. Time to call for help."

Carmilla's voice went deep and the growl was nowhere near human. "More like call an ambulance." My eyes and brain didn't want to work as her body morphed into a black smoke and re-solidifed in the shape of a black panther and ran off on all fours.

"What the fuck just happened?" Jia asked me and I shrugged, completely lost at what was going on as LaFontaine ran by with a small cooler in their hands and the word MEDIC emblazoned on the back of their shirt.

"Damn it, boss, the serum doesn't work once you shift forms!"

I turned back and saw a distressed and panicked Perry being comforted by Levi. "What's a code three, Laura?"

I shrugged my shoulders as Kirsch ran up and handed Jia a small pistol as he chambered a dart into his rifle.

"Are you crazy? I'm not about to kill-"

"-tranq."

"Oh. She's going to hate me for this."

"She'll live though."

The pair of them ran into the forest, side by side, and it was only a matter of minutes before I heard them yell in surprise as Carmilla in panther form broght Danny back towards them to shoot with the darts. My heart was in my throat as I heard Kirsch yell out "Clear!"

I ran after them, hoping against all hope that everyone was alive and well and that nobody was injured. I made it through the dense branches as I saw the ginger shock of LaFontaine's hair kneeling beside a trembling Carmilla.

"How... did I not fucking... smell that coming?" Carmilla's voice was shaky and weak in a way I've never heard before.

"Sorry, Ms. Karnstein, but she didn't know about you, either. It was a complete surprise. Drink."

"Ugh, it's cold! I'd rather have you..."

"That's not going to happen, and you know it, Boss."

"Right, you're..." Carmilla gasped, convulsing. "...the doc."

"Besides, you know the blood stays fresh longer when it's cold."

"It tastes horrible though!"

"Ms. Karnstein, your eyes are still pure silver, and you can't take the serum now, so you need to drink. You told me you don't Laura to know th-"

I called out to her. "Carmilla?"

LaFontaine cursed quietly as they turned to face me. "Hey, hold on for a moment, okay?"

"Is Danny okay? Are you okay?" I asked.

LaFontaine nodded. "Yes. Both are okay."

Carmilla rolled so her back was to me. "Please... leave."

I didn't understand what she meant. "What's going on? What happened back there?"

"God, I must have imagined this moment a hundred times... never like this."

"What are you talking about?" I ask as I approach them. LaF turns their head away, feeling extremely awkward in this moment. Carmilla has something clutched in her hands with a straw going to her mouth.  _She was worried I'd see her sipping on a Capri Sun?_

"Pl...please don't look at me." Carmilla said, shuddering as she sucked and retched at the straw in her mouth.

It wasn't a straw in a Capri Sun. It was a bag of blood.

_Carmilla was sucking down a pint of blood._

"Oh my god. What...?"  _Why was she doing this? Why is she drinking blood? She can't be..._

Carmilla looked into my eyes and I saw the silver flecks slowly darken back to her normal color, but the expression on her face was shame and revulsion. She was wracked with shaking as she looked guilty, as if I stumbled onto a drug addict who had been caught holding a lit lighter under the spoon. "I'm a vampire."


	2. Carmilla's Tale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Issues with this part of the 50 Shades saga... (this one is really intense, IMO)
> 
> After the photography event, they go for dinner together and he orders food for her (without consulting her or knowing if she has any food allergies), Christian berates her harshly for not using the safe word during the belting. Obviously, this puts Ana off of eating. Rather than be understanding, Christian threatens: "So help me God, Anastasia, if you don't eat, I will take you across my knee here in this restaurant and it will have nothing to do with my sexual gratification." What the frilly hell? That's not BDSM, it's blatant abuse.
> 
> After dinner, Ana sticks around for a drive in his car, and Christian says that he wants to start again: "...do the vanilla thing and then maybe, once you trust me more and I trust you to be honest and communicate more, we could move on and do some of the things I like to do." That's *not* actually asking for a second chance, or him wanting to genuinely try the vanilla route. That's pandering in hopes to get what he wants. There's a saying that the 'Friendzone' is a myth because guys can't put kindness coins into a girl and expect sex to come out at some point. Just be a decent fucking human being WITHOUT expecting to get what you want. He pretty much guilts her into thinking they both were wrong and she needs to give in a little so they can meet halfway. Except that he's not really negotiating nor is he actually compromising. That's emotional blackmail and manipulation, and it works in the novel because Ana says she's 'undeserving' of him when really she should have left at this point.
> 
> A/N #2: This was the longest chapter of mostly new material I have done for this trilogy. Don't get used to it, because I was debating cutting it in half and taking a week off to recover.

 

I kneel down by Carmilla, glad and relieved to know she's alive. So she's a vampire, drinking blood out of a bag. Right now she looks more pitiable than threatening.  _What would Mina Harker do?_  She wants to turn away from me but I refuse to let her, bending down to kiss her because  _damn it,_  even after everything, I am still in love with her. She turns her lips away and lets me kiss her cheek, possibly to keep me from tasting the blood, but a smile blossoms on her face as she lets herself feel something that I don't think she has had in a long time -  _hope._

"Cupcake, if you really want to make me feel better, perhaps you could kiss my other set of lips." She looked bone-weary and her strength was utterly gone, and I knew she was in no condition to have sex right now.

"Pervert," I mouth at her and bite my lower lip to prevent my smile. She smiles as well, her amusement obvious.

"I am what I am, sweetness." Her voice is soft with humor, but holds a ragged edge to it.

"So you're a vampire? And a giant black cat?" I smile as I finally understood the two charms on my bracelet, and even Carmilla looked at it. Maybe three years at Silas has jaded me, but finding out that Carmilla is a vampire doesn't really surprise me.  _It explains why she sometimes talks like she's in the 18th century._

"You still wear it?" I nodded, eyes tearing up.

"I'd discuss it with you, but I've signed an NDA." I joke, trying to keep the mood light.

She sighs, gazing at me, and her eyes darken. "What I'd like to do to your smart mouth," she murmurs. I gasp, knowing full well what she means.

"You're very rude." I try to sound shocked and succeed.  _Does she have no boundaries?_  She smirks at me, amused, and then she frowns.

"You are certainly taking this in stride, sweetness. I don't see you like this very often." I smile, but as it hits me,  _that Carmilla is really a vampire,_ I have to replay every moment I've had with her before.  _Her predatory charm. Her wanting to bite me in the bedroom._   _Her not being a morning person?_

My mind jars at that.  _We're not happily back together though. We have issues._

LaFontaine clears their throat politely and we turn to face them. "Um, we're being asked to leave. Something about being too dangerous around everyone else here, and because you broke Danny's arm."

"It magically heals when she shifts, the big baby. You don't see me complaining about how she nearly tore out my neck."

"Yeah, well Jia is pretty pissed off because you broke the same arm again  _after_  she shifted back into human form."

She smiled at the memory. "Had to teach Big Red a lesson. Besides, it will heal up tonight when she shifts again."

I shook my head at her. "Come on, Selene, I can help you up."

Carmilla nodded as she tried to get up, but seemed a bit weak on her feet. "Burned off too much blood shifting and healing. I'll be fine, just need rest..." I help her up and put her arm around me as LaFontaine leads us back to the Jeep where Kirsch is putting away the tranquilizer guns.

"So Code 3 is a werewolf?" I ask. Kirsch nodded.

"I um, got some really interesting training as you can imagine. Explains why Silas seemed so strange at times."

He helped Carmilla get into the back of the Jeep while LaFontaine takes care of Perry by the first aid station. I crawl into the vehicle as well and buckle her in.

"Kirsch... home." Carmilla mumbles, head lolling on her shoulder as if she is sugar crashing. She napped part of the way home, and I took her in as she slept in the back of the Jeep. She seemed so bold and bigger than life before, but as I got to know her she was human like the rest of us.  _Except she's not technically human_. As we keep on going, I can hear Carmilla murmuring in her sleep slightly.  _She's having a nightmare._

"Carmilla... Ms. Karnstein... wake up, you're having a nightmare." I shake her slightly and her eyes bolt open, hands scramble to touch me, and she instantly grows calmer.

"Laura... you're here..." She squeezes my hand in hers, comforted at the warmth and realness of it. "I thought you'd run away in fear. I thought the dog was going to hurt you."

"Her name is Danny." Her eyes narrow at the sound of her name. That seems to wake her up.

"Yes, the woman who, as I recall, was trying to push her tongue into your  _reluctant mouth_  while you were drunk and ill," she snarls.

"Well, she's never hit me," I spat at her.

Carmilla scowls at me, fury and shame carved into her features. "That's a low blow, Hollis." she whispers menacingly.

I shrug, and Carmilla runs her hands through her hair, bristling with barely contained anger. I glare back at her.

"Can we have that talk now?"

"Sure. Kirsch, put in some headphones." He did so as we stared each other down.

"Alright, go head, Laura." I glare at her, my blood boiling.  _Angry is good. Angry is better than tearful._  I drag my gaze away from her and look out into the night.

"I wanted to know how bad it could get."

"And you left me." Carmilla's voice cracked with emotion. " _That's_  how bad it can get."

"I didn't realize it then. But the caning as punishment? HARD. LIMIT." Carmilla nodded at that.

"Agreed. I can find other ways to punish you."

I shook my head. "No, why do you need to punish me?"

"Why do you want to live without consequence if you make any infraction on the rules I give you?"

" _Because they are stupid rules!_ "

"So, 'do as I ask' when we're in my play room is  _stupid?_  'Don't be rude to me' when we're in my play room is stupid? I'd like to think as rules go, show up and kneel in your panties, ready for me to spank and whip and  _fuck_  your brains out, is completely...  _not... stupid!_ "

As we sit there in the back of her car, I know she's boiling with silent wrath, but so am I. Our eyes lock and the fight seems to leave me.  _I asked for it, I **literally**  asked her to hit me as hard as she would._

Carmilla looked away in shame, and I could read her body language that she didn't want to fight anymore, either.

"Sweetness, look, I get where you're coming from, and I'm willing to compromise. Yes, I'm a sadist. Yes, I like being in charge. It doesn't have to take over our entire life, it can be relegated to the bedroom-"

"-You mean your dungeon."

She shook her head at that. "No. I don't want to go back there with you. Last time we were there, you ran away. And that hurt me more than I could have ever guessed. You mean more to me than that playroom. I... I want to take a break from all that."

The earth seemed to vanish from beneath me as I felt like I was in free fall. "What about us?"

"I'd like to keep seeing you, Laura. If you're willing."

"So no more canes?"

"None of it. You mean too much to me, sweetness." I don't know how to respond to that. So I decide to change the subject.

"So why do you call me 'sweetness', anyway? Is this some sort of vampire thing?"

Carmilla smiled at that, and I thought she was going to blush. "Your blood smells incredibly sweet, well, not today, but before-"

"If you saw my mini-fridge in the dorm room, you'd understand. Betty thinks that I should have diabetes already."

Her smile turned into a grin. "So if I ever feed from you I'll get a sugar rush."

 _She wants to bite and taste me that way?_  Carmilla must have seen the shock in my face.

"That's why the sight of you biting your lip arouses me so much; the sight of teeth against your skin makes me want to, you know..."

"It's porn for vampires." I let that sink in, realizing how much I've unwittingly teased her. "You really want to, um, drink my blood, huh?"

"Yes. I want to embrace and taste all of you." The way she said that made her sound like she needed me on a primal level, and in a way, I too needed her like that.  _She's not the sun and I'm Icarus, she's the wind and the air that lets me fly._

"So you said you smelled wet dog before Danny attacked you." I mentioned, trying to get my mind off of her lips on my neck, her hot breath caressing me before the teeth meet flesh...

"Yeah, I haven't come across a Werewolf since the Inquisition. Also, I think I was distracted by you." She looked at me in a way that I could only call a wary predator.

"The Inquisition? Like the  _'Nobody expects the Spanish...'?_... okay. How old are you? Wait, before that... you can talk to cats like that lioness big mama because of your... what is that ability?"

"It's a magical transformation I learned from a skin walker. Once you walk and think like a cat, you can mostly understand what they are saying. Unlike Danny, I don't heal from the shift." She said that as she touched her neck, checking to see if it was bleeding. "Still feels raw and sore from Danny's teeth."  _So Carmilla is vampire who can turn into a giant black cat. I wonder if I can make her purr..._ I shook the thought off.

"So garlic, crosses, and holy water... I have to know."

"No, no, and no. Well, once I was doused with what I thought was holy water, but I'm wondering if it was acid instead. Silver is definitely my weakness, and so is sunlight and fire."

"Sunlight? You seem to survive in daylight just fine."

"Yeah, in small doses with lots of sunblock, I can walk in the sun. Otherwise it makes me feel sick and it exhausts me. It helps if I just fed, too. That's actually why I hired LaFontaine, their research into hematophagy looked promising with that. LaF has this crazy theory that I'm not actually undead; that I'm alive with a type of hematophagic virus. So I've been on an anti-viral and it has let me be out in the sun more and quelled my thirst."

"And your silver eyes? I've seen flecks of silver from time to time, but I thought it was just a trick of the light."

Carmilla looks a bit sheepish now.

"That means I'm... thirsty and my more feral side is coming out. Will is curious about trying LaF's serum once they declare me a successful test, since he's tired of always having to wear contacts to hide it."

"Good to know. So is Will  _actually_  your brother? What about Ell?"

"One at a time, please. Will? Not exactly. He was turned by Mother."

"Mother? The, um, whore?"

"Not my birth mother, but the Mother I knew after death."

"So who all know about you?"

"My live-in staff, except for Perry. LaFontaine said it would take a while for her to wrap her mind around this concept."

"Okay, cool. So how old are you?"

"Do you really want to know? It will make it sound like I'm robbing the cradle."

"Well you look a year or two older than me, and really that's all that matters now that we're both adults, right?"

"Okay, I'm 335. LaF thinks that whatever virus I have has done something to my DNA replication, which has slowed down my aging to almost nothing."

"You're over three hundred. You lived through the Suffrage movement. Through the French Revolution!" I was stunned as I tried to process it. "You didn't even have indoor plumbing when you grew up. I mean, you were turned, right? Born human?"

"One thing at a time. So, I was born Mircalla in a a region called Styria, located in Austria back in 1680. Austria was embroiled in the great war against the Ottoman Empire, but such things meant little to me. I was 15 when I met Mother, and there were few ways that a naive provincial girl like me could make money in order to eat. We had no real claim to land or title, so I knew I'd never marry into wealth. My mother - I'll call her birth mother to distinguish her from the one I call Mother now - was getting too old to continue in her profession."

 _Fifteen?_ I frowned at that. "Profession?"  _She had said that her mother was a whore, right?_

"The oldest one that exists, sweetheart." Oh. I wasn't certain that I wanted to know now. "So Mother comes along and offers my birth mother a small bit of silver for me... you know, for the night. Birth mother decided that whatever that woman can do to me pales in comparison to what the worst of her male customers could do, so I was told to go with the woman and to do whatever she wanted and to be as pleasant as possible.

"She dressed me up in fine clothes and we went to a fancy masquerade ball, passing herself off as a Countess and I was her daughter of noble blood, the Honorable Carmilla. It was spread that I would later inherit the title of Countess when I came of age and married, as befitting someone of my supposed breeding. Many suitors fell in line and offered us extravagant gifts for my favor as she had taught me to look at the people and read their actions in order to determine who was the strongest and the weakest link in the herd. One young man got a bit too drunk and tried to force himself on me. Mother intervened and chastised him privately. Or so I was told.

"I now know she killed and fed on the boy. That same night she took my virginity, and she was unusually sweet about it. It wasn't until the third or fourth time she hired me that I started to wonder if she were even human. It was a few months in before she offered an obscene amount of gold for me under the premise that no other man could pay for my body. My birth mother took the gold and said goodbye. I was essentially sold off as her personal concubine."

_Holy shit._

"I'm so sorry."

Carmilla shrugged at that.

"I wasn't. I had my own money, decent clothing and food, and I thought I loved her. I was slowly being groomed to be her lover and bait in our con-artist games. I didn't even realize she rarely ate with me, nor the string of murders that invariably happened in our wake."

"But you eat food."

"We can stomach it, but that's a lot to do with the research into enzymes and hematophagy."

"LaFontaine mentioned something about a serum."

"Yeah, hence all the blood work and being able to go out into the sun. People see me testing my blood sometimes and they just assume I'm diabetic."

"Do you still need blood?"

"I do for now, and I used to subsist on bovine blood, but you know how that can go right to your hips... I'm joking. But now I have this experimental process to clone blood with stem cells so I don't have to go hunting people like prey. I'm also poised to make billions when I finalize and patent it, essentially ending blood shortages for mankind."

_She's shrewd, but inspired._

"So all this time that you've nibbled on my neck?"

"Well, you're adorable and honestly, you flash your neck like cleavage at a comic convention. But, I won't bite you without permission."

"Did you bite the other submissives?"

"Some, yes, they just thought it was me having a biting and blood Fetish. I had them all regularly tested for blood diseases."

"So that's why you had me tested. Well I'd also like to see  _your_  recent blood test results." Carmilla nodded and pulled out her phone and showed me the scanned document proving she was negative for all STI's.

"Anyways, ever since you said you wanted more, and I wanted to try for that as well, I've been seeing you as more than just a girl I can fuck and drink from."  _So she does want to drink me._  I can't focus on that right now.

"Wait, so what's the story about your 'brother' Will?"

"A decade in, Mother decided that I needed a brother, and we found Wilhelm. I was apparently her favorite, though; she never shared her bed with him. Only I got the torture-laden sex from her."  _Torture-laden sex?_

"Is Ell a vampire too?"

"Elladora is... another story for another time." Her eyes held a painful memory, and I relented.

"Well, your so-called Mother sounds like a monster."

"Not this again."

"Again? What do you mean 'again'? We've never talked about your 'Mother'."

"Yeah. Of course you have. She's 'Mrs. Robinson'."

My stomach churned. "You weren't with her for six years. She's not in and out of rehab, is she?"

Carmilla shook her head, eyes lingering on her fidgeting fingers. "More like decades, actually. And Will came to warn me that she's apparently come back. It's really hard to explain the relationship I have with her ever since I got scarred up and I was tainted goods for her con games."

"Okay, so... you've lied to me, but I can understand why. What about the fifteen former submissives?"

"Actually that started back in the 18th century. I averaged about one per decade, though."  _She's only really been with Mrs. Robinson and fifteen girls in over three hundred and thirty-five years?_

I thought for a second and realized that the numbers didn't add up. "You had to have taken a break or two, because that's leaving almost a whole century unaccounted for." As I looked at her, she turned away, a tear rolling down her eye.

"There was a hiatus. But I don't like talking about that." I take her hand in mine, understanding much more about her and she lets me. There's a familiar sense of energy between us at that small contact of flesh to flesh and I squeeze her hand reassuringly.

"That's fine, you don't have to talk about that. I'm just glad to see you're not pushing me away." As I said that, Carmilla seemed pensive.

"Laura, the last time we spoke,  _you left me._  So forgive me if I'm a little nervous. I've told you I want you back, and you've said... nothing. I want to know what you're feeling, what you need to say to me."

Her gaze is intense and expectant while her candor is totally disarming.  _What the hell do I say to this?_

"I've missed you . . .  _really_  missed you, Carmilla. The past few days have been . . . impossible." I swallow, and a lump in my throat swells as I recall my anguish since I left her. This past week has been the worst in my life, the pain almost indescribable.  _Nothing has come close._  But reality hits home, winding me. "You've said you won't take me back to the Red Room of Pain, but other than that, I still can't be what you want me to be." I squeeze the words out past the lump in my throat. She looks stricken as I feel the heat in my eyes threaten tears.

"Laura-"

"-I don't think I can be your submissive. Not if you need to punish me."

"You are exactly what I want you to be," she says, her soft voice emphatic.

"No, Carmilla, I'm not."

"You're upset because of what happened last time. I behaved stupidly, and honestly, so did you. You shouldn't have asked for that, and I really shouldn't have done it." I could hear sincerity in her voice as she looked away. "I am so very sorry for having done that to you. It was wrong of me to not give you any warning or warm-up, or to even let you decide if a cane would be appropriate." She sighed. "You should have had experienced all of my toys so you knew which you'd like and which you'd put as a hard limit so that situation would have never happened."

"I know. And I was overwhelmed. I was trying to be what I thought you wanted me to be, trying to deal with the pain, and I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea that you could get off on it." I whisper ashamed, and I shrug apologetically. "I guess you can't explain the color blue to a dog."

Carmilla has not taken her eyes off me the whole time. I am the first to crack, breaking eye contact. "I'm sorry," I whisper, suddenly feeling stupid.  _I left because I thought we were incompatible, but she's saying she's willing to compromise._

"Sorry for what?" she says alarmed. "I'm the one that messed up."

"Sorry for asking for that, when I knew I wouldn't like it." She closes her eyes, as if in relief.

"Well you liked the spanking and the flogger just fine."

I frowned as I thought about it.  _I did like it._

"So maybe it's just the canes I don't like. It's too stingy for me."

"So no canes. We could have avoided all this suffering," she mutters.

"Suffering? You look fine."  _More than fine._  You look like you.

"Appearances can be deceptive," she says quietly. "I'm anything but fine. I feel like I've been left to bake in the sun for five days, Laura. I'm withered without you, and you even said you haven't eaten well because of the grief."

"I guess I thought you'd be stronger and that my leaving wouldn't have affected you."

"You said you'd never leave, yet you did. And for the first time in centuries, that really bothered me."

"When did I say I'd never leave?"

"In your sleep. It was the most comforting thing I'd heard in so long, Cupcake. It made me relax, feel like I was home." My heart constricts at that.

"I'm glad my sleep-talking comforted you."

"You said you loved me," she whispers. "Is that now in the past tense?"

Her voice is low, laced with anxiety.

"No, Carmilla, it's not." She gazes at me, and she looks so vulnerable as she exhales.

"Good," she murmurs. I'm shocked by her admission. She's had a change of heart. When I told her I loved her before, she was horrified.  _She hasn't said it back, though._  I shrug it off, knowing it's way, way too soon to be saying that.

Kirsch has us back at Carmilla's place and I feel like I'm being put on the spot.  _Do I go upstairs with her or not?_

"I need to get some rest. If you want, Kirsch can take you home, or you can drive yourself with Baby Smaug. By the way, I love that name."

I smiled at that, mind reeling at the decision I had to make as I got out of the car and stood by her.

She looks quickly between me and Kirsch, and as our eyes lock, her hand rests on my chin, forcing me to turn and face her fully.

"If you want to leave, may I kiss you goodbye first?"

I don't even think about it as I lean in and begin to close my eyes. I need her lips like I need air to breathe. I gasp as her mouth swoops to meet mine. She's kissing me, violently. Briefly our teeth clash, then her tongue is in my mouth. Buried desire explodes within me throughout my body, and I'm kissing her back, matching her fervor, my hands knotting in her hair, pulling it, hard. She groans, a low sexy sound in the back of her throat that reverberates through me, and her hand moves down my body to grasp my ass, her fingers digging into my flesh as I drown in sensation.  _I have needed this for a week_. I pour all the angst and heartbreak of the last few days into our kiss, binding her to me, and it hits me—in this moment of blinding passion—she's doing the same,  _she feels the same._  She breaks off the kiss, panting. Her eyes are luminous with desire, firing the already heated blood that is pounding through my body. My mouth is slack as I try to drag precious air into my lungs.

"You. Are. Mine," she snarls, emphasizing each word as I see silver sparkles in her eyes. She leans back away from me and takes a few cleansing breaths. "Gods below, Laura."

I lay back against the car, panting, trying to control the riotous reaction in my body.

"I'm sorry," I whisper once my breath has returned, and her eyes darkened to their normal color.

"Don't be. It's just... I have spent all my life trying to avoid any extreme emotion. Yet you - you bring out feelings in me that are completely alien." She gasps again. "It's very..." She frowns, grasping for the word. "Unsettling. I like control, Laura, and around you that just"—she makes a sweeping gesture with her hand— "evaporates." She gets out of the car and says something to Kirsch and he takes the elevator by himself. I get out of the car and feel uncertain about what's going on.

"That's what it's like to be alive." I say as my body aches to close the distance again. She feels the tether between us as well and breaks it cleanly.

"I have a proposition for you."  _She has a proposition? What now?_

"This all started with a proposition."

"A different proposition." Carmilla's phone buzzes once, and she peers at it, but puts it back down, taking my hand in hers.

"I don't want to lose you." She kisses my knuckles tenderly, and the touch of her lips on my skin resonates throughout my body. Next to her jeep is Baby Smaug, my - Carmilla's - smart car.

"Okay, your proposition?" I ask. Carmilla looks suddenly determined and businesslike.  _We're negotiating a deal._  I listen attentively.

"Let me ask you something first. Do you want a regular vanilla relationship with no kinky stuff at all?"

 _I flush._  "I like some of your kinky stuff," I whisper.

"That's what I thought. So what don't you like?"

 _Not being able to touch you._   _You enjoying my pain,_   _the sting of the cane..._ But she is giving up the canes. "The threat of cruel and unusual punishment."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, you have all those canes and whips and stuff in your playroom, and they scare me. I don't want you to use them on me."

"Okay, you've already put the canes as a hard limit, so that's gone. I've never used a whip on you, so you don't realize how it would work. The fear of getting hit and the pop of the whip do most of the work, not actually hitting you with the whip."

"So if I don't like it, I can add it to the hard limits?" I asked.

Carmilla nodded.

"Sweetness, I'm willing to renegotiate, but first I have to understand you and get a clearer picture of what you do and don't like."

"Well, Carmilla, it's the fact that you enjoy inflicting pain on me that's difficult for me to handle."

"And you've enjoyed receiving the pain, right?" That's what has been bothering me.  _I liked it._

"Yeah, well, I did, but then you go and say you'll punish me because I crossed some nebulous rule."

"I've told you what the rules are."

"I don't want a set of rules."

"None at all?"

"No rules." I shake my head, but my heart is in my mouth.  _Where is she going with this?_

Her face falls at that, then she raises an eyebrow questioningly. "But you don't mind if I spank you?"

"Spank me with what?"

"My hand? A paddle? A crop?" Her eyes shine at me as I squirm uncomfortably.

"I don't mind that at all..." I know I'm blushing as my voice trails off at the memory.  _Yeah... I'd definitely do that again._  She smirks at me.

"So I can take that as a yes?"

"Definite yes." I mutter.

"See? So you can deal with some pain." I shrug.

"Yes, I suppose."  _Okay, where is she going with this?_

"Cupcake, I want to know what you want. You know what I want. And if you want to be able to touch me, we're going to have to slowly work our way up there. Because for me, touching me is to have control of me. And to control me you have to have my implicit trust. And I hope to have your trust as well, so that you can be completely honest when you communicate with me."

I stare at her, stunned, with no thoughts in my head at all—like I need to have a hard reset. She gazes at me anxiously, but I can't seem to find my voice as we stand there in the parking garage. It occurs to me, finally, this is it. She's willing to try, and wants to know what I want.

"I want you to date me. At least once a week, honest-to-goodness wooing."

"Wooing? Woo you?"

I nod, gathering my resolve. "No owning me, no contracts, just... us getting to know each other better. I feel like we rushed into this and let our hormones and desires get ahead of us. I want to get to know you intimately."

Carmilla smirked at that. "You  _know_  me pretty intimately already."

" _Emotional_  intimacy. I need to know you and how you feel; I need to feel like I'm not just being used for sex and... well, for my blood."

"Okay."  _That's it?_

"Okay?" I ask.

"Yes. I recall how you looked when you left, and I see you now. I see your pain. And I hate the fact that I'm the one who has made you feel this way. You're not asking for anything that you don't deserve."

 _I deserve this._  It hits me that I could have asked for even more. "...and a pony?" Carmilla shakes her head at that and I shrug, knowing it was worth a shot.

"Laura, I'll admit that I've been a selfish woman. I've wanted you ever since you fell into my office. You are... exquisite, honest, strong, witty, beguilingly innocent; I am in awe of you." My mouth goes dry.  _If that isn't a declaration of love, I don't know what is._

And the words tumble out of me—a dam breached. "Carmilla, last Saturday was such a shock to my system. It was my wake-up call. I realized that you'd been easy on me and that I couldn't be the person you wanted me to be. Then, after I left, it dawned on me that the physical pain you inflicted was not as bad as the pain of losing you. I do want to please you, but it's hard."

"You please me all the time," she whispers. "How often do I have to tell you that?"

"I never know what you're thinking. Sometimes you're so closed off... like a dam, holding back a river. It sometimes intimidates me, because I don't know which way your mood is going to go. It's confusing and you didn't let me touch you, and I want to show you how much I love you."

She blinks at me in the darkness, warily I think, and I can resist her no longer. I move forward taking her by surprise, as I take her head in my hands. "I love you, Carmilla Karnstein. And I remember how much my saying that scared you, so I'm telling you this again.  _I love you._  Yeah, I got scared and ran off, but we're back here together and I'm willing to work on us, together."

She snakes her arms around me and crushes me to her. "Oh, Laura," she breathes as she buries her nose in my hair. We stand there, arms wrapped around each other, enjoying the tranquil calm after the deep talk. I snuggle into her arms, resting my head in the crook of her neck. She gently strokes my back. "Touching is a hard limit for me, Cupcake," she whispers.

"I know. I wish I understood why."

After a while, she sighs, and in a soft voice she says, "I have a horrific history. One time I got caught by the Inquisition."

Her voice trails off, and her body tenses as she recalls some unimaginable horror. "I remember everything," she whispers, shuddering. Abruptly, my heart constricts as I remember the burn scars marring her skin. _Oh, Carmilla._  I tighten my arms around her neck.

"Was she abusive? Your mother?" My voice is low and soft with unshed tears.

"Not that I remember. She was neglectful. She was busy working nights and trying to raise her children." She snorts. "I think it was me who looked after her. When I found out she died, I was relieved. I remember that much." I cannot contain my gasp of horror.  _Holy mother fuck._  Bile rises in my throat.

"How?" I asked, not certain I wanted to know.

"Plague, I heard. Most of the city died in a few weeks. Like I said, I was relieved she was dead and would never try to sell me off again. I know you're supposed to mourn the death of your parents, but I was just relieved."

"That's pretty fucked-up," I whisper.

"Fifty flavors," she murmurs.

I turn my head and press my lips against her neck, seeking and offering solace as I imagine a small, scared, dark-eyed girl glad to never again pimped out to another by her own flesh-and-blood mother.  _Oh, Carmilla_. I breathe in her scent. She smells of heavenly incense, my favorite fragrance in the entire world.  _Danny said she smelled like a corpse, though._  She tightened her arms around me and kissed my hair, and I let myself be wrapped in her embrace as Kirsch returns.

"Hey," Carmilla says softly. "So I think you've got a decision to make." She returned the keys to Baby Smaug to me.

"What's the decision?" I asked, grateful to have my own transportation rather than rely on the bus system.

"Our date. You plan it out and pick me up. We'll take things slowly so you get the emotional intimacy you want."

I was stupefied at that. "So no physical intimacy?"

"Cupcake, I am not going to touch you again, not until you beg me to."

"What!"

"So that you'll start communicating with me. Next time we make love, you're going to have to tell me  _exactly_  what you want in fine detail."

"Oh." She leans towards me, then backs away as if having a second thought.

"Well, I guess I'll hear from you soon." My heart feels like it's stuck halfway in my throat.

"You're inviting me up?"

"No, Cupcake."

"So when will I see you?"

"When do you want to see me?" Oh.  _Girl up, Hollis._

"Monday. Um, my boss wants me to go for a drink with him after work."

Carmilla's face hardens. "Does he, now?" Her voice is laced with latent menace.

"To celebrate my first week," I add quickly.

"Where?"

"I don't know, I'll e-mail or text you when I know."

"Good." She walks with me to Baby Smaug as she admires the smart car. As I unlock the door, she leans forward and cups my chin, tilting my head back. Her mouth hovers over mine, and closing her eyes, she runs a trail of kisses from the corner of my eye to the corner of my mouth. A small moan escapes my mouth as my insides melt and unfurl. "Until Monday," she breathes.  _I want to beg her to touch me now, to take me upstairs and ravage me completely._

"Goodnight, Carmilla," I whisper, and I hear need reflected in my voice.

She smiles. "In you go," she orders, and I get into the drivers seat of my car.

"Later, sweetness," she calls, then turns and with her easy grace, heads back to the elevator with Kirsch.

A white card is resting on my dashboard with a message written in Carmilla's handwriting.  _I have a Carmilla Karnstein mix-tape in the CD player._  I shake my head at that, but deep down I love it because I know in that instant that she's put a great deal of thought instead of just money into this gift.

The first track is unforgettable — Marilyn Manson's  _Long Hard Road out of Hell_  — I'm not going to forget this song ever. It was the song that she flogged and fucked me to. The memory was bittersweet, seeing as I ran away from her just after that, so I skip to the next song.

 _Pet_  by A Perfect Circle. My grin gets wider as I know how the song goes and skip ahead as I pull out of the parking garage and make my way home. Muse's  _Undisclosed Desires_  — oh no, that's way too intense for my mood right now.

I don't recognize the next song, but the display says it's  _More_  by the Sisters of Mercy, and I enjoy it as I remember seeing Carmilla wear that band tee once, and the lyrics seem to relate to our recent conversation. After that is Lacuna Coil's cover of  _Enjoy the Silence_. Then She Wants Revenge — yeah, I've heard of them, and the song is called  _Tear You Apart_. It leaves me with goosebumps with wicked suggestiveness. The Rolling Stones—my favorite band—and the song is, of course,  _Sympathy for the Devil._  How Carmilla. I smirk. Another classic song cover by a band called The Tea Party doing  _Paint it Black_ oh yes, very apt for Fifty Flavors Karnstein. As I make it back on campus, the next song came on strong with a heavy drum beat, and I looked to see that it was another song from A Perfect Circle, called  _Counting Bodies Like Sheep._  I found that odd, since that was a line in  _Pet._  As the song progressed, I realized it was the exact same lyrics, but with a completely different feel to them.

 _Be careful what you wish for,_ I thought to myself,  _because perspective can change everything._  I get back up to my dorm room and lie down on my bed.  _Does this mean Carmilla's going to try?_  Try this new relationship? I drink in the lyrics, wonder if it's yet another subtle warning, and trying to understand her change of heart until I realize that I'm probably over analyzing this.  _She missed me. I missed her._  She must have some feelings for me, because she wouldn't have handed me back the smart car and added a mix tape in here for me.  _This took time and though instead of just money_. I realize that she must really care about me. My heart swells with hope.

I think back to the third song that I quickly skipped over.  _Undisclosed Desires._  If that wasn't her admitting her mutual love for me, then what was it? I guess I have to find out by getting to know her better. Before I can figure out what kind of date a three hundred year old vampire would like to go on, I find myself fast asleep.


	3. Laura's Choice of Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Gay Aunt Barbara Happened. And Elise wondered who was Ana in my re-write, HA! Also, sorry for the short length, but this is all new material and it takes longer for me to come up with it.

I had work tomorrow morning, and I still hadn't gone shopping yet for stuff to wear at work. I already knew where I wanted to take Carmilla to, but would doing it a week early be a good thing?  _It can't hurt to try._

Gathering my resolve, I bundled up all of the clothing I had borrowed from Carmilla and bagged it up, feeling good about this and not depending on her charity. I pull out my phone and call Carmilla, letting her know I'd be over with the clothes and see if she is willing to hang out with me and make it a day-long date.  _She'll get to have an experience that 300+ year old undead business tycoons probably never get._

"Meh-row?" A sleepy Carmilla answered on the fourth ring.

"Hey, it's me." I pause for a response. "It's Laura." I heard her groan in tired frustration.

"My phone told me that. It hasn't told me why you're calling so early."

I look at the time.  _It's like ten in the morning._  "Is this another one of those vampire things?"

"What part of 'creature of the night' confused you, cupcake?" I heard her yawn and a door open, and Perry was in the background chipper and ready to serve her. "Coffee, please. You know how I like it." Carmilla said away from the phone. "Okay, what do you want?"

"I was just going to come over and return the clothing I borrowed for work and maybe see if you wanted to join me at the mall today."

"Sweetness?"

"Yes, Carmilla?"

"Just come over already and give me time to wake up."

"Oh, also thank you for the mix tape!" I said, giddily.

"Laura..."

"Um, yes, Mistress?" I said, smiling at the last part.

"I'm hanging up now." The line went dead as I grinned, knowing she might be annoyed but was smiling nonetheless.  _Okay, let's make a day out of this._  I pick out my nicest jeans, flats, strapless bra, and a grey off the shoulder crop top and get ready.

* * *

When I get there, Carmilla is in a black terrycloth robe and has her hands wrapped around a mug of steaming coffee while Perry takes the laundry bag out of my hands.

"I'll take those, Laura."

"Oh, uh, you don't have to-"

"It's Sunday. I do laundry on Sunday." Perry said, almost sternly, as she pulled the bag away from me.

LaFontaine was sitting at the breakfast nook, eating lunch. "She has a routine, Laura. Best that you let her have that. She's still adjusting to the news she got this weekend."

_Um, okay._

Kirsch came into the room, dressed in what must be his unofficial bodyguard uniform: tight black tee, jeans, and trainers. There was something about his stance that looked different, like he was capable of handling any situation that came across him. "Boss, need me to drive you and Laura?"

I told him that it would be okay, that I could drive her. He looked to Carmilla for confirmation and nodded. "Cool, I have the morning off." He turned and saw LaFontaine. "Hey, um, good work with Danny. Sorry I wasn't there sooner."

LaF shrugged it off. "We don't apologize for the hardcore."

Carmilla smirked at the exchange as she faced me. "So I'm joining you at the mall today? This your idea of a date?"

I shrugged. "Not entirely. Though I'm betting you never had the true mallrat experience."

"You mean that movie with the guy who never talked?" I shook my head at that.

"No, you'll understand the fun you can have just hanging out in a mall all day and not really do anything."

"That seems like a waste of time."

"Oh, come on! You'll like it, and I have a surprise or two for you."

"We get to hang out in the mall. This must be some sort of generational thing. I knew I shouldn't date someone 315 years younger than me." I smile at her dry humor as she made her way to her bedroom to get dressed.

"Oh, come on, you know you wanna hang out with me because of my keen fashion sense."

"No, it's really not about that. I just like you and am interested in what kind of surprise you are going to give me."

* * *

Before too long, we're at the mall and I'm hitting up the clearance racks in Forever 21, Express, and The Limited. Carmilla made some suggestions for pairing things up as she kept staring at my neck and bare shoulder due to my plunging neckline.  _I knew this would be ideal vampire bait._  We got a few things from every store, and I was proud to see how much I saved and how they could pair up with each other and give me a decent variety in outfits as we finally took a break and got a late lunch in the food court. I had the orange chicken from the Panda Express while she got the Beijing Beef and said it wasn't really authentic.

"You've been to Beijing?" I asked sarcastically.

"Yeah, I visited just before the First Opium War."

I looked at her quizzically. "Opium War?"

"Yeah, the British empire defending the East India Company? Ugh, I swear, those who don't learn history... Did you see  _Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End_?"

"That was a real company?"

"Yeah, not so much with a giant Kraken as a pet, but in dealing Opium to China and the Qing Dynasty wanted to make it illegal. There was also the issue that the Brits were on a Gold standard for their currency and China was on Silver, but I digress. Yes, I've been to Beijing, and their food doesn't have this much salt or preservatives."

We finished our lunch before I had her hold two of my bags as I took her free hand in mine and pulled her to the store that would be her first surprise.

"So Carmilla, I wanted to thank you for the stuffed Ocelot, and thought I'd return the favor."

She looked at the brightly colored sign at the entrance and winced at it. "You can't be serious. I'm a grown adult, and then some."

"Oh, come on! You'll love this!" I said, pulling harder as I nearly stomped our way into the Build-A-Bear Workshop. There were plenty of young girls, all reaching for ponies, unicorns, and bears. There were some distressed and harried mothers there impatiently waiting as their children perused the shelves for the perfect outfit to go with their new companion.

"I can't believe you brought me here."

"Hey, you need something to cuddle at night that reminds you of me. Now don't be so grumpy."

Carmilla frowned at that. "I'm not being... grumpy."

"Whatever you say, Grumpers."

A cheerful teenaged employee smiled at seeing us there and holding hands, taking in Carmilla in her black business casual suit with a grey mandarin collared blouse beneath it. "Welcome! Is this your first time?"

"No."

"Yes."

She heard our responses overlap each other and turned to Carmilla. "Well, over here you get to select your new friend, put in a sound box for it to giggle or growl if you want, along with a scent disk. Once you do that, you take it to the stuffing machine and one of our technicians will help you there and you get to choose how soft or firm you'll want it. Then you just follow the signs to fluff it out more, and print out its birth certificate. So which one of you is getting a new friend today?"

I pointed at Carmilla, grinning. She tried to frown at that, but I could tell she was smiling inside already. She gestured us towards the first station and was already greeting new guests as Carmilla bit her lip as she perused her options.

"So, what do you want?" I asked, seeing her eye Toothless from  _How to Train Your Dragon._

"I um..." She reached in and pulled out a bit of black fabric that had a dragon head on it. "This will be fine."

_Oh, Carmilla is pretending to be too cool for this._ A girl no older than 7 in front of us was trying to select a sound box by pressing sample buttons at the sound station noticed us and piped up immediately.

"Look, mommy! That girl's auntie is getting a Toothless, too!"

It took everything I had to not laugh as Carmilla and I both went beet red.

_No, Carmilla is definitely not my Aunt..._

The mother looked embarrassed as she helped her daughter pick out the sound box and move on to the stuffing machine as we took over the sound station and Carmilla tried to shield her face with her free hand.

"I probably should have worn something more teenage, I guess." She said, selecting the Dragon roar. As we made it to the stuffing station, there is a trace of a wistful smile on her face, and it warms me to see the real Carmilla peek through her faux grumpy exterior.

"Okay, go ahead and select a heart from this bin, and we'll start the Heart Ceremony." I bounce on the balls of my feet, giddy at this point.

"A heart ceremony? Really, cupcake?" Carmilla asked as she perused through the bin of hearts and she found one that looked like it got snagged on something and was slightly torn.

"Oh, I'm sorry, that one shouldn't be in there..." The technician said, holding her hand out to take the defective one away.

"No. I want this one. Even if the heart is a little wonky, it's still good." There was something in the way she said that and looked down at the unstuffed dragon that made my breath hitch.

"Okay. Well, the first rule about a good friend is that they have a warm heart. So, we're going to put the heart between our hands and rub them back and forth like it was a cold winters day."

Carmilla humored her even as she rolled her eyes.

"Next, we have to get the heart going, and any doctor will tell you that the best way to get your heart going is to run. So, let's run in place; Get your heart going. Run, run, run, run! Throw your arms up in the air and wave them around. Go crazy!"

Carmilla just stared at the girl and instead tapped on the small heart in her palm with two fingers. "I know CPR."

"Alright, now you'll touch it to your forehead, share some of your wisdom and knowledge to make them smart!" I grinned as she looked like a complete goof with the heart on her forehead.

"Okay, now what we need to do is rub it on our bellies so that they don't get hungry." I froze as soon as she had said it. There was a flash of a pained expression on her face as she held the small fabric heart there.

"And then...?" I asked, urging the girl to move along with the ceremony.

"Um, rub it on your nose so it doesn't start to smell funny, because it won't be machine-washable once you put the sound box in." Carmilla touched it to her nose, seemed to think about it, and rubbed the heart all over my hair and behind my ears and looked at me with her predatory seduction eyes as she touched the heart to her nose again.

The girl before us grinned at what she must have thought was cute girlfriend behavior.  _Do I have a scent? This is definitely one of those times when I remember that I am indeed dating a bloodsucker._

"Put it next to your heart and give it a _big hug_  so it will always know it's loved." Carmilla chuffed as she went along with it.

"Now, for the final and most important step, hold it your hands, and close your eyes really really tight. Now, you gotta make the biggest, best wish you've ever made. Bigger than all the wishes you've ever made blowing out the candles on your birthday cakes. When you've got your wish, seal it in your heart with a kiss!"

Carmilla shook her head at that, took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and pressed her lips to the heart.  _I wonder what a millionaire corporate CEO would wish for._

The girl took the dragon and added a bit of fluff into one of the front legs, added the sound box, and continued to fill the creature with the stuffing. "Squishy-soft or squishy-firm?" She asked as Carmilla put her arms around me and gave me a loving hug, whispering her thanks.

"Um, squishy-firm like my cupcake here." We got the dragon stuffed, fluffed under the air jets, and Carmilla named her Draconis Karnstein on the birth certificate. As we left the mall together, she turned and kissed my forehead.

"Okay, this was quite the surprise and I actually liked it."

"I wasn't certain you would, not with your control freakishness."

Carmilla sighed as we got into Baby Smaug. "Okay, I'll admit it; letting you choose the date was a bit unsettling at first."

"Oh, it's not over yet. The actual date is tonight, but first we have to get back to your place and change. I want to see you victory rolls."

"Victory rolls? Are we supposed to be dressing up like it's 1949?"

"Yeah, I wanted to take you to a retro night at a karaoke bar. Think about it as reviving the past for posterity."

"I don't need posterity. I live in it."

I shrugged. "Don't care. You. Awesome pin-up hair. I already have my costume for tonight."

* * *

As the pair of us emerged from our separate bedrooms, her eyes shot wide open in surprise as she saw me looking like the classic 70's flower child, complete with harry potter style glasses with rose tinted lenses.

"Hey Carmilla, you look like, totally far out." I said, my heartbeat racing slightly as she was in a khaki uniform, black pumps, tie, complete with matching khaki garrison cap.

"Great costume!"

"Costume? Sweetness, look at the stripes again."

"You were a USO girl?" I asked, taking in the uniform and the patch...  _oh, shit.._.

"I was a corporal in the Women's Army Corps."

"Huh. Never would have thought..."

"We all had to do our part for the war effort. And I got paid $66 a month. Best job I had back then, considering I had to forge paperwork as Claudia Karnstein."

_Carmilla Karnstein, in an actual uniform, is pretty damn hot._  She offered her arm to me. "So are we ready to go get groovy?"

* * *

As we get into the Karaoke Bar, I can hear someone singing "I got you babe" by Sonny and Cher.  _Darn, I wanted to sing that!_

I waved to the bartender Frank as we made our way to make our orders. He was in a 1920's era shirt and vest, complete with tie, tie-pin, and pocketwatch.

"Laura! Who's the dame with the gams?" Frank asked, putting out beverage napkins in front of us.

"My date." I replied, grinning broadly.

"So what will you two ladies have?"

"Cosmo for me, please." Carmilla ordered, looking to me.

"And I'll have a rum and coke."

As we got our drinks we turned to face the rest of the bar and the small stage. Carmilla took a long sip of her cocktail as she had an eyebrow arched at her surroundings.

"Don't you just love it?" I asked, pointing out the girl in the poodle skirt swing-dancing with a 20's flapper girl.

Carmilla shook her head and laughed quietly. "This place is a paradox in the time-space continuum."

"I know! Let's go sign up and sing something!" I lead her over to the DJ, where a large sign said  **'RETRO NIGHT. 1975 AND BEFORE ONLY.'**

As we perused the song list, something she said before hit me. "You said something about you and Frank Sinatra."

Carmilla grinned at that. "Yeah, he wanted some subtle security around him after he saw how I bounced a guy's head off the pavement a few times in Vegas."

I scribble down "Dream on" by Aerosmith as Carmilla signs up for something by the Andrews Sisters. The DJ looks at our choices and bumps hers near the top of the list, pointing out another WWII era singer who might want to join her onstage for it.

We sit down and enjoy hearing someone belting out Doris Day's Que Sera Sera, leading the whole bar to sing with her. Before too long, Carmilla and two other girls who are in total pinup fashion crowd around a retro-style microphone and pose for a few pictures as the music begins. I can't keep my eyes off of her as they sing, and I realize that Carmilla doesn't even have to look at the monitor for the words as she's singing directly to me.

_Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me_  
 _Anyone else but me, anyone else but me_  
 _No, no, no, don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me_  
 _Till I come marching home_  
 _  
_"That your girl, Laura?" A guy at the next table asked me. I didn't even look over as I nodded.

"Yeah, I think she is." I reply, beaming.

_Don't go walkin' down Lover's Lane with anyone else but me_  
_Anyone else but me, anyone else but me_  
_No, no, no, don't go walkin' down Lover's Lane with anyone else but me  
_ _Till I come marching home_

I took another sip of my drink as I had to take in what I've learned about her so far.  _She's been sold off like a concubine by her whore mother, faced the Inquisition, was in China before the Boxer Rebellion, and served in World War II. And she wants to be with me._

I shook my head, amazed and intrigued by this amazing woman before me.  _How did I ever get so lucky?_

They finished their song and I got up to hug and compliment my girlfriend on her singing as the DJ announced the next song. The night progressed as a blur as I had a glass of water afterwards and finally got to go onstage and rock out to Steven Tyler.

_Every time when I look in the mirror_   
_All these lines on my face getting clearer_   
_The past is gone_  
_It went by, like dusk to dawn_  
_Isn't that the way  
_ _Everybody's got the dues in life to pay_

I was used to getting onstage and belting out the lyrics, but this was the first time that I really wanted to do well and impress someone, and naturally my voice cracked slightly when I tried to sing, receiving cheers of support from the crowd.

_I know nobody knows_   
_Where it comes and where it goes_   
_I know it's everybody sin_   
_You got to lose to know how to win_

I swallowed hard, my mouth feeling dry as Carmilla got on stage with me and handed me her drink which I sipped graciously and we continued the song together.

_Half my life_   
_Is books, written pages_   
_Live and learn from fools and_   
_From sages_   
_You know it's true, oh_   
_All these feelings come back to you_

Carmilla put her arm around me and my nervousness seemed to evaporate at the touch. As we continued together, the entire bar started to cheer us on together as we swayed to what I thought was the best part of the song.

_Sing with me, sing for the years_   
_Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears_   
_Sing with me, just for today_   
_Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away_

_Yeah, sing with me, sing for the year_   
_Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear_   
_Sing with me, just for today_   
_Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away_

I turned to face Carmilla, and she didn't miss a beat as we both leaned back and belted out the next part together as we held hands and shared the microphone together.

_Dream On Dream On Dream On_   
_Dream until your dream comes true_   
_Dream On Dream On Dream On_   
_Dream until your dream comes through_   
_Dream On Dream On Dream On_   
_Dream On Dream On_   
_Dream On Dream On, AHHHHHHH_

_Sing with me, sing for the year_   
_Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear_   
_Sing with me just for today_   
_Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away_   
_Sing with me, sing for the year_   
_Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear_   
_Sing with me just for today_   
_Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away..._

My eyes teared up as we finished the song and I kissed her, handing off the microphone to the next person going onstage and we paid our bar tab and I took her home.  _There was something magical about Karaoke, I swear..._

I pulled us into the parking garage to her place and offered to walk her to her door, heavily hinting that I'd like to go up and maybe stay for a bit. Her eyes sparkled with mischief as Carmilla stayed true to her word and politely declined.  _She didn't try to lure me back upstairs, she really was going to wait for me to beg, wasn't she?_

"It's only the second date, Sweetness. Call me old-fashioned."

I blushed at the thought as she kissed me and got out of Baby Smaug. By the time I got back home, I had a text from Carmilla waiting for me.

* * *

_'I had a wonderful date with you, Laura. I'll see you tomorrow after work for drinks, okay?'_

* * *

_'You've made me cry again, Carmilla. Thank you. Goodnight.'_

* * *

_'If I were there, I would kiss away your tears. Alas, I'm not - so go to sleep.'_

* * *

Her response makes me smile, still so bossy, still so Carmilla. _Will that change, too?_ And I realize in that moment that I hope not. I like her like this — slightly commanding — as long as I can stand up to her without fear of punishment.

* * *

_'You sound more like your bossy, grumpy self, Ms. Karnstein. I know something that could ease that. But then, you're not here—and you wouldn't let me stay, and you expect me to beg? Dream on, Miss.'_

* * *

_'Cupcake, please go to sleep as you probably won't get much tomorrow. Incidentally — you will beg, or at least ask nicely. And I look forward to it.'_

* * *

_'Since you are looking forward to it, for now I shall curl up and fall asleep cuddling my ocelot and you'll cuddle your Laura-scented Dragon.'_

* * *

_'Dream of me.'_

* * *

_'Dream of you, Carmilla? Always.'_

* * *

I change quickly into my pajamas, brush my teeth, and slip into bed. Putting my ear buds in, I pull the stuffed ocelot from underneath my pillow and hug it to me. I am brimming with joy; a stupid, widemouthed grin won't leave my face.  _What a difference a day can make._


	4. Back to Work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay, excessively fluffy original content over. And this chapter is three times what I normally write for my other story, One Step Left, so keep that in mind if you see typos. Issues in this chapter of 50 Shades that I've tweaked:
> 
> Ana lets her slightly creeper boss order her a beer that she just takes from him. (Also, a Budweiser beer? Please, have some taste.) When Christian meets Ana's boss, he introducing himself as "the boyfriend" and acts super possessive (short of actually marking her as his territory), Christian asks her whether Jack is good at his job because HE BOUGHT THE COMPANY Ana works for, specifically so he can control her when she's at work. So every time Ana told him she doesn't want to be a 24/7 submissive? Meh, he just ignores it. She even tells him that she's mad that he pulled this manipulative stunt. His reply should have made her leave him right there.
> 
> "I know, but you being mad baby, wouldn't stop me." She knows that he's an abusive control freak. AND YET SHE STICKS AROUND. Christian even goes so far to say that if she quits that job and works for another company that he'd purchase that one as well.
> 
> In the original story, Christian gives Ana a check for the amount he sold her beetle for. Apparently it went for twenty four thousand dollars, though we never really confirm if she wanted it sold off or not. Naturally, Ana doesn't want to feel bought and returns the check. Does he listen to her explain her issues and respect her boundaries? Of course not, Christian just goes ahead and deposits the money directly into her account. Ana asks the same question I yelled at the book, 'how does he know her bank and account number?' Christian simply replies "I know everything about you, Anastasia" and then distracts her with sex. Again.

 

I'm pulling into the parking lot at work, putting the top back up on Baby Smaug as I sing in my car to Carmilla's mix CD just before I kill the engine.

 _I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes_  
_I have to turn my head until my darkness goes_

I hum the tune to myself as I wave hello to Lana and get to my desk at the office, a ridiculous smile plastered on my face. I check my email and my head is bobbing to the song that's still going through my head.

 _I want to see your face painted black, black as night, black as coal_  
_I want to see the sun blotted out from the sky._  
_I want to see it painted, painted, painted, painted black, yea!_

James looks down at me and I do a double take, composing myself to look more professional.

"Good morning, Laura. You look . . . radiant." His remark flusters me.  _How inappropriate!_

"Oh, I slept well, thank you, James. Good morning." His brow crinkles.  _Did he think I was going to fawn over him with that kind of comment?_

"Can you read these reports and summarize them for me by lunchtime, please?" He hands me a half inch stack. At my horrified expression, he adds, "It's shorter than it looks, we just need to organize and know how to pitch it."

"Sure," I smile with relief, and he gives me a broad smile in return. I hit alt+tab, finish my cupcake, and polish it off with my Bad Wolf soda.  _A cupcake is like a muffin, and muffins are good for breakfast, right?_  A pop-up alerts me that I have an e-mail from Carmilla.

* * *

I do hope you've had breakfast. I missed you last night.  
_Carmilla Karnstein_

* * *

I am having a cupcake even now as I type. I have not had breakfast for several days, so this is a step forward. I love the CD you gave me, I've been jamming out to it on my morning commute, and of course, I love you. Now leave me alone—I am trying to work.  
_Laura_

* * *

A cupcake is all you've eaten? You can do better than that. You're going to need your energy for begging.  
_Carmilla Karnstein_

* * *

Ms. Karnstein—I am trying to work for a living—and it's you that will be begging.  
_Laura_

* * *

Why Miss Hollis, I love a challenge . . .  
_Carmilla Karnstein_

* * *

I sit grinning at the screen like an idiot. But I need to read these reports and write summaries for all of them. By lunchtime I head to the deli for a pastrami sandwich and listen to the Pandora app on my phone. First up there's 'Renegade' by Styx,  _pretty appropriate for the stuff I was reading this morning._  I enjoy the lunch break, walking back to work as 'Corrupt' by Depeche Mode begins, and the song makes me tight all over as I can't help but remember Carmilla's words before our first time,  _'I just assumed I might be corrupting you, not outright defiling your chastity.'_

I smiled at the memory in retrospect.  _She didn't defile me at all._ Will this stupid grin ever leave my face? The afternoon drags on as I'm left with little to do and no pressing need to look for more work. I decide, in an unguarded moment, to e-mail Carmilla.

* * *

I'm Bored and twiddling my thumbs. How are you? What are you doing?  
_Laura_

* * *

You should have come to work for me. You wouldn't be twiddling your thumbs. I am sure I could put them to better use. In fact I can think of a number of options . . . I am doing the usual humdrum; mergers and acquisitions. It's all very dry. Your e-mails at channel 3 are monitored.

Carmilla

* * *

Oh shit. I had no idea.  _How the hell does she know?_  I scowl at the screen and quickly check the e-mails we've sent, deleting them as I do. Promptly at five thirty, James is at my desk. It's the summer and it's hot, so he's wearing jeans and a black shirt. He looks very casual.

"Drink, Laura? We usually like to go for a quick one at the bar across the street."

"We?" I ask, hopeful.

"Yeah, most of us go . . . you coming?"

For some unknown reason, which I don't want to examine too closely, relief floods through me.

"I'd love to. What's the bar called?"

"50'S."  _Seriously?_

"You're kidding."

He looks at me oddly. "No. Some significance for you?"

"No, sorry. I'll join you over there."

"What would you like to drink?"

"I'll order it myself."

"Oh, okay." I make my way to the powder room and text message Carmilla from my cell.

* * *

_We are going to a bar called Fifty's. The rich seam of humor that I could mine from this is endless. I look forward to seeing you there, Ms. Karnstein._

* * *

_Mining is a very, very dangerous occupation._

* * *

_And your point is?_

* * *

_Making an observation, Miss Hollis. I'll see you shortly._

* * *

I check myself in the mirror.  _What a difference a day can make._  I have more color in my cheeks, and my eyes are shining. It's got to be Carmilla. A little text-message flirting with her will do that to a girl. I grin at the mirror and straighten my pale blue shirt—the one Carmilla picked out for me. I am wearing my favorite jeans today, too. Most of the women in the office wear either slacks or floaty skirts.  _Maybe I should get a floaty skirt or two._  As I head out of the building, I hear my name called.

"Miss Hollis?"

I turn expectantly, and an ashen young woman approaches me cautiously. She looks like a ghost—deathly pale and strangely blank.

"Miss Laura Hollis?" she repeats, and her features stay static even though she's speaking.

"Yes?" She stops, staring at me from about three feet away on the sidewalk, and I stare back, immobilized.  _Who is she? What does she want?_

"Can I help you?" I ask.  _How does she know my name?_

"No... this person... I... just wanted to look at you." Her voice is eerily soft. Like me, she has straight elbow-length hair that starkly contrasts with her fair skin. Her eyes are brown, like bourbon, but flat.  _There's no life in them at all._  The beauty in her face is pale, like it was all used up years ago, and it was now etched with sorrow.

"Sorry—you have me at a disadvantage," I say politely, trying to ignore the warning tingle up my spine.  _On closer inspection, she looks odd, disheveled and uncared for._  Her clothes are two sizes too big, including her designer trench coat. She laughs, a strange, discordant sound that only feeds my anxiety.  _Why is she laughing at that, and why are my senses telling me to run?_

"What do you have that I don't?" she asks sadly. My anxiety turns to fear.

"I'm sorry—who are you?"

"Me? I'm nobody." She lifts her arm to drag her hand through her hair, revealing a soiled bandage around her wrist.

"Good day, Miss Hollis." Turning, she walks up the street as I stand rooted to the spot. I watch as her slight frame disappears from view, lost among the workers pouring out of their various offices.  _What was that about?_  Confused, I cross the street to the bar, trying to assimilate what has just happened, while one thing is glaringly clear to me — she has something to do with Carmilla.

Fifty's is a cavernous, impersonal bar with baseball pennants and posters hanging on the wall. James is at the bar with Elsie, Courtney the other commissioning editor, two guys from finance, and Lana from reception. She is wearing her trademark silver hooped earrings.  _So glad it wasn't just me and him here._

"Hi, Laura!" James says, waving me over.

"Hey," I murmur, still shaken by my encounter with the Ghost Girl. "Cheers." I go and order myself a cider as he continues his conversation with Elsie. Lana comes over and smiles sweetly at me.

"So, how was your first week?" she asks.

"Good, thank you. Everyone seems very friendly."

"You seem much happier today." I flush.

"So—have you any plans this weekend?" I mutter quickly. Lana turns out to be one of seven kids, and she's going to a big family reunion. She becomes quite animated, and I realize I haven't spoken to any women my own age since Betty left. Absently I wonder how Betty is... and Will.  _I must remember to ask Carmilla if she's heard from him._  My earlier encounter with strange Ghost Girl slips further from my mind. During my conversation with Lana, Elsie hands me another cider. "Thanks," I smile at her. Lana is very easy to talk to—she likes to talk—and before I know it, I am on my third cider, courtesy of one of the guys from finance. When Elsie and Courtney leave, James joins Lana and myself.  _Where is Carmilla?_  One of the finance guys engages Lana in conversation, leaving me alone to nurse my drink in silence. I turn to go to the bar and switch to water when James catches my attention.

"Laura, think you made the right decision coming here?" James's voice is soft, and he's standing a bit too close. But I've noticed that he just has a tendency to do this with everyone, even at the office.  _You're reading too much into this, maybe he just doesn't recognize personal space._

"I've enjoyed myself this week, thank you, James. Yes, I think I made the right decision."

"You're a very bright girl, Laura. You'll go far." I blush.

"Thank you," I mutter, because I don't know what else to say.

"Do you live far?" I decide to make something up.

"Over by the Market district."

"Oh, not far from me." Smiling, he moves even closer and leans against the bar, effectively trapping me.

"Do you have any plans this weekend?"

"Well . . . um—" I feel her before I see her. It's as if my whole body is highly attuned to her presence. It relaxes and ignites at the same time—a weird, internal duality—and I sense that strange pulsing electricity. Carmilla drapes her arm around my shoulder in a seemingly casual display of affection—but I know differently. She is staking a claim, and on this occasion, it's very welcome. Softly she kisses my hair.

"Hello, sweetness," she murmurs. I can't help but feel relieved, safe, and excited with her arm around me. She draws me to her side, and I melt into her as glance up to see her stare at James, her expression impassive. Turning her attention to me, she gives me a brief crooked smile followed by a swift kiss. She's wearing her navy pinstriped jacket over a matching pencil skirt and an crisp white blouse. My eyes can't help but trace down her body and gaze at her cleavage. James shuffles back uncomfortably.

"James, this is Carmilla," I mumble apologetically.  _Why am I apologizing?_  "Carmilla, James."

"I'm the girlfriend," Carmilla says with a small, cool smile that doesn't reach her eyes as she shakes James's hand. I wonder if James would have done the whole knuckle-crushing handshake if my girlfriend were a guy. I glance up at James who is mentally assessing her.

"I'm the boss," James replies arrogantly. "Laura did mention an ex."  _Oh, shit._  He's going to get me in trouble with my Fifty Flavors.

"Well, no longer ex," Carmilla replies calmly. "Come on, cupcake, time to go."

"Please, stay and join us for a drink," James says smoothly. I don't think that's a good idea.  _Why is this so uncomfortable?_  I glance at Lana who is staring at the exchange between James and Carmilla.

"We have plans," Carmilla replies with her enigmatic smile.  _We do?_  And a frisson of anticipation runs through my body. "Another time, perhaps," she adds. "Come," she says to me as she takes my hand and starts to lead us out.

"See you tomorrow." I smile at James, Lana, and the guys from finance, trying hard to ignore James's less-than-pleased expression, and follow Carmilla out of the door. Kirsch is at the wheel of the massive Jeep waiting at the curb. "Why did that feel like a pissing contest?" I ask Carmilla as she opens the car door for me.

"Because it was," she murmurs and gives me her enigmatic smile then shuts my door.

"Hey Kirsch," I say and our eyes meet in the review mirror.

"Miss Hollis," Kirsch acknowledges with a genial smile. Carmilla slides in beside me, clasps my hand, and gently kisses my knuckles. My cheeks turn pink, knowing that Kirsch can see us but grateful that he doesn't see the scorching, panty-combusting look that Carmilla is giving me. It takes all my self-restraint not to leap on her right here, in the back seat of the car.

"What would you like to do this evening?"

I lick my lips, realizing how dry my mouth is.

"I thought you said we had plans."

"Oh, I know what I'd like to do, cupcake. I'm asking you what you want to do. Besides, someone in there seemed to be wearing lighter fluid as body-spray."

I beam at her attempt at humor.

"I see," she says with a wickedly salacious grin. "So... begging it is, then. Do you want to beg at my place or yours?" She tilts her head to one side and smiles her oh-so-sexy smile at me.

"I think you're being very presumptuous, Ms. Karnstein. But by way of a change, we could go to my dorm." I bite my lip deliberately, and her expression darkens.

"Kirsch, Miss Hollis', please."

"Ma'am," Kirsch acknowledges and we head off into the traffic.

"So how has your day been?" she asks.

"Good. Yours?"

"Good, thank you." Her ridiculously broad grin reflects mine, and she kisses my hand again.

"You look lovely," she says.

"As do you."

"Your boss, James Stevenson, is he good at his job?"  _Whoa!_  That's a sudden change in direction? I frown.

"Why? This isn't about your pissing contest?" Carmilla smirks.

"I didn't want to stay and get maneuvered into hanging out with that... bedswerver all night."

"Bedswerver?" I asked.

"He wants in your pants, cupcake, and he  _obviously_  didn't like the idea that you weren't single." she says dryly. I go crimson as my mouth drops open, and I glance nervously at Kirsch.

"Well, he can want all he likes... why are we even having this conversation? You know I have no interest in him whatsoever. He's just my boss."

"That's the point. I need to know if he's good at his job." I shrug.

"I think so."  _Where is she going with this?_

"Well, he'd better leave you alone, or he'll find himself on his ass on the sidewalk."

"Carmilla, what are you talking about? He hasn't done anything wrong."  _...yet._   _He just stands too close._

"He makes one move, you tell me. It's sexual harassment."

"It was just a drink after work."

"I mean it. One move and he's out."

"You don't have that kind of power."  _Honestly!_  And before I roll my eyes at her, the realization hits me with the force of a speeding freight truck. "I never told you his last name was Stevenson." Carmilla gives me her enigmatic smile.  _She was investing in the company, and knows that the emails get monitored._

"Human Resources has him flagged, but there's been no proof other than a high turnover rate for interns there. I just need to know you're safe there."

"Carmilla, you said you wouldn't interfere in my career!"

"And I won't." I snatch my hand out of hers. "I told you I wouldn't, but for some reason you wouldn't tell me where you were applying and wound up in the one company I was looking to go in on."

"Carmilla..." Words fail me.

"Are you mad at me?"

"Yes." I seethe.

Carmilla opens her mouth then closes it again and scowls at me. I glare at her.

"I didn't realize James has been flagged, or that emails were tracked. You're not stalking me at work, are you?" The atmosphere in the car plunges from warm with sweet reunion to frigid with unspoken words and potential recriminations as we glower at each other.

"Of course not. HR saw my zero-tolerance drug policy with random testing, and I was informed that there were a few who might obviously fail that for recreational use of cannabis. They also informed me of a few people that they may recommend letting go when the mer-" She clamps her mouth shut. "Don't tell them," she says.

"Don't tell them what?"

"The news of my purchase and merger has been embargoed for four weeks while the management at channel three makes some changes."

"Oh... will I be out of a job?" I ask, alarmed.

"I sincerely doubt it," Carmilla says wryly, trying to settle the tension.

Fortunately, our uncomfortable car journey doesn't last long, and Kirsch pulls up outside my dormitory. I scramble out of the car quickly, not waiting for anyone to open the door. I hear Carmilla mutter to Kirsch, "I think you'd better wait here." I sense her standing close behind me as I struggle to find the key card in my purse. "Cupcake," she says calmly as if I'm some cornered wild animal. I sigh and turn to face her. I am so mad at her, my anger is palpable—a dark entity threatening to choke me.

"So you're my boss now," I snap.

"Technically, I'm your boss's boss's boss."

"And, technically, I am  _fucking_  my boss's boss's boss."

"At the moment, you're arguing with her." Carmilla scowls.

"That's because she's such an arse," I hiss. Carmilla steps back in stunned surprise.  _Have I gone too far?_

"An arse?" she murmurs as her expression changes to one of amusement.  _I am mad at you, do not make me laugh!_

"Yes." I struggle to maintain my look of moral outrage.

"An arse?" Carmilla says again. This time her lips twitch with a repressed smile.

"Don't make me laugh when I am mad at you!" I shout. And she smiles, a dazzling, full-toothed smile, and I can't help it. I am grinning and laughing, too.  _How could I not be affected by the joy I see in her smile?_  "Just because I have a stupid damn grin on my face doesn't mean I'm not mad as hell at you," I mutter breathlessly.

She leans in, and I think she's going to kiss me but she doesn't. She nuzzles my hair and inhales deeply. "So are you going to invite me in, or am I to be sent packing for buying a company before I knew you were applying to work for?"

"Can you not cross my threshold without an invite, vampire?" She laughs.

"Are you going to let me in or not, Cupcake?" I try for a grudging look—biting the inside of my cheek helps—but I'm smiling as I open the door. Carmilla turns and waves to Kirsch, and the Jeep pulls away and we make our way up to my dorm room. It's odd having Carmilla here; the place feels too small for her. I am still mad at her—it dawns on me that she probably knows more about channel three than I do.

The thought is unsavory.  _What should I do?_  I am a grown-up— sort of—so what can I do to reassure her?  _James set off warning bells in my head too, so why am I taking this out on her?_  I gaze at her beautiful face as she paces the room like a caged predator, and my anger subsides. Seeing her here in my space when I thought we were over is heartwarming. More than heartwarming, I love her, and my heart swells with a nervous, heady elation. She glances around, assessing her surroundings.

"Er . . . would you like a drink?" I mutter, flushing with nerves.

"No, thank you, Laura." Her eyes have gone slightly silver.  _Oh crap._  Why am I so nervous? "What would you like to do, Cupcake?" she asks softly as she walks toward me, all feral and hot. "I know what I want to do," she adds in a low voice. I back up until I bump against the concrete kitchen island.

"Would you like something to eat?" I ask. She nods slowly.

"Yes. You," she murmurs. Everything south of my waistline clenches. I'm seduced by her voice alone, but that look, that hungry I-want-you-now look— _oh my._  She's standing in front of me, not quite touching, staring into my eyes and bathing me in the heat that's bouncing off of our bodies. I'm stiflingly hot, flustered, and my legs are like jelly as dark desire courses through me. I want her in me, in more than one way.  _The thought of her upon my neck, kissing and biting me..._

"Have you eaten today?" she murmurs.

"I had a sandwich at lunch," I whisper. I don't want to talk food.

She narrows her eyes. "You need to eat."

"I'm really not hungry right now . . . for food."

"What are you hungry for, Miss Hollis?"

"I think you know, Ms. Karnstein." She leans in, and again I think she's going to kiss me, but she doesn't.

"Do you want me to kiss you, sweetness?" she whispers softly over my lips.

"Yes," I breathe.

"Where?"

"Everywhere."

"You're going to have to be a bit more specific than that. I told you I am not going to touch you until you beg me and tell me what to do." I am lost; she's not playing fair.

"Please," I whisper, the warmth of her breath warming my lips.

"Please what?"

"Touch me."

"Where, baby?" She is so tantalizingly close, her scent intoxicating. I reach up, and immediately she steps back. "No, no," she chides, her eyes suddenly wide and alarmed.

"What?"  _Come back..._

"No." She shakes her head.

"Not at all?" I can't keep the longing out of my voice. She looks at me uncertainly, and I'm emboldened by her hesitation. I step toward her, and she steps back, holding up her hands in defense, but smiling.

"Hard Limit." It's a warning, and she runs her hand through her hair, exasperated.

"Sometimes you don't mind," I observe plaintively. "Perhaps I should find a marker pen, and we could map out the no-go areas."

She raises an eyebrow. "That's not a bad idea."  _oh?_

I squeak. "Okay." I say as her lips press into a thin line.

"Come, let's have something to eat." Oh no!

"I thought we were going to bed! I... want to go to bed with you."

"I know, Laura." She smiles, and suddenly darts towards me, she grabs my wrists and pulls me into her arms so that her body is pressed against mine. "But you need to eat and so do I," she murmurs, burning gray eyes gazing down at me.

"Besides . . . anticipation is the key to seduction, and right now, I'm  _really_  into delayed gratification."  _Huh, since when?_

"Well, I'm seduced and I want my gratification now. Ugh, I'm begging, aren't I?" I sound whiney.

"Let's eat first. You're too slender." She kisses my forehead and releases me.  _This is a game, part of some evil plan._  I scowl at her.

"I'm still mad that you had that standoff with my boss, and now I am mad at you because you're making me wait." I pout.

"You are one angry tiny gay, aren't you? You'll feel better after a good meal."

"I know what I'll feel better after." I say petulantly.

"Laura Hollis, I'm shocked." Her tone is gently mocking.

"Stop teasing me. You don't fight fair." She stifles her grin by biting her lower lip. She looks simply adorable... playful Carmilla toying with my libido. If only my seduction skills were better, I'd know what to do, but not being able to touch her does hamper me. We need to work on this. As Carmilla and I gaze at each other—me hot, bothered and yearning and her, relaxed and amused at my expense—I realize I have no food in the dorm room.

"I could cook something in the shared kitchen down the hall—except we'll have to go shopping."

"Shopping?"

"For groceries."

Carmilla shrugs at that. "Let's go shopping, then." We leave the dormitory and walk to the closest grocery store that's just off-campus.

"When was the last time you were in a supermarket?" Carmilla looks out of place, but she follows me dutifully, holding a shopping basket.

"I can't remember."

"Give me an estimate, who was the President of the United States back then?" She arched an eyebrow at me.

"I was turned  _before_  the Colonial Uprising." Carmilla said flippantly. I decided to change the subject instead of rolling my eyes.

"Are you happy with a stir-fry? It's quick."  _I'm sure as hell not going to suggest melon salad._

"Stir-fry sounds good." Carmilla grins, no doubt figuring out my ulterior motive for a speedy meal. "But why didn't you have any food or snacks in the dorm room?"

"You know why," I murmur, flushing.

"It was you who left me," she mutters disapprovingly, perusing the produce and bagging some garlic.

"I know," I reply in a small voice, not wanting that reach the checkout and silently stand in line.  _If I hadn't left, would she have offered the vanilla alternative?_

"Do you have anything to drink?" She pulls me back to the present.

"Betty had some beer, I think."

"I'll get some wine." Oh dear. I'm not sure what sort of wine is available here. Carmilla re-emerges empty handed, grimacing with a look of disgust.

"There's a liquor store next door," I say quickly.

"I'll see what they have."  _Maybe we should just go to her place, then we wouldn't have all this hassle._  I watch as she strolls purposefully and with easy grace out of the door. I want her in my bed again, but she's playing hard to get.  _Maybe I should, too._  And as I stand in line, I come up with a plan.

* * *

Carmilla carries the grocery bags into the dorm floor's kitchen. She's carried them as we've walked back from the store. She looks odd and not at all her usual CEO self at all as she drapes her suit jacket over the back of a chair.

"You look very—domestic."

"No one has ever accused me of that before," she says dryly. She places the bags on the kitchen island. As I start to unload them, she takes out a bottle of white wine and searches for a corkscrew.

"I only really bake here. I think there is a bottle opener is in that drawer there." I point with my chin.  _This feels so... normal._  Two people, getting to know each other, having a meal.  _Yet it's so strange._  The fear that I'd always felt in her presence has gone. We've already done so much together, I blush just thinking about it, and yet I hardly know her.

"What are you thinking about?" Carmilla interrupts my reverie as she shrugs out of her pinstripe jacket and places it on the couch.

"How little I know you, really." She gazes at me and her eyes soften.

"You know me better than anyone."

"I don't think that's true." Mrs. Robinson - Lilita - comes unbidden, and very unwelcome, into my mind.

"It is, Cupcake. I am a very, very private person." She hands me a glass of white wine.

"Cheers," she says.

"Cheers," I respond taking a sip as she puts the bottle in the fridge.

"Can I help you with that?" she asks.

"No it's fine... sit."

"I'd like to help." Her expression is sincere.

"You can chop the vegetables."

"I don't cook," she says, regarding the knife I hand her with suspicion.  _Then how can you help?_

"I imagine you don't need to." I place a chopping board and some red peppers in front of her. She stares down at them in confusion.

"You've never chopped a vegetable?"

"It's been over three hundred years since I've needed to." I smirk at her.

"Are you smirking at me?" She asked, rolling up her sleeves. My eyes want to linger on those fingers, but I don't fall for the bait.

"It appears this is something that I can do and you can't. Let's face it, Carmilla, I think this is a first. Here, I'll show you." I brush up against her and she steps back.

"Like this." I slice the red pepper, careful to remove the seeds.

"Looks simple enough."

"You shouldn't have any trouble with it," I mutter ironically. She gazes at me impassively for a moment then sets about her task as I continue to prepare the diced chicken. She starts to slice, carefully, slowly.  _Oh my, we'll be here all day._  I wash my hands and hunt for the wok, the oil, and the other ingredients I need, repeatedly brushing against her—my hip, my arm, my back, my hands. Small, seemingly innocent touches. She stills each time I do.

"I know what you're doing, Laura." she murmurs darkly, still preparing the first pepper.

"I think it's called cooking," I say, fluttering my eyelashes. Grabbing another knife, I join her at the chopping board peeling and slicing garlic, shallots, and French beans, continually bumping against her.

"You're quite good at this," she mutters as she starts on her second red pepper.

"Chopping?" I bat my eyelashes at her. "Years of practice." I brush against her again, this time with my behind. She stills once more.

"If you do that again, Cupcake, I am going to take you on the kitchen floor."  _Oh, wow. It's working._

"You'll have to beg me first."

"Is that a challenge?"

"Maybe." She puts down her knife and saunters slowly over to me, her eyes burning. Leaning past me, she switches the heat off. The oil in the wok quiets almost immediately.

"I think we'll eat later," she says. "Put the chicken in the fridge." This is not a sentence I had ever expected to hear from Carmilla Karnstein, and only she can make it sound hot, really hot. I pick up the bowl of diced chicken, rather shakily place a plate on top of it, and stow it in the fridge. When I turn back, she's beside me and I realize she's locked the door.

"So you're going to beg?" I whisper, bravely gazing into her darkening eyes.

"No, Cupcake." She shakes her head. "No begging." Her voice is soft, seductive. And we stand staring at each other, drinking each other in—the atmosphere charging between us, almost crackling, neither saying anything, just looking. I bite my lip as desire for this beautiful woman seizes me with a vengeance, igniting my blood, shortening my breath, heat pooling below my waist. I see my reactions reflected in her stance, in her eyes. In a beat, she grabs me by my hips and pulls me to her as my hands reach for her hair and her mouth claims me. She pushes me against the fridge, and I hear the vague protesting rattle of bottles and jars from within as her tongue finds mine. I moan into her mouth, and one of her hands moves into my hair, pulling my head back as we kiss, savagely.

"What do you want, sweetness?" she breathes.

"You." I gasp.

"Where?"

"Here. Now." She breaks free, moves the vegetables and cutting boards off the kitchen island, and picks me up and sits me on the end of the island without any breaking a sweat. Her eyes are hungry for me as we're both panting in wanton need. She glances quickly round the kitchen and hastily closes the pale cream curtains.

"Now what?" she says softly.

"Make love to me."

"How?"  _Jeez._

"You have got to tell me, baby."

"Undress me." I am panting already. She smiles and hooks her index finger into my open shirt, pulling me toward her.

"Good girl," she murmurs, and something within me reacts to that voice, and those words. Without taking her eyes off of mine, Carmilla slowly starts to unbutton my shirt. Tentatively I put my hands on her arms to steady myself, and she doesn't complain.  _Her arms are a safe area._  When she's finished with the buttons, she pulls my shirt off of me, and I let go of her to let the shirt fall to the floor. She reaches down to the waistband of my jeans, pops the button, and pulls down the zipper.

"Tell me what you want, Cupcake." Her eyes smolder and her lips part as she takes quick shallow breaths.

"Kiss me from here to here," I whisper trailing my finger from the base of my ear, down my throat. She smoothes my hair out of the line of fire and bends, leaving sweet soft kisses along the path my finger took and then back again. I tilted my head to expose my neck even more to her, realizing that it wasn't just the pain of her bite that aroused me, it was the willful surrender to her, the way she possessed me as her lips thanked and worshiped my skin.

"My jeans and panties," I murmur, and she smiles against my throat before she drops to her knees in front of me and takes off my shoes.  _Goodness, I feel so powerful._  Hooking her thumbs into my jeans, she gently pulls them and my panties down my legs. I shift my weight as the clothes come off me, leaving me only with my bra. She stops and looks up at me expectantly, but she doesn't get up.

"What now, sweetness?"

"Kiss me," I whisper.

"Where?"

"You know where."

"Where?"  _Oh, she's taking no prisoners._  Embarrassed I quickly point at the apex of my thighs, and she grins wickedly. I close my eyes, mortified, but at the same time beyond aroused.

"Oh, there? With pleasure," she chuckles. She kisses me and unleashes her tongue, her joy-inspiring expert tongue. I groan and fist my hands into her hair. She doesn't stop, her tongue circling my clitoris, driving me insane, on and on, round and round. I lay down, flat against the island as I feel her tongue snake into me and...  _Ahhh... it's only been... how long?_

"Carmilla, please," I beg.

"Please what?"

"Make love to me."

"I am," she murmurs, gently blowing against me.

"No. I want you inside me."

"Are you sure?" She purred, and she's getting exactly the amount of begging she wanted.

"Please." She doesn't stop her sweet, exquisite torture as her lips close around me and begins to suck on my sensitive spot. I moan loudly. "Carmilla... please." She stands up and gazes down at me, and her lips glisten with the evidence of my arousal.  _Fuck, that's hot._

"Well?" she asks.

"Well what?" I pant, fingers clawing at the table as I stare up at her in frantic need.  _Fingers, in me, now..._

"I'm still dressed." I gape at her in confusion.  _Undress her?_  Okay, I can do this. I reach for her shirt and she steps back. "Oh no," she admonishes.  _Shit, she means her skirt._

This gives me an idea as I get off the island and drop to my knees in front of her. Rather clumsily and with shaking fingers, I undo her zipper, then yank down her skirt and panties with trepidation. She steps out of her clothes and I take hold of her thighs and squeeze tightly, making her push her legs apart as I kiss my way up her thighs. I pant as I peek up at her through my lashes, and she's gazing at me with . . . what?  _Awe?_   _Surprise?_

"Well?" She says, her voice shuddering as she's open and exposed to me.

"I did as you asked." I stood back up and settled myself on the table, smirking slightly.

She groans and tenses, and her breath hisses through clenched teeth. She flashes a knowing grin back at me.

"Okay, creampuff, two can play at this game." She parts my lips with the tips of her two middle fingers.

Very tentatively, I open my mouth, run my tongue down her length, and suck—hard. "Ahh. Laura . . . whoa, gently." She cups my chin tenderly, and I take her deeper into my mouth, pressing my lips together as tightly as I can, sheathing my teeth, proving how deep and eager I am for those fingers to go into me.

"Fuck," she hisses. Oh, that's a good, inspiring, sexy sound, so I do it again, sliding my mouth as I lubricate her fingers, swirling my tongue playfully around the tip.

"Gods, that's enough. No more." I do it again—  _Beg, Karnstein, beg_ — and again. "Cupcake, you've made your point," she grunts through gritted teeth.

I chuckle as I release her. "Oh?" She's panting, like me.

"You have the most perfect fingers." I say as I lie down.  _I want her so badly._

She stares down at me and licks her lips. "You are a fine sight, Hollis." She bends over me, kissing me as she goes. She kisses each of my breasts and teases my nipples in turn, while I groan and writhe beneath her, and she doesn't stop.

"Carmilla, please."

"Please what?" she murmurs between my breasts. "I need you inside me."

"Do you now?"

"Please." Gazing at me, she pushes my legs apart with hers and moves so that she's hovering above me. Without taking her eyes off mine, she sinks into me at a deliciously slow pace. I close my eyes, relishing the fullness, the exquisite feeling of her possession, instinctively tilting my pelvis up to meet her, to join with her, groaning loudly. She eases back and very slowly fills me again. My fingers find their way into her dark curly hair, and she oh-so-slowly moves in and out again.

"Faster, Carmilla, faster... please." She gazes down at me in triumph and kisses me hard, then really starts to move— holy cow, a punishing, relentless...  _oh fuck_ —and I know it will not be long. She sets a pounding rhythm. I start to quicken, my legs tensing beneath her.

"Come on, baby," she gasps. "Give it to me." Her words are my undoing, and I explode, magnificently, mind-numbingly, into a million pieces around her, and she slows down as I realize she's not ready to stop fucking me. What was two fingers turned into three, and a whimpering noise came out of my mouth as her fingers curled inside me and unleashed what must have been my power moan as I shatter again all over her dexterous fingers and pulsing bicep jackhammering into me.

As sanity returns, I open my eyes and gaze up into the face of the woman I love. Carmilla's expression is soft, tender. She strokes her nose against mine, bearing her weight on her elbows, her hands holding mine by the side of my head. Sadly, I suspect that's so I don't touch her. She plants a gentle kiss on my lips as she helps me sit upright.

"I've missed this," she breathes.

"Me too," I whisper. She takes hold of my chin and kisses me hard. A passionate, beseeching kiss that leaves me breathless.

"Don't leave me again," she implores, looking deep into my eyes, her face serious.

"Okay," I whisper and smile at her. Her answering smile is dazzling; relief, elation, and devlish delight combined into one enchanting look that would melt the coldest of hearts.

"Come cook me some food, wench. I'm famished," she says, washing her hands before resuming her slow vegetable cutting, "you could even say I'm  _fucking hungry_."  _Oh god she's punning._

"I'm ignoring the pun. But, wench?" I giggle.

"Wench. Food, now, please."

"Oh, since you ask so nicely, Countess, I'll get right on to it." As I hop off of the kitchen island, I sheepishly inspect and clean off the surface so we can resume food preparation on it.  _I wonder if Silas has a no sex in the kitchen rule..._

Now that I no longer have sexual tension on my mind, I'm able to whip up the stir fry in no time. We're back in my dorm room with the food as we arrange ourselves on the fold-out futon. Carmilla leans back and squirms uncomfortably as she notices something back there, dislodging and removing the Ocelot that got stuck there.

"You found Occie." I say, feeling proprietary as I reach for him and put the ocelot back on the bed.

"He belongs in your bed?" she murmurs.

"Yes," I flush. "It's been keeping me company."

"Lucky Ocelot." she says, in surprise.  _Yes, I'm sentimental, Karnstein, because I love you._

"He is." I say as we eat the stir-fry chicken and noodles from white bowls with chopsticks and sipping chilled white Pinot Grigio. Carmilla leans back into the futon, her long legs stretched out in front of her. She's wearing her skirt and her half-buttoned blouse with her just-fucked hair, and that's all.

"This is good," she says appreciatively as she digs into her food. I sit cross-legged beside her, eating greedily, beyond hungry, and admire her bare legs.

"I usually do all the cooking. Betty isn't a great cook."

"Did you your father teach you?"

"Not really," I scoff.

"By the time I was interested in learning, he was with wife Number Three who wanted him all to herself."

Carmilla gazes down at me. "You and her didn't get along?"

"No. His marriage to her didn't last long. Came to his senses, I think. He never talks about her," I add quietly.  _I think that's a dark part of his life, which we've never discussed._

"Sounds like you looked after him," she says softly.

"I suppose." I shrug.

"You're used to taking care of people." The edge in her voice attracts my attention, and I glance up at her.

"What is it?" I ask, startled by her wary expression.

"I want to take care of you." Her luminous eyes glow with some unnamed emotion. My heart rate spikes.

"I've noticed," I whisper. "You just go about it in a strange way."

Her brow creases. "It's the only way I know how," she says quietly.

"I'm still mad at you for that stunt you pulled with my boss."

She smiles, narrowing her eyes. "That fucker better watch himself."

"Carmilla!" I admonish.

"He's my boss." Carmilla's mouth presses into a hard line.

"Tell me if he tries anything, okay?"

I huff in exasperation. "Sure. But what am I to tell them at work tomorrow? 'Hey, my girlfriend doesn't like how my boss treats me'? It undermines my ability to deal with issues on my own, and they are going to think that you have to fight my battles for me."

Carmilla looks taken aback as she puts down her bowl and chopsticks. "Damn, I wouldn't like it if the situation were reversed."

I close my eyes as I exhale. "Thank you."  _The last thing I want is to have another scene at work like... The girl who looks like me is standing outside channel three. Hang on—she is me. If I were pale and un-washed, my clothes a size too big; I'm staring at me, and she's wearing my clothes— happy, healthy._

"Sweetness? Your heart rate just shot through the roof."  _'What do you have that I don't?'_

"Um, there was a girl outside channel three when I left work. She looked like me... but not really." Carmilla stills, and I see her face is ashen.

"When was this?" she whispers, startled. She sits up, eyes alert at me as she instinctively reaches for her phone.

"Um, when I left this afternoon. Do you know who she is?"

"Yes." She runs a hand through her hair.

"Who?" Her mouth presses into a hard line, but she says nothing. "Who?" I press.

"It's Sarah-Jane." I swallow. Suddenly, she's radiating tension.  _Something is going on._

"The girl who put 'Gothic Lolita' on your iPod?" She glances at me anxiously.

"Yes," she says. "Did she say anything?"

"She said, 'what do you have that I don't have?' and when I asked who she was, she said, 'nobody.' She's number fifteen, isn't she?"

Carmilla closes her eyes as if in pain.  _How much does she mean to her?_  My scalp prickles as adrenaline spikes through my body. What if she misses her? I know so little about her past submissives. She must have had a contract, and she would have done what she wanted, given her what she needed gladly. The thought makes me nauseous.

I look up to see Carmilla already on the phone. "Yes, outside channel three, between three and six." she says quietly. She turns to me as I put the dishes in the sink and asks me directly, "What time exactly?"

"About ten after five?" I mumble.  _Who is she talking to at this hour?_   _What's Sarah-Jane done?_  She relays the information to whoever's on the line, not taking her eyes off me, her expression dark and earnest.

"Find out how...  _Review the security tapes_ , figure out what direction she was- No, I wouldn't have said so, but then I wouldn't have thought she would do this." She closes her eyes as if she's in pain. "I don't know how that will go down... Yes, I'll talk to her... Yes, I know... Look, FOLLOW UP and LET ME KNOW. Just find her, Spencer—she's in trouble. Find her." She hangs up, thinks about it, and makes another call. "Kirsch, we had another breach; subject approached Cupcake at seventeen-ten. Secure and bring back her vehicle here- get Natalie if you have to." She hangs up and she has a nervous energy about her.

"Do you want some tea?" I ask. Tea, Dave's answer to every crisis and the only thing he does well in the kitchen. I fill a teacup with water and pop it into the microwave.

"Actually, I'd like to go back to bed." Her look tells me that it's not to sleep.

"Well, I need some tea. Would you like to join me for a cup?" I want to know what's going on, and I will not be sidetracked by sex.

She runs her hand through her hair in exasperation. "Yes, please," she says, but I can tell she's irritated. I put a second cup in the microwave and hit the button for beverage. My anxiety level has shot to defcon one, and I'm making tea when I should be making a list.  _Oh god, I'm Hermione Granger._  Is she going to tell me what's going on, or am I going to have to dig? I sense her eyes on me—sense her uncertainty, and her anger is palpable. I glance up, and her eyes glitter with apprehension.

"What is it?" I ask shakes her head.

"You're not going to tell me?"

She sighs and closes her eyes. "No."

"Why?"

"Because it shouldn't concern you. I don't want you tangled up in this."

"It  _shouldn't_  concern me, but it does. She found and  _accosted me_  outside my office.  _How does she know about me?_  How does she know where I  _work?_  I think I have a right to know what's going on."

She runs a hand through her hair again, radiating frustration as if waging some internal battle.

"Carmilla." I demand softly, refusing to budge on this. Her mouth sets into a hard line, and she rolls her eyes at me.

"Okay," she says, resigned. "I have no idea how she found you. Maybe the photograph of us at the graduation, I don't know." She sighs again, and I sense her frustration is directed at herself. I wait patiently, removing the teacups and adding the tea bags to them. After a beat she continues. "While I was in New York, Sarah-Jane turned up at my place and made a scene in front of Lola."

"Lola?" I asked.

"Perry."  _No wonder she goes by Perry._

"What do you mean, 'made a scene'?"

She glares at me, appraising. "Tell me. You're keeping something back." My tone is more forceful than I feel. She blinks at me, surprised.

"Laura, I—" she stops.

"You're calling me 'Laura'. So it's serious."

She sighs in defeat. "She, um, tried to open a vein."

"That explains the bandage on her wrist."

"Perry got her to the hospital. But Sarah-Jane discharged herself before I could find out more." Crap.  _What does this mean?_  Suicidal?  _Was this the real reason why she cut her trip short?_  "The doctor who attended her called it a typical cry for help. He didn't believe her to be truly at risk—one step from suicidal ideation, she called it. But I'm not convinced. I've been trying to track her down since then to get her some help."

"Did she say anything to Perry?" She gazes at me. She looks really uncomfortable.

"Not much," she says eventually, but I know she's not telling me everything. I distract myself by serving the tea.  _So Sarah-Jane wants back into Carmilla's life and chooses a suicide attempt to attract her attention?_ Carmilla left New York to be at her side, but then she disappears before she gets here? This is odd.

"You can't find her? What about her family?"

"They don't know where she is. Neither does her husband."

"Husband?"

"Yes," she says distractedly, "she's been married for about two years."  _What?_

"So she was with you while she was married?"  _She really has no boundaries._

"No! Gods, no. I don't poach. She was with me nearly three years ago. Then she left and married this guy shortly afterward. Rebound, I think."

Oh. "So why is she trying to get your attention now?"

She shakes her head sadly. "I don't know. All we've managed to find out is that she ran out on her husband about four months ago."

"Let me get this straight. She hasn't been your submissive for three years?"

"About two and a half years."

"And she wanted more."

"Yes."

"But you didn't?"

"You know this."

"So  _she_  left you."

"Yes."

"So why is she coming to you now?"

"I don't know." And the tone of this voice tells me that she at least has a theory.

"But you suspect . . ." Her eyes narrow perceptibly with anger.

"I suspect it has something to do with you."

"Me? What would she want with me?"

"That line, 'What do you have that I don't?', suggests that she thinks you're getting the 'more' she wanted." I stare at her; she's mine. Carmilla is what I have, and yet she looked a lot like me: same dark hair and pale skin. I frown at the thought.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" she asks softly.

"I forgot about her." I shrug apologetically. "You know, drinks after work, you turning up at the bar and your  _pissing contest_ with James, and then when we were here. It slipped my mind. You have a habit of making me forget things."

"Pissing contest?" She said incredulously.

"Yes. The pissing contest." I reaffirmed. The two of us sat on the futon as I heard a knock at my door. Carmilla runs to the door with unnatural quickness, knocking back twice.  _It's a pre-established pattern._

The return knock seems to satisfy her and the door opens to show Kirsch was there as he waved hello to me. "Baby Smaug is back and in your spot, Miss Hollis. Ms. Karnstein, are you ready?"

Carmilla and I exchanged a quick glance and an even briefer kiss.

"We're going to talk more about this." I state plainly. She nods.

"Please be safe. I don't know how dangerous she is." I nod back as well, closing and locking the door behind them.

_What has my 50 Flavors gotten herself into now?_


	5. Lunch Date

I didn't hear from Carmilla until Wednesday when she called my office at work.  _I hadn't heard from Danny or Betty lately, either._

"Channel Three News" I said, affecting my best professional voice possible.

"Cupcake, it's me." I could hear the smile on the other side of the line.

"Hey Carm! What's up?"

"I thought we could get frozen yogurt during your lunch break."

I smile at the thought, looking at the time.  _The sandwich I packed can stay in the fridge and I can eat it later if I'm still hungry._  "Sure, where do you want to meet?"

"There's a place just down the block from where you work, I thought I'd walk you there."

I rolled my eyes at her chivalry. "You don't have to do that."

"I want to, besides, you're in the area."

"You have a driver and you own your own company. Anywhere is in 'the area'."

"If you want to get technical, there's only one... area that I want to eat."

I blush beet red.

"Oh my god, Carmilla, do you have to be that suggestive? You're making me blush at work." I chided.

"If it helps sweetness, I can be downright explicit. Now about lunch, when do you...  _get off?_ " The way she said those last two words left me clenching deep inside.

"Um, soon. Like, um..."  _Damn it, Hollis, now's not a good time to forget how to read the time off of a clock._  "in twenty."

"Perfect, I'll meet you at your building. By the way, what's your favorite flavor?"

"Vanilla."

"Really?"

"Yeah. There's nothing wrong with vanilla!"

"Never said there was. But I can do things that would make your toes curl, buttercup."

I snicker at that.

"Yeah, sure. See you in twenty."

* * *

When I get down to the lobby, I'm five minutes late and Carmilla is stretched out on a chair idly thumbing her way through her phone. "You're late, Miss Hollis."

"Yeah, sorry about that," I said, "but my feet cramped up on the way down here due to all that toe-curling."

"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, Miss Hollis." Her eyes glitter.  _Oh shit. What's she planning?_

"You know what they say.  _'Wit beyond Measure is Man's Greatest Treasure'_." We leave the building and make our way down the block.

"Are you quoting Rowena Ravenclaw to me? You know, I could still take you across my knee." I blush at the thought of that, and realize that I wouldn't mind her hand spanking me playfully... which makes me think of what else she did before.

"Do you have uh... those silver ball things?" She pats her hands down her chest, belly, and the pockets of her jeans.

"Funnily enough, I don't carry a spare set around with me. Not much call for them in the office." Her voice was full of playful sarcasm, and I was glad to play into it.

"I am very glad to hear that, Ms. Karnstein, otherwise I might wonder what kind of business you're into. And hey, I thought you said that sarcasm was the lowest form of wit."

"Well, Cupcake, my new motto is if you can't beat 'em, join 'em." I gape at her— I can't believe she's just said that—and she looks sickeningly pleased with herself as she grins at me. We get to the frozen yogurt shop and order; I get vanilla with sprinkles and she surprises me with her choice of mint chocolate chip.

"Okay," I agree, picking up the tab for the frozen yogurt before she does. "I'll get this."

She scowls at me.

"You have to be quick around here, Karnstein." I said, smirking.

"You're right, I do," she says sourly, though I think she's teasing.

"Don't look so cross. I can afford"—I glance at the check—"sixteen dollars and ninety-eight cents for lunch."  _Sprinkles must cost extra._

"Thank you," she says grudgingly.

"So exactly how would you  _curl my toes_  with vanilla frozen yogurt?"

Her eyes meet mine as her lips part and she tastes her frozen yogurt, moaning slightly as her lips close and the spoon comes out of her mouth...  _Oh fucking my._  I think my lower jaw is on the floor as she closes her eyes and her tongue snakes out and licks a chocolate chip off of the edge of her spoon, and it is the most sensual thing I've seen in a long time.

When she looks back up at me, her are eyes hooded, and her tongue licks around her upper lip.  _Oh, that tongue._  My body is burning with desire; I taste my vanilla and all I feel is dark wantonness running hot through my veins.

"Well, if I were to have my way with you, I'd want you tied up."

"Okay," I whisper, unsure if I was agreeing to it. Her eyes shone as she knew exactly what she was doing to me.

"Just your hands... To the bed. I need you still."

"Okay," I whisper again, incapable of anything more. She takes another spoonful of her frozen yogurt, not taking her eyes off mine.

"Maybe you wearing just a bath robe, and I'd take the sash away and use that to tie your hands above your head. I'd be deliberately slow and gentle, teasing with slowness, making the anticipation that much more... unbearable." My spoon is stuck halfway to my mouth as I sit there, paralyzed under her heated gaze. Carmilla continues as if she weren't just using her eyes and voice to melt my panties.

"I'd kiss you quickly, to make sure you're still here in the moment before I direct you to lie on the bed, and run my fingers down your torso to just barely past your navel."

My body shivered at the idea of that. "That um, sounds nice."

"Oh, it would be very nice, cupcake," she says, "because once you're laying on the bed with your wrists bound, arms above your head, I'd crawl over you body, straddling you."

I could imagine this as I finally remember to eat the vanilla frozen yogurt in front of me as she continues her description of what could only be a kinky scene.

"In your leather pants?" I ask, my voice breathy. She smirked and nodded in agreement.

"I'd check how cold and firm the frozen yogurt is; I don't want it too cold nor do I want it too warm."

I realize that she would want me tied up so that I couldn't touch her - probably never would. She would always need her control and her distance; her rules, her boundaries, and her comfort level. None of her former submissives would have touched her either, and maybe that's part of the 'more' that they wanted that Carmilla couldn't give.

"I would worship the lines of your body by taking your vanilla frozen yogurt, and tracing it over your curves, licking behind the cold trail I leave on your skin in order to to keep you clean." The way she looks at me, I can't help but realize how beautiful she is. "I'd enjoy watching your skin raise goosebumps from the cold, feel your nipples harden in my mouth as I taste you and the frozen yogurt mixing, cooling us both down..."

I think I whimpered at that.

"Holding a bit in my fingers, watching it melt and drip all over you, making a trail of vanilla as it splashes down to your quim... Then go and lick it all up..."

She took another spoonful of her frozen yogurt and she was as classy as she was obscene.

"Delicious," she murmurs, licking her lips. "Amazing how good plain old vanilla can taste."

She gazes at me and smirks. "Want some of mine?" she teases.

As she sits there, offering me a spoonful of her mint chocolate chip, Carmilla looks so freaking hot, young and carefree—sitting by me and eating her frozen yogurt—eyes bright, face luminous.  _Oh what the hell is she going to do to me?_

_As if I can't tell._

I nod, shyly. She scoops out another spoonful and offers it to me, so I open my mouth as she quickly pops it in her mouth again. "This is too good to share," she says, smiling wickedly.

"Hey," I start in protest.

"Why, Miss Hollis, do you like your vanilla?"

"Yes," I say more forcefully than I mean as I take another spoonful of my vanilla, really wishing I had her lips on me instead.

"Getting feisty, are we?" She relents and offers me another spoonful. This time she lets me eat it. I want to giggle. She's really enjoying herself, and her good humor is infectious. She scoops another spoonful and feeds me some more, then she gets a spoonful of the vanilla for herself.

"Hmm, I could get used to this." Taking another spoonful, she offers me more. This time I keep my mouth shut and shake my head, and she shrugs and eats it herself. "Would taste even better off of you, sweetness."

My mind goes back to the scene she described, and I could imagine myself pulling against the restraints as the bed creaks—I'm burning with desire, the thought of her consuming this off of me. She takes another spoonful of my frozen yogurt ever so slowly, and my eyes are fixed upon her.

"Want some?" And before I can confirm or deny her offer, her tongue is in my mouth, and it's cold and skilled and tastes of Carmilla and vanilla.  _Delicious_. Carmilla's eyes shine as her lips pull away from mine, leaving my own lips quivering for more.

"Hey, question about plans this weekend. Are you still coming with me to the fundraiser this Saturday? It's an... annual charity thing."

I smile, feeling suddenly shy. "Of course I'll come. I said I'd go, didn't I?"  _Wait, how fancy is this?_

"What?" Carmilla asked, picking up on my apprehension.

"Nothing."

"Tell me," she insists.

"Exactly how formal is this?"

Carmilla looks momentarily uncomfortable. "Don't be mad, but I kind of already picked out your dress for the evening."

I purse my lips. "Did you, now?" I mutter sardonically.

"It's a formal black-tie gala; I had my shopper find dresses for both of us."  _That... actually sounds okay._

"I have to approve of the dress first."

Carmilla shrugged in agreement. "Of course. I'll have her send you a picture of it."

"What's the charity?" Carmilla rubs her hands down her thighs, looking uncomfortable.

"It's a... drug rehab program for parents who have children." Her eyes shift uncomfortably at that.

"Sounds like a good cause," I say softly.

"It is. It's just... close to home."

"Because of Mother?" I asked uncertainly.

Carmilla shook her head. "No, my birth mother. She drank sometimes, well, often. Part of why I got sold off was so she could afford her vice."

"Oh, I am so sorry..." She shook her head at the apology.

"Not your fault."

"I know, but..."  _You shouldn't have had to suffer that._

"We're going to have to go now, your lunch break is nearly over." She stands, effectively halting that topic of conversation and holds out her hand.

As I take it, she tightens her fingers around mine. It's strange. She's so expressive in some ways and yet so closed-off in others. She leads me down the street; it's a lovely, mild morning. The sun is shining, and the air smells of coffee and freshly baked bread as I see her take another spoonful of the frozen yogurt.

I have to shake off the strong mental image of having her tongue inside me as we make our way back to my building. We finish our frozen yogurts and toss them in the bin by the doorway when Carmilla grabs my bicep and spins me to face her and look into her mischievous eyes.

I didn't even realize I had taken the step back as I felt the wall against me and had Carmilla's fingers threaded through my scalp and her lips were on mine yet again as she groaned in need, slamming herself into me as we hit the wall. I'm distracted from the rest of the world as all I can process is her lips and tongue bidding access to me, and I let her in. She pulls her lips away from me again and I realize that I'm purring in contentment.

"Do you know how much you mean to me?" she breathes against my ear, lips grazing my earlobe.

"No," I gasp. She smiles against my neck, and her fingers curl around my jaw and throat, holding me fast for a moment. It was almost enough to choke me, and it surprisingly turned me on.

"You are mine, Cupcake."

"Yes, yours," I pant, gulping as I want to turn and kiss her again.  _And you are mine, Carmilla Karnstein._

"That's right, sweetness," she whispers and bites my neck, hard but not enough to pierce my skin. I cry out in silent need as my body aches to bleed for her.  _This is what she does to me—_ takes my body and possesses it wholly so that I think of nothing but her. Her magic is as powerful as it is intoxicating.

 _I want to bleed for her, to have her drink me down to nourish her..._  I think as she pulls away from me and I have to blink as reality sifts back into my consciousness.

"You okay, Laura?" She asks.

"What I feel for you frightens me," I whisper as some sort of blasphemous prayer. She stills.

"Me too, sweetness," she says quietly. Unbidden, a thought that I've tried to ignore rises up in me and I give voice to it.

"What if you leave me?" The thought is horrific.

"I'm not going anywhere. I don't think I could ever have my fill of you, Cupcake." I turn and gaze at her. Her expression is serious, sincere. I lean over and give her a peck on her lips. She smiles and reaches up to tuck my hair behind my ear. "I've never felt the way I felt when you left, Cupcake. I would move heaven and earth to avoid feeling like that again." She sounds so sad, dazed even. I kiss her again.

"I'm not leaving you again. Because I-" I shrugged and looked guilty as someone entered the building, politely ignoring the tiny gay PDA going on here. "-you know."

She nods. "I'm going to prove I deserve you."

"I uh..." I looked at her, puzzled.  _But you already do deserve me. I feel like I have to prove I'm not going to run out on you._  "I have to get back into work. I'll message you later."

* * *

We make plans to see each other after work on Friday, which turns into a long weekend with her. I had no idea how much I could miss someone until I went 48 hours without being able to touch her. When I get back to the dorm room Thursday evening, however, I wasn't expecting to see Danny there.

"Hey uh... " Danny seemed nervous as she waited by the door in her jeans and Summer Society shirt. "Hey." She nodded awkwardly at the end there.

A part of me wanted to be really angry with her for assaulting Carmilla, but I also knew that she had her arm broken twice within an hour by Carmilla as well.

I unlocked my dorm and offered her to come inside. We sat on the futon as I looked up at her.

"So... you're a werewolf."

Danny looked away sheepishly. "Yeah. And you're dating that-"

"-Carmilla. I am dating Carmilla." Danny seemed so shudder in disgust at that.

"She smells like a corpse." she replies petulantly as I roll my eyes at her.

"I didn't stand for her calling you a dog, nor will I let you insult my girlfriend like that."

"Sorry. It's just my disgust for her kind is instinctual."

"You're a big girl, and you're stronger than your beast. I suggest you get over it." Danny nodded.

"I wanted to come by and make sure that you were okay, and that my secret was safe." She lifted her eyes to see mine and I saw the raw emotion behind them. She hadn't slept well recently and it looked like she was holding back tears.

"I'm fine, and of course your secret is safe. I'm guessing Carmilla doesn't want her secret out any more than you want yours."

"Yeah, that makes sense. So when did you find out that she's-"

"When I thought you killed her. She wasn't ready to tell me, may have never told me, actually."  _I wasn't certain if I was upset about that or not._

"I outed her then." Her eyes went from my face to my neck. "You haven't let her, um..."

I leaned away from her, affronted. "My  _sex life_  with  _my girlfriend_  is  **none**  of your business."

"Sex life? I was just asking about the..."

"-Danny."

"Sorry. Well, are you being safe?"

I chuckled at the situation we were in.  _I'm having a werewolf give me the birds and bees conversation about dating a vampire._

"We're taking precautions, and no, she hasn't bled me."

Danny seemed surprised at that. "Oh, I thought, um... okay." She blinked as she looked at me and gathered her courage. "So it's a pretty serious relationship you two have then?"

I sighed at that. "I hope it is. I mean, I think it is... it's complicated."  _She likes tying up girls and flogging them while they wear collars. And I think I might be okay with that._

Danny chuckled at that. "Yeah, you're definitely in a lesbian relationship." She smiled as she said that, but I could see a bit of pain in her eyes and she looked at me.

 _Should I apologize for this?_ "Danny, I-"

Her eyes welled up with a tear. "I'm sorry. I just-"

I nodded in understanding. "I know. It's okay."

"I hoped things would be different. Then I really messed up with you at the bar. And again by almost murdering your girlfriend."

I shrugged it off as I pulled her into a hug. "Yeah, but you're my friend and learned your lesson." She sobbed as she hugged me back.

"Painful lesson." She added, and we both chuckled at that.

"Yeah, sometimes they are Xena." I pulled out of the hug to see her face was beet red. "Nice code-name by the way. Very subtle."

"Laura, are we going to be okay? I mean, now that you know..."

"...that you like me? It's fine, but we're just friends. And I want you and Carmilla to try getting along."

"I will try if she does."

"Thank you. Now, how did the rest of the Adonis Festival and Hunt go?"


	6. Mrs. Robinson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The change in this portion of 50 Flavors: Here Christian decides he's talking Ana into having a personal trainer and getting her a haircut. She hasn't asked for one, nor does she want to have a personal trainer. He just wants to slowly get her to follow all of the protocols that the previous submissives had to follow. So, the salon he takes her to? He co-owns it with the one and only Mrs. Robinson (his former Dominant/sexual abuser) and then he gets angry when Ana says she's upset that she was dragged here as her jealousy runs rampant and she loathes the woman despite every assertion from him that they are only friends now.
> 
> At least their attempts to be jealous and creepily possessive over each other is balanced out; Ana hates seeing Christian with Mrs. Robinson, and Christian hates seeing Ana with Jose. Nevermind that this jealousy is their own self-loathing that is being lashed out at each other due to personal insecurities as they compare themselves to everyone else around them because anybody who isn't 'us' is a 'them'. And it is some unknown 'them' who are ready to break the couple up or something.
> 
> Also, in case you're wanting the backstory to Lilita Morgan/Lilith Karnstein, my short story "A Mother's Love" is also up here and I posted that a few months ago.

Carmilla had a busy schedule for the rest of the week, and I drove straight to her place after work on Friday. When I got there, she was finishing up reviewing schematics with LaFontaine before they went back to their lab.

"Hey Sweetness, so what would you like to do after a long day at work?" She comes over and nuzzles me, sending delicious tingles through my body.

"I'd like to get my hair cut for that event you're taking me to this weekend."

"You really want your hair cut?"

"Yes, look at it." I point to my limp hair, knowing that my split ends have gotten out of hand.

"You look lovely to me. You always do."

I blush. "Thank you, but seriously, it's been awhile."

"Okay, I know of a place." We make our way down to the garage and I decide to seize the moment.

"Carmilla, so I kind of ran into Danny."

Her face was carefully neutral. "Okay."

"She's fine, in case you were wondering."

"I assumed she was. Werewolf healing and all."

I sighed as I hit the button and unlocked my car door as she did the same with hers.

"Cupcake, I'm driving. You don't even know where we're going."  _Right._

Once I'm in her passenger seat and she's got the car started, I continue to press on. "I've asked for a truce between you and Danny. I want you two to try and get along. No more name calling nor physical assault."

"Well, she started it." Carmilla replied.

"Really? You've over three hundred." I replied, chastising her.

"Okay, Laura."

"Thank you." I said earnestly.

"You know she's in love with you, right?"

I shrugged and shook my head. "I, uh - yeah." My shoulders slumped at that. "Yeah, I know."

"As long as you realize that." Carmilla drives us down a street of high-end fashion stores and finds a parking space for her convertible right in front of a pin-up themed beauty salon, the colors inside bold and daring as we were greeted by name as we entered.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Karnstein," the hostess says brightly as she bats her eyelashes at her.  _She knows her?! How?_

"Hello Cheryl." And she knows her.  _What is this?_

"The usual, ma'am?" she asks politely.

"No," she says quickly. "Miss Hollis will tell you what she wants." She runs her fingers through her own hair and reconsiders. "On second thought, yeah, I could a trim."

"She knows you by sight, should I ask why?"

"Um, well, I own this place, and three more like it."

"You own it?"  _That's unexpected._

"Yes. It's a sideline. Anyway—whatever you want, you can have it here, on the house. I'll handle the tip, too."

I glance at Cheryl, who is looking at me expectantly. "I'd like a haircut, please."

"Certainly, Miss Hollis." Cheryl is all pink lipstick and bustling Germanic efficiency as she checks her computer screen.

"Ani is free in five minutes." "Ani's fine," says Carmilla reassuringly to me. I am trying to wrap my head around this.  _Carmilla Karnstein owns a chain of beauty salons._  I peek up at her, and suddenly she blanches—something, or someone, has caught her eye. I turn to see where she's looking, and right at the back of the salon a sleek platinum blonde woman speaking to one of the hair stylists. Platinum Blonde is tall, lovely, and in her late thirties—it's difficult to tell. She's wearing a stunning suit like Carmilla does, but jet black.  _She looks stunning._  Her hair shines like a halo, cut in sharp bob reminiscent of the 1920's, but pulling it off like some sort of Glamazon. As she turns, she catches sight of Carmilla and smiles at her, a dazzling smile of warm recognition. Her eyes seem to shine as I feel sucked into-

"Excuse me," Carmilla mumbles hurriedly. She strides quickly across the salon, past the hair stylists all in white, past the apprentices at the sinks, and over to her, too far away for me to hear their conversation. Platinum Blonde greets her with obvious affection, kissing both her cheeks, her hands resting on her upper arms, and they talk animatedly together.

"Miss Hollis?" Cheryl the receptionist is trying to get my attention.

"Hang on a moment, please." I watch Carmilla, fascinated. Platinum Blonde turns and looks at me, her hand moving possessively on Carmilla's back as she gives me the same dazzling smile, as if she knows me. I smile politely back, feeling nervious as there's something about the way her eyes are...  _Carmilla looks upset about something._  She's deferential with her, acquiescing, head tilted in towards her like a plant goes towards the sun. She's wearing a small smile for her—clearly they know each other well.  _Perhaps they've worked together for a long time?_  Maybe she runs the place; after all, she has a certain look of authority.

Then it hits me like a wrecking ball, and I know, deep down in my gut on a visceral level, I know who it is. Stunning, older, beautiful. _It's 'Mrs. Robinson', Lilita,_   _her 'Mother'. She's able to touch Carmilla like she owns that body because she paid for it centuries ago._

"Cheryl, who is Ms. Karnstein talking to?" My scalp is trying to leave the building. It's prickling with apprehension, and my pulse is pounding as instinct is telling me to run . But I sound nonchalant enough.

"Oh, that's Ms. Karnstein's mother, Lilith. She really knows how to moisturize, doesn't she?" Cheryl seems more than happy to share.

"Lilith Karnstein?"  _Of course she's using an alias._

"Yes. Apparently she just came into town for a surprise visit." I gulped, definitely feeling surprised.  _Does Will know she's here?_

They are still deep in discussion. Carmilla is talking rapidly to Lilita/Lilith, and she looks worried, nodding, grimacing, and shaking her head. 'Mother' rubs Carmilla's back and arm soothingly while my girlfriend is biting her lip. My spidey-sense,  _more like pedo-sense,_  is going off like a siren. Another nod, and she glances at me and offers me a small reassuring smile. I can only stare at her stony-faced.  _I think I'm in shock._

She murmurs something to Carmilla, and she looks my way briefly then turns back to her and replies. She nods, and I think she's wishing her luck, but my lip-reading skills aren't highly developed. Carmilla strides back to me, anxiety etched on her face. Mrs. Robinson turns away, giving the hairstylist a cash tip before turning back towards us.

Carmilla is frowning.

"Are you okay?" she asks, but her voice is strained, cautious.

"Not really. You didn't want to introduce me?" My voice sounds cold, hard. Her mouth drops open, she looks as if I've pulled the rug from under her feet.

"Hell no, we're leaving."

I roll my eyes as I turn on my heel and we head for the door.  _I know we just got here, but one look at her face and I knew we didn't want to be here._

"We won't need Ani, Cheryl," Carmilla snaps as we head out of the door. I have to suppress the impulse to run. I want to run fast and far away from all of this fuckedupedness. Carmilla walks wordlessly beside me as I try to piece this all together in my head. Wrapping my arms protectively around myself, I keep my head down, avoiding the trees on Second Avenue. My mind is boiling with unanswered questions.

"You used to take your subs there?" I snap.

"The last one, yes," she says quietly, her tone clipped. "I didn't own it before her."

"So Sarah-Jane?"

"Yes."

"The place looks very new."

"It's been refurbished recently."

"I see. Has Mrs. Robinson met all your subs?"

"Yes. But not by-"

"-Did they know about her?"

"No. None of them did. Only you."

"But I'm not your sub."

Carmilla huffed at this. "No, you most definitely are not."

I stop and face her. Her eyes are wide, fearful. Her lips are pressed into a hard, uncompromising line.

"Can you see how fucked-up this is?" I glare up at her, my voice low.

"Yes. I'm sorry." And she has the grace to look contrite as we got back to her car.

"I want to get my hair cut, preferably somewhere without your pedo mother or where you took your submissives to." I cross my arms angrily.

She flinches. "Sweetness, I didn't know-

"-I just want a damn haircut. Somewhere I can close my eyes, have someone wash my hair, and forget about all this  _baggage_  that accompanies you." She runs her hand through her hair, puts a bluetooth earpiece in, and starts the car.

"I can have Ani come to the apartment, or your place," she says quietly.

"She's very attractive."

She blinks.

"Yes, she is."

"Is she married?"

"No."

"Why aren't you with her?" Carmilla's face puckered in a mix of confusion and disgust.

"She's my employee, straight, and totally not my type."

"Not Ani, your so-called mother." Carmilla takes a deep breath at that.

"Because that's over between us. I've told you this." Her brow creases suddenly. Holding her finger up, she hits a button on her phone.

"Call Spencer," she snaps, then listens. I gaze out the window and see people bustle past us, no doubt contemplating their own personal dramas as they get their evening chores done.  _I wonder if they include stalker ex-submissives, stunning ex-Dommes, or bosses who have no concept of personal space._

"WHAT?! Killed in a car crash? When?" Carmilla interrupts my reverie.  _Oh no. Who?_  I listen more closely.

"That bastard... Does he have no feelings for her whatsoever?" Carmilla shakes her head in disgust. "This is beginning to make sense... no... explains why, but not-" Carmilla checks her mirrors as if searching for something, and I find myself copying her actions. Nothing catches my eye. There are just the shoppers, the traffic, and the trees.

"Yeah, well I didn't call about SJ. Lilita is here," Carmilla continues. "She's watching us... Yes... No. Nothing conspicuous, I want it twenty-four seven, call The Mar- you know who to call." Carmilla paused, looking pensive. "I haven't broached that yet." Carmilla looks at me directly.  _Broached what?_  I frown, at her and she regards me warily.

"What?" she whispers and pales, her eyes widening. "I see. When?... That recently? How?... No background check?... I see. E-mail the name, address, and any photos if you have them... twenty-four seven, live-in, from this afternoon. Liaise with Kirsch." Carmilla hangs up.

"Well?" I ask, exasperated.  _Is she going to tell me?_

"That was Spencer."

"Yeah, I got that. But who's Spencer?"

"My security adviser."

"Okay. So what's happened?"

"Sarah-Jane was served divorce papers by her husband two weeks ago. She apparently started seeing some woman four months ago behind his back, and last month she died in a car accident."

"Oh."

"Grief, that's what this is about." She holds out her hand, and I automatically place mine in her before I snatch it away again.

"Wait a minute. We were in the middle of a discussion, about us. About her, your... Mrs. Robinson."

Carmilla's face hardens. "She's not  _my_  Mrs. Robinson. We can talk about it at my place."

"I don't want to go to your place. I want to get my hair cut!" I shout.  _If I can just focus on this one thing..._  She grabs her Cell phone from her pocket again and dials a number. "Cheryl, Carmilla Karnstein. I want Ani at my place in an hour... Good." She puts her phone away. "She's coming at once."

"Carmilla!" I splutter, exasperated.

"Cupcake, Sarah-Jane is obviously suffering a psychotic break. I don't know if it's you or me she's after, or what lengths she's prepared to go to. We'll go to your place, pick up your things, and you can stay with me until we've tracked her down."

"NO!" I exclaim.  _What is going on?_

"Laura, I swear to the Old Gods and New-"

"-What's happened?" I demand, interrupting her. She knits her brow.

"What do you mean?"

"With Sarah-Jane."

"I've told you."

"No, you haven't. There's something else. You didn't insist that I go to your place yesterday. So what's happened?"

She shifts uncomfortably.

"Carmilla! Tell me!" I snap.

"She managed to obtain a firearm yesterday."  _Oh shit._  I gaze at her, blinking, and feel the blood draining from my face as I absorb this news.  _I may faint._  Suppose she wants to kill her? No, she misses her.

"I don't think she'll do anything stupid, but—I just don't want to take that risk with you."

"Not me . . . what about you?" I whisper.

She frowns down at me, and I take her hand in mine, fear pulsating through my veins like ice water.

"Cupcake, I'm undead. If she picked up a flamethrower, then I'd be worried."

"Let's get home," she murmurs, and she leans over and kisses my hairline, and that's it. All my fury is gone, but not forgotten.

"Will you stay?" she asks.

"What do you mean?"

"The night."

"I assumed that I would." I flush.

We get to the dorm and we go up there, Carmilla's eyes scanning the hallways on our way up.  _Is she looking for Sarah-Jane or Mother?_  My earlier frustration has dissipated under the threat of some harm coming to Carmilla. Solemnly I pack a small case and place my phone charger, my laptop, some clothes, and my stuffed Ocelot in my backpack. "Occie the Ocelot is coming, too?" Carmilla asks. I nod and she gives me a small, indulgent smile.

I try to smile back but it falters as I wrap my arms around her and hug her hard, my face against her chest. She doesn't seem to mind. "Let's get back," she murmurs, and she reaches down and kisses my hair, and that's it. We're making our way back down to the car when she's on the phone again.

"Will, she's in town. At one of my salons, passing herself off as Lilith Karnstein, our mother... I don't know where she found this one, I would say Kate Blanchett with a 20's kind of hair and copying my professional style, still preferring to be a bombshell blonde just a few inches under six feet tall... Well call Ell back and find out! I'm sure as hell not going to call her myself... Track her phone if you have to, ask Spencer to do it, you know she will have eyes everywhere, and this is a Score year... be safe, brother." Carmilla presses a button on her key fob and the Audi Spyder beeps as she opens a door.

"Get in the car, Cupcake," she snaps angrily.

"Okay." I hastily toss my stuff in the trunk and climb in. "Honestly, chill, will you?" Perhaps she has the same uneasy feeling, too. Some dark sentinel watching us—well, a pale brunette with brown eyes who has an uncanny resemblance to yours truly with a firearm along with her sexual abuser from before the the 18th century. Carmilla sets off into the traffic.

"Were all your submissives brunettes?" She frowns and glances at me quickly.

"I um, yeah," she mutters. She sounds uncertain, and I imagine her thinking,  _where's she going with this?_

"I just wondered."

"I told you. I prefer brunettes. Maybe if a redhead caught my eye, I'd have dated one."

"Mrs. Robinson isn't a brunette." Carmilla huffed at that, nodding.

"That's probably why," she mutters. I stare impassively out the window, spying brunettes everywhere, none of them Sarah-Jane, though.  _So, she prefers brunettes._ Did Mrs. Extraordinarily-Glamorous-In-Spite-Of-Being-Old Robinson really put her off blondes?  _I shake my head—Carmilla Mindfuck Karnstein._ "She prefers being blond; goes out of her way to find the best looking ones and then jumps into their bodies. It put me off blondes forever."

_Jumps into their bodies?_ "You're kidding," I gasp.

"Wish I were, creampuff," she replies.

"Is this a vampire-power thing she can do?"

Carmilla shrugs. "I have no idea; I sometimes wonder if she's not a vampire at all, either a type of revenant, jiangshi, or nachzehrer. Undead, powerful, probably picked up the ability to possess bodies a few centuries ago like I got the cat form."

"Tell me about her."

"What do you want to know?" Carmilla's brow furrows, yet her tone of voice tries to warn me off.

"Why things ended. Why you're scarred."

"Lilita knew that I was no longer wholly devoted to her, and I quit playing into her games of subterfuge and manipulation. Elladora was our latest mark, and it must have angered her that I wasn't willing to follow the scheme that we had used for countless years. So in retaliation, mother decided to out me to Elladora in the worst way possible. And she freaked out, and did exactly what you would expect, she went off and told people in her village.

"So I got captured in Brazil during the worst of the Portuguese Inquisition. They didn't exactly know what I was at first, as they pummeled and broke my legs and I promised that I would kill them all for their poor hospitality. That was when they tried to cleanse the evil out of me with holy water, burn me with the crucifix, and make me repent for my 'unnatural', aka lesbian, ways. When they started to yell the bible verses at me, I joined them. Made a few of them realize I wasn't some monster from the fiery pits of hell. Some of the other supposed witches died in captivity, all because they were born ginger.

"Mother had managed to get me rescued, however. Must have been whatever final shred of morality she had, but as an extra insult, she turned Elladora and killed the things I loved the most about her. When the love of my life scoffed at how weak I was for being sentimental, and mother saw I was scarred beyond use, she cast me aside. I was no longer good enough to be her bait."

"Bait?"

"She had a way she liked to hunt. A technique, as it were. Mother would arrange for me to meet a young girl; either I'd be abandoned at a ball or there'd be a carriage wreck, and some kind stranger and his ward, maybe a niece or a daughter would be gallant enough to take me in. Pretty soon, she and I would become fast friends. Inseparable. But of course, my new friend would fall ill, usually with bite marks in places too unseemly for her to want to show anyone, and Maman, um, Mother would come by and comfort the stranger and seduce him for herself. Both would die in time, but not after we've sucked them of their blood and their wealth. Once I was deemed useless to her, she turned to Elladora."

"So she dropped you off and had you get the people to warm up to you? Did she do the same with Will?"

"I don't know what the game was with Will, but he left her a decade after I was dumped by mother and had my heart broken by Ell."

"Heart broken...? So your sister Ell is..."

"-the first of the fifteen and only girl I ever loved." Carmilla gulped down her fear. "Until now."

_Until now._  Two tiny words that held a world of meaning in them. We pull up to her place and I realize her eyes are red with blood as she dabs them away with a tissue from her purse.  _The last girl she loved was centuries ago, and that's changed... because of me._


	7. The Tango

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So my 50 Flavors of Creampuff has finally been fully translated into spanish over on wattpadd, courtesy of Carmilla Latino! Thanks so much, and I'm impressed at the 3,200 hits it has already! ^_^
> 
> EDIT IN THIS CHAPTER: Christian brags about making 100 grand per hour, and takes pride in having a closet of all-new clothing for Ana as well as having dossiers on all of his former submissives that he has researched all the way down to their social security and bank account numbers... In contrast, Carmilla only makes 2 grand an hour, and smartly has clothing on loan for the upcoming event, hence why tags are still on the dresses.

 

* * *

"Come—Ani will be here shortly." In the elevator Carmilla peers down at me.

"Still mad at me?" she asks matter-of-factly. I sigh, my mind reeling from all of this new information I've been given.

"Yes." She nods.

"Okay," she says, and stares straight ahead. Kirsch is waiting for us when we arrive in the foyer.  _How does he always know?_ "Has Spencer been in touch?" Carmilla asks.

"Yes, ma'am."

"And?"

"Everything's arranged. Someone named Armitage will be here late this evening."

"Excellent. How's your sister?"

"She's fine, thank you."

"Good. We have a hairdresser arriving soon, one of my employees—Ani Desmarias."

"Miss Hollis," Kirsch nods at me.

"Hi, Kirsch. Was there something wrong with your sister?"

"No ma'am, just a-" Carmilla clears her throat impatiently. I follow Carmilla into the great room, intrigued by this information. I glance around. I haven't been here since I walked out.

"Are you hungry?" I shake my head. Carmilla gazes at me for a beat and decides not to argue. "I have to make a few calls. Make yourself at home."

"Okay." Carmilla disappears into her study, leaving me standing in the huge art gallery she calls home and wondering what to do with myself. Clothes! Picking up my backpack, I wander upstairs to my bedroom and check out the walk-in closet. It's still full of clothes—all seemingly new or in near good condition. In a separate plastic garment bag I see nine dresses: three long evening gowns, three cocktail dresses, and three more that look too abstract for anything but a runway.  _All this must have cost a fortune._

I check the tag on one of the evening gowns: $2,998. I sink to the floor.  _This isn't me._  I put my head in my hands and try to process the last few hours. It's exhausting. Why, oh why have I fallen for someone who is beautiful, sexy as fuck, and has all this drama attached to her? I fish my cell phone out of my backpack and call my dad, Dave.

"Laura, honey! It's been so long. How are you, darling?"

"Oh, you know . . ."

"What's wrong? Still not worked it out with Carmilla?"

"Dad, it's complicated. She's got some... baggage. That's the problem."

"Tell me about it. With women, there's just no reading them sometimes."

Carmilla appears in the doorway. "There you are. I thought you'd run off."

Her relief is obvious. I hold my hand up to indicate that I'm on the phone. "Sorry, Dad, I have to go. I'll call again soon."

"Okay, honey—take care of yourself. Love you!"

"Love you, too, Dad." I hang up and gaze at Carmilla. She frowns, looking strangely awkward.

"Why are you hiding in here?" she asks.

"I'm not hiding. I'm despairing."

"Despairing?"

"Of all this, Carmilla." I wave my hand in the general direction of the clothes. I realize that it's more than just that; it's her long line of submissives, her over-the-top gifts, and the fact that she lets that pedophile Mrs. Robinson touch her in ways that make her shirk back from me.

"Can I come in?"

"It's your closet." She frowns again and sits down, cross-legged, facing me. "They're just clothes. If you don't like them I'll send them back."

"It would be better to donate them to charity."

Carmilla's eyebrows went up in surprise. "Laura, the gowns in the garment bag are on loan for the weekend. My shopper knows I won't blow almost thirty grand on nine dresses for one event. Didn't you see the tags were still on them?"

 _She can just borrow that many?_  I shook my head at that, thinking about how I can't even get a belt out of a store without getting a big honking theft-deterrent device removed first.

"You're a lot to take on, you know?" She blinks at me and gives me a wistful half-smile. My fingers itch to touch her.

"I know. I'm trying," she murmurs.

"You're very trying."

"As are you, Miss Hollis."

"Really? Why are you doing this?"

Her eyes widen and her wary look returns.

"You know why."

"No, I don't." She runs a hand through her hair.

"You are one frustrating female."

"You could have a nice brunette submissive. One who'd say, 'how high?' every time you said jump, provided of course she had permission to speak. So why me, Carmilla? I just don't get it." She gazes at me for a moment, and I have no idea what she's thinking.

"You make me look at the world differently, Cupcake. You don't want me for my money. You give me... hope," she says softly.  _What?_

"Hope of what?"

She shrugs. "More." Her voice is low and quiet. "And you're right. I am used to women doing exactly what I say, when I say, doing exactly what I want. It actually gets old quickly; I usually have to find new toys and new ways to spice things up, if I don't just take them for granted and then they lose interest in me and stick around for the money. There's something about you, Cupcake, something that calls to me on some deep level I don't understand. With you, I don't exactly know what to expect. It's like a siren's call and I can't resist you, and I don't want to lose you." She reaches forward and takes my hand. "Don't run, please—have a little faith in me and a little patience. Please."

She looks so vulnerable…  _so not my 50 Flavors_. Leaning up on my knees, I bend forward and kiss her gently on her lips. "Okay. Faith and patience, I can live with that."

"Good. Because Ani's here."

Ani is a firecracker, a petite gypsy-styled girl with pin-up hair and unmistakably gay. I love her. "UGH! Such beautiful hair!" she gushes with her outrageous accent. Her enthusiasm is infectious. Carmilla leads us both into her bathroom, exits hurriedly, and reenters carrying a chair from her room and a stepstool for Ani.

"I'll leave you two to it," she mutters.

"Grazie, Ms. Karnstein." Ani turns to me. "Laura, what shall we do with you?"

* * *

Carmilla is sitting on her couch, plowing through what look like spreadsheets. Lorde's cover of  _Everybody Wants to Rule the World_  plays overhead, and her voice is absolutely breathtaking. Carmilla glances up and smiles, distracting me from the music.

"See! I tell you she like it," Ani enthuses.

"You look lovely, Laura," Carmilla says appreciatively. "My work 'ere is done," Ani exclaims. Carmilla rises and strolls toward us. "Thank you, Ani." Ani turns, grasps me in an overwhelming bear hug, and kisses both my cheeks.

"Never let anyone else cut your hair but me! I will bring life to your locks, cupcake!" I laugh, slightly embarrassed by her use of the nickname. Carmilla shows her to the foyer door and returns moments later.

"I'm glad you kept it long," she says as she walks toward me, her eyes bright. She takes a strand between her fingers. "So soft," she murmurs, gazing down at me.

"Are you still mad at me?" I nod and she smiles.

"What precisely are you mad at me about?" I smile as I shake my head.

"You want the list?"

"There's a list?"

"I have to keep a list, else I'll forget."

"Can we discuss it in bed?"

"No, I am not going to let you dazzle me with your sexpertise."

"Over dinner, then. I'm hungry, and not just for food," she gives me a salacious smile. I cock up one eyebrow, refusing to budge. Her smile stiffens, and she relents, raising her hands in surrender. "What is bothering you, sweetness? Spit it out."  _Okay._

"What's bothering me? Well, how about the ridiculous gifts of a rare first-edition book and a smart car, your pissing match with my boss before threatening to fire him if he is mistreating me, the fact that you took me to the salon where you had your ex-submissive get her hair done and probably her whole body waxed, that I got to run into your creepy Mrs. Robinson pedophile, your ex-Mistress  _whom you call Mother_ —and to cap it all, you  _let her touch you in ways that you won't let me!_ " My voice has risen to a crescendo.

She raises her eyebrows, and her good humor vanishes. "That's quite a list. But just to clarify once more—she's not my Mrs. Robinson."

"She can  **touch**  you," I repeat. "It really hurts to know she has more access to you than I do, particularly since we're dating and... doing you know what together and you said it was over between you two!"

She purses her lips. "She knows where."  _She knows where?_

"What does that mean?"

She runs both hands through her hair and closes her eyes briefly, as if she's seeking divine guidance of some kind. She swallows. "You and I don't have any rules. I have  _never_  had a relationship without rules, and I never know where you're going to touch me. It makes me nervous. Your touch completely—" She stops, hands outstretched as if searching for the words. "It just means more...  _so much more._ "

 _More?_  Her answer's completely unexpected, throwing me, and there's that little word with the big meaning hanging between us again. My touch means... more.  _How am I supposed to resist touching her when she says this?_  Dark eyes search mine, watching, apprehensive. Tentatively I reach out and her apprehension shifts to alarm. Carmilla steps back and I drop my hand.

"Hard limit," she whispers urgently, a pained, panicked look on her face. I can't help but feel a crushing disappointment.

"How would you feel if you couldn't touch me?"

"Devastated and deprived," she says immediately. Shaking my head, I offer her a small, reassuring smile and she relaxes.

"You'll have to tell me exactly why this is such a hard limit, one day, please."

"One day," she murmurs and seems to snap out of her vulnerability in a nanosecond. "So, the rest of your list."

"Trying to give me a ludicrously rare book and then trading it for a smart car? I don't want to feel bought."

"Cupcake, do you have any idea how much the book was? The smart car?"

I flush, of course not. "Why should I? I don't need to know the bottom line of your bank account, Carmilla."

Her eyes soften. "I know. That's one of the things I love about you." I gaze at her, shocked. Love about me?

"Cupcake, I traded a book I bought in the nineteenth century for a handful of pounds for that book I gave you. And I lost over a thousand on the trade for the smart car due to the depreciation of the used car. So technically, I spent seven pounds for the whole deal, not adjusting for inflation." Her voice is soft.

"Seven pounds back then is still like... money." I couldn't even begin to calculate the worth.

"Ninety-five hundred dollars was the asking price for Baby Smaug. The book was work just over eleven grand." My mouth drops open.  _She really did lose money on that deal, but she still doesn't get why it bothers me._

"If you were me, how would you feel about all this... wealth just coming your way? Think back when you were purchased from your birth mother." The silence stretches between us. Finally, she nods.

"I don't want to buy you." she says, her face horrified. "I just want to give you nice things."

"I know you just want to be generous, but it makes me uncomfortable." She sighs.

"I want to give you the world, Cupcake."

"And I just want you, Carmilla. Not all the add-ons." Carmilla nods, grimacing.

"Okay. Um, bad timing, but I got something for you." She winces as she mentions it.

"Is it an exorbitant gift?" I ask, sighing in resignation.

"No, and if anything, this gift is more for um... me."

 _She got me something that's more for her?_  "You got me more lingerie or something?"

"...something like that." Her eyes trailed over me as she slowly licked and then bit her bottom lip, causing my own breathing to hitch in response. Our eyes met, and I could see our yearning for each other and our mutual lust rise to the surface as we drew closer and kissed, my passion igniting like a roaring fire that was always burning quietly in the back of my soul for her.

"Okay, Carm," I whispered against her lips, trying to pull away yet drawn to her even more, "didn't you mention something about dinner?"

"Oh, fuck dinner, I want you." Her lips found mine again and they quickly parted as our tongues sought access to each other at the kiss deepened yet again. "Your present is in the bathroom, sweetness. Go change and I'll make the bedroom more... ready." I nodded, lust driving my decision-making as I made my way there, breathing heavily.

* * *

I was dumbfounded as I stood naked in the bathroom and looked at the boxes before me.  _This looked like some sort of crazy alien technology._ I opened the box to the purple Fuze Tango and read the vague directions on the package on how to use the double-ended toy. There was even a small metal vibrating bullet to put inside it, complete with batteries.

I understood the theory on how to wear and use one of these, but they honestly thought that the 'bulb' end could fit into me?!  _Girl the hell up, Hollis._

"Sweetness? Need some help in there?" Carmilla asked nervously through the door. I shook my head, forgetting that she couldn't see that through the closed bathroom door.  _Had five minutes gone by already?_

"No, I think I got this." I called through the door as I put a bit of lube on one end of the purple Fuze Tango and worked it inside of me.  _Shit, that's cold!_  I paused, taking the effort to relax as I pushed it in and my PC muscle seemed to clamp around it firmly. This felt pretty secure, but I went ahead and took the Lux Fetish Patent Leather harness out of the box and stepped into it, angling my hips to slip the tip through the ring harness and not bump it too much. Once it was on, I tightened the straps for a snug fit, put my hands on my hips, and took a good look at myself in the mirror.

 _Laura Trevelyan Hollis, you are wearing a strap-on for the first time ever to fuck you girlfriend with. Just act cool and don't do anything stupid._  I looked down at the purple appendage sticking out of me and had to hold back a giggle.

_Did it just bounce a little?_

I twisted my hips from side to side, watching the Fuze Tango sway back and forth a moment later.  _Geez!_  I didn't realize that I'd feel the shift of the weight inside me as well, making me clench against it even tighter.  _Okay, let's see what this does,_  I thought as I rocked my hips up in a thrusting motion as I imagined how I'd have to do this for Carmilla. As the strap-on bounced and bobbed, I stifled a laugh as I gasped at the weight rubbed against my g spot.

"oh holy shit."  _They designed this really well! How do guys even exist with one of these things? The slightest motion seems to translate sensation into me..._

A few moments later and I laughed as I was rolling my hips at my reflection in the mirror, trying to see if I could get the thing to do the helicopter trick.

"Laura, seriously, if you need help-" Carmilla called out, startling me as I had almost gotten the tip to go a full circle.

"-sorry Carmilla! I'm coming!" I said in a rush, embarrassed at my juvenile trick as I grabbed the bottle of lube with one hand, turned off the light with my other, and then reached for the doorknob to get back to her as fast as possible.

"You're in there watching it bounce around, aren't you?"

"-no! I'll be right out!" I panicked as the knob refused to turn under my hand as I couldn't seem to get a good grip on it.

"It may seem funny at first, watching it bob around and bounce, but you might..."

The knob slipped in my hand as I realized with horror that my hand had too much lube on it and had to use my other hand that also held the bottle as I gripped the knob and pushed against the door and it swung open only to feel myself get sucker-punched in the vagina and I collapsed and crumpled onto the ground, wincing in pain as my head hit the ground and I realized that I just racked myself with the strap-on in the doorway.

"...yeah. do that." Carmilla knelt down next to me as I thought I was about to die of embarrassment. "You okay?"

I looked at her, realizing she was completely naked as I turned and stared off into the ceiling. "I think so, it's more shock that it happened than actual pain."

Carmilla leaned over and kissed my forehead, and I could tell she was trying to reign in her laughter. "If you don't want to do this, we can stop."

"No, I want to... can we just have a do-over, Carm?" I asked, rolling over to get up from all fours.

"Sure, cupcake, get up on the bed." I stand up and make my way to my bed. I see that Carmilla has lowered the lights here as I make my way onto the four-poster bed, rolling onto my back and feeling the toy sway slightly from momentum as I lie awkwardly on the bed. Carmilla, of course, crawls onto the bed with her feline grace, predatory seductive eyes locked onto me as she crawls up beside me and we begin to kiss again and I felt her hand grip the end of the Fuze Tango, her hand sliding up and down the length, making the bulb end rock inside me and the ridged part rub against my clit before she pushed the button on the bullet and made the entire thing come to life and vibrate inside of me.

"FUCK!" I exclaimed, arching my back as the vibrations made me want to rock my hips over and over, getting the toy in me to rub me in just the right way so I could find my release. My fingers frantically found the button and turned it back off again as my thighs quivered from sensation.

Carmilla leaned over me, her dark curls spilling over both of us, blanketing me from the dim lighting in the room. "Please fuck me, Laura. Fuck me and make me come."

I nodded wantonly.  _How could I ever deny this woman?_  "Yes Mistress."

Carmilla kissed me, pulling her hand away and lay down beside me. I readjusted the straps and crawled on top of her, watching her take her fingers into herself in a deep and slow pattern, using her own wetness to lubricate her folds for me. I pulled my hair back behind me before dropping my fingertips to trail slowly up my lover's pale white thighs, watching them part for me as I knelt between them, my lips and teeth fastening onto her firm nipples.

"Gods Laura you're wonderful."

I tried not to feel too self-conscious about the strap-on as she helped me guide it into her. When it was in, I could feel the shift in the weight there as she moaned and I knew that she was moaning for  _me_. She rolled her hips and I turned the vibrating bullet back on, shifting it against her clit and learning how to work my hips in order to fuck her with it. I knew I was doing well as I heard a low groan come out of her mouth as we kissed and I braced myself above her with my hands and kept working myself in and out of her, over and over.

_It felt weird, but as the vibrating dildo pushed in and out of Carmilla by my exertion, she whimpered in pleasure and I really liked being responsible for that._

"You really want this don't you?" I asked, grinning down at her, finally getting the hang of this. Carmilla simply nodded at me vigorously, making me lose myself in the rhythmic pounding into my girlfriend, forgetting that this was about using a strap-on and dildo. It was us, just us, working together to get each other off as our bodies joined in the sharp moves of the tango together, hips and lips and hands meeting in an irregular manner for our mutual benefit, rocking back and forth as our tempo began to increase as our moans and gasps went up in pitch together.

"Carm?" I asked, speeding up my thrusts inside her.

"Yes, Laura... yea..." She answered, her hands and fingers clawing into my hips, pulling me harder and faster into her, rocking her own hips to meet each thrust in the bed as we both began to pant and nip each other's lips rather than go for deep kisses. I could feel my orgasm rising, so I pulled away from the kissing and bit my own lip in order to concentrate on getting her off first.

"You close to..." I gasped for air, "coming?"

Carmilla couldn't even get an actual word out as she was whimpering at the cusp of orgasm, rocking in time to my thrusts as she growled like a kitten that only spurred me to thrust even faster and harder than before.

Out bodies slammed together, over and over, and it didn't take long before the raven-haired girl beneath me exploded and cried out, body convulsing under me as her orgasm rocked through her body and seized upon the toy, making it hit my g spot as I kept thrusting and rocking my hips to get myself off, feeling the pleasure flare and release as my own hips kept rocking on top of hers, my tempo going erratic as I threw my head back and screamed "Carmilla!"

I collapsed on her, pressing my lips in lazy kisses on Carmilla's face as we both panted as our orgasms subsided. Carmilla's hand helpfully turned off the vibrating bullet and I shuddered one last time as the aftershock trembled through me.

"Good god, creampuff..." Carm mumbled like a mantra against my neck.

"Yeah," I replied. "Yeah." We lay there for a few more minutes before I finally gathered the energy to undo the straps and remove the strap-on so I could throw my leg over her and curl up beside her in my bed. Carmilla turned to face me, drunken in her post-orgasmic bliss, and kissed me on the forehead.

"Thank you, buttercup."

"Anything for you Mistress." I whispered sleepily, "I'd do anything for you, I love you... I want-"

I paused, hoping to have Carmilla's full attention.

"Yeah?"  _I want to go back into the Red Room of Pain for you._

"Oh. It's nothing."

Carmilla swept my hair away from my face, smiling sleepily.

"I know it's... something, dear heart" she said.

"No, it's... okay. I just want you." I assured her.

"Oh, I want you too." Carmilla said, fighting to keep her eyelids open.

"I need you," I admitted. "I need you Carm."

"Need?"

"More than anything."

Carmilla beamed at me, kissing my forehead.

"I need you too... and I really need you to fuck me like that again."

"Of course, Mistress." I say jokingly as I close my eyes and bury my face into her shoulder.

_Of course, Mistress._


	8. Armitage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another removed scene: Christian insists that Ana goes back to his apartment because the ex-sub has a gun, but rather than explaining that, he keeps her in the dark. Naturally, Ana is annoyed and refuses to go with him. He threatens to drag her by her hair and then proceeds to pick her up carry her over his shoulder, slapping her ass as he walks - in broad daylight, on a busy street - while Ana is screaming for him to put her down.
> 
> This isn't sexy, or romantic, it's kidnapping. And people who find this sexy make me think that they would also take drinks from strangers without seeing it being made in the first place.
> 
> Further on, it seems that he apparently owns Ana's body and her reproductive health decisions, because he pays for Dr. Greene to put Ana on the pill because he hate condoms.
> 
> Ana, not exactly best pleased that her boyfriend is deciding her method of birth control without consulting her, tells him: "It's my body." He responds: "It's mine, too." WTF. And instead of sticking up for herself, Ana thinks 'Yes, my body is his. He knows it better than I do.' I wanted to NOPE the fuck out of the story, but already invested this much time to the damn trilogy and decided I'm no longer reading it nor rooting for Ana.
> 
> Also, because I ripped out the whole "use a tube of lipstick to mark the no-go zones because Christian can't be touched on his scars" subplot by having Laura and Carmilla essentially diffuse the trigger, I got to remove yet another unbelievable shower sex scene where they orgasm simultaneously.

 

* * *

I wake, feeling way too warm, and I realize that I'm wrapped around a naked Carmilla Karnstein. Soft morning light filters through the curtains as I realize we've slept in bed together through the night for the second time ever. I'm, surprisingly, the big spoon here as my left hand trails over her pockmarked and scarred flesh.

I couldn't help but feel like there was another presence in the room, like someone had been watching us sleep.  _You're being paranoid, Hollis._

I raise my head slightly, our sex from last night fresh in my mind.  _She didn't freak out when I touched or played with her._ Being very careful, I gently stroke my fingertips over her breast and her scars, and she doesn't stir.  _I can't believe it, she's really mine._  She looks so young, so relaxed, and nowhere near her real age. I lean over and tenderly kiss one of her scars on her back. She moans softly but doesn't wake, and I smile. I kiss another and I hear her moan a quiet grump. "Hi." I grin at her, guiltily.

"Hi," she answers warily, turning her head to face me. "What are you doing?"

"Snuggling you." I run my fingers down her arm and to her pelvis, gripping her possessively. She captures my hand, narrows her eyes, then smiles a brilliant Carmilla-at-ease smile, and I relax.

She strokes my nose with hers. "I think you're up to no good, Miss Hollis," she accuses but her smile remains.

"I like being up to no good near you."

"You do?" she asks and kisses me lightly on the lips.

"Yeah. Last night was amazing, and um..."  _You let me touch you._  "Good things seem to happen."

Carmilla rolled onto her back and placed my hand directly on her scarred chest, alarm and panic in her eyes as I held her. "You touched me last night, and..." she gulped, "I didn't panic then. You didn't flinch in fear, you weren't disgusted, and you said you loved me and would do anything for me."

 _She was afraid, but she was facing something, and I was going to help her through it._  "I would. I will. I mean, here I thought you were going to map out where touching you might be okay and where the no-go zones are."

"I um, actually planned on doing something like that. Do me a favor?"

"Of course. What do you want?" I replied instantly.

"Say that I'm still beautiful. That I'm  _still human._  That this shit on my skin doesn't matter."

I nodded and moved to straddle her, my lips pressing gently on the cross-shaped scar over her left breast. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known, Carmilla. You're generous," I kissed the scar, and trailed my lips down to another piece of scarred flesh, "and compassionate," I placed another kiss on another scar, "and the most human of people I've ever met." My lips kept finding and kissing her scars as I heard her sniffle back tears.

"...and the shit that has ruined my skin?" My lips kept kissing her scars as I kept slowly going down her torso.

"You're not ruined; you're cherished. You've faced battles that I have never had to fight; I'm in awe of your surviving and am damn proud of each and every mark on your flesh. I love you, and everything about you, including your scars."

Carmilla choked out a quiet thank you as she pulled my head back up from her pelvis as I whimpered slightly.

"So, sex or breakfast?" she asks, her eyes dark and trying to use humor to cover up her vulnerability.  _I thought my trail of kisses was making my intent obvious._

I was about to ask for sex, but my stomach roared traitorously. "We skipped dinner last night."

"Good point," she murmurs as she sits up.

I get out of bed and make my way to the chest of drawers, tripping over something that made a sound of surprise.  _Who is in here?!_

"Carmilla!"  _Holy shit is it Mrs. Robinson?!_ I turn and look for anything as a weapon, and I seize the throw pillow from the chaise lounge and chuck it at them, surprised as I hit the target before realizing that a pillow won't do much good.

The person winced as the pillow fell to the floor with a silent thud. "Apologies, Laura, I was-"

"-Kneel." Carmilla said imperiously, standing before us wrapped in the bed sheet like a Roman Toga.  _Me, kneel?_  I looked to see a the thing I tripped over be a sandy-haired boy who took a ritualized kneeling position.

"Mistress, I am-"

"-you will not refer to me as Mistress and instead shall call me Ms. Karnstein like the rest of the help."

"Understood, Mist- Karnstein."

"You must be Armitage."

"I am, Ms. Karnstein."

"Your file says that you're agender. What pronouns do you prefer?"

"Neutral or male, Ms. Karnstein." I took a good look and could barely tell from Armitage's slight frame and build that they were assigned as female at birth, but took meticulous care to appear as androgynous as possible.  _Still really cute though._

"Why were you sleeping at the foot of my bed?" I asked.

"Kirsch didn't know where I should go, so I just went with my standard training from the-"

"-from before." Carmilla said, silencing Armitage. "This isn't my room, however."

"I apologize, Ms. Karnstein." He replied, head bowed respectfully.

"Okay, let me try this again.  _Why_  is he here?"

Carmilla tied the sheet and snapped her fingers, patting her right thigh twice. Armitage crawled over to kneel by her side as she put her hand on his head, stroking softly.

"I welcome you into my household." Carmilla said, and I got the feeling that this was some part of a script.

Armitage closed his eyes, slightly turning into the touch as he replied. "It pleases me to serve you."

"Come, you need to meet the rest of the staff." Carmilla said with a crisp tone. "You are to comport yourself as 'vanilla' as possible, as my staff are not a part of the community but have an inkling of it. You may speak to them as your peers." She turned to leave the bedroom, and the pair of us were automatically following her. "Kirsch is security, Perry is the cook and housekeeper, and LaFontaine does R&D for my business and they all live one floor down. My secretary Natalie and my brother Will are the only other two allowed up here without prior authorization, and they all have encoded key cards. You'll need to get your own from building security. Can you drive?"

"Yes, Ms. Karnstein. As a Majordomo and fully trained Ste-"

"-good, you'll be Miss Hollis' driver for the time being."

I balked at that. "Hold on, Carm! I do not need a chauffeur!"

Carmilla gave me a withering glance as she cleared her throat. Kirsch and Perry were already in the kitchen, looking at each other nervously.

"Everyone, please meet Armitage. He's joining the staff here as my Varlet."

Kirsch looked confused as Perry's eyebrows went up in surprise. "You hired a medieval manservant?" The curly ginger asked.

Armitage did his best to compose himself as he tried to explain. "I was trained as a Majordomo - a Steward, essentially."

I shrugged at that. "Still don't get it."

"Head butler. I'd make sure the entire staff did their jobs properly and deal with whatever crisis that arises." Armitage looked to Carmilla. "I take it that there will be no collar then?"

Carmilla gave a tiny shake of her head. "A former _companion_ of mine appears to have become a threat to my household. You are here as security to ensure that there is no loss of life or property. You know how Alexandra and Grendel are about handling such affairs."

"Not to mention Chris. So how does this require me to masquerade as a driver for Miss Hollis here?"

"She requires round the clock protection." All trace of the smiling and happy woman I knew was wiped away for what must have been the stern CEO facade.

"Forgive me for saying this, Ms. Karnstein, but you aren't utilizing me to my best potential. If there is a threat, then I should be guarding you, not your submissive."

"-girlfriend." Carmilla corrected.

"Um, I'm right here. Don't talk about me in the third person." I interjected.

"Armitage, you're trained to be a bodyguard and excel in close-quarter combat. My former submissive Sarah-Jane is in possession of a firearm, and I do not believe that 'bulletproof' is one of your qualities."

Armitage's eyes seemed to dilate slightly at her name. "Sarah-Jane was blacklisted years ago..." His voice trailed off in astonishment.

"-because she broke her contract, and threatened to expose us all." Carmilla finished.

Armitage nodded solemnly at that. "Understood. I'll have my kevlar on."  _Kevlar?_

"I can protect myself, Carm!" I exclaimed, angry at the situation.

"You're not bulletproof either, sweetness. Armitage here will protect you from dangerous situations and take a bullet if need be." Carmilla replied as if the discussion were settled.  _Some guy I just met will risk his life for me?_

"And he'll just do that?" I couldn't believe this. "No offense, but why would a complete stranger do this for me?"

Before Carmilla could reply, I had the hazel eyes of Armitage staring deep into me, and I could feel the resolve radiating from him like heat from the sun. "NEVER. Question. My service."

"Sorry."  _He came from the same place that Carmilla shopped for her submissives before, didn't he?_ "Will you and Carmilla be... involved?"

"If Mistress- If Ms. Karnstein requests it." I looked him up and down as an unnatural feeling of disgust and jealousy welled up in me.  _I'm not her submissive, she said, so she went off and bought number seventeen already?_

Carmilla sighed as she rolled her eyes. "Cupcake, I don't want him like that. Besides, he's asexual. He just likes being able to serve and wants an occasional compliment and cuddle. Kirsch, do you want added security for your little sister as well?"

He shook his head. "She thought someone was following her, so she's changing up her daily routine and path. Mom said she'd call if they continued to be followed."

I was still trying to absorb everything that just happened.  _Armitage is here as security, but seems to be a submissive as well? Kirsch's sister had someone following her?_  Perry seemed to also be confused as she looked around and took it all in.

"Okay, I'm going to make crepes for brunch, who all is hungry?" Kirsch and Armitage nodded, both sitting down at the bar by the kitchen.

"Omelet?"

"Please," Carmilla says as she perches on one of the bar stools. Now she's watching me carefully.

"Problem?" Carmilla asks.

"No." I scowl. I sit down next to her and fume silently, resigned to having number seventeen here. Kirsch and Armitage seem to get along well as they discuss safety and potential entry points of the building, and I tune it out as Perry starts serving the food and Armitage is helping her set out the plates and utensils like a well-rehearsed team.

"This is good," Carmilla murmurs appreciatively as she takes a bite as she was served first.

"Would you like a mimosa to go with that, Ms. Karnstein?" Armitage asked politely, putting the plate of food before me.

"No, thank you." Carmilla replied, a small smile on her lips. "Juice, please."

I ate my omelet as Armitage served her a glass of orange juice, and I noticed how Perry and Armitage were serving themselves last and chatting amiably about being asexual.

"I just thought that all of my friends were being extremely sexual in college, and that I was the strange one for being in the GLBTQ student group who didn't really have a sexual orientation." Perry said, standing at the end of the bar and taking a bite of her food. "I mean, I like people just fine and think everyone should be allowed to live their lives accordingly, but to think 'none' could be a valid orientation?"

"Exactly! In my lifestyle, people intrinsically link the BDSM with sex. While it can be very sexual for some, I'm not into this so that I can 'get off'. That's why I'm glad I got a shot to be in service here, Ms. Karnstein understands and respects my identity and won't try to demand sex. My last owner didn't get that, and thought that my physical arousal meant that he was enticing me for sex. When our trial period was over, I got to explain to Sir that while I was glad to have pleased him by getting him off, I wasn't seeking any pleasure through orgasm."

Kirsch's eyebrows shot up at that. "Dude, so you don't like sex, but you'll have it?"

He shrugged his reply. "I live to serve."

I frowned at that. "That seems really messed up. Why would you do that?"

"You have to understand that I not only chose this lifestyle, but that I trusted Alexandra and Grendel to place me in a situation where I'd excel in. They wouldn't sell me to a Dominant or Master who was a nymphomaniac, nor to someone who derives pleasure by dealing out more physical pain than I could tolerate."

"Don't you care if she already has a girlfriend?" I asked bitterly. Kirsch and Perry exchanged a glance and left the room as they didn't want to get involved in this.

"I believe that you two will need to discuss this in private, Laura." Armitage said cooly.

His tone conveyed annoyance, which pissed me right off. "If you think you can tell me what to do-"

"-I don't do jealousy, sweetness. Like I said, he's only here in a service capacity. Now I have work to do before tonight's gala." Carmilla cut me off, getting off of the bar stool. "Armitage, you are to be Miss Hollis' protective detail until further notice. Understood?"

He nodded in an oddly formal way that unnerved me.  _He was just going to obey her every command wasn't he?_  As I watched Carmilla go to her office, I decide to just lounge in the massive living room and ignore my new tag-along.

 _Geez, so she did go off and buy number seventeen while I'm here._  Is this lack of empathy a trait in most Dominants, or just unique to Carmilla?  _Maybe all Dominants are like this, I just don't know._  I wish Betty were back, I could try asking her about this... I mean, without violating the Non-Disclosure Agreement. I shake my head and turn on Carmilla's MP3 player, hoping to clear my mind of the looming danger and remember when I first heard Carmilla play music here.

I selected the playlist of Emilie Autumn, remembering how much Carmilla liked her violin playing, and set it to random.

Betty's been gone for far too long. I wonder if it's still lust at first sight for her and Jamie, and she can explain what's going on between me and Carm.  _That's one of the things I love about you._  Carmilla had actually said it to me.  _That must mean there are other things._  I smile for the first time since seeing Mrs. Robinson—a genuine, heartfelt, facesplitting smile. I turn up the volume as a song I haven't heard before begins to play.

 _I want my innocence back_  
_And if you can't give it to me_  
_I will cut you down_  
_And I will run you through_  
_With the dagger you sharpened_  
_On my body and soul_  
_Before you slit me in two_  
_And then devoured me whole_  
_I want my innocence back_  
_I want my innocence back_

The song had a haunting melody, even as it filled me with dread.  _This is dark, like Gothic Lolita, but worse._

 _I will break your bones_  
_You think I'm bluffing just try me_  
_I will never forget_  
_The words you used to ensnare me_  
_Till my dying day_  
_You'll suffer for this I swear_  
_I want my innocence back_

Carmilla slips her arms around me, making me jump. "Did I catch you daydreaming, cupcake?" she purrs as she kisses me below my ear, and I feel my desire spike for her. "Your hair smells good." She nuzzles my hair and inhales deeply.

 _I want my innocence back_  
_I want my innocence back_  
_I want my innocence back_  
_I want my innocence back_  
_I want my innocence back_  
_I want my innocence back_

 _No._  I shrug out of her embrace. "I'm still mad at you."

She frowns. "How long are you going to keep this up?" she asks, dragging a hand through her hair. I shrug.

"I don't know." Her lips twitch with amusement. Turning, she picks up the remote control from the counter and switches off the music.

"Did you put that song on your MP3 player?" I ask. She shakes her head, her expression somber, and I know it was her— _Ghost Girl._

"Don't you think she was trying to tell you something back then?"

"Well, with hindsight, probably," she says quietly.

"Why's it still on there?"

"I quite like the artist. But if it offends you I'll remove it."

" _Offends_ is a mild way of putting it. Apparently Sarah-Jane has left clues around here stating exactly how much you fucked her up."

Carmilla shook her head. "She wanted more of a relationship and I said I couldn't do it. She didn't respect my boundaries and kept pushing for more. I refused to be manipulated by her, and she went to very drastic measures until she threatened to expose me and the place where I got her at."

"So she can't ask for more, but it's okay when I do it?" I ask dejectedly.

"I  _want_  more with you. And you want me, too, right?"

"Yes, but..."

"But what?" She asks, lips grazing my neck and making me clench in need.

"Don't do this."

"Do what?"

"This." She's standing in front of me, gazing down at me.

"Are you sure?" she breathes and lifts my chin with a finger. My heart is in my mouth. I don't want this _—I do want this—_ badly. She's so frustrating and yet desirable. I tear my gaze away from her spellbinding look. "I want you, Cupcake," she murmurs. "I love and I hate arguing with you. It's very new. But I need to know that we're okay."

"My feelings for you haven't changed," I whisper. Her proximity is overwhelming, exhilarating. The familiar pull is there, all my synapses goading me toward her as I felt my libido spiral out of control. Staring at the plunging neckline of her shirt, I bite my lip, helpless, driven by desire—I want to taste her there. She's so close, but she doesn't touch me. Her heat is warming my skin.

"I'm not going to touch you until you say yes," she says softly. "But right now, after a really shitty morning, I want to bury myself in you and just forget everything but us."

 _Us?_  I raise my head to stare at her beautiful yet serious face. "I'm going to touch your face," I breathe, and see her surprise reflected briefly in her eyes before her acceptance registers. Lifting my hand, I caress her cheek, and run my thumb across her lips. She closes her eyes and exhales, opening her mouth into my touch. I see and run my thumb over the pointy canine fang as she leans down and my lips automatically lift to meet her. She hovers over me.

"Yes or no, Cupcake?" she whispers.

"Yes." Her mouth softly closes on mine, coaxing, coercing my lips apart as her arms fold around me, pulling me to her. Her hand moves up my back, fingers tangling in the hair at the back of my head and tugging gently, while her other hand flattens on my behind, forcing me against her. I moan softly.  _Oh how I need you..._

"Ms. Karnstein." Kirsch coughs, and Carmilla releases me immediately.

"Kirsch," she says, her voice frigid. I whirl round to see an uncomfortable Kirsch and Armitage standing on the threshold of the great room. Carmilla and Kirsch stare at each other, some unspoken communication passing between them. "My study," Carmilla snaps, and Kirsch walks briskly across the room. "Rain check," Carmilla whispers to me before following Kirsch out of the room. I take a deep, steadying breath.  _Holy hell. Can I not resist her for one minute?_  I shake my head, disgusted at myself, grateful for Kirsch's interruption, embarrassing though it is.

Armitage turns away, trying to look disinterested while having to stick around me due to Carmilla's orders.  _This isn't going to work when I go back to work on Monday._

Kirsch pokes his head back into the room. "Armitage, you too." He nods and follows to join them.  _What does Kirsch want?_  My mind races—is this about Sarah-Jane? Ten minutes later, they emerge and Armitage is making his way downstairs. Carmilla looks preoccupied as she glances at me. "I'll brief the rest of the security detail in ten," Kirsch says as he leaves the great room.

"Have you decided which dress you'll wear this evening? Or do I need to come and help select one for you?" Her tone is suddenly brusque. Whoa! She sounds angry.  _Why? What have I said?_

"Um... not yet. Did you choose and buy all the clothes in the closet?"

"No, Cupcake, I didn't. I gave a list and your size to my personal shopper and she gets it all. They should fit."

"Okay. Is Armitage going to be my date tonight, too?"

"As you know, I have ordered additional security for this evening. With Sarah-Jane armed and unpredictable, I think it's a wise precaution. I don't want you going out unaccompanied. Okay?" I blink at her.

"Okay."  _What happened to I-must-have-you-now Karnstein?_

"Good. I'm going to go get ready for tonight. You should too." Carmilla states as she disappears from the room.

_I guess I'll go get ready then._


	9. Before the Banquet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEASON TWO STARTS TOMORROW!

 

I just got out of the shower and was in a bathrobe before the full-length mirror in my bedroom at Carmilla's place, holding out two of the three ball gowns up to see what they might look like on me. One was a black satin off the shoulder with a high/low hemline, which would show off my legs really well. The other was a sapphire colored halter dress with an A-line flare that ended oddly mid-shin.  _Damn my shortness_.

"I'd choose the black one, Miss Hollis." Armitage said at the doorway. They stood there and looked sharp in a tuxedo and black cravat and diamond pin.

I huffed in frustration, not wanting to look like I agreed with them. "You want to wear it?"

"Tried to live as a girl for nineteen years. Never again."

"Carmilla isn't into guys." I mentioned, putting back the sapphire dress.

"I'm not a guy, either. And I know she's not into me." The way they said it hit a nerve.  _Armitage knew they would always be second best._

"I'm sorry for snapping at you, I just didn't expect submissive number seventeen already."

They shrugged in reply. "I'm sorry for what I said to you, too. Look, Laura... It's not a competition. She loves you. And she said you're a girlfriend, not a submissive."

"I don't know if I can be one. How do you do it? I mean, she's essentially hired you to..."

"I'm here to be of service, to help out, maybe find my place in this household. You should get changed, Perry is making snacks to tide us over until the event tonight."

I put back the sapphire-colored gown and started to untie my robe, pausing as I realized Armitage was still facing me. "Can I get some privacy?"

He rolled his eyes and faced the corner. "If you get kidnapped while my back is turned to you, I'm telling Ms. Karnstein it's not my fault."

I undressed and found a matching bra and panty set to wear under the dress.  _I don't think I've ever paired anything this nice together before._  "So how did you get into this?"

"Into what?"

"Well, the lifestyle. I've read some erotica and researched online, but that was because of Carmilla. How did you wind up in an auction house?"

"Well, what feels like a lifetime ago, I was into Lolita cosplay. There was something about the fashion, the structure behind it, that called out to me. That and reading Yaoi, particularly Junjo Romantica. And as much as I loved the stories, I found myself wanting to identify with them. And I buried myself into my Lolita costuming, possibly a way to reinforce my gender identity or at least the gender expectiations. It wasn't too long until I went into seeing a therapist so that I knew I wasn't crazy for wanting to define as neither male nor female. I quit trying to be the kawaii lolita girl and found myself gravitating towards a more male Victorian fashion. It felt a lot more comfortable, but that didn't fulfill me like I thought it would."

"I've read some yaoi. A lot of it is just porn packaged for girls to read... But how did that get you into this kind of life?"

"So I was at this anime convention, and I met this man. I didn't want to do him, but  _be_  him. There was something about his bearing, and the way he tended to his guy was... well, it resonated within me. He noticed how I noticed him, and at first thought that I was just some pervy girl with a gay fetish and I kind of had to explain that I'm asexual. It was when he realized that it was the serving dynamic that, well, turned me on, his seme and I had a long conversation of who I was and what I wanted to be. Apparently he got me in touch with um, well, the people who would eventually pair me up with Ms. Karnstein."

I nodded as I stepped into the dress and attempted to zip it up.  _Okay, my arms don't like bending that way..._  "Um, Armitage? Could you help me with this?"

He turned around and I was holding the front of the dress to my chest and turned around so he could get the zipper up. He nodded and dutifully helped with the zipper as I adjusted myself into the dress.

"You're... wow." Armitage replied. "I never had the body to fill out a dress like this; I barely have to bind mine down for this tuxedo." His fingers trailed on my exposed back and it felt almost too intimate.  _Chill, Hollis. You've just not gotten laid in awhile..._

"I think I should do my makeup and add some jewelry to this." I said, trying to change the subject.

"Yeah, I can help with that." Armitage helped pick out a silver and black beaded necklace and matching pair of teardrop earrings as I did my makeup, and I was impressed at my reflection in the mirror.  _I don't think I've ever looked this fancy before._

"Mmm. My Laura," Carmilla says from the doorway. Armitage and I both turn to face her, and my breath catches as I see her in a slinky emerald gown that hugged her curves and left me thinking how much I wanted to be on my knees and licking my way up her thighs. Her hair was up with a few tendrils of curls cascading down that only reinforced my thoughts that she was some sort of Goddess.

"Yes," I rasp, "Yours."

Armitage looked at the pair of us, noticed the obvious sexual tension, and nodded for Carmilla's attention. "By your leave, Ms. Karnstein." Carmilla nodded back as Armitage deftly left the room to us, winking at me with a not-too-subtle two thumbs up salute. I tried to repress a smile and I could feel my cheeks blush instead.

"You are so beautiful, Laura."

I lift my eyes to gaze at her, my expression skeptical. She frowns in response and closes the distance between us, her hand taking mine as if the touch would make it all the more real.

"You. Are. Beautiful," she says again, her tone emphatic.

"And you're amazingly sweet sometimes." I kiss her gently.

"You have no idea how attractive you are, do you?" I flush.  _Why's she going on about this?_

"I clean up okay when you put me in a dress and jewelry that cost more than a year's tuition, that's all."

"You're really clueless, aren't you? All those people pursuing you—that isn't enough of a clue?"

 _What is she talking about?_  "What people?"

"You want the list?" Carmilla frowns. "Danny's crazy for you for one, the girl who served us frozen yogurt was checking you out  _hardcore_ , and then there's your boss." she adds bitterly.

"Oh, Carmilla, that's just not true."

"Trust me. They want you. I feel like I should take a sharpie and write on you ' **This tiny gay belongs to Carmilla'** _._ "  _You wouldn't!_

I smile and shake my head at her. "You don't need to mark me as yours, Carmilla. I already am." I lean forward and let my lips express that feeling. "Just like you're mine."

She pulls me against her, and I lift my arms to her shoulders, my hands clasping behind her neck, regarding her with amusement. "Mine," she repeats, her eyes glowing possessively.

"Yes, yours." I reassure her, smiling. She looks mollified, and I feel perfectly comfortable in her arms.

"Ani's done a great job on your hair. I like these layers."

"Stop changing the subject."

She pulls me to follow her as she sits on the bed, making me straddle her by propping myself up on my knees on either side of her hips. She leans back, resting on her elbows.

"So what was the subject you wanted to talk about? You look amazing, by the way."

I got off of Carmilla, knowing how distracting straddling her would be.

"Armitage as my security. I can take care of myself."

"I'm not saying you can't, cupcake. I have Kirsch as security, even though regular bullets won't kill me. Having them is just a bit of extra protection. You can't fault me for that."

I sighed. "Did it have to be a submissive?"

"Armitage identifies more like a slave."

"That doesn't make it any better! What's the difference?"

"To many, it's just semantics. I don't like the term, since I actually saw slavery in my day. The point is, Armitage takes the role of serving a Dominant very seriously."

"I wish you asked for my input." Carmilla frowned at that.

"I'm sorry; I didn't think I had to, because you and I are just dating. I wouldn't ask for your approval for any other hiring decisions I do."

"But this is different! I-" I stopped myself short.

"What? We both agreed you're not a submissive. And I am not about to tell you who you can and cannot be friends with."

I nodded at that. "Yeah, I can't do all that for you. Are you going to do that with him?"

"Cupcake, I'm not hankering to cane someone on a weekly basis if that's what you're worried about. And he's here to serve the household in a non-sexual way."

I sighed, rolling my eyes. She noticed it but bit her tongue. "So what exactly  _are_  you going to do with them?"

"Have him work security, be a steward in the house, let him sleep at the floor by my bed, reward him with compliments and let him kneel at my feet and occasionally stroke his hair and tell him exactly how valuable he is to me."

 _That's all?_  My face screwed up in confusion. "And that's it?"

"That's it. You really have no reason to be jealous."

"What if you're really in the mood to give a spanking, or flogging, or-"

"Well, it's not their cup of tea, but I'd probably ask first and see if they were in the mood. I don't plan on taking advantage of this arrangement, but if we can find overlapping wants and needs, then why not?"

My heart sank at that. "What about asking me?" My eyes met hers, and there was a thread of panic in them.

"No. I can't. Not... yet."

"Why?"  _I miss being with you in the Red Room of Pain._

"I can't lose you again like I did before."

 _Oh, Carm..._  I reach out to touch her, but pull my hand back. Her eyes are locked onto my fingers as she nods to me.

"Touch away," she says without humor. She looks nervous, but she's trying to hide it. Keeping my eyes on her, I reach down and place my fingertips on her sternum.

"You won't lose me, Carmilla." I sweep my hand to the right, fingertips brushing the neckline to where the cross-shaped scar would be. She flinches and I stop. "I don't have to do this," I whisper.

"No, it's fine. Just takes some... readjustment on my part. No one's touched me like this for a long time," she murmurs.

"Mrs. Robinson?" The words pop unbidden out of my mouth, and amazingly, I manage to keep all bitterness and rancor out of my voice. She nods, her discomfort obvious.

"Her and Ell. But I don't want to talk about her. It will sour your good mood."

"I can handle it."

"No, you can't, Laura. You seem to see red whenever I mention her. My past is my past. It's a fact. I can't change it." I frown at her, but I don't want to fight.

I place my fingers back on her stomach and let them drift across her skin. She stills once more.

"I like touching you." My fingers trail down over her dress and up the slit where her exposed thigh was. Her lips part as her breathing changes, her eyes darken as her whole body quivers beneath my touch. I run my fingers up the inside of her thigh, moving the dress out of my way as I hear her take a sharp breath in-

-before her hand clasps my own and stops me. "Cupcake, don't start something we can't follow through on." She lifts her chin and I bend over to kiss her, and we are like two simmering fires that want to burn higher as lips part and tongues seek entrance. With a level of willpower that I didn't have, Carmilla pulled back and smiled at me.

"Later tonight, we'll resume this. I think, uh, I have something for you to wear tonight." She walks out of the room, leaving me to collect myself and cool down so I won't be a bundle of raw nerves tonight. By the time I have my libido back under control, Carmilla is there with a small box.

 _She wants me to wear something that's in the small box?_  "Are these those-"

"It's not what you think," she says quickly. "Not the ben-wa balls from before."

"Oh, to the event?" I whisper.

She nods slowly, her eyes darkening.  _Oh my._ I remember what those did before and could only imagine what these would do.

"Will you spank me later?"

"No." For a moment, I feel a tiny fleeting stab of disappointment. She chuckles. "Do you want me to?"

I swallow.  _I just don't know._  I can't seem to voice a response.

"Well, rest assured I am not going to touch you like that, not even if you beg me."  _What?!_  This is news. "Do you want to play this game?" she continues, holding up the box. "You can always take them out if it's too much."I gaze at her. She looks so wickedly tempting—dark, carnal eyes dancing with erotic thoughts, that beautiful sculpted mouth, lips quirked in a sexy, devlish smirk.

"Okay," I acquiesce softly.

"Good girl," Carmilla grins. "Come here, and I'll put it in, once you've put your shoes on." I turn and glance at the black patent heels that match the dress I've chosen to wear. I feel like I am four inches taller once I step into them.

"I love that you picked this dress. Easier access." Her voice is husky.

"You're welcome, Carmilla."

"Good. Spread your legs for me, creampuff." she orders, her voice still low. I do as I'm told, thinking that she's going to put the balls in my mouth again to lubricate them like before. Instead, I feel her pull my panties down and slide a moist finger inside me.  _Holy crap, I'm already wet!_

Carmilla purrs contentedly as she opens the box and puts the single object inside me—it's larger than the pair of balls from before, and seems to have more of an egg shape. I grunt as I feel myself clamp firmly around this object, and I realize it's not going to slip at all.  _The pressure isn't building as fast as the last time._

"Whatever you do, don't take them out, and don't let anyone know that this is in there." Carmilla lectured as she pulled my panties back up. "Good choice for tonight, by the way."

"The bra matches, by the way." I reply helpfully.

"Then I look forward to undressing you tonight." We make our way out of my bedroom and to the massive living room, where a dapper Kirsch is in a tuxedo complete with an undone bow tie.

"Almost ready, boss." Kirsch said, looking in a mirror by the door and fumbling with the ends.

"A bow tie, really?" I tease.

"What? Bow ties are cool." Kirsch replies, "if only it clipped on..."

Armitage shook their head and stood in front of him. "Allow me." Kirsch frowned and let the shorter tuxedo-clad person tie his bow tie. In a matter of seconds, the tie was done perfectly.

"What? How did you-?"

"Manga." Armitage said, chivalrously offering him their arm.

"Does this make the dude-scort?" Kirsch asked, delicately placing his hand in the crook of Armitage's elbow.

"Oh yeah. And I get to drive."

"Then I call shotgun."

Carmilla snickered at them as we exchanged a look. "Yeah, don't make me split you two up now, else I will turn this car back around before we even get to the parking garage." The four of us made our way down the elevator, and I tried to ignore the small feeling of pressure from inside me as I pondered on the reasons why there would be added security tonight: Sarah-Jane—with a gun, potentially, somewhere—and her crap taste in music slipped into Carmilla's MP3 player.

But even worse, Mrs. Pedo Robinson, I cannot wrap my head around her, and I really don't want to. I don't want her to be an albatross in our relationship.  _Carm's right, I do go off the deep end when I think of her_. We get into the car and I stare out the window as Armitage pulls us out of the building.  _But who wouldn't go off the deep end?_  What normal, sane person would  _buy_ a teenage girl for sex? Why doesn't Carmilla realize how much Lilita has contributed to her fucked-up-ness? I just don't understand her.  _And worse still, she thinks Mrs. Robinson helped her._

I think of her scars, the stark physical embodiment of the torture she endured and a sickening reminder of no longer being perfect enough to be be the companion of the woman who essentially violated and killed her centuries ago, only to be replaced by a girl you loved who rejected you. I can't even begin to fathom what mental scars she must have from it.  _No wonder she calls herself Fifty Flavors of Fucked Up._

My heart leaps at the memory of her words, knowing that she loves me even if she's not able to commit to those exact words yet.  _Perhaps we can make this work._  But how long will she want to do this without indulging into her proclivity to sadism? My smile dissolves. This is what I don't know. This is the shadow that hangs over us.  _Kinky fucking, yes, I can do that, but more?_  Carmilla is flipping through her phone, undoubtedly contacted the additional security as a small smile plays upon her lips.

"Looks like Will is going to be there tonight, with a date."

I look at her and see her eyes shine in excitement.  _She loves this guy like a brother, yet has such a dysfunctional relationship with her so-called sister._  Carmilla needs family, and maybe that's why she keeps Perry, LaF, and Kirsch nearby. I glanced at Armitage through the rear-view mirror, and realized that this was exactly what he was looking for as well. A family of choice and a place in the world.

Kirsch broke up my train of thought as he poked at the GPS navigator. "Hey, Armie, are we there yet?"

"The distance and ETA are right there on the console. And don't call me Armie... Kirshy."

"I'm surrounded by idiots." Carmilla muttered as she put in a pair of bluetooth earbuds and played music through her phone. 

_Right. Being family sometimes also means being complete dicks to each other._


	10. The Banquet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm amazed at how much I kept this to the original book, but twisted in Mother as the mother in a way that shouldn't have happened yet. Anyways, enjoy!
> 
> Issues with 50 SD: 
> 
> Christian around this point tells Ana that he's unworthy of love. This makes her insist that she adores him and will never leave him, and because she loves him she will prove to him that she'll never abandon him like all the others have in the past. (Which is funny because he ditched them for wanting more) 
> 
> That's exactly why he says it. It manipulates her to stay with him, and keep trying harder to please him because she feels she has something to prove and it excuses his abusive behaviour, because she truly believes he just doesn't know any better. It's emotional abuse - total and utter manipulation. And I've seen this happen countless times in real life, so welcome to the mindset of an abused person. I really hope that I can fix this blatant issue.
> 
> Oh, and Christian tries to ban Ana from having a job due to the threat from the psycho.

 

We're on the road as I try to fathom what I'll be seeing. "What should I expect?" I asked.

"Oh, the usual stuff," Carmilla says breezily.

"Not usual for me," I remind her. Carmilla smiles fondly and kisses my hand.

"Lots of people flashing their cash. Auction, raffle, dinner, dancing—they sure know how to throw a party." She smiles and I allow myself to feel a little excited about this event. There is a line of expensive cars queued up for the valet parking at the hotel. As the Valet attendant takes over for Armitage, Carmilla has Kirsch open a bag in the front seats and hands out four masquerade masks. "Masks on," Carmilla grins, and as she dons her simple black mask, she becomes something darker, predatory, and more sensual. She hands me a glossy black mask with elegant silver filigree and offers to tie it onto my face for me.

All I can see of her face is her beautiful talented mouth and strong jaw. My heartbeat pounds harder at the sight of her as my eyes lock onto her lips.

"Help a bro out." Kirsch asks for help putting on his matte white mask once Armitage quickly ties on their charcoal grey mask. It's as if he's done this countless times before. Before too long, Kirsch has his on and he's checking himself out in the small visor mirror. "Does it work with my outfit?"

Armitage and I both nod as we try to keep from laughing from the obvious symbolism here.

"What is it?" He looks from us back to the mirror. "There's nothing wrong with this, right?"

We shook our heads, but I broke first. "Fighting evil by moonlight..."

Armitage bit their lip as they sang the next line, "winning love by daylight..." as a valet attendant opens Carmilla's door. Kirsch leaps out to open mine, and I'm slightly disappointed that he doesn't have a long-stemmed red rose in his hands.

"Ready?" Carmilla asks.

"As I'll ever be."

"You look beautiful, Cupcake." She kisses my hand and exits the car. I get out of the jeep as well and get to the curb where Carmilla has a protective arm around me, resting her hand on my waist, as we follow the steady stream of the city's elite dressed in their finery and wearing all manner of masks on the way into the grand ballroom in the hotel. Two photographers marshal guests to pose for pictures against the backdrop of an ivy-strewn arbor.

"Ms. Karnstein!" one of the photographers calls. Carmilla nods in acknowledgement and pulls me close as we pose quickly for a photo. _How do they know it's her?_ Her trademark dark, curly hair no doubt.

"Two photographers?" I ask Carmilla. Kirsch and Armitage are scanning the room and are putting earbuds into their right ears, no doubt contacting the added security for tonight's event.

"One is from Channel Three; the other is for a souvenir. We'll be able to buy a copy later." _Oh, my picture in the press again._ Sarah-Jane briefly enters my mind. This is how she found me, posing with Carmilla. The thought is unsettling, though it's comforting that I am unrecognizable beneath my mask. At the end of the line, white-suited servers hold trays of glasses brimming with champagne, and I'm grateful when Carmilla passes me a glass— effectively distracting me from my dark thoughts.

As we make our way further into the massive ballroom, I see a stage where a string quartet is playing softly, a haunting, ethereal piece I don't recognize. The stage looks set for a big band but as there's no sign of the musicians yet. I figure this must be for later. Taking my hand, Carmilla leads me between swans onto the dance floor where the other guests are congregating, chatting over glasses of champagne. I crane my neck to see the wall divider close, but get a glimpse of formally arranged tables and chairs. _There are so many!_

"How many people are coming?" I ask Carmilla, thrown by the scale of the event.

"I think about three hundred. But I'm not certain." She smiles down at me, and maybe it's because I can only see her secret smile that lights up her face, but I'm swooning internally.

"Carmilla!" A woman appears out of the throng and throws her arms around her neck, and judging from Carmilla's panicked response, immediately I know it's Lilita. She's dressed in a sleek, pale blue, full-length chiffon gown with a stunning, delicately detailed Venetian mask to match. She looks for a moment, I have never felt so grateful for the dress Carmilla has given me. "Laura! Oh, darling, you look gorgeous!" She gives me a quick hug as my skin crawls at the contact. "You must come and meet my friends. None of them can believe that Carmilla actually has a _girlfriend_." I shoot a quick panicked glance at Carmilla, who shrugs a 'I-have-no-clue-what-is-going-on' kind of way, and I wind up letting her lead me over to a group of three young women, all expensively attired and impeccably groomed, complete with full Venetian masks. 'Lilith Karnstein' makes some hasty introductions.

Two of them are sweet and kind, but Mattie, I think her name is, regards me sourly from beneath her red mask. "Of course we all knew Carmilla was gay," she says snidely, but I couldn't tell if she were smiling under the full-sized mask. Lilita pouts at her. "Now behave yourself. It's _obvious_ she has excellent taste in women. She was waiting for the right one to come along, and it wasn't you!" _Could this be any more uncomfortable?_

"Ladies, if I could claim my date back, please?" Snaking her arm around my waist, Carmilla pulls me to her side. 'Mother' glances at me and rolls her eyes, and I smile awkwardly.

"Lovely to meet you," I say as she drags me away. "Thank you," I mouth at Carmilla when we're some distance away.

"I'm sorry I didn't warn you about mother, I had no idea she'd com out to this. I couldn't even smell her in this crowd, there are too many people wearing way too many alcohol-based perfumes. By the way, I heard Mattie was with Mother. She is one piece of work."

"She wants you," I mutter dryly. She shudders.

"Well, the feeling is _definitely_ not mutual." She glances around fruitlessly. "Will said he'd be here already, but at least I don't see Elladora."

"Do you have any idea how weird it is to know that your long-lost ex is your adopted sibling by Mrs. Pedo-Bear over there?"

"I don't consider her my sister; she's a monster and that's it." There was something in the way she said it that held a great deal of pain, and I hoped that I could comfort her later on.

"Come, let me introduce you to some people." I spend the next half hour in a whirlwind of introductions. I meet two women who run a lesbian youtube channel, three entrepreneur CEOs, and several eminent physicians. _There is no way I am going to remember everyone's name._ Carmilla keeps me close at her side, and I'm grateful. Frankly, the wealth, the glamour, and the sheer lavish scale of the event intimidates me. _I have never been to anything like this in my life._ The white-suited servers move effortlessly through the growing crowd of guests with bottles of champagne, topping off my glass with worrying regularity. _I must not drink too much,_ I repeat to myself, but I'm beginning to feel light-headed, and I don't know if it's the champagne, the charged atmosphere of mystery and excitement created by the masks, or the toy inside me. The dull ache below my waist is becoming impossible to ignore.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" The master of ceremonies, wearing an impressive black and white harlequin mask, interrupts us. "Please take your seats. Dinner is served." Carmilla takes my hand, and we follow the chattering crowd to the next part of the ballroom. The interior is stunning. Three enormous, shallow chandeliers throw rainbow-colored sparkles over the ivory silk lining of the ceiling and walls. There must be at least thirty tables, each with crystal glasses, crisp white linen covering the tables and chairs, and in the center, an exquisite display of pale pink peonies gathered around a silver candelabra. Wrapped in gossamer silk beside it is a basket of goodies. Carmilla consults the seating plan and leads me to a table in the center. Lilita is already sitting down, deep in conversation with a young woman I don't know.

This woman is wearing a shimmering mint green gown with a Venetian mask to match. She looks radiant, not stressed at all, and she greets me warmly.

"Laura, how delightful to finally meet you! And looking so beautiful, too. I'm Grace, Will's girlfriend."

"Mother," Carmilla greets her stiffly and kisses her on both cheeks.

"Oh, Carmilla, so formal!" she scolds her teasingly. Grace is beaming as Will join us at our table. She seems exuberant and youthful around him, though it's difficult to tell beneath their matching bronze eyemasks. _Does she know Will is a vampire?_ She seems delighted to see Carmilla.

"Oh, you've finally found someone, how _wonderful_ and so... _pretty!_ She reminds me of your dear sister, don't you agree? Well I do hope you treat her right, Carmilla," she gushes, shaking my hand. _Why the hell am I playing nice around this woman? Right, she's a centuries-old badass beyond Carmilla and even she's scared of her._

"Mother, don't embarrass Laura." Will comes to my rescue. "You have to forgive my mother, she thinks she has a Gods-given right to say whatever nonsense pops into that head of hers." He turns to Carmilla. "Hey, Kitty."

Carmilla took the nickname in stride. "Hey fresh meat. Wasn't certain if you were going to make it."

"I had to go take my medicine; you know I'd not miss this event for the world."

Will turned to Grace and gave her a longer-than necessary kiss before sitting down next to her. "Mother, Carmilla, Laura, this is my girlfriend, Grace."

Lilita gives me a wicked grin, and her brown eyes dance with amusement as I sip the water before me.

Carmilla shakes Grace's hand as she regards her shrewdly. _She must be wondering if Grace knows about us, too._ I smile at 'Mother' in hopes to keep her from wanting to talk too much to me as the master of ceremonies took the microphone.

"Welcome, ladies and gentleman, to our annual charity ball. I hope that you enjoy what we have laid out for you tonight and that you'll dig deep into your pockets to support the fantastic work that our team does with Coping Together." I peek nervously at Carmilla, who is staring impassively, I think, at the stage. She glances at me and smirks.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please nominate a table head," the MC calls out.

"Oh, that will be me." announces Lilita immediately, bouncing slightly enthusiastically in her seat.

"In the center of the table you will find an envelope," the MC continues. "Would everyone find, beg, borrow, or steal a bill of the highest denomination you can manage, write your name on it, and place it inside the envelope. Table heads, please guard these envelopes carefully. We will need them later."

Holy crap. I haven't brought any money with me. _How stupid—it's a charity event!_ Fishing out her wallet, Carmilla produces two hundred-dollar bills.

"Here," she says. _What?_

"I'll pay you back," I whisper. Her mouth twists slightly at that, but she doesn't comment. I sign my name using her fountain pen—it's black, with a white anchor motif on the cap—as Lilita passes the envelope round. In front of me I find another card inscribed with silver calligraphy—our menu. Well, that accounts for the number of crystal glasses in every size that crowd my place setting. Our waiter is back, offering wine and water as ten servers, each holding a plate, come to stand between us. On a silent cue, they serve us our starters in complete synchronization, then vanish again. The salmon looks delicious, and I realize I am famished.

"Hungry?" Carmilla murmurs so only I can hear. I know she's not referring to the food, and the muscles deep in my belly respond.

"Oh this looks amazing!" Grace says as she gingerly takes a piece of the fish and eats it, eyes closing as she savors the flavor. Will and Carmilla try it as well, both of them enjoying the food as I notice 'Mother' feigning with her knife and fork but instead only sipping the wine.

 _Do vampires eat?_ I knew that to be true, having seen Carmilla and Will have brunch before... but Will said he just took his medicine and Carmilla gets her blood checked regularly by LaFontaine. Taking a bite of the salmon, I test this theory.

"Oh, Lilita-I mean, Lilith, isn't this salmon amazing? I don't think I've ever had it baked this perfectly." I mention, engaging her in small talk.

Her eyes narrowed through her mask as she observed me coolly. "I fed earlier."  _Fed, not ate._ That's when it dawned on me that when Carmilla drank more when I had walked out of her dungeon, she didn't fall off the wagon and get drunk on alcohol.  _She had binged on blood._  

Carmilla leaned over to me, lips pressed thin in worry. "What are you doing? This is a dangerous gambit to play with mother."

"Very," I whisper, boldly meeting her gaze, and Carmilla's lips part as she inhales. Before too long, Lilita is back to being her usual self as she gets a refill in her wine glass as her food goes untouched.

Carmilla and Will talk animatedly about a device Carmilla's company is developing, inspired by Schumacher's principle Small is Beautiful. It's hard to keep up. Carmilla seems intent on empowering impoverished communities all over the world with solar technology—devices that leave a minimal carbon footprint and yet help the areas thrive without resorting to resource-stripping or mining. Watching her in full flow is astonishing. She's passionate and committed to improving the lives of the less fortunate. Through her investments, she's intent on being first to market with mobile phones that charge from personal solar panels that collect energy even on cloudy days. I mean I knew about her passion about feeding the world, but this . . . Will seems unable to comprehend Carmilla's plan to give the technology away and not patent it. I wonder vaguely how Carmilla made all her money if she's so willing to give it all away.

Throughout dinner a steady stream of men in smartly tailored dinner jackets and women in exquisite ballgowns stop by the table, keen to meet Carmilla, shake her hand, and exchange pleasantries, all still wearing their masks. She introduces me to some but not others. I'm intrigued to know how and why she makes the distinction. During one such conversation, one woman leans across and smiles.

"Laura, will you help in the auction?" I think Carmilla said her name was Melody or something.

"Of course," I respond only too willing. By the time dessert is served, night has fallen, and I'm really uncomfortable. I think I ate too much. Before I can excuse myself, the master of ceremonies appears at our table, and with him—if I'm not mistaken—is the red mask of jealousy. What's her name? Martha? Mabel?... Mattie.

She's masked of course, but I know her gaze doesn't move beyond Carmilla. Selfishly, I'm beyond pleased that Carmilla doesn't acknowledge her at all as the MC asks for our envelope and with a very practiced and eloquent flourish, asks Mattie to pull out the winning bill. It's Grace's, and the silk-wrapped basket is awarded to her. I applaud politely, but I'm finding it impossible to concentrate on any more of the proceedings. "If you'll excuse me," I murmur to Carmilla. She looks at me intently.

"Do you need the powder room?" I shake my head.

"No, I just need a soda or something."

Carmilla hands me a card. "Oh, there's a bar over there. Get me a bloody mary while you're at it."

I nod, and bite my tongue before 'Yes, Mistress' comes out. _Why am I obeying this order anyways?_ I shrug, seeing as it wasn't really out of my way and she's paying for it.

I'm in line for the bartender and I can hear the MC back on stage talking about the charity that this fundraiser is for. While in line, I see a small glossy card detailing the auction prizes.  _Vacation in a time share in Aspen?!_ Okay, this is way too rich for my blood. As I reach the bartender, a familiar girl with auburn hair in a smart suit that beams at me when I get there. 

"What can I get for you... Gabrielle? I mean, Laura?" She asked, blushing in embarrassment.

"Levi? What are you doing here?"

"Working. Quite a few sisters help out here for a few bucks during the summer. The charity is run by a fellow Summer Society Sister."

"Oh? Who?" I hear someone clear their throat behind me. "Coke for me, and a bloody mary for Carmilla."

Levi points to the stage where Melody stood, applauding as an auction ended with wild cheering. "Mel up there. Someone just got a weekend rent house for twelve thousand dollars."

 _Holy Crap,_ I thought to myself as the news sank deep into me and had me clenching around the plastic egg that Carmilla put inside me.  _Wait a minute, is it-_

"Twelve fifty." Levi responded, and I grimaced as I handed her the credit card as the toy vibrated inside of me. That vile woman! 

"You okay?" She asked, handing me the receipt to sign and add a tip. It quit vibrating long enough for me to recompose myself and reach for the pen. As soon as it touched paper to add the tip, the buzzing inside me grew strong enough that I was certain that people around me could hear it.

 _Fifteen percent of twelve... that's just under two..._ The vibrating egg decreased in intensity as my body gripped around it tighter and my breath shuddered as I wanted it to go back on now. I bit my lip as I tried to remember how to add two dollars and wound up only leaving a scrawl as the vibrating egg was turned back on and I clenched my jaw and took both drinks and turned to go back to the table.

Carmilla was in line behind me, smiling innocently as she took her drink out of my hands. "You okay there, spaz?"

I looked at her hand that had a thumb hovering over the button on a small device as she pressed it again and the vibrating pounded heavily against my inner walls. "Oh, you're doing this in purpose, Carmilla." She pressed the button again and I feel a moment of relief as she slips it into an inner pocket.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, cupcake. Let's get you back to the table." As she escorted me back the the table, she leaned and whispered into my ear so that only I could hear it. "I like the idea of having your cunt react to me via remote control."

"Yes Mistress." I whimpered, excitement and agony running through me as we sat back down at the table. Her mother was thankfully gone as Carmilla drapes an arm around my shoulders, her thumb rhythmically stroking my back, sending delicious tingles down my spine. Her touch resonates deep, deep inside where that ache has spawned and grown. 

Her free hand clasps mine, bringing it to her lips, then letting it rest on her lap. Slowly and surreptitiously, so I don't realize her game until it's too late, she eases my hand up her leg and past the slit in her dress to caress her inner thigh. I gasp, and my eyes dart in panic around the table, but all eyes are fixed on the stage. Thank heavens for my mask. Taking full advantage, I slowly caress her, letting my fingers explore. Carmilla keeps her hand over mine, hiding my bold fingers, while her thumb traces softly over the nape of my neck. Her mouth opens as she gasps softly, and it's the only reaction I can see to my inexperienced touch. But it means so much. She wants me. Everything south of my navel contracts. _This is becoming unbearable._

Her hand leaves mine and I'm feeling nervous as I no longer have any direction with her until the vibrating egg inside me wakes back up and has me clenching as my fingers seek to frustrate her in return. There's some bidding war that I can't keep up with as the audience gasps collectively. 

"Sold, for one hundred ten thousand dollars!" the MC declares victoriously. The whole room bursts into applause, and reluctantly I follow as does Carmilla, ruining our fun. She turns to me and her lips twitch.

"Enjoying yourself?" she mouths over the rapturous cheering.

"Yes," I mouth back.

"Laura!" Mel calls. "It's time!"

 _What?_ No. "Time for what?"

"The First Dance Auction. Come on!" She waves me to come up on stage. I glance at Carmilla who is, I think, scowling at her, and I don't know whether to laugh or cry, but it's laughter that wins. I succumb to a cathartic bubble of schoolgirl giggles, as the ghost of a smile grace's Carmilla's lips.

"The first dance will be with me, okay? And it won't be on the dance floor," she murmurs lasciviously into my ear. My giggles subside as anticipation fans the flames of my need.

"I look forward to it." I lean over and plant a soft, chaste kiss on her mouth. Glancing around, I realize that our fellow guests at the table are astonished. Of course, they've never seen Carmilla with a date before. She smiles broadly at me. And she looks . . . happy.

"Come on, Laura," Mel nags. Taking her outstretched hand, I follow her onto the stage where ten more young women have assembled, and I note with vague unease that Grace is one of them. "Ladies and Gentlemen, the highlight of the evening!" the MC booms over the babble of voices. "The moment you've all been waiting for! These twelve lovely ladies have all agreed to auction their first dance to the highest bidder!"

Oh no. I blush from head to toe. I hadn't realized what this meant. How humiliating!

"It's for a good cause," Mel Callis hisses at me, sensing my discomfort. "Besides, Danny said you'd be up for helping the charity. And your girl will definitely be a high roller for you. Besides, I can't imagine her letting anyone outbid her. She hasn't taken her eyes off you all evening."


	11. The Dance Auction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Father's Day to everyone who has a good one out there, particularly to Wilson 'Bro/dy' Kirsch!
> 
> I'm trying to not make this as horror-iffic as OSL, but the Muse can be quite demanding. Enjoy!

 

 _You can do this, you volunteered for it, right?_  Just focus on the good it will do the charity since Carmilla is going to win.  _Let's face it, she's not short of a dime or two._  I still felt a pang of guilt hit me.  _It means her spending more money on you!_

A thread of doubt went through me.  _What if she doesn't bid on me at all? What if someone else wins me for the first dance?_ I don't want to dance with anyone else— _I can't dance with anyone else_ —and it's not like she's actually spending money on me, she's donating it to the charity.

"Now, ladies and gentlemen, pray gather round, and take a good look at what could be yours for the first dance. Twelve _comely and compliant_  wenches."  _Compliant?_  Well that obviously doesn't include me.

I watch, horrified, as at least twenty men and ten women make their way to the stage area, Carmilla included, moving with easy grace between the tables and pausing to say a few hellos on the way. Once the bidders are assembled, the MC begins.

"Ladies and gentlemen, in the tradition of the masquerade we shall maintain the mystery behind the masks and stick to first names only. First up we have the lovely Jade." Jade is giggling like a schoolgirl, too. _Maybe I won't be so out of place._  She's dressed head to foot in navy taffeta with a matching mask. Two young men step forward expectantly. Lucky Jade. "Jade speaks fluent Japanese, is a qualified fighter pilot, and an Olympic gymnast . . .hmm." The MC winks. "Gentleman, what am I bid?"

Jade gapes, astounded at the MC; obviously, she's talking complete garbage. She grins shyly back at the two contenders.

"A thousand bucks!" one calls. Very quickly the bidding escalates to five thousand dollars. "Going once . . . going twice . . . sold!" the MC declares loudly, "to the gentleman in the mask!" And of course all the men are wearing masks so there are hoots of laughter, applause, and cheering. Jade beams at her purchaser and quickly exits the stage. "

"See? This is fun!" whispers Melody. "I hope Carmilla wins you, though... We don't want a brawl," she adds.

"Brawl?" I answer horrified.

"Oh yes. I heard what she did to Danny." She shudders. "She's always had that look to her, you know? Like she's part of some secretive punk-rock fight club thing. Her mom said she used to have one hell of a temper when she was growing up." I bit my lip at that, uncertain if she knew the whole story or not.  _She could keep her temper in public, right?_

The MC distracts me with her next introduction—a young woman in red, with long jet-black hair. "Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present the wonderful Maria. What  _are_  we going to do about Maria? She's an experienced matador, plays the cello to concert standard, and she's a champion pole-vaulter... how about that? What shall the starting bid be for a dance with the delightful Maria?"

Maria glares at the MC and someone yells, very loudly, "Three thousand dollars!" It's a masked woman with long blond hair and in a rich purple dress. There is one counter-bid, but Maria sells for four thousand dollars. Carmilla is watching me like a hawk.

"Carmilla had a temper? How long ago?" I ask, trying to sound disaffected. She glances at me, nonplussed. "How long ago was Carmilla brawling?"

"No idea, but apparently she could really crush her opponents." I gape at her. "Hasn't she told you?"

I shake my head, trying to not recall the look of pleasure on her face when she caned me.  _She gets off from inflicting pain in others, Hollis. You know that._

She sighs. "She apparently had a bad rep until she was nineteen or twenty. Her mom must have put her in line or something." She shrugs.  _Holy fuck._  Another piece of the jigsaw falls into place.

"So, what am I bid for the gorgeous Janey?"

"Four thousand dollars," a deep voice calls from the left side. Janey squeals in delight. I stop paying attention to the auction. So Carmilla did have a rough childhood until  _Mrs. Robinson_  came along. I stare at her. Lilita is watching us closely. "And now, allow me to introduce the beautiful Laura."

 _Oh shit, that's me._  I glance nervously at Melody as she shoos me center stage. Fortunately, I don't fall over, but stand embarrassed as hell on display for everyone. When I look at Carmilla, she's smirking at me.

"Beautiful Laura plays six musical instruments, speaks fluent Mandarin, an expert sword-swallower, and is keen on teaching bike safety—" Before she can even finish her sentence Carmilla interrupts her, glaring at the MC through her mask.

"Ten thousand dollars."  _What?_

"Fifteen." I hear Mel's gasp of disbelief behind me.  _Oh fuck._

We all turn as one to a tall, impeccably dressed dark haired man standing to the left of the stage. I blink at Carmilla.  _Shit, what will she make of this?_  But she's scratching her chin and giving the stranger an ironic smile. It's obvious Carmilla knows him. The stranger nods politely at Carmilla.

"Well, gentlemen! We have high rollers in the house this evening." The MC's excitement emulates through his mask as he turns to beam at Carmilla. This is a great show, but it's at my expense. I want to bail.

"Twenty," counters Carmilla quietly. The babble of the crowd has died. Everyone is staring at me, Carmilla, and Mr. Mysterious by the stage. I breathe uneasily as I realize Carmilla might not win this.  _It's just a dance, nothing bad is going to happen to me... but something might happen to him._  

"Twenty-five," the stranger says. Oh god, could this be any more embarrassing? Carmilla stares at the bidder impassively, but she's amused. All eyes are on Carmilla.  _What's she going to do?_  My heart is in my mouth. I feel sick.

"Forty." Carmilla retorts.

"Forty-five."  _Who is this guy?_

"Fifty thousand dollars," she says her voice ringing clear and loud through the marquee.

"What the fuck?" Mel hisses quite audibly behind me, and a general gasp of dismay and amusement ripples through the crowd. The stranger holds his hands up in defeat, laughing, and Carmilla smirks at him. From the corner of my eye, I can see 'Mother' bouncing up and down with glee.

"Fifty thousand dollars for the lovely Laura! Going once... going twice.." The MC stares at the stranger who shakes his head with mock regret and bows chivalrously. "Sold!" the MC cries out triumphantly. In a deafening round of applause and cheering, Carmilla steps forward to take my hand and help me from the stage. She gazes at me with an amused grin as I make my way down, kisses the back of my hand then tucks it into the crook of her arm, and leads me toward the marquee's exit.

"Who was that?" I ask. She gazes at me.

"Someone you can meet later." She leans into me, her cheek grazing my own as her lips touch my ear and her voice does things to me that nobody else ever has. "Right now, we have about thirty minutes until the First Dance Auction finishes, and I need to get that lovely toy of mine out of that  _sweet cunt of yours._ " She smiles down at me wickedly. Oh, she has a glorious smile, and the ache is back, blossoming in my body.

Carmilla leads me by the hand and Armitage was already there, key card in her hand. "Nine Oh-three, Ms. Karnstein." She thanked them and called him a good boy, and I saw Armitage blush in thanks as Carm drew us both into the waiting elevator. I was pinned against the wall with my lips upon hers before I could even recognize it, my legs off the ground and wrapping around her for stability as her powerful fingers dug into the back of my thighs.

"Um, Carm?" I asked breathlessly between kisses, "Security camera?" Her lips trailed down my chin and over my neck as my eyes rolled up to the back of my head, not really caring as her nips on my flesh worked their way to the back of my neck.

The doors ding open before she can respond, and Carmilla leads me down the hallway and gets the hotel room door open in what feels like a blink of the eye. Taking my hand from the crook of her arm, she pins me against the door and locks it, hitting the 'do not disturb' button as she drops to her knees and looks up at me darkly, brooding and sexy.

"We don't have long, Cupcake, and the way I'm feeling right this moment, we won't need long." I nod as I look down at her, grateful that she's locked the door. I reach towards my face when Carmilla stops me with her sotto words, "Keep the mask on." I groan as my body clenches in response. She's not even touched me yet.

I swallow convulsively, and the ache that has been bothering me for the last couple of hours is roaring now, raw and wanting. Seeing her kneeling beneath me in that mask... it's beyond erotic. _I want her. Now._  Any way I can get her. I have to resist launching myself at her and ripping her clothes off.

She grasps the front hem of my dress, her fingers sliding against my skin, and the touch reverberates through my body. In one swift move, she slides down my panties down to my ankles.

Holding my thighs, she directs me to step out of them, then turns back up to my exposed quim and breathes on me just enough to make my legs quiver.

She pauses and stares at me for a moment, drinking the sight of me in. I'm exposed and vulnerable here, and I revel in her sensuous gaze. "You know, Cupcake," she says softly as licks her way up my thigh, "I was so mad when you volunteered yourself to be auctioned off." She gazes up at me through her mask. "Why did you do that?" she whispers.

"Volunteer? I don't know. Frustration... distracted because of your mother... helping a worthy cause," I mutter meekly, shrugging. The ache is worse, and I know she can soothe it, calm this roaring, salivating beast in me with the beast in her. Her mouth presses into a line, and she slowly licks her upper lip.  _I so want that tongue on me._

"Please," I beg. "Spank me, Mistress, use me, make me come."

"I vowed to myself I would not spank you again, even if you begged me." I was standing again on my own two feet, precariously perched on my heels.

Carmilla's smirk seemed off slightly.

"I don't need to spank you to get you off, sweetness." She smiles at me knowingly but I don't care because _she's absolutely right_.

"Okay." I breathe. "Just... please." She pulls on the loop at the end of the egg inside me as I feel it turn back on.

"Whoops, clumsy me." She turns the egg off again.  _She's doing this on purpose!_

"So going to get you back for this." I tease, the cool air hitting my already wet cunt. With a deft tug, Carmilla takes the vibrating egg out of me and latches on with eager lips as her tongue slides deep into me.  _Holy shit, that's deep! That's her tongue?!_

The chuckle coming from Carmilla confirmed my thought as my hips bucked towards her and she pulled her tongue out, sliding two fingers in its place. "Sure you are, sweetness."

"Yes." I'm panting. "Just as soon as I... ffffuuuck." I want her whole hand inside as she adds a third finger, letting her lips circle and suck on the hood over my clit. A high, shaky moan comes out of me as I can feel her throat humble with carnal pleasure.

"Lace your fingers together, put them over your head." She ordered me, her fingers pounding home in a quickening rhythm.

"Yes Mistress." I gasp, feeling wetness drip out of me and begin to trickle down my leg.

"Wow, you really need to come, don't you, Cupcake?" I close my eyes. This is the first time since I met her that I really want this.  _I need it._

"Yes," I whisper.

"Why?" she asks softly as she rubs my clit with her thumb. I groan wantonly as she makes a firm yet painfully slow circle on me.

 _I don't know why... you tell me not to overthink._  After a day like today—arguing about security, Sarah-Jane, Mrs. Robinson, the vibrating egg, the auction... I just want this.

"Do I need a reason?"

"No, sweetness, you don't," she says. "I'm just trying to understand you." Her left hand curves round my butt, lifting my leg to lay over her shoulder as she works a fourth finger into me and I feel a cold sweat coming.

"Do you want more? Want all of me in you?" She asks with her husky, sultry voice.

"Yes, please..."

The pain of stretching for her connects directly within me as I moan loudly. She gently thrusts her hand up inside me, hitting my cervix. I groan again.

"Beg. Make it filthy."

"Fu-fuck... fist me, please..."

She pulls her hand out and goes back in, and I can tell she's curling her fingers now as she rotates her hand inside me.

"You can do better than that, cupcake."

As she slows down, leaving me frustrated and wanton, something snaps in me. I'm hers, all hers, and she wants me at my most irreverent.

"Fist my fucking needy cunt Mistress. This little slut needs you, needs all of you in her cunt, please Mistress..."

Her nails dig into my thigh and the pain translates into pleasure as I'm pinned up against the door and at her mercy, and of my own free will. She goes further into me again, rotating her hand slightly as I realize the thumb as made it inside me as well.  _Oh my!_  This feels different than the last time—so carnal, so...  _necessary._

"FUCK! MISTRESS... I'M GONNA..."

I moan loudly as my body takes over, and I come and come, convulsing around her hand. It's so intense, explosive, and quick.

"That's right, baby," she murmurs appreciatively, pulling her hand out of me and standing up to face me, our lips meeting in a frenzy of needy kisses as my orgasm rides through me still. I vaguely notice one hand cupping my head as her kissing becomes erratic when I realize that she's quickly rubbing one out with that same hand as she takes in a short breath, and I cup her head with my own hands as our lips are still joined as she comes shakily, and I feel the intensity of her orgasm as we kiss and she shudders into me.

We're holding each other as we came back to the real world around us. Carmilla leans in and pecks at my lips. "Well that was refreshing. I believe you owe me a dance, Miss Hollis," she murmurs.

"Hmm," I respond, savoring the afterglow and the dull ache that she caused deep within me. She grabs her purse, takes off the mask to finger-comb her hair a bit, and gives me a gentle double-tap on my ass. Dazed, I understand the patting to mean to come back down to reality as I collect my wits about me.

"We don't have long. Come on." She kisses my hair and puts the mask back on as I step away from the door. I grumble but move as I look to the floor for my panties.

"Um, Carmilla?"

"They were almost drenched, and I wanted to wrap the egg in something before I stuck it in my purse." She called out as she washed her hands in the bathroom. "Just pretend we're having dinner with my brother it it helps."

 _Oh you suck, Mistress!_ I take a look at myself in the mirror and try to fix my own hair somewhat, barely noticing how nice the king-sized bed was as Carmilla comes back into the room.  _We didn't even make it to the bed..._

"Feeling better?" Her voice has a definite purr to it.

"Much, thank you, Ms. Karnstein."  _Though I wish I had some panties to wear..._

"The pleasure was all mine, Miss Hollis." She offers her arm chivalrously which I take and we take the elevator back to the dance floor.

Carmilla grins at me—we've made it just in time—and she leads me onto the checkered floor. "And now, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the first dance. Ladies and gentlemen of the First Dance Auction, are you ready?" We all nod in agreement. I see 'Mother' with someone I don't recognize. Will and Grace are together on the dance floor as I spy Armitage and Kirsch looking around the room, sly smiles on their faces.  _They probably had a bet going if we would make it back down in time._

A young woman strolls onto the stage amid warm applause, turns to the band behind her and snaps her fingers. The familiar strains of "Witchcraft" fill the air. Carmilla smiles down at me, takes me in her arms, and starts to move. Oh, she dances so well, making it easy to follow. We grin at each other like idiots as she whirls me around the dance floor.

_Those fingers in my hair_  
_That sly come hither stare_  
_That strips my conscience bare_  
_It's witchcraft._

"I love this song," Carmilla murmurs, gazing at me with her seductive eyes.

"Seems very fitting." She's no longer grinning, but serious.

_And I've got no defense for it,_  
_The heat is too intense for it._  
_What good would common sense for it do?_

"I should have just let Theo win. He was always a competitive arse in business school, and knows how to push my buttons."

"Theo?"

"Yeah, he was the guy I had lunch with in New York. He's got a flair for the dramatic when he comes to visit, and what's more dramatic than surprising me by arranging to buy himself a dance with my girlfriend at a charity ball?"

"I think I lose common sense around you, too," I respond. She purses her lips but she's unable to hide her amusement.

_'Cause it's witchcraft,_  
_Wicked witchcraft,_  
_And although I know it's strictly taboo_

_When you arouse the need in me,_  
_My heart says yes indeed in me,_  
_Proceed with what your leading me to_

_It's such an ancient pitch,_  
_But one I wouldn't switch,  
_ _'Cause there's no nicer witch than you..._

"Besides, I don't think anyone can be expected to be in their right mind when they have...  _intellectual intercourse..._  with such a  _cunning linguist._ " I smirk as we turn on the dance floor and her smile goes from playful to astonished.

"Miss Hollis," she admonishes me teasingly, "I had no idea you could be so crude."

_'Cause it's witchcraft,_  
_That crazy witchcraft,_  
_And although I know it's strictly taboo_ _  
_

"Ms. Karnstein, neither did I. I think it's all my recent explorations. You've really... opened me up. It's been quite the education."

"For both of us." Carmilla is serious again, and it could just be the two of us and the band. We are in our own private bubble.

_When you arouse the need in me,_  
_My heart says yes indeed in me,_  
_Proceed with what your leading me to..._

_It's such an ancient pitch,_  
_But one that I would never switch,_  
_'Cause there's no nicer witch than you_

As the song finishes we both applaud. The caramel-skinned singer bows graciously and introduces her band.

"May I cut in?" I recognize the man who bid on me at the auction. Carmilla grudgingly lets me go, but she's amused, too.

"Be my guest. Cupcake, this is Theodore Philetas Straka. Theo,  _my girlfriend_  Laura." Carmilla smirks at me and wanders off to one side of the dance floor.

"How do you do, Laura?" Theo says smoothly, and I realize he's British.

"Hello," I stutter. The band strikes up another song, and Theo pulls me into his arms. There seems to be something about him, but maybe it's because I can't see his face. He's wearing a mask similar to Carmilla's. He's tall, maybe an inch or two more than Carmilla, and he doesn't move with Carmilla's easy grace.  _What do I say to him?_

 _Do I ask why he bid on me?_  It's the only thing I really want to ask him, but somehow that seems rude. "I'm glad to finally meet you, Laura. Are you enjoying yourself?" he asks.

"I was," I whisper.

"Oh. I hope I'm not responsible for your change of heart." He gives me a brief, warm smile that puts me a little more at ease.

"You're British?"

"Yes. Originally from London."

"How did you find yourself here?"

"I heard there was a charity ball and I was dying for an excuse to meet you."

" So you met her in college."

"Yeah, someone had to take her notes during the afternoon classes due to her  _finicky skin condition._ " So he knows she's a vampire.

"That's a nice, proper way to put it."

"It's a British trait. Part of our national character."

"So what did you study?"

"Business." He said, shrugging. "I didn't have the capital to start my own business like Carmilla did, so I went into trading and hedge fund management. That's when I learned to always bet on Carmilla. She knows how to read people, and how to use them to their peak efficiency."

"Is that why you bade on me?"

He unexpectedly frowns. I flush, but the music finishes and Carmilla is once more by my side. Theo releases me.

"It's been a pleasure to meet you, Laura. I am so glad Carmilla has found happiness with you." He gives me a warm smile again, and I feel that I've passed some kind of hidden test.

"Theo." Carmilla nods at her.

"Carmilla." He returns her nod, begins to turn away, but has his attention caught by someone nearby.

"Bloody... Wilson?" I turn to see Theo walk up and embrace Kirsch in a hug that's not at all the heterosexual guy side-hug.

 _And Kirsch is hugging him back._ Armitage and I exchange the same knowing look.

The dark-skinned Melody approaches Carmilla. "Carmilla, I do believe you have an outstanding balance to pay?" As Carmilla pulls out her checkbook, my eyes take in a very amused Danny in a light silver gown nodding hello to me behind Melody. I notice matching Summer Society pins discretely pinned on their dresses, as well as ZΩM rings on Kirsch's and Theo's hands.

"Your name is Wilson?" Danny asked. Theo laughs in apology.

"Yeah, sorry. He prefers to go by 'Brody'." Theo says with a familiar tease, and a lingering look that pretty much confirmed his orientation to me.

"Theo here was my Big when I first pledged. I was his little."

"How 'Big' are we talking here?" Armitage bites his lip to contain his laughter as Brody rolls his eyes at that.

"Big bro/little bro, get your mind out of the gutter."

Armitage and I both picked up on it now. "So you two never dated?"

Wilson 'Brody' Kirsch shrugged. "It was the basic college, um, experimenting." His eyes glanced to Theo and back in less than a second.

Danny seemed to take Kirsch's not-exactly-heterosexuality in stride. "So, why 'Brody'?"

"Oh. Well, dad left just after my little sister was born and mom worked evenings, so for a while I pretty much cooked for the family and helped raised my little sister. Even called me Daddy once or twice when she was real young. But right after she got her first... you know, I went to the store and got her pads and aspirin. So when the next Father's Day came around, she made me this cake where she put 'Thanks for being a good Bro/dy'. I told her I'd always her Brody."

Armitage looked at Brody with new eyes, astonished at what we had just learned.  _Part brother, part daddy._ _Carmilla must have picked up on that when she found me after I got too drunk by campus._  

"Here you go, Mel. Wonderful party, as always." Carmilla handed over the check to Melody, who took it and kissed her hand as she passed the check to Danny.

Mel smiled at all of us, giving a slight nod to me. "Well done in the auction, Laura. You were the highest-grossing item tonight." I smiled at the praise as Mel turned and left, seeking out another winner who needed to pay up. Danny was taking a photo of the check with her phone before she stored it in her clutch. 

Danny's nose crinkled as her nostrils flared as she handled the check and put it away. The mood went from pleasant to cold. Her eyes darted from Carmilla's hand, to me, and back to her.  _She smells me on my girlfriend still._  She sighed quietly in resignation as I could hear her heart break in her voice as she spoke up.

"Hey, Laura."

"Danny." I replied, unable to think of what to say.  _I'm sorry I just fucked my girlfriend upstairs?_

Danny nodded to Carmilla. "Fang-face." 

"Xena." Carmilla replied crisply as Danny turned to follow Mel.  _That could have gone much worse._

Carmilla pulls me into her arms for the next dance. I let her and try to put the tension between her and Danny out of my mind.

"So that was your friend from New York. He's much younger than I expected." I murmur to her.

"And has a history with Kirsch." Carmilla cocks her head to one side.

"Oh yes, he told me everything." I tease. She cocks her eyebrow up in disbelief and I give up the bluff. "Okay he didn't, but that's interesting, you know?"

"Because he acts straight?" Carmilla asked.

"Well, no, but..." I think I put my foot in my mouth.

"Hiding your sexuality and gender identity has been going on in mankind since the dawn of time. So we shouldn't judge what behavior is 'gay' or 'hetero'."

"What was it like back then?"

"Taboo. So, naturally, there was a fetish for it. When penny-dreadfuls were all the rage, the big thing was Priests and nuns. Nobody thought that the clergy would stay that pious and abstain from sex. So naturally, they had to be having drunken orgies with lots of sodomy."

I gasped at that. "Really?"

Carmilla nodded. "It was the Adult Fan Fiction of the day. People haven't changed that much." 

"When did you know you were a lesbian?"

"Sweetheart, I was bought and trained to specifically pleasure only one woman for the rest of my life because the prospect of being a common whore or married and becoming the property of a man was worse. It just kind of worked out that I preferred the fairer sex."

"Oh okay. Did you ever have a male lover?"

"I had deep friendships that others mistook for dating. I posed as Frank Sinatra's girl a few times too, but no. One of my submissives was born male, but was always female to me."

 _One of the fifteen was trans?_ I tried to figure out if that changed my perception of her.

"What about you, sweetness? When did you know you were pansexual?" I chuffed as the memory came to mind.

"I was at this gay video store on Pride Weekend. I was fairly certain I liked girls, and then I met 'Chris'. She reminded me of that goth girl from _The Craft._  So I went to say hi, and despite the light makeup and haircut, she sounded kind of like a guy. I wasn't certain of their sex, and that's when I realized that I really didn't care what was in their pants. So, I assumed I was bisexual until I heard the term online somewhere. I like femme, sure, but it's more complicated than that. Pansexual fits for me."

Carmilla smiled at that. "I get that. And I'm sorry mother showed up unexpectedly; I was worried you'd want to leave immediately." 

 _Why would she think that I'd want to leave?_  It makes no sense. We dance for two more numbers, and I realize I need the restroom. "I won't be long."

As I make my way to the powder room, I remember I have left my purse on the dinner table, so I head down to the marquee. When I enter, it's still lit but quite deserted, except for a couple at the other end, who really ought to get a room. I reach for my bag.

"Laura?" A soft voice startles me, and I turn to see a woman dressed in a long, tight, black velvet gown. Her mask is unique. It covers her face to her nose but also covers her hair. It's stunning with elaborate gold filigree. "I'm so glad you're on your own," she says softly. "I've been wanting to talk to you alone all evening."

"I'm sorry, I don't know who you are." She pulls the mask from her face and releases her hair.

"You call me Mrs. Robinson." I gape at her. This wasn't Lilita's build, or height, and I could tell she wasn't wearing a wig.

_Holy crap, she is in a different body now._


	12. The Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So marriage equality passed in the USA. Now to enforce it and to move on to the other issues of discrimination against GLBT persons.
> 
> "Your skin feels warm to caress - I see magic in your eyes  
> On the outside you're ablaze and alive - But you're dead inside"   
> Muse, 'Dead Inside'.

_Lilita Morgan. Lilith Karnstein. Mother._

I was isolated by a pleasant-seeming woman who had a dazzling smile on her face. It chilled me to my bones to know that I was looking into the eyes of a dead woman, more than likely killed less than an hour ago, to have a conversation with the woman who could have been Mayor Richard Wilkins the Third's husband.

"I'm sorry, I needed to circumvent Carmilla's security. I apologize if I startled you."  _What the heck does this woman want?_  I don't know what the social conventions are for meeting known molesters of children.

She's smiling sweetly and gesturing for me to sit at the table.  _What, and offer me some cookies and milk before taking me to a dungeon to flay open with a cat o' nine tails?_  And because I am lacking any sphere of reference, I do as she asks out of stunned politeness, grateful that I am still wearing my mask.

"I'll be brief, Laura. I know what you think of me... Carmilla's told me." I gaze at her impassively, giving nothing away, but I'm pleased that she knows. It saves me telling her, and she's cutting to the chase. Part of me is beyond intrigued as to what she could have to say. She pauses, glancing over my shoulder.

"Kirsch is watching us." I peek around to see him scanning the room from the doorway. Armitage is with him. They are looking anywhere but at us. "Look, we don't have long," she says hurriedly. "It must be obvious to you that Carmilla is in love with you. I have never seen her like this,  _ever_." She emphasizes the last word. What? _Loves me?_  No _. Why is she telling me? To reassure me?_  I don't understand.

"She won't tell you because she probably doesn't realize it herself, despite what I've said to her, but that's Carmilla. She's not very attuned to any positive feelings and emotions she may have. She dwells far too much on the negative. But then you've probably worked that out for yourself. She doesn't think she's worthy." I am reeling.  _She feels unworthy? Why?_ My heart constricts.

 _Carmilla loves me?_  She hasn't said it, and this woman has told her that's how she feels? How bizarre. A hundred images dance through my head: the cd, the big cat sanctuary, Skyping me, all her actions, and fifty thousand dollars for a dance.  _Is this love?_  And hearing it from this woman, having her confirm it for me is, frankly, unwelcome.  _I'd rather hear it from her._

"I've never seen her so happy, and it's obvious that you have feelings for her, too." A brief smile flits across her lips. "That's great, and I wish you both the best of everything. But what I wanted to say is if you hurt her again,  _I will find you,_  young lady, and it  _won't be pleasant_  when I do." She stares at me, borrowed eyes boring into my skull, trying to get under my mask.  _Me, hurt Carmilla? Doesn't she know Carmilla wields the floggers and whips in my relationship?_ Her threat is so astonishing, so off the wall that an involuntary, disbelieving giggle escapes me. Of all the things she could say to me, this is the least expected.

"You think this is funny, Laura?" she splutters in dismay. "You didn't see her after you walked out." My face falls and darkens.  _She saw Carmilla after I walked out?_  The thought of Carmilla unhappy bothers me, but not as much as thinking that she went off to see her 'mother'.  _That was when she must have gone on her blood-drinking binge._  The idea makes me queasy.  _Why am I sitting here listening to this shit from her of all people?_  I slowly rise, gazing at her intently.

"I'm laughing at your audacity, Mrs. Karnstein. Carmilla and I have  _nothing_  to do with you. And if I do leave her and you come looking for me,  _I'll be waiting_ —don't doubt it. She might have forgiven you, but I haven't. I see the fifteen-year-old girl you bought, molested, and fucked-up even more than she ever was." Her mouth falls open. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have better things to do than waste my time with you." I put on my best Veronica Mars smile.  _I hope we're still friends after I taser you._  I turn on my heel, adrenaline and anger coursing through my body, and stalk toward the entrance where Kirsch is standing just as Carmilla arrives, looking flustered and worried.

"There you are," she mutters, then frowns when she sees  _her former owner._  I stride past her, saying nothing, giving her the opportunity to choose—her or me. She makes the right choice. "Laura," she calls. I stop and face her as she catches up with me. "What's wrong?" She gazes down at me, concern etched on her face.

"Why don't you  _ask your mommy?_ " I hiss acidly. Her mouth twists into a small frown and her eyes frost over.

"I'm asking  _you_ ," she says, her voice soft but with an undertone of something far more menacing. We glare at each other. _Okay, I can see this will end in a fight if I don't tell her_.

"She's threatening to come after me if I hurt you again—probably with a whip," I snap at her. Relief flashes across her face, her mouth softening with humor.

"Surely the irony of that isn't lost on you?" she says, and I can tell she's trying hard to stifle her amusement.

"This isn't funny, Carmilla!"

"No, you're right. I'll talk to her." She adopts her serious face, though she's suppressing a laugh.

"You will do no such thing." I fold my arms, my anger spiking again. She blinks at me, surprised by my outburst. "I have to fight my own battles, and not depend on your weight for me to be taken seriously. And how on earth is she in a different body?!"

"That's what she does, she jumps into different bodies of the recently deceased. I think it's her way of always trying to keep an eye out on us."

"Do you have any idea how fucking creepy that is? She probably killed that woman tonight for her body!"

"Well, we're vampires. A certain amount of murder just goes with the territory."  _A certain amount? Like, just a spoonful of murder makes the ages go by?_

"Oh god, Carmi-"

"-oh, not me! Not since Ell. I wanted to spare her, let her live a full mortal life, but Mother..." Carmilla looked away in shame. "That's exactly why I wanted us to run last time."

"What happened to the last body I saw her in? That wasn't her, was it?"

"No, she prefers blondes though." There was a haunted look in her face as she looked away from me. "Keeps tabs on us from a distance that way."

"Is this some sort of vampire trick you all can do?" I was aghast at the idea.

"No, just her. She learned that skill from  _Father_."

I shook my head. "Hold on,  _you_  told me that your father left you! And that your mother was in rehab!"

"It's not like I could have told you the truth then!" Carmilla sighed. "Mother... called it 'Father', but really it's this... ancient being that calls itself a God that she serves and claims that all of her powers come from. Every few years she apparently makes a few human sacrifices to appease it and has been trying to turn this into some sort of  _family business._ "

 _Family business of killing people? This is insane._  "No... I can't... when did you know about this? Did you help kill people for it?!"

Carmilla looked horrified at the accusation. "Gods, no! This god-worshiping stuff started after the Inquisition had me; she said she needed the power to heal my scars. Turns out even an unspeakable evil from before time can't erase all of the cruelty of man."

"Good, because as much as I love you, I don't think I could handle the idea that you willingly helped sacrifice people. I just wasn't expecting to see her tonight."

"Please don't be mad. I didn't know she was here. She said she wasn't coming." Her tone is placating as if she's talking to a child. Reaching up she runs her thumb along my pouting bottom lip. "Don't let Mother ruin our evening, please, Laura. She's really old news."

 _Old being the operative word,_  I think uncharitably, as she tips my chin up and gently grazes her lips against mine. I sigh in agreement, blinking up at her.  _I really want tonight to go well._ She straightens herself and takes my elbow. "I wish you'd stop calling her that. It's like the name gives her deference. She's Lilita-Lilith-whatever, she's a woman who  _bought you for sex_  at 15, only to turn you into a vampire."

"The Seventeenth Century wasn't kind to poor girls back then-"

"-yeah, and apparently you got into a lot of fights and you treat this woman like your savior or something. But that's just it. She didn't save you, she corrupted you!"

"Laura, she made me able to survive."

"She never loved you!"

"Well, love is dangerous. Love makes you stupid and gets you killed... or worse."

I knew she was referring to Ell. "She shouldn't have outed you."

She shook her head. "No, she shouldn't have. But I was trying to find a way for Elladora and I be together; had I known that the girl I loved was going to hand me over to the Inquisition to be tortured and killed, I probably would have been broken-hearted as I dumped her and ran away."

"I'm sorry, Carmilla. I just can't handle the way you seem to hold her in such high regard, and she bought you like you did Armitage... and myself."

"First, Armitage is an employee on a provisional basis. The money I paid for him goes into a trust that he can spend once the term is over, minus a fee that goes back to-"

"-Fine!" I cut her off. "But they sleep on the floor by your bed like a dog."

"Have you stopped to consider that maybe they like sleeping there?"

"Well, I won't do that."

"I never asked you to. Nor have I asked you to call me Mistress outside of the playroom." She shrugged as if to say, 'and yet...'

I stopped short at her words. Armitage was actually forbidden from calling her that, and it seemed almost natural for him to do so.

"Second, you volunteered for a dance auction, which had money going to a charity. It's entirely different. I'm trying to do the whole 'vanilla girlfriend' thing for you."

"You think a remote-controlled vibrating egg inside me is 'vanilla'?"

She shrugged. "Never said I was going to give up being creative. Did you not like it?"

I blushed, realizing exactly how much I did enjoy it. "I like creative Carmilla."

Carmilla smiled back at that. "Come on, I'll accompany you to the powder room so you don't get interrupted again."

She walks with me to the loo but gets interrupted by her cell phone buzzing. "I'll wait here for you, baby," she murmurs, answering the call.

When I come out, my mood has lifted. I have decided not to let Mrs. Robinson blight my evening because that's probably exactly what she wants. Carmilla is still on the phone and as I get closer, I can hear that she's very terse.

"Why did you change your mind? I thought we'd agreed. Well, leave her alone... This is the first regular relationship I've ever had, and I don't want you jeopardizing it through some misplaced concern for me. Leave. Her. Alone. I mean it, Mother." She pauses, listening.

"No, of course not." She frowns deeply as she says this. "Will said she was trying to find you." A flash of pain crossed her face as she heard something unpleasant. "No, I really don't want to hear from her." Her voice wavered as glanced up and saw me.

"I have to go. Goodnight." She presses the off button.

I cock my head to one side and raise an eyebrow at her.  _Why is she phoning her?_

"How's the  _old news?_ " I didn't mean to sound that bitchy.

"Cranky," she replies sardonically. "Do you want to dance some more? Or would you like to go?" She glances at her watch. "The fireworks start at the stroke of midnight."  _Carmilla was telling her to back off._

My face split into a grin. "I love fireworks."

"We'll stay and watch them, then." She puts her arms around me and pulls me close. "Cupcake, don't let her come between us."

"She, in some  _really twisted way_  that I don't want to dwell on, actually cares about you," I mutter.  _I am just trying to understand._

Her brow furrows. "Laura, Mother and I... it's complicated. We have a shared history. But it is just that,  _history_. As I've said to you time and time again, she's a good friend. That's all. Please, forget about her." She kisses my hair, and in the interest of not ruining our evening, I let it go.

We wander hand in hand back to the dance floor. The band is still in full swing.

"Laura." I turn to find Mel standing behind us.

"I wondered if you'd do me the honor of the next dance." Melody holds her hand out to me. Carmilla shrugs and smiles, releasing my hand, and I let Mel put her arm around my waist and gently whirls us into the throng of people on the dance floor.

"I wanted to thank you for volunteering to help the charity, Laura."

From her tone, I suspect this is her roundabout way of asking if I was okay with getting roped into it.

"Ms. Callis-"

"Call me Mel, please, Laura."

"I'm glad I could help raise money. And it's a worthy cause."

She smiles down at me, and I seize the opportunity for some innocent inquiries.

"Carmilla told me a little about her past, so I think it's appropriate to support your work," I add, hoping that this might encourage Mel to give me a small insight her.

Mel is surprised. "Did she? You certainly have had a very positive effect on her, Laura. I don't think I've ever seen her so, so... optimistic."

I flush.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"Well, she has a very... unusual childhood." I murmur.

"I could believe that." Mel agrees quietly.

"Carmilla's early childhood sounds hideously traumatic, from what I've found out." I dangle the bait for her.

Mel frowns, and I worry if I've overstepped the mark.

"I never could get her to pledge into the the Summer Society back at Silas; apparently she was busy setting up her own business empire. I was grateful to hear that, despite her friendship with some of the Zetas, that she would be willing to come to this charity event that has  _unofficially_  become a Summer-Soc thing."

"She went here? Silas?" I asked.

Her eyes drift as if in a memory. "When I saw her in college, she always looked pale and sickly, kind of anemic. I asked if everything was alright, but she just shrugged it off and said that she was fine." Mel frowns again, lost in the awful memory, despite the up-tempo music surrounding us. "One time I caught her on the roof of our dorm, she was stargazing and composing a song on her violin. I always hoped she'd find the one to make her happy." She smiles down at me fondly.

"I've heard her play that violin, actually." I decide to change tactics. "How is Danny?"

Mel recoiled slightly at the abrupt change.

"Lawrence? Fine; I mean, Carmilla and her got into a bit of a tussle, but I heard she had her arm in a sling for only a day, so I guess it was only sprained or something."

_So she wasn't there to see it._

"You weren't at the Adonis Festival and Hunt." I said it more than asked. She shook her head no. "I um, meant, how is Danny doing, emotionally?"

"Emotionally? She's a very bright, ambitious, and capable young woman. I am thinking about getting her on the board here for next year..." She clamped her mouth shut a moment too soon.

"I sense a 'but' there..."

Mel winced at that.

"But between you and me, Danny has always been such a loner. She could really use someone; her eyes tonight seem to have been glued on some-" She stops suddenly as if she's overstepped the mark. "Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry, I don't mean to make you uncomfortable."

_Yeah, Danny has been in love with me all year and never said a word about it to me._

I shake my head. "I'd like to see her happy, too," I mutter, unsure of what else to say. She gave me a sad sort of smile. We both now know it.

"Well, I'm very glad you came this evening. It's answered a few questions I've had for awhile now."

As the final strains of "Come Fly with Me" fade away, Mel releases me and nods her head in thanks, and I mirror her civility. Carmilla is at my side again. Mel beams at us.

"Dance with me," she whispers seductively as she spins me into her arms as the band starts to play  _'It Had to Be You.'_

"With pleasure, Ms. Karnstein." I smile in response, and she sweeps me across the dance floor once more.


	13. After the Banquet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Problems with 50 Shades, in this part:
> 
> -Christian asserts control over Ana's birth control choices because he hates condoms, and when she says "It's my body", he replies with a flippant "It's mine too." She lets him win that fight.
> 
> -Christian tells Ana that she's no longer allowed to go to work because of the threat by Leila. He relents by assigning a bodyguard (the one that she didn't make small talk with because he interpreted it as flirting) and threatens that if she doesn't accept this compromise that he'll find a way to assign a protective detail to her. NEVER does he even think about reporting this to the police, though. (Apparently a cop might smell this abusive situation and talk Ana into seeing a counselor)

 

* * *

At midnight, we stroll down toward the garden overlooking the small lake where people are gathered to watch the fireworks. The MC, back in charge, has permitted the removal of masks, the better to see the display. Carmilla has her arm around me, but I'm aware that Kirsch and Armitage are close by, probably because we're in the crowd now. They are looking anywhere but at the dockside where two pyrotechnicians dressed in black are making their final preparations. Seeing Kirsch reminds me of Sarah-Jane as my eyes dart around nervously and latch onto a friendly face.

"Will! You and Grace didn't leave?" I asked.

His eyes were dark and seemed more alive than usual. "No, I just needed..." He squeezed his girlfriend slightly, "a quick bite."

Grace rolled her eyes as she sipped on a bottle of water. "Really? That's all I am to you?" They kissed as if it were an inside joke between them.

My heart pounded faster as I realized that she had bled for him, and it left me wondering when Carmilla would do that with me. Will's startled expression alterted me that he had noticed.

"Sorry, Laura, I thought it would be okay to mention that."

I shrugged it off as Carmilla put her arm around me and kissed my neck.  _Stop teasing and bite me already!_

"So you haven't um... with Laura?" Will inquired.

Carmilla shook her head slightly. "Haven't needed to. I kind of drank my fill a while back and um, it put me out of the mood."  _Her blood-binge with Lilita._

Will scoffed at that. "Oh? Judging from her heartbeat, she's really curious about being your black swan."  _Is that some sort of vampire slang for a blood donor?_

"Fresh meat, I am not going to use her like-"

"Dibs on Laura's blood!"  _Huh?!_

"What?"

"Dibs, Kitty. I just called dibs on Laura's blood."

I shook my head in shock and confusion. "Hey! Don't I get a say?"

Carmilla raised a finger to cut me off. "Um, bro, she's  _my_   _girlfriend_."

"Yeah but you didn't call dibs. I did. Dibs. See?"

" _You can't call dibs on my girlfriend's blood!_  That's-"

"Yeah I can. Dibs- see? I just did it again." Grace chuckled at the exchange as we understood that he was only ribbing her.

Carmilla began to growl low in her throat as she leaned over and rubbed her cheek against my own, maintaining eye contact with her brother.  _Wait a minute..._

"Carm, are you marking your territory?" I asked incredulously.

She pulled back, obviously chastised by my comment. "Just... mine." She said, giving me a nervous glance.

I couldn't help but smile as I kissed her cheek. "What happened to Carmilla 'I don't do jealousy' Karnstein?"

She pressed her lips thin at that. "If we're doing the whole 'vanilla dating' thing, then I don't really mind if you see other people, as long as I know who they are and you're being safe about it. But when it comes to your blood, that's  _sacred_  to me.  _That_  is mine, and that I  _won't_  share."

 _So my sweet, 50 Flavors of fucked-up vampire girlfriend does want my blood._  I smiled at the thought.

"That, I can promise, is all yours." I reply, resting my head on her shoulder as I look out into the night sky.

"See, Kitty? I knew you cared for her."

Carmilla turned her face away from his, and I could see the look of annoyance that only a sibling could cause. "Of course I care for my girlfriend. We'll get to that point when it's time. For now, I enjoy taking things slow." Moving me in front of her, Carmilla puts both her arms around my waist and pulls me into an embrace.

Suddenly, a stirring classical soundtrack booms and two rockets soar into the air, exploding with a deafening bang over the bay, lighting it all in a dazzling canopy of sparkling orange and white that's reflected in a glittering shower over the still calm water of the bay. My jaw drops as several more rockets fire into the air and explode in a kaleido-scope of color.

I can't recall ever seeing a display this impressive, except perhaps on television, and it never looks this good on TV. They're all in time to the music. Volley after volley, bang after bang, and light after light as the crowd answers with gasps and ooohs and ahhs. It is out of this world.

On the pontoon in the lake several silver fountains of light shoot up twenty feet in the air, changing color through blue, red, orange, and back to silver - and yet more rockets explode as the music reaches its crescendo.

My face is beginning to ache from the ridiculous grin of wonder plastered across it. I glance at Carm, and she's the same, marveling like a cat on the nip at the sensational show. For the finale a volley of six rockets shoot into the dark and explode simultaneously, bathing us in a glorious golden light as the crowd erupts into frantic, enthusiastic applause.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the MC calls out as the cheers and whistles fade. "Just one note to add at the end of this wonderful evening; your generosity has raised a total of eight hundred and sixty-nine thousand dollars!"

Spontaneous applause erupts again as the crowd begins to make their way to their rooms or out to the valet parking.

"Oh, Carmilla... that was wonderful." I grin up at her and she tilts her head down to kiss me.

"Time to go," she murmurs, a broad smile on her beautiful face, and her words hold so much promise.

Suddenly, I feel very tired.

She glances up again, and Kirsch is close, the crowd dispersing around us. They don't speak but something passes between them.

"Stay with me a moment. Kirsch wants us to wait while the crowd disperses."

Oh. There's music once more from the dance floor but it's a DJ playing a thumping dance number, the bass pounding out a relentless beat.

"Do you want to dance while we wait for the crowd to disperse?"

I shake my head. "I'm really tired, Carmilla. I'd like to just go, if that's okay."

Carmilla glances at Kirsch, who nods, and we set off toward the valet, following a couple of drunken guests. I'm grateful when Carmilla takes my hand - my feet are aching from the prolonged time in these heels.

Grace comes bounding up to us. "You're not going, are you? The real music's just beginning. Come on, Laura."

I shake my head no as Carmilla declines for me. "Laura's tired. We're going home. Besides, we have a big day tomorrow."

_We do?_

Grace pouts but it doesn't phase Carmilla's resolve.

"You must hang out next week. Maybe we can hit the mall?" There's something in her smile, something that conveys excitement, and I can't help but get caught up in it.

"Sure, Grace." I grin, though in the back of my mind I'm wondering how since I have to work for a living.

She gives me a quick kiss on the cheek then hugs Carmilla fiercely, taking us both by surprise.

"Will and I are so ecstatic to see you this happy," she says sweetly and kisses her on the cheek. "Bye. You guys have fun." She skips off toward Will, who is waving good-bye while blushing deep red from embarrassment.

"Well it looks like he fed really well if he can blush tonight." Carmilla leads me through a gaggle of guests only to run into Danny and Jia, who wish us fond and warm farewells. Jia was wearing a white tux with a crimson red vest and matching tie that seemed to leave Armitage's gaping in appreciation.

"Thank you two for coming tonight." says Jia kindly. Danny's eyes seem a little glazed over as if she hit the bar pretty hard. Jia took her hand in theirs and gave a significant nod to me as Armitage had their head tilted back to observe Danny.

"That's one tall ginger." He shrugged it off and continued to lead us to the Valet queue. Carmilla and I walk hand in hand to where countless cars are lined up and waiting to collect guests. I glance up at her, and she looks happy and relaxed. It's a real pleasure to see her this way, though I suspect it's unusual after such an extraordinary day. I take the risk as I remove my shoes, glad to have my feet flat on the ground again.

"Are you warm enough?" she asks. The Jeep pulls up as Kirsch and Armitage rock-paper-scissors for who gets to drive.

"Yes, thank you."

"I really enjoyed this evening, Laura. Thank you." The valet drivers open the door as Carmilla flashes her teeth at me.

"Me too, some parts more than others." I grin. We climb into the car and buckle in as Kirsch is behind the wheel and drives us away from the hotel.

She rolls her eyes playfully at that. "Don't bite your lip," she warns in a way that makes my blood sing.

"Bite it for me, then." I tease.

"I may just take you at your word, sweetness." She flirted back.

I don't know why, but her comment bothered me more than it enticed.

"So why haven't you asked for my blood yet?" I fumed.

"Laura..."  _Oh, crap. It's never good when she uses my name._ "I don't want you to think I'm some... parasite."

"I don't. I just saw how your brother looked and how happy his girlfriend is, and I can't help but  _want_  to do that for you. Do you even desire me that way?"

Carmilla's eyebrows shot upward. "I didn't know- of course I do! I just..." she seemed exasperated. "Why are you bringing this up?"

I shrugged, uncertain how to explain it. "I want to be...  _yours._ "

Carmilla shot me a mirthful glance as she whispered an order to Armitage in the front seat. "Okay then. Unbuckle yourself for a few minutes."

 _What's going on?_  I comply, trusting Kirsch to not get us into a collision as we made our way home. Armitage handed Carmilla something before she began to unzip my dress and pull it down my torso.

"What are you doing?"

The tell-tale click of a pen had me worried until I realized what it had to mean.  _She was going to write on me._

"This... tiny gay... belongs... to... Carmilla." She said out loud to me as I felt the cold tip trace my flesh.

"Wait, was that a permanent marker?" I begged that it wasn't.

Armitage turned around and answered my question. "It's not actually permanent on skin; it's the washable markers that you don't want on flesh."

"Really, Jeep?" Kirsch asked from the driver's seat. They nodded in reply. "Huh, now I know."

"Did you really just write that on me?" I tried to feign annoyance to cover up the giggles threatening to escape. Looking down, I saw the words "THIS TINY GAY BELONGS TO CARMILLA" covering from just under my breasts to my stomach.

"Oh yeah. Keep asking me to be yours, and I'll keep finding creative ways to mark you as mine. Zip up." Feeling confused, I go ahead and obey just so she can't keep using my skin as her canvas.

"You're a strange one, Carm."

"Um, you're offering up your blood to me like a rare vintage."

I pull back my hair, making sure to expose my neck to her. "Oh yeah? I hear 1993 is a great year."

Carmilla chortled at that. "Okay, that makes me feel ancient."

"Please. You look like you're in your twenties."

"Except that I was born in the 17th century, sweetness." She leans over and kisses me as we enjoy the comfortable silence on the ride home.

Armitage glances at me, and it's hard to see their face in the dark, but I think he's smirking. I gaze out of the window into the darkness, reflecting on this long day. I close my eyes and enjoy the slight burn that comes from resting my eyes. I've learned so much about her, gleaned so many missing details - the fighting, getting sold off, her absent birth mother - but there's still so much more to discover.  _And what about Mrs. Robinson?_  Yes, she cares for her, and deeply, it would appear. I can admit that, and she cares for her - but not in the same way she does for me.  _And I heard Carmilla loves me, but from the wrong person_. All this information is making my head hurt.

Carmilla wakes me just as we pull up at the front entrance.  _Crap, I nodded off._  "Do I need to carry you in?" she asks gently, "It's quicker this way than in the parking garage."

I shake my head sleepily. "No, I got it." Kirsch lets us all out as he takes the Jeep down to the parking garage by himself.

As we stand in the elevator, I lean against her, putting my head against her shoulder.

Armitage stands in front of us, shifting uncomfortably.

"It's been a long day, eh, sweetness?"

I nod.

"Tired?"

I nod again.

"You're not very talkative."

I nod and she grins.

"Come. I'll put you to bed." She takes my hand as we exit the elevator, but we stop in the foyer when Armitage holds up a hand. In that split second, I am instantly wide awake.

Armitage talks into their sleeve.  _I had no idea that they were wired with radios._

"Understood, Brody," they say as they turn to face us. "Ms. Karnstein, the tires on Laura's smart car have been slashed and paint has been thrown all over it."

Holy shit.  _Baby Smaug?! Who would do that?_  And I know the answer as soon as the question materializes in my mind.  _Sarah-Jane._  I glance up at Carmilla, and she blanches.

"Kirsch is concerned that the perp may have entered the apartment and may still be there. He wants to do a full sweep and make sure."

"I see," Carmilla whispers. "What's the plan?"

"He's coming up in the service elevator and informed LaFontaine and Perry of the situation. They'll do a sweep of their floor, then your floor, and then give us the all clear. I will wait with you, Ms. Karnstein."

"Thank you, Armitage." Carmilla tightens her arm around me. "This day just gets better and better," she sighs bitterly, nuzzling my hair. "Listen, I can't stand here and wait. Armitage, stay with Laura. Don't let her in until you have the all clear. I'm sure Kirsch is overreacting; Sarah-Jane can't get into the apartment."

 _What?_  "No, Carmilla - you have to stay with me," I plead.  _I don't want you getting hurt!_

Carmilla releases me. "Do as you're told. Wait here."

_No!_

"Armitage?" Carmilla says.

Armitage opens the foyer door to let Carmilla enter the apartment then shuts the door behind her and stands in front of it, staring impassively at me.

 _Carmilla!_  All manner of horrific outcomes run through my mind, but all I can do is stand and wait.

Armitage talks into their sleeve again.

"Brody, Ms. Karnstein has entered the apartment." They flinch and pull out the earpiece momentarily, presumably hearing loud swearing from Kirsch.

_Oh no - if he's worried..._

"Please let me go in," I plead.

"Sorry, but I do not disobey orders. This won't take long." Armitage crosses their arms, appearing to be an immovable sentry.

Oh. I feel so impotent. Standing stock-still, I listen avidly for the slightest sound, but all I hear is my aggravated breathing. It's loud and shallow, my scalp prickles, my mouth is dry, and I feel faint.  _Please, let Carmilla be okay,_  I pray silently.

I have no idea how much time passes, and still we hear nothing.  _Surely no sound is good_  - there are no gunshots.

I stare at Armitage as they watch me impassively.

"What's happening?"

"No news yet."

Abruptly, the doorknob moves. Armitage pivots instantly and draws a gun from a concealed shoulder holster and trains it in a practiced two-hand grip.  _Holy crap they are fast._

I freeze. Carmilla appears at the door.

"All clear," she says, glancing at Armitage, who puts their gun away immediately and steps back to let me through.

"Kirsch is overreacting," Carmilla grumbles as she holds out her hand to me. I stand gaping at her, unable to move, drinking in every little detail: her dark curls, the tightness round her eyes, the tense jaw, and the slip of tongue licking her lips. I think I must have aged ten years. Carmilla frowns at me in concern, her eyes dark.

"It's alright, baby." She moves toward me, enveloping me in her arms, and kisses my hair. "Come on, you're tired. Bed."

"I was so worried," I murmur, rejoicing in her embrace and inhaling her sweet, sweet scent with my head against her chest.

"I know. We're all jumpy."

Armitage has disappeared, presumably into the apartment.

"I half-hoped she was here so she could be caught and sent away for good." I mutter wryly.

Carmilla relaxes.

"Yeah. Me too."

She releases me and taking my hand, leads me across the hallway and into the great room.

"Kirsch and Armitage are checking all the closets and cupboards. I don't think she's here."

"But why would she be here?" It makes no sense.

"No idea."

"Could she get in?"

"I don't see how. But Kirsch is overcautious sometimes."

"Have you searched your playroom?" I whisper.

Carmilla glances quickly at me, her brow creasing. "Yes, it's locked - but I did go in and check."

I take a deep, cleansing breath.

"Do you want a drink or anything?" Carmilla asks.

"No." The adrenaline must have burned off as exhaustion crashes through me - I just want to go to bed.

"Come. Let me put you to bed. You look tired." Carmilla's expression softens.

I frown.  _Isn't she coming, too?_  "Okay."  _Does she want to sleep alone?_

I'm relieved when she leads me into her bedroom. I feel relieved as I take off the dress and bra and crawl into bed.  _I can shower in the morning._

"Sweetness, I need to talk to Kirsch." She gazes down at me. "You'll be okay here..."

"Are you going to call the police about the car?" I ask as I roll onto my side, facing her.

She sweeps my hair out of the way, her fingers softly grazing my exposed neck.

"No. I don't want the police involved. Sarah-Jane needs help, not police intervention, and I honestly don't want them here. We just have to double our efforts to find her." She leans down and plants a gentle kiss on my forehead.

"Go to sleep," she orders and then she's gone.

I lie, staring at the empty spot on the bed, waiting for her to return. So much has happened today, so much to process. I'm physically exhausted, but my mind is wide awake. My eyes were shut for what could only have been a minute before I woke with a jolt - fully disorientated. I feel cold and pull the sheets back up over myself.

_Have I been asleep?_

Blinking in the dim glow the hallway casts through the slightly open bedroom door, I notice that Carmilla is not in bed with me.  _Where is she?_  I glance up. Standing at the end of the bed is a shadow.  _A woman, maybe?_ It's difficult to tell.

In my befuddled state, I reach across and switch on the bedside light, then turn back to look but there's no one there. I shake my head.  _Did I imagine it?_  I sit up and look around the room, a vague, insidious unease gripping me - but I am quite alone.

I rub my face.  _What time is it? Where's Carmilla?_  The alarm says it's two fifteen in the morning.

Climbing groggily out of bed, I set off to hunt her down, disconcerted by my overactive imagination.  _I must be seeing things now._  It must be a reaction to the dramatic events of the evening.

The main room is empty, the only light emanating from the three pendulum lamps above the breakfast bar. But her study door is ajar, and I hear her on the phone.

"I don't care what you have to say. And I don't appreciate you spying on me. I have nothing to say to you... No. You don't get to play the 'I'm concerned for you' card."

I stand motionless by the door, eavesdropping guiltily.  _Who is she talking to?_

"No, you listen. I have asked you, and now I am telling you. Leave her alone. She has nothing to do with you. Do you understand?"

She sounds belligerent and angry. I hesitate to knock.

"I know you do. But I mean it, Mother. Leave her alone. Do you understand me?... Good. Good night." She slams the phone down on the desk.

 _Oh crap._ I knock tentatively on the door.

"What?" she snarls, and I almost want to run and hide.

She sits at her desk with her head in her hands. She glances up, her expression ferocious, but her face softens immediately when she sees me. Her eyes are wide and cautious. Suddenly, she looks so tired and my heart constricts.

"Sorry, cupcake. I just... you overheard the conversation, I take it?"

I nodded. "I missed you. Come to bed."

She rises slowly out of the chair still in her ball gown from this evening. But now her eyes are shining and full of promise... but there's a trace of sadness, too. She stands in front of me, staring intently but not touching me.

"Do you know what you mean to me?" she murmurs. "If something happened to you, because of me..." Her voice trails off, her brow creasing, and the pain that flashes across her face is almost palpable. She looks so vulnerable - her fear very much apparent.

"Nothing's going to happen to me," I reassure her, my voice soothing.

I trace the line of her bottom lip then trail my fingers down her throat, pulling myself closer to her. She gazes at me, still not touching me, her lips parted. I run my index finger along the cross-shaped scar over her breast that is covered by the dress, and she closes her eyes. Her soft breathing quickens.

"May I take your dress off?" I ask, my voice low.

Her eyes open wide, regarding me with alarm. But she doesn't move, and she doesn't stop me. Very slowly I reach around and pull down the zipper, letting my fingers get their fill of her skin, softly pressing my lips to hers in an almost-kiss.

"Let me touch you. Let me show you that you're not the monster you think you are." I whisper.

She nods, eyes still wide, as I reach up and slide the dress off of her shoulders. She shimmies out of it so she's standing in front of me in just her sheer black lace demi bra, matching garters and panties, and thigh-high stockings. She smirks back at me.

"What about the rest, Miss Hollis?" she asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Keep the heels on. I want you in your bed."

"Oh, do you now? Sweetness, you are insatiable."

"Vampire, you have met your match. For I am the nookie-monster." I grab her hand, pull her from her study, and lead her to her bedroom. We laugh as we make our way over there. It is noticeably colder now.

"You opened the balcony door?" she asks, frowning down at me as we arrive in her room.

"No." I don't remember doing that.  _I recall scanning the room when I woke._  "The door was definitely closed."

Oh shit... All the blood rushes from my face as my heart quickens, and I stare at Carmilla as my mouth falls open.

"What?" she snaps, glaring at me.

"When I woke...  _there was someone in here_ ," I whisper. "I thought it was my imagination."

She looks horrified and dashes to the balcony door, peers out, then steps back into the room and locks the door behind her. "Are you sure? Do you know who it was?" she asks her voice tight.

"A woman, I think. Perry, maybe? I'd only just woken up."

"Get dressed," she snarls at me on her way back in. "Now!"

"My clothes are in my room," I reply instantly.

She pulls open one of the drawers in her chest of drawers and fishes out a pair of sweatpants.

"Put these on."

She grabs a blouse from her closet and throws it on, leaving it unfastened. Grabbing the bedside phone, she presses two buttons.

"Armitage!  _She's still fucking here!_ " she hisses down the phone.


	14. Stockings

Within three seconds, Kirsch and Armitage burst into Carmilla's bedroom. They were still in their tuxedos, albeit the ties were undone and the collars loosened for comfort. Before Carmilla can explain what's going on, Armitage kneels before her in supplication.

"Mistr-Ms. Karnstein, I humbly beg for forgiveness and will gladly accept whatever punishment you deem fit."

"I can cane you later but for now I need to clear my head." She looked down at them, and there was some sort of malevolent look in her eyes that seemed to both arouse and scare me. "Lower. Your. Chin." As Armitage did so, Carmilla tugged on the back of their short hair and yanked violently forward, making J.P. fall onto all fours and whimper in pain before a sound of deep pleasure came out of them, confusing Kirsch and myself.

"Oh, finally. That sweet music." A look of relief swept over Carmilla's features as she looked down. "Crawl with me." She paced slowly a few steps before looking at me, her face steady and...  _Dominant._  My eyes darted to Armitage, who was crawling beside her like a loyal puppy, eyes glazed over and breathing slowly as if they weren't entirely there in the moment.

"How long ago did you see her?" Carmilla inquires, staring at me all businesslike. She let go of Armitage's hair as she buttons up her blouse and grabs a pencil skirt and a pair of heels from the closet and pulls them over her stockings.

"Um, about ten minutes," I mutter, for some reason feeling guilty.

"Okay, well she knows the apartment like the back of her hand," Carmilla turns to Kirsch, patting her thigh twice in rapid succession and pointing at the ground. Armitage shuffles over to that spot on all fours as Carm sits down on them and puts her heels on one at a time. "I am taking Laura away now. Sarah-Jane is hiding here somewhere. Find her. We will not return until this place is secure. Understand?" Carmilla says crisply.

"Yes, Ms. Karnstein. Where will you go?" Kirsch replied, willing himself to not look at Armitage play at being a living bench.

"I don't care. Book me somewhere." She stands and gets off of Armitage, who is breathing heavy but not from exertion.  _Are they turned on by this?_

"Armitage, get Laura some shoes. We're leaving in five." They got up and rushed to obey her.

"Aren't we all overreacting slightly?" I ask.

Carmilla glowers at me. "She may have a gun," she growls.

"Carmilla, she was standing at the end of your bed. She could have shot me then, if that's what she wanted to do."

Carmilla pauses for a moment to soak that in. "I'm not prepared to take the risk. Kirsch, book the room under my secretary's name."

"Come." She clasps my hand tightly, and I have to practically run to keep up with her long strides into the great room.

"I can't believe she could hide somewhere in here," I mutter.

"It's a big place. You haven't seen it all yet."

"Why don't you just call her... tell her you want to talk to her?"

"Laura, she's unstable, and she may be armed," she says irritably. "Am I supposed to just say 'Come out, come out, wherever you are'?"

I shrug. "So we just run?"

"For now - yes."

"Supposing she tries to shoot Kirsch, or Armitage?"

"They both have training and protective vests." she says with distaste. "They'll be quicker with a gun than she is, if it has to come to that."

"My father is a cop; between day of the week bear spray and Krav Maga lessons when I was eight, he also taught me how to shoot."

Carmilla raises her eyebrows and for a moment looks utterly bemused. "You, with a gun?" she says incredulously.

"Yes."  _I am affronted._  "I can shoot, Carmilla, so I can defend myself if needed. It's not just crazy ex-subs you need to worry about."

"I'll bear that in mind." she answers dryly, amused, and it feels good to know that even in this ridiculously tense situation, I can make her smile.

Armitage meets us in the foyer and hands me a small suitcase and black cross-trainers.

I am stunned that they have even packed me some clothes. I smile shyly with gratitude, and their returning smile is swift and reassuring. Before I can stop myself - I hug them, hard. Armitage was taken by surprise, and when I let go, I see they are pink in both cheeks. I can now notice the shoulder rig on them.

"Be careful," I murmur.

"Of course." he responds.

Carmilla frowns at me and then looks questioningly at Kirsch, who smiles very slightly and was playing with the undone bow tie in his hands.

"Let me know where I'm going." Carmilla says.

Kirsch reaches into his jacket and hands Carmilla a note card.

"Address is on there."

Carmilla nods. "Good thinking."  _Why didn't they just say it out loud?_

Armitage nods at us.

"I will accompany you two to the garage. Brody, begin lockdown procedure, and I'll test any weak points from the outside."

The garage is deserted.  _Well, it is nearly three in the morning._  Carmilla ushers me into the passenger seat of her Audi Spyder and puts my case and her bag in the trunk at the front of the car.

Baby Smaug beside us is a complete mess - every tire slashed and white paint poured all over it. It's chilling and makes me grateful that Carmilla is taking me somewhere else.

"A replacement will arrive on Monday," Carmilla says bleakly when she's seated beside me.

"How could she have known it was my car?"

She glances anxiously at me and sighs. "She had that same spot. She had an Audi A3 convertible."

 _Oh._  She pulls out of the parking space and speeds to the exit.

"You bought it for her, didn't you?"

Carmilla's lips pressed thin as she nodded once.

"Why Audi?"

"The A3 was the safest in its class. I kind of had a thing about it; I'd present my submissive with their own car to get around when needed."

"So you would have bought me the Karnstein Submissive Special as well?"  _Would I even get a choice in color?_  I thought bitterly.

"Despite what I had hoped, you've never been my submissive."

 _Despite what she hoped._  This is what I've secretly dreaded all this time.

"Are you still hoping?" I whisper.  _Because I think I am..._

The in-car phone buzzes. "Karnstein." Carmilla snaps.

"Perimeter secure. Armitage couldn't get in, but he did find the fire escape ladder deployed."

"Thank you, Kirsch. And, please, be careful."

Brody pauses. "Yes, ma'am." he says quietly, and Carmilla hangs up.

The streets are utterly deserted as Carmilla opens up her car on the interstate. She accelerates so quickly I'm momentarily thrown back in my seat. I peek at her. She's deep in thought, radiating a deadly brooding silence. She hasn't answered my question. She glances frequently at the rearview mirror, and I realize she's checking that we're not being followed. Perhaps that's why we're on the highway, because we've passed up a few hotels already.

I gaze out of the window, trying to rationalize my exhausted, overactive mind.  _If Sarah-Jane wanted to hurt me, she had ample opportunity in the bedroom._

"No. It's not what I hope for, not anymore. I thought that was obvious." Carmilla interrupts my introspection, her voice soft.

I blink at her and I don't know if the chill is emanating from within me or from outside.

"I worry that, you know... that I'm not enough." I can't keep the insecurity out of my voice.

"You're more than enough. God's Blood, Laura, what do I have to do?"

_Tell me about yourself. Tell me you love me._

"Tell me more about your relationship with Lilith. And what happened with Ell."

She sighs heavily, turning her face away from me, and for the longest time she doesn't answer. "You cannot begin to understand the depths of my depravity, Laura. And it's not something I want to share with you."

"And you really think I'd leave, if I knew?" My voice is high, incredulous.  _Doesn't she understand that I love her?_  "Do you think so little of me?"

"I know you'll leave," she says sadly.

"Carmilla... I think that's very unlikely. I can't imagine being without you."  _Ever..._

"You left me once - I don't want to go there again."

"She said she saw you last Saturday, after I left you." I whisper quietly.

"She didn't." She frowns.

"You didn't go to see her, when I left?"

"No," she snaps, irritated. "I  _just told you_  I didn't - and I don't like to be doubted," she scolds. "I didn't go anywhere last weekend. I sat in my office and tried to drink my problems away. Went through most of LaF's cloned blood supply." she adds quietly.

My heart clenches again.  _Mrs. Robinson said she saw her. Did she or didn't she?_

"Contrary to what Mother thinks, I don't rush to her with all my problems. I don't  _rush_  to anybody. You may not have noticed, but I'm not much of a talker." She tightens her hold on the steering wheel.

"Mel told me you looked anemic through college. She tried to ask if you were okay, but you seemed to brush her off."

"Did she now?" Carmilla's mouth presses into a hard line. "She tell you anything else?"

Embarrassed, I stare at my fingers. "I kind of pumped her for information."

She laughs mirthlessly. "Well you can pump me instead, now." Carmilla reaches across and squeezes my knee as she glances in the rear-view mirror once more. "I don't think we've been followed." She turns off the highway and makes a u-turn on the service road.

"Can I ask you something about Lilith?"

She gazes at me warily. "If you must," she mutters sullenly, but I don't let her irritability deter me.

"You told me ages ago that she loved you in a way you found...  _acceptable._  What did that mean?"

"Isn't it obvious?" she asks.

"Not to me."

"I was bought and paid for. If she wanted a lover she could take gently, she could have seduced anyone. I came to realize that I liked the...  _velvet-gloved brutality_  she gave me. It felt so much more honest and real than any of the male suitors I had to feign interest in. The shackles and the gilded cage were fully visible and I agreed to it."

Oh. "Mel thought you'd start a brawl in the marquee if you didn't win me at the auction," I mutter indignantly.

"Oh, sweetness, there was no danger of that. There was  _no way_  I would let anyone else win that first dance with you."

Carmilla pulls into the impressive driveway of the Hotel that had hosted the fundraiser and puts the car in park.

"Come." She climbs out of the car and retrieves our luggage. A valet rushes toward us, looking surprised - no doubt at our late arrival. Carmilla tosses him the car keys.

"Name of Natalie, we have a room booked." she says. The valet nods and can't contain his glee as he leaps into the R8 and drives off. Carmilla takes my hand and strides into the lobby.

As I stand beside her at the reception desk, I feel utterly, utterly ridiculous. Here I am, back in this swank hotel, dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants, next to the elegant Roman Goddess. No wonder the receptionist is looking from one to the other as if the equation doesn't add up. Of course, she's over-awed by Carmilla's seduction eyes. I roll my eyes as the receptionist flushes crimson and stutters.  _Jeez, even her hands are shaking._

"Do... you need a hand... with your bags, Natalie?" she asks, going scarlet again.

"No, the misses and I can manage."

The misses?! But I'm not wearing a ring. I promptly put my hands behind my back.

"You're in the Skyline Suite, tenth floor. Our bellboy will help with your bags."

"We're fine," Carmilla says curtly. "Where are the elevators?"

Miss Flushing Crimson explains, and Carmilla grasps my hand once more.

* * *

The suite has a bedroom, a separate dining room, and comes with a fireplace in the massive main room. Jeez... This suite is bigger than my dorm room plus the shared kitchen space.

"Well, cupcake, I don't know about you, but I'd really like a drink," Carmilla mutters, locking the front door securely.

In the bedroom, she puts my case and her satchel on the ottoman at the foot of the king-size four-poster bed and leads me by the hand back into the main room where the gas fire is burning brightly. I stand and warm my hands while Carmilla fixes us both a drink.

"Vodka Cranberry?"

"Please."

After a moment, she joins me by the fire and hands me a glass.

"It's been quite a day, huh?"

I nod and her dark eyes gaze at me searchingly, concerned.

"I'm okay," I whisper reassuringly. "How about you?"

"Well, right now I'd like to drink this and then, if you're not too tired, take you to bed and lose myself in you."

"I think that can be arranged." I smile shyly at her as she shuffles out of her shoes and peels off her socks.

"You never cease to amaze me, sweetness. After a day like today - you're not whining or running off into the hills screaming. I am in awe of you."

"You're a very good reason to stay," I murmur. "I told you, Carmilla, I'm not going anywhere, no matter what you've done. You know how I feel about you."

Her mouth twists as if she doubts my words, and her brow creases as if what I'm saying is painful for her to hear.  _Oh, Carmilla, what do I have to do to make you realize how I feel?_  Let her beat me like before?  _I can't go back to that._

"Cupcake, you know ..." Carmilla can't seem to finish the sentence.

"I could torture the truth out of you."

She raises an eyebrow. "Really, I don't think you should make promises you can't fulfill."  _Oh my, is that what she thinks?_

"We'll just have to see about that," I murmur. Very bravely - emboldened by the vodka, no doubt - I take Carmilla's hand and pull her toward the bedroom. At the foot of the bed I stop. Carmilla is trying to hide her amusement.

"Now you have me in here, sweetness, what are you going to do with me?" she teases, her voice low.

"I'm going to start by undressing you. I want to finish what you started earlier." I reach for the buttons on her top, and though she doesn't flinch she's holding her breath.

Gently, I unbutton and push her shirt over her shoulders and down her arms, her eyes staying on mine, all traces of humor gone. There are so many interpretations of her look.  _What is she thinking?_

"Now your bra," I whisper and unhook it in the back, without even looking. She cooperates, sliding the straps off of her shoulders making it easier for me to take it off. Once removed, she gazes intently at me, wearing only her skirt that clings oh so provocatively to her hips.

"Now what?" she whispers, eyes blazing.

"I want to kiss you here." I run my finger from hipbone to hipbone across her belly.

Her lips part as she inhales sharply. "I'm not stopping you," she breathes.

I take her hand. "You'd better lie down then," I murmur and lead her to the side of the four-poster bed. She seems bewildered, and it occurs to me that perhaps no one has taken the lead with her since... her.  _No, don't go there._

Lifting the covers, she sits on the edge of the bed, gazing up at me, waiting, her expression wary and serious. I stand before her and slip off her shirt and let it drop to the floor, then I kick off my shoes.

She rubs her thumb over the tips of her fingers. She's itching to touch me, I can tell, but she suppresses the urge. Taking a deep breath and beyond courageous, I pull down the sweatpants and panties so I am naked before her. Her eyes don't leave mine, but she swallows and her lips part.

"You are Aphrodite," she murmurs almost silently.

I clasp her face in my hands, tip her head up, and bend to kiss her. She groans low in her throat.  _I think I like having her sit so she's lower than me._

As I place my mouth on her, she grabs my hips, and before I think, I shove her down and pin her to the bed, my legs forcing hers apart so that I'm cradled against her body and between her legs. She's kissing me, ravaging my mouth, our tongues entwined. Her hand trails from my thigh, over my hip, along my belly to my breast, squeezing, kneading, and pulling enticingly on my nipple.

I groan and put my knee strategically between her legs, letting her roll her pelvis as the bit of friction makes her pant in need for me. She stops kissing me and gazes up at me bemused and breathless. I grab her hips and move my leg so that the thigh rubbing against her reminds us both of who is in charge.

She closes her eyes and moans as I push back, relishing her response as she kisses me again. We continue the slow delicious torture - rubbing against me, teasing her. And she's right - she's getting lost in me - it's very intoxicating as it wipes everything else away. All our worries are obliterated in this moment in time.

I understand that in this moment with her - my blood coursing through my veins, thrumming loudly through my ears, mixed with the sound of our mutual panting breaths. I grasp handfuls of her hair, holding her mouth to my mouth, consuming her, my tongue exploring her depths in passion. I trail my fingers down her chest, over her breasts and scars, and down to the skirt where I undo it and begin to take off the garter belt and stockings - forgetting everything, except us.

I crawl backwards off of the bed, pulling her skirt, garter, panties, and stockings off in one long pull. I grin mischievously as I make use of the stockings and tie her wrists to the bedposts.

"You're getting bold, Laura," she whispers suddenly, voice breathy in anticipation. I trail my fingers down her torso and up her thighs, resting on her most sensitive part and just barely using any pressure as I slide the tips of my two longest fingers along her wet lips.

"You want me, Carm, just as much as I want you. Now I'm going to pay you back for earlier."

With anxious, dexterous fingers, I slide deep in and savor the gasp of pleasure that I create from her. She looks up at me, her mouth open, eyes dark and tearing up, full of carnal promise. Leaning over her, I press my lips against hers and our mouths open to the kiss as I slowly curl my fingers inside her and find her g-spot.

I revel in the unique feeling of possessing her. She squirms slightly under my touch as I ease back, and then moans as I thrust back into her again - slowly, tenderly, firmly - her muscles tightening around me, jaw quivering as I realized she was silently begging 'Please... Please... Please...' over and over again like a mantra.

I moved inside her at an achingly slow pace, savoring every inch of torturing her. I understood the fascination she had with doing this to me, to make me forget everything and just exist.

"Please, Laura - faster," she murmurs, wanting more, needing more from me.

"Oh no, Mistress. I need to be this slow. Now tell me, why am I not going to leave you?"

I add another finger inside her and change the rhythm as I see her starting to arch her back and meet every thrust and I can see her palpable  _need_  as she finally answers the question.

"Because you love me! Please, fuck me and let me come!"

I have a Cheshire grin as I pump fast and hard into her as I feel her crest and orgasm around me.

"Oh, Laura!" she breathes as she lets go, my name a benediction on her lips as she finds her release. I keep up my slow assault with my fingers, chuckling as she begs me to finally stop. I relent and untie her wrists before curling myself around her beautiful nude form, fingers playing with her curly hair.

We lie there for awhile and I lose track of time, enjoying her warmth as I close my eyes and start to drift.

"I will never get enough of you. Don't leave me," she murmurs and kisses my forehead.

"I'm not going anywhere, Carmilla, and I want to know more about you and your past." I grumble sleepily.

"Okay, but later. Sleep now." With all the fucked-up stuff happening around us, I almost forget how much we've grown and opened up to each other since we've met.  _She's willing to tell me everything, and staring to believe that I won't run when I hear it._

"But I have so many questions." I say, my words ending in a yawn.

Carmilla sighs and shifts reluctantly, getting up from the bed and dragging the covers over us. We resume our tired cuddling with light touches and sleepy kisses.

"Sleep now, sweetness." She kisses my hair and wraps her arm around me and I fall asleep.


	15. The Darkest Side of Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scene removed: blatant "oh hey, I have a massive yacht that we can just go sail on for a bit because I'm a poor little rich boy who wants to show off." Seriously, I don't even want to have to document all of the abusive/jealous/shitty relationship stuff in 50 Shades because I'm about to throw the original story away for my own interpretation of how it should go.
> 
> GET READY TO FEEL DEAD INSIDE.

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me?_   
_No one will ever change this animal I have become_   
_Help me believe it's not the real me_   
_Somebody help me tame this animal I have become_   
_Help me believe it's not the real me_   
_Somebody help me tame this animal_

_-Three Days Grace, "Animal I Have Become"_

* * *

When I open my eyes, light is filling the room, making me blink. My head is fuzzy from lack of sleep.  _Where am I?_  Oh - the hotel...

"Hi," Carmilla murmurs, smiling fondly at me. She's lying beside me, fully dressed in a black graphic tee and leather pants, on top of the bed. How long has she been here?  _Has she been studying me?_  Suddenly, I feel incredibly shy as my face heats under her steady gaze.

"Hi," I murmur, grateful that I am lying on my front. "How long have you been watching me?"  _Where did she get the clothes from?_

"I could watch you sleep for hours, Cupcake. But I've only been here about five minutes." She leans over and kisses me gently. "I am glad Armitage packed us both a change of clothes."

"Oh." I'd forgotten about the packed suitcase.

"You should go shower, tiny gay."  _Right, the sharpie..._  She handed me a bottle of nail polish remover and some cotton balls. "For the writing, in case the soap isn't enough to get it all out."

"You've done this before, haven't you?" I ask, looking at her questioningly.

"What? It's funny because I don't actually feel the need to mark you as my territory." I shake my head at that.

"What time is it?"

"Nine. I didn't have the heart to wake you earlier."

I yawn, hoping against hope for a  _Bad Wolf_  soda.

"Ugh, I'm thirsty. And hungry. And I don't wanna get up."

She smiles in answer. "You know, I am fairly certain I'm supposed to be the non-morning person. What's your excuse?"

"I was up late with the security breach and the sex." I start to crawl out of bed and stretch as I make my way to the bathroom.

"Breakfast is coming. Come on, get going." She swats me sharply on my behind, making me jump, and grabs the ice bucket.

Hmm... Carmilla's version of warm affection.  _Then again, she used Armitage like a bench last night, too. I'm still not sure how I feel about that._

As I make my way to the shower, I'm aware I ache all over... no doubt a result of all the sex, dancing, and teetering in expensive high-heeled shoes. I stagger my way into the sumptuous bathroom while going over the events of the previous day in my mind. Making Armitage drop to their knees and crawl beside her was how she cleared her mind.  _It was degrading._

_She did hire Armitage as a submissive, though._ She and I can just have a nice, normal, vanilla relationship together, right? For everything else, she can do the Dominance stuff with JP.  _Except that they are asexual and seems to want to please Carmilla by being her manservant. And I honestly like calling her my Mistress when JP isn't allowed to._

When I come out, I don one of the over-fluffy bathrobes that hang on a brass peg in the bathroom. My body might be clean, but my mind feels more cluttered than ever before. Sarah Jane -  _the girl who looks like me_  - covered in dried blood and bandages is what my brain conjures up as it fills in the eerie presence I noticed in Carmilla's bedroom.  _What did she want? Me?_

_Does she want Carmilla?_   _And why the fuck has she trashed my car?_

Carmilla had said I would've had an Audi, just like her other submissives. I wouldn't be bothered if Armitage got one, would I?

I wander into the main room of the suite - no sign of Carmilla.  _Where would she have gone?_

There's a knock at the door. She must have forgotten the key card. I pull the door open, not even looking at her as I go in search of a disposable toothbrush.

"You ordered breakfast?" I turn to realize that it wasn't Carmilla after all. Room service comes in, latches the door open, and pushes a meal cart in.

"Oh, um, yeah. Do you have  _Bad Wolf_  soda by any chance?" The attendant looks under the cart.

"Cyberman Cola or Gallifrey Grape?"

"Gallifrey." He pulls the can out and sets the breakfast on the table in the main room.  _Still no sign of Carmilla._

The door from across the hall opens up. I hear Mel's voice. "Thanks again for your help, everyone. Breakfast is being served downstairs for only another half hour, and I'm not about to pay extra for-"

I stand there awkwardly at her as she finishes her sentence.

"-room service."

Jia, Levi, and Danny make their way out of the suite and I wave a greeting at them as I'm only wearing a bathrobe with my wet hair.

"Danny, hold up." I say at the doorway, and she nods to Jia and Levi to go on without her.

Mel sees the exchange between Danny and myself and decides to duck out of the way. Even the room attendant leaves, pushing the cart out of the room with haste.

"Hey Laura." She smiles at me, but it doesn't seem to reach her eyes. "You look busy, I should probably let you get back to-"

"I'm sorry about last night. I didn't know you'd be here." I apologize quickly.

"No big deal. I knew you wouldn't rub my nose in it." I grimace at the thought.

"You could smell what happened last night, couldn't you? I'm really sorry that I kind of  _did_  rub your nose in it."

Danny shrugged a little too much, foot tapping in obvious discomfort. "It wasn't on purpose. Not your fault I can smell this well."

"I know, Danny, I just... I miss what we had before."

She nods in reply, still keeping her eyes off of me. "Me too. You mean the absolute world to me. But... I also want more. And it's not right to try and force it to happen."

I shrug. "I know you wouldn't. Hug?" I offer, arms outstretched for her.

She pulls me into an embrace and instantly I'm swept off of my feet as I wrap my arms around her. "Thanks, Laura." She held me above the ground like many times before, popping my back with a satisfying crunch, but this time I couldn't help but notice the strength in her arms.

I kiss her cheek as she sets me back down on the ground. "If it means anything, I ship Xena and Gabrielle."

"You're okay, Hollis." Danny replies, looking down the hall. "I uh, gotta go eat with the sisters."

_Danny Lawrence loves me._  I'm not certain how to deal with that as I turn back to the door and... forget that it locks itself.

It only took another minute before Carmilla returned, apparently she had to go down a few floors to find a working ice machine.

"Good news. Sarah-Jane came in through my bedroom window using the fire escape last night. She must have left that same way when you spotted her. All of the security systems I have were in working order, save for me leaving that window unlocked. Oh, food's here." Carmilla sits at the table, glancing over the Sunday paper and sipping some coffee, looking completely at home. She smiles at me.

"Good." I say tersely.  _So Number Fifteen is on the run again._

"Laura, what's wrong?"

I swallow. "It's nothing to worry about. Please, Carmilla, just leave it."

Carmilla looks up at me. She grasps my chin, tipping my head back, and stares emphatically into my eyes, trying to decipher my panic.

"Tell me," she urges.

"There's nothing to tell. I'd like to eat breakfast." I pull my chin out of her reach. I take a seat, grateful for the impressive breakfast laid out before us.

"I don't know what's upset you, or if you're just bad-tempered through lack of sleep, but I want you to tell me. My imagination is running away with me, and I don't like it."

I roll my eyes at her, and she glares back at me, narrowing her eyes.  _Oh... crap._  Okay... here goes.

"You said you'd open up to me last night."

"Okay, shoot."

"Tell me about your so-called 'Mother', why you have such a low view of yourself that you'd think I'd leave, and why you only found  _sadism_  as an acceptable way of showing love."

"She taught me how to read people, to figure out what they wanted, turned it into a game where humans were hunted. Know how many lives you screw over in three centuries in order to eat?"

"You don't kill when you drink blood. And now that you can clone it, it doesn't matter."  _Where is she going with this?_

She nodded at that. "As sanitized as the world seems to a naive girl like you, it really is a dog-eat-dog world out there. And nothing comes without a cost. So when she gave me pain and pleasure, it made sense."

"I'm not naive! She abused you, Carmilla. She  _fucked_  you up royally, so much that you can't even see it."

"Laura, she gave me a new life-"

"She  _killed_ you! And is a _child molestor!_ "

"Back then, there really wasn't an age of consent."

" **HOW CAN YOU DEFEND HER?!**  SHE IS NOTHING BUT A  _PEDOPHILE_  AND A  _PREDATOR_  WHO  ** _TOOK ADVANTAGE OF YOU_**!" I slam my napkin down on the table and walk away, willing myself to calm down as we finally have it out.

"Is that what you think of me?" She snapped back, eyes nearly white-silver in rage.

"No! I-"

"I'm three hundred years older than you! I've  _fucked_ into the double digits and  _drank my way into the triple_. From my perspective, I did more than just corrupt your maidenhead, I have violated you  _and still want to defile you more!_ "

"That's different. I want you to!"

"AND I WANTED HER!"

Carmilla took a long breath, sipped her coffee, and took another cleansing breath.

"She helped show me the world, and I wouldn't be who I am today otherwise. I can't see her as pure evil like you do."

"She's a vampire!" I exclaimed, exasperated as I looked at her incredulously.

"I'm a vampire!" She retorted in frustration. "I'm into my fourth century! You don't live that long without committing a few lifetimes of sins."

"But you don't kill when you feed! She kills whenever she  _wants a new body!_ "

"No, I didn't always kill when I fed on blood, but I know Mother did. I thought maybe having a companion you could feed from was a better way to live. Mother thought otherwise and proved to me that you can't trust people."

"You can trust me!"

"Cupcake, I want you to know that I feel comfortable enough with showing you some of my scars, but right now, you're demanding that I open up entirely, and in ways that I haven't in almost forever."

_Oh._ I willed myself calmer as I continued my line of questions.

"You mean Elladora?" Carm nodded.

"I loved her and thought she could understand me... in due time. I didn't get the chance, and I got tortured for my trouble."

"Do you still love her?"

"I loved her zeal for life and her empathy for others. That died when Mother killed and turned her. I don't know why, but opening the jaws of death and bringing her back changed her in ways I never did. When she rescued me from the Inquisition, I was starving and..."

"And...?" I wanted her to continue.

"I had to survive. I was too thirsty to stop myself with the so-called witch. Yet Ell couldn't seem to care that it bothered me."

"Where did you go after that?"

Carmilla shrugged. "They were my family. I stayed around, we played Mother's games, and I kept trying to find a girl who would want to be with me despite my shortcomings."

I bristled at that. "You stayed around after you got tortured and scarred up?"

"Mother decided that I wasn't pristine enough to be her Countess for her marks, but since I was still able to seduce women to feed from and take the singletail better than Ell could, I was kept around."

"I couldn't help but see a resemblance between myself and Sarah-Jane. Does Ell look like me, too?"

"Yes, I can see a cursory resemblance. I like brunettes."

"So what made you finally leave them?"

"It wasn't until halfway through the nineteenth century that she discovered 'Father' and demanded we collect human sacrifices for it. I refused and got thrown into a coffin for around seven decades as punishment. I escaped from the coffin during the First world War, and decided that I was done with my family."

_She was buried alive by her family?_

"Oh my god. I am so, so sorry..."

"Laura, this isn't something I like to dwell on very often. " Carmilla's face darkens and hardens, becoming more angular, her eyes frosting with anger. "Can we talk about something else?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

She shakes her head. "It's old news, sweetness. Not something I want to think about."

"Get dressed. I hope Armitage packed something nice for you." My mind flashed back to the moment when she used them as a bench, as well as dropping them to their knees and making them crawl as she seemed to keep a rational head when I would have freaked out.  _I don't think I could ever be dehumanized and objectified like that._

Carmilla rises from the table and I can't help but admire her in those leather pants. I could sit here all day, watching her butt sway as she gathers her stuff.

"Up," she scolds, bossy as ever. I gaze at her, grinning.

"Just admiring the view." I flirt in reply.  _Well, some objectification is okay._

She rolls her eyes at me.

As I get dressed and fix my hair and makeup, I notice that we move with the type of synchronization two people have after years of knowing each other so well, watchful and acutely aware of the other, exchanging the occasional shy smile and sweet touch. And it dawns on me that this is just as new for her as it is for me.

"Don't forget to dry your hair,"Carmilla orders once I'm done.

"Domineering as ever." I smirk at her, and she leans down to kiss my hair.

"That's never going to change, Creampuff. I don't want you sick."

I roll my eyes at her, and her mouth twists in amusement.

"Fairly certain I could still put you over my knee, Miss Hollis." And I don't know if it's the momentary distraction of her amazing looks or the knowledge that she loves me, but her threat no longer fills me with dread. This is my Fifty Flavors; this is just the way she is.

"Shame that's not the type of relationship we have." I retort sweetly. "Not anymore, at least."

"No, it's not. You're more important to me than that stuff is." As I reach for the hairdryer, a tangible ray of hope blossoms.  _We will find a new way._  We just have to recognize each other's needs and find ways to accommodate them.  _We can do that, surely?_

"I know, and thank you. I truly appreciate that you've given up trying to make me into your submissive and that you have Armitage for that now. I mean, I don't mind some of the kinky stuff, but I enjoy being your girlfriend."

"Of course." Carmilla says as she turns and continues packing up to leave.

* * *

The valet zooms up in Carmilla's car, wearing a face-splitting grin. Jeez, everyone is so happy today.

"Great car," he mumbles as he hands over the keys. Carmilla winks and gives him an obscenely large tip.

I frown at her.  _Honestly._

As we cruise through the traffic, Carmilla is deep in thought as she selects and plays a song from her MP3 app from her linked cellphone. A woman's voice comes over the speakers; it has a beautiful, rich, mellow timbre, and I lose myself in her sad, soulful voice. She picked this song on purpose.  _What was Carmilla sad about?_  I thought back to our conversation earlier.  _Maybe she isn't okay with our relationship the way it is._

_I could beg a thousand times_  
_I could explain, I could use rhymes_  
_And rhythms meant to catch your eye_  
_But I know you won't see_   


I looked over to her as she kept her eyes on the road.

_I could cry a thousand tears_  
_I could appease your secret fears_  
_But the louder that I scream  
_ _The harder your machines close over me_

Except that Carmilla admitted to being a Sadist. And as much as it freaked me out before, I could tell that she gets off in part by inflicting pain.  _But not all pain is equal._  Her words replay in my mind. " _Despite what I had hoped, you've never been my submissive."_ Did I want to be? I couldn't see myself being her footstool, but the things we did early on in the relationship? The things I've read about online?  _Yeah, I think I could be okay with some of it._  How to tell Carmilla this and negotiate the boundaries will be the tricky part.

_But I don't care_  
_Maybe I'm afraid, but still I swear_  
_You could take my life with conscience clear  
_ _But you should still hear that_

_If I burn, you will see_  
_The in your mind when you sleep_  
_And if I rise up in smoke around your eyes  
_ _You'll know it's me_

_And the rain won't wash away_  
_The ashes underneath your nails today_  
_Doesn't matter where you go or what you do  
_ _'Cause if I burn, so will you_

Carmilla turns down the volume and tilts her head forward in resolve as she addresses me.

"I want you to move in with me."

I turn to face her, astonished. "I can't. I have another year of college still, and I'm going to be the Floor Don."

_I could bargain but I'd lose_  
_You'll sell the parts that you don't use  
_ _Yes, I could beg you to be merciful and set me free_

"I know, but Sarah-Jane is out there still."

"And you've essentially assigned Armitage as my body guard, so I'm safe until she's found and sent away to get help... hopefully on another continent."

_I could threaten you with Hell_  
_Or I could promise not to tell_  
_But the softer I become  
_ _The harder your machines close over me_

"There's also the issue with Mother."

"Oh she doesn't scare me."  _Bull pucky, I'm terrified of her!_  "But I meant what I said before, if she comes after me, I'll be ready. I'm not about to get bullied by the likes of her."

"Oh boy. Okay, well, Armitage will remain by your side then and help you with whatever you need."

_But I don't care_  
_Maybe I'm afraid, but still I swear_  
_You could take my life with conscience clear  
_ _But you should hear that_

_If I burn, you will see_  
_The fire in your mind when you sleep_  
_And if I rise up in smoke around your eyes  
_ _You'll know it's me_

_And the rain won't wash away_  
_The ashes underneath your nails today_  
_Doesn't matter where you go or what you do  
_ _'Cause if I burn, so will you_

_When you sleep you'll feel my icy fingers_  
_Crawling down your back_  
_And when you wake you'll find me right beside you  
_ _Waiting to attack_

As we pull into the parking garage, I see Baby Smaug has been replaced by a bright blue Audi A3 convertible.  _Mistress has given Dobby a sock, it appears._

"Carmilla, no!" I snap.  _Was she planning on just slipping this to me as a temporary rental or something?_

"LAURA, YES!" She retorts, putting the top back up on her car, "I mean, not you. It's for JP. They needed a vehicle and since you're without transportation for now, he'll be driving you to work.

"So you asking if I'd move in with you-"

"-would make it easier for everyone for now. At least for the summer while SJ is out there."

"I'll think about it."

When we get up to Carmilla's floor, Kirsch is dangling a set of car keys out of Armitage's reach. "Sorry lil' bro, looks like you're too short to handle that much car."

"I will  _so_  kick you in the shins, Brody."

"I'll kick you back."

"I'll  _like_  it."

Carmilla witnessed the exchange. "My crack security team. Just add crack." The two of them turned to face her, both trying to exude a professional look. Armitage glanced at Kirsch, quickly jabbing one finger just over his collarbone, making the Zeta drop the keys as he was immobilized with pain.

"OW! Uncool, half-pint! Not Mark of Kingsberry rules..."

JP points to themself with both hands. "Um, Slytherin."

"So..." Carmilla pipes up, silencing them, "Armitage is going to drive Laura to and from work until her smart car is repaired."

"Baby Smaug isn't dead?"  _My car isn't totaled?_

"It was just paint, new tires, replace the panels. Brody, you'll be my personal security for the time being as well."

"What about LaFontaine and Perry?" I ask, looking around for them. As if summoned, they both came up from the stairwell connecting to the lower floor. Perry smoothed out her blouse while LaFontaine was blushing deep red.

"They aren't being targeted. We are. What are your plans for this week?"

I shrug. "Work..." Something is niggling at the back of my mind. "Betty comes back! Thursday, I think. I bet Jamie misses her, so I won't see them until they come up for air."

Armitage nodded as they made a mental note.

Perry sat up straight, hands demurely in her lap in hopes that nobody would see the hickey on her neck. "We're having meatloaf on Monday, tacos for Tuesday-"

"Thank you, Perry. I read the menu that you emailed me on Saturday." Lola smiled and nodded at that, turning to LaFontaine. "See? She does read them."

"I've never been downstairs." I mention, curious what all is there.

Carmilla takes my hand in hers and leads me to the staircase. "Oh, well I think you deserve the tour. Besides the lab, personal quarters for Brody, LaFontaine, and Perry... there's a game room with a billiards table."

My face lights up and I quickly begin to scheme. "Is that like a pool table? Wanna play a game before dinner?"  _Don't act too eager._

"Sure. Maybe we could do eight ball?"

I nod, trying to affect an innocent look. "Sure, you break the balls though."

_Sucker._


	16. The Wager

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A special thanks to my new Beta, carmillacarter.

 

* * *

 

Carmilla opens the door. I see burgundy felt on the billiard table.

"Shall I rack?" I ask. Carmilla smiles, surprised.

"Okay. Have you played before?"

"A few times," I lie.

She narrows her eyes, cocking her head to one side. "You're a hopeless liar, Cupcake. Either you've never played before or—"

I lick my lips."Frightened of a little competition?"

"Frightened of a little morsel like you?" Carmilla scoffs good-naturedly.

"No. More like a wager, Ms. Karnstein," I reply, shrugging playfully.

"You're that confident, Miss Hollis?" She smirks, equal parts amused and incredulous.

"What would you like to wager?"

"If I win, you'll take me back into the playroom."

She gazes at me as if she can't quite comprehend what I've said."Why do you ask for that?"

"Because I can tell we both want it."

She pauses for a long moment, still shell-shocked at the turn this conversation has taken."And if I win?"

"Then it's your choice."Her mouth twists as she contemplates her answer.

"Okay, deal." She smirks.

From a cupboard beneath one of the bookshelves, Carmilla takes out a large leather case. Inside the pool balls are nested in velvet. Quickly and efficiently, she racks the balls on the table. _I don't think I've ever played pool on such a large table before._ Carmilla hands me a cue and some chalk.

"Sure you don't want to break?" She feigns politeness. She's enjoying herself—she thinks she's going to win.

"Okay." I chalk the end of my cue and gently blow the excess chalk off—staring up at Carmilla as I do. Her eyes linger on me as I line up on the white ball and with a swift, clean stroke, I break the rack with such force that a striped ball spins and plunges into the top right pocket. I've scattered the rest of the balls pretty evenly.

"Lucky break." Carmilla says, eyes raking over me. I was fairly certain she was trying to figure out if I am secretly a pool shark as I pivot in the blue sundress Armitage packed for me, making the hemline flare out to show off just a bit more of my thighs.

"I choose stripes," I say innocently, smiling coyly at Carmilla. Her mouth twists in amusement.

"Be my guest," she says politely.

I proceed to pocket the next three balls in quick succession, lining up each shot to lead into the next. _I am so grateful Danny taught me to play pool so well at the_ _Student_ _Union._ Carmilla watches impassively, giving nothing away, but her amusement seems to ebb. I miss the green stripe by a hairsbreadth, and grimace as I was unable to run the table.

"You know, Cupcake, I could stand here and watch you leaning and bending over this billiard table all day," she says lasciviously, smirking. _She's trying to put me off my game._ She grins at me as she saunters over to take her first shot. She bends low over the table. My mouth goes dry. _Oh, I see what she means._ Carmilla in skin-tight leather pants and low-cut black T-shirt, bending, like that ... is something to behold.

She sinks four solids rapidly, then fouls by sinking the white. I may have been leaning over the table and distracted her shot by giving her a generous eyeful of my cleavage.

"A very elementary mistake, Ms. Karnstein," I tease. She smirks.

"Ah, Miss Hollis, I am but a _foolish mortal._ It’s your turn, I believe." She waves at the table. _Wait, does she have some sort of vampiric edge over me in this?_

A sinking feeling hits me in the pit of my stomach as I realize that she may have been playing me all along. _She knows when my pulse races and can smell my fear._

I swallow down my nerves. "You're not trying to lose are you?"

"Oh no. For what I have in mind as the prize, I want to win, Cupcake." She shrugs casually. "But then, I always want to win." I narrow my eyes at her.

 _Right then..._ I'm so glad I'm this blue dress is low-cut. I stalk around the table, bending low at every available opportunity—giving Carmilla an eyeful of my behind and my breasts whenever I can. _Two can play at this game._ I glance at her.

"I know what you're doing," she whispers, her eyes dark. I tilt my head coquettishly to one side, gently fondling my cue, running my tongue across my lips, and letting my teeth graze my bottom lip.

"Oh, I’m just deciding where to take my next shot," I murmur distractedly. Leaning across, I hit the orange stripe into a better position. I then stand directly in front of Carmilla and take the cue rest from underneath the table. I line up my next shot, leaning right over the table. _I know that I'm flashing panties at this angle._ I hear Carmilla's sharp intake of breath, and of course, I miss. _Crap._ She comes to stand behind me while I am still bent over the table and places her hand on my backside.

"Hmm... Are you waving this around to taunt me, Miss Hollis?" And she smacks my ass, hard. I gasp.

"Yes," I mutter, because it's true.

"Be careful what you wish for, baby." I rub my behind as she wanders to the other end of the table, leans over, and takes her shot. _Jeez, I could look at her all day._ She hits the red ball, and it shoots into the left side pocket. She aims for the yellow, top right, and it just misses. I grin.

"Playroom here we come," I taunt her. She merely raises an eyebrow and directs me to continue. I make quick work of the green stripe and by some fluke, manage to knock in the final orange stripe, leaving the table mostly clear so I can sink the eight-ball and win.

"Name your pocket," Carmilla murmurs, and it's as if she's talking about something else, something dark and foreboding with how salacious it sounds.

"Top left-hand pocket." I point with the stick as I take aim.

Carmilla leans over the table next to me, her lips centimeters away from the edge of my ear, whispering seductively as I strike the cue ball.

"Good luck."

I shudder as parts of me tighten up. I hit the cue ball, but the loud clack tells me that I miscued. It skirts wide. _Damn._ Carmilla smiles a wicked grin as she leans over the table and makes short work of the two remaining solids.

I am practically panting, watching her lithe body stretching over the table. She stands and chalks her cue, her eyes burning into me.

"That's cheating," I say, scowling at her.

"Nowhere does it say wishing your opponent luck is cheating."

"Well... it's unethical." I pout, knowing she is right and probably going to win now.

"Ethics are a ridiculous game played by children who think they can impose order on an arbitrary universe. If I win, I am going to spank you over this billiard table." _Holy crap._ Every single muscle south of my navel clenches hard. "Top right," she murmurs, pointing to the pocket, and bends to take the shot.

With easy grace, Carmilla taps the cue ball so that it glides across the table, kisses the eight and oh-so-slowly the black rolls, teeters on the edge, and finally drops into the top right pocket of the billiard . She stands, and her mouth twists in a triumphant I-so-own-you-Cupcake smile. Putting down her cue, she saunters casually toward me, her tousled curls, leather pants, and black T-shirt. She doesn't look like a CEO—she looks like a rocker chick oozing with her vampiric charm. _Holy cow, she's so fucking sexy._

"You're not going to be a sore loser, are you?" she murmurs, barely containing her grin.

"Depends how hard you spank me," I whisper, holding on to my cue for support. She takes my cue and puts it to one side, places her finger at the bottom of my jaw and leans in for a quick peck on my lips.

"You want to go back to my playroom, and yet you're worried that I might spank you too hard. I think I need to teach you a lesson in masochism."

Her eyes glow a soft gray with excitement, and leaning in, she rubs her nose against mine. "I want you to bend over this pool table and lift up your dress to expose your ass to me. Now." She plants a feather-soft kiss on my lips, wanders nonchalantly over to the door, and locks it. _Oh my._ When she turns and gazes at me, her eyes are shining silver. I stand paralyzed there, my heart pounding, my blood pumping, not actually able to move a muscle. In my mind, all I can think is— _this is for her_ —the thought repeating like a mantra over and over again.

"Come on, Cupcake. We don't have all evening."

"Um, I forgot how to, um, move." I finally find my voice, and it sounds low and heated. Carmilla grins.

"Oh, Miss Hollis. I think I can help you there." Her lips are so close that they practically graze my own as her fingers weave through my hair at the base of my skull and tug. My inner walls clench as she moves me and bends me over the table and instinctively my hands are there to brace me. _I never knew pulling my hair could be so sexual._ A cool breeze hits me as I realize that she's lifted my dress and is running her fingers up and down my thighs.

"I want to be quite rough with you, Sweetness. But you'll have to tell me to stop if it's too much," she breathes.

"Safe word?" I murmur.

"No, no specific safe word. Just tell me to stop and I'll stop. Understand?" Her lips press against the back of my neck, paralyzing me again. _Oh, that feels good._ "Answer me," she orders her voice velvet soft.

"Yes, yes, I understand." _I'm puzzled by her insistence._

"You haven't been dropping hints as much as anvils as mixed signals for a while, Cupcake," she says. "I don't know how serious you were, but we are going to find out. I don't want to go back into the playroom yet, not while I'm anxious that I might lose you again, so if you don't like this, you must promise to tell me." I can sense the anxiety on her; she's not the confident Carmilla that I first met at all.

"I'll tell you. No safe word," I vow.

"We're just lovers, Cupcake. We don't need safe words." She frowns. _Just lovers. She wanted more; she wanted a_ _Dom/sub_ _thing but is settling for a vanilla relationship._ I tried to think back compare the orgasms she had at the start of the relationship versus what she had recently.

"I guess not," I murmur. _Jeez — has she been settling?_ She searches my face for any clue that I might lack the courage of my convictions and I give her a smile, knowing that she loves me and really wants this to work. _It's very simple_ _,_ _Hollis_ _. Don't_ _overthink it._ A slow smile stretches across her face as she traces her fingertips up the inside of my right thigh and squeezes my ass in appreciation.

"Do you have any idea how hot you look right now? Partly exposed, bent over my billiard table, ready for me to spank you?"

I flush at that. She caresses my behind just before she smacks me hard, squarely on my left cheek. _I thought she was going for the right one!_ I let out a startled yelp. Carmilla caresses my behind again.

"Oh, you didn't expect that, did you?" she whispers. "Let's see if you can take it a little harder, Cupcake." I am panting now, excited by how close her fingers are to my sex. Her voice was dripping with carnal sensuality and sex. _How could I ever resist this woman?_

I bite my lip, preparing myself for the next swat on my ass. She squeezes the left one, now aching, before she taps it with the barest touch and I groan, feeling cheated of a full swing. _Oh, she is just prolonging the agony._ She moves just out of my peripheral vision and stands behind me again, stroking my left thigh then cups my covered quim.

I can't help my moan as desire twists and turns inside me. The sharp smack _there_ is like an electric current to my libido, making me wish that I were getting pounded in a wholly different way as I arch up, arms straightened as my hands nearly leave the table.

"Don't you dare, sweetness," she warns as I bend over the table once more. Using every last vestige of inner strength I have—which has diminished considerably since I can feel myself soaking through my panties—Carmilla smacks me once more, hard.

The pain is only there for a second as pleasure overloads my body and I'm ready for another. I moan as I'm shaking my bum at her slightly, encouraging her.

"Oh really, Cupcake? Well this time, I'm really going to let you have it." I feel her hands caress the bottom of the cheek, slapping it with a meaty thud a few times before she really spanks me. I arch my back and get up on my toes as my body is now begging for it.

I wait for the blow, but it doesn't come. Instead she leans right over me, hands grabbing my wrists, and pulling them behind my back. My face and cheek are now buried in the red felt as she holds my wrists together with her left hand while the fingernails of her right hand rake up and down my bum. _Oh you tease!_

"Please..." I beg, realizing how much my body wants this.

"Anything you say, sweetness."

I groan and my heart leaps into my mouth. My breath comes in short pants and a hot, heavy excitement courses through my veins. Gently, she caresses my behind as her other hand has me effectively pinned down. I am helpless, and the thought turns me on even more as her hand-strike lands a heavy blow.

I wasn't certain if I groaned, moaned, or what. I just needed more and another strike landed on the other side, just between where the ass ends and the thighs begin. Each blow feels like sex to me now, as I playfully struggle to get my wrists out of her grip and she wails on my ass over and over, making my thighs quiver with each strike as I feel a familiar build up deep inside me.

"How come I'm..." I pant, gulping air down, "feeling like I'm ready to or... orgasm?"

"Just go with it." Carmilla said, letting go of my wrists and fisting my hair again, making me gasp with sensation. "Open your legs," she murmurs and for a moment, I hesitate. She smacks me hard, and this time it's sharp and not pleasurable.

"Legs," she repeats, and I can hear the authority in her voice. I open my legs, panting. She strikes again—it stings, but it's more of the good pain rather than the bad.

I close my eyes and make myself relax into the moment. The spanking isn't too bad, and I start to hear Carmilla's breathing becoming heavier. She hits me again and again, and I moan. I start feeling light headed and am not sure how many more strokes I can bear—but hearing her, knowing how turned on she is, feeds my own arousal and my willingness to continue.

 _I am crossing to the dark side, a place in my psyche that I don't know well but have been in before when we were in her playroom—and I want to be here._ Her hand strikes once more, and I moan loudly, and Carmilla groans in response. She hits me again—and again... and once more... harder this time—and I collapse, blissfully melting onto the pool table.

"Stop." The word is out of my mouth before I'm even aware that I've said it. Carmilla immediately releases my hair, hands rubbing my hot and sensitive ass.

"Enough?" she whispers.

"I feel like... I went somewhere." I look over at her and she's grinning from ear to ear.

"Do you think you had an orgasm?" _Huh?_

"Maybe." I try to shrug and realize that I'm starting to drool on the table. "Sorry 'bout the..." I trail off, feeling floaty and loopy.

"I think you're having the subspace experience."

"Okay." _I feel good. This is... good._

"I want to fuck you now," she says, her voice strained.

"Okay" I murmur as I lie on the table, marveling at how I have managed— _enjoyed_ — what she's done to me up to this point. It's so dark but so her. She runs two fingers over me and moves them in a circular motion. The feeling is exquisite. Closing my eyes, I revel in the sensation. She pauses, and then pulls her fingers off of my soaked panties.

"Actually, sweetness, I think I'll wait a moment until you can clear your head and think soberly."

_Soberly? I haven't been drinking..._

"What? You're not... I haven't been drinking." I can tell I'm slurring my words ever so slightly.

Carmilla helps stand me up straight as I blink away the foggy feeling in my head.

"You were definitely in what's known as sub-space. You were drunk on endorphins, and I want your sober consent."

I lean into her, pressing my lips against hers. "That's sweet. I want this." _She can fuck me whenever she wants if it feels this good._ "I want to be yours, Mistress."

Carmilla licks her lips at that. "God, I could taste these lips forever. I thank divine providence every day that it was you that came to interview me and not Betty Spielsdorf." She kisses my hair. I smile as I take the compliment and blush.

"Me too."

"Well, it's almost dinner time. Don't want to leave Perry waiting."

"Do vampires have to eat?" I ask her, pulling down the hem of my dress and smoothing it out.

"No, we don't. But we can ingest food. Small amounts, but the only thing we really need is blood." The way she looked at me I knew she wanted me as much as I wanted her to have me.

"Is that why you call me cupcake and sweetness?" I asked, blushing.

"I've thought about tasting you ever since I first picked you up in my office." As our eyes met, we both knew what we wanted, and neither of us wanted to be the first to broach the subject.

"This doesn't have to be now," I say, backpedaling.

Carmilla nodded in agreement. "I want the first time to be special."

"Special?"

She shrugged. "Memorable."

I gathered my courage and took a step into her. "Well, there's no time like the present."

"Oh really, Miss Hollis?" As our eyes locked, I could see the silver sparks begin to appear as I stood there, enchanted by this beautiful creature.

I nodded as I swept my hair back, exposing my neck, turning to walk away from her. In a heartbeat, I found myself pinned face-first to the wall, her lips grazing my neck.

"Yes, Mistress." I feel Carmilla's hand slide up my thigh, dragging up the sundress as I whimper in delight. I glance back and see a disposable scalpel in her hand. _Where did she get that from?_ I understood that biting with fangs would leave scars, and that this would probably be a more sanitary way to bleed me...

"You'll feel the sharpness for only a second. Bite down on me if you want." She offers me the fleshy part of her left palm.

"You sure?"

"Gods yes. Do it." I open my mouth and rest my teeth against it, feeling the point of the blade at the base of my neck, right where it starts to be the shoulder.

"Won't I hurt you?"

"Vampire constitution trumps human bite ability."

"Okay." I bite down slightly, giving just enough pressure for her to know that I'm there.

"Harder!" Carmilla demands. A pin prick of sharpness is there for a moment before it's gone and I bite harder as I know she's cut me.

"Feed from me." I moan as I feel her lips press against me and begins to suck, purring contentedly. I feel the brush of fangs graze my flesh as I melt into her embrace, pinned up against the wall as her mouth suckles on me, pulling away for a moment as her tongue laps up the trickle of blood that must have rolled down my back.

"BITE HARDER." I nod as her mouth goes back to my neck and she seizes onto me with complete abandon.

"Oh! Carm..." Whatever edge I had been standing on was gone as I gave into the sensation and felt wave after wave of pleasure roll over my body as I groggily returned to my senses, curled up in Carmilla's lap as she lapped at my wound with her tongue.

"Hey, you back yet?" I turn to see silver-white eyes shine back at me. The smile on her face was her and yet... _not._ She was trying really hard to keep her motions only human-fast, yet there was a hint of blur to any action she took. I could only imagine that this is what someone would look like when they were on coke or meth.

"Um, yeah." I set my feet on the ground, and she let go of me so I could get up. Carmilla was humming "Don't sit under the Apple Tree" to herself as she lead me to the door.

"Come. I have a first-aid kit upstairs."

She leads me upstairs with a playful chuckle and I can't help but be wrapped up in her good mood. Perry was setting the table with Armitage for everyone to eat as LaFontaine seemed to scowl at their boss. _Apparently Sunday night dinner is served family-style._

"So you're just going to barge into my lab whenever you want something?"

Carmilla shrugged. "I was thirsty and cupcake here was offering. You have all of the disposable scalpels there, which, by the way," she hands them the covered scalpel, "this needs to go into your sharps container."

"I thought you were trying my anti-viral regimen in order to keep you from having to drink human blood..."

"What? There's a difference between 'have to' versus 'wanted to'... have  _any idea_  how delicious it is when it's warm and fresh? And honey-bun here lives up to her name; I might get diabetes if I feed from her regularly."

I roll my eyes at that as I moved to the hallway and looked in the mirror. I could barely see a thin pink line where she had cut me, and there was no sign of more blood coming out.

"The sharp blade ensures a fast heal with almost zero scarring." Carmilla replied, handing me a single-use alcohol swab and band-aid. Her eyes had shifted back to normal while LaFontaine was attempting to write down notes that they could observe about the vampire.

Armitage was beaming at me in an 'attagirl' kind of way while Perry and Kirsch both looked uncomfortable. I try to act like everything is normal as I clean and bandage myself.

"Can I ask you something?" I murmur to Carmilla.

"Of course. Anything, Laura, you know that." I take a deep breath, flinching only slightly at the burn of the alcohol pad.

"Tomorrow—when I go to work—can Armitage just deliver me to the front door of the office then pick me up at the end of the day? Please," I plead. Her hands still as her brow creases.

"I thought we both agreed on this," she grumbles.

"Please?" I beg.

"What about lunchtime?"

Perry piped in helpfully at that. "I'll make them both something to take from here so they don't have to go out."

I nodded thankfully at that. "See? We can brown-bag it."

Carmilla sighs at that. "I find it very difficult to say no to you," she mutters as if she senses this is a failing on her part. "You won't go out?"

"No."

"Okay."

I beam at her. "Thank you." I tilt my neck and apply the bandage, throwing away the trash in the dining room.

"You're most welcome, Miss Hollis. How are you feeling?"

"Fine. Sore, but not too bad."

"I'm glad you told me to stop," she says, gazing at me.

"So is my behind." Carmilla sits at the head of the table while Brody and LaFontaine each take a seat and start serving themselves. Armitage brings Carmilla's plate of food, serving from the left with the same poise and grace as I saw last night at the fundraiser. She nods her thanks as JP goes back and gets a bottle of wine to present and serve.

"Um, Perr?" LaFontaine said hopefully.

"Serve yourself, LaF," she replied, a smirk playing on her lips.

After dinner, I go to my room to change and get ready for bed. Carmilla knocks gently at the doorway.

"Hey Laura, I um... wanted to thank you for tonight." She chuckled at that. "For the entire weekend, actually."

I grinned back. "I've enjoyed it. And thank you for letting me... you know... bleed for you."

Carmilla blushed at that. _Apparently vampires can blush._ "Yeah, well, I usually stick to blood-bags and the cloned stuff now. But having and tasting you like that... it connects us in a way that mortal words fail at describing. 'Thank you' seems insufficient."

I nodded in understanding. "No thanks is needed. I wanted to do that for you. Let me brush my teeth and I'll come to bed shortly."

Her smile wilted at that. "Actually, I need to check in with Armitage tonight. I've put a lot on their plate and I need to make sure that they are okay with it. I know he'd prefer to be my varlet, and I would love that to happen in time, but... right now your safety is my paramount need."

"You said before you'd reward them with compliments and letting them kneel at your feet. Is that... all you plan on doing with them?" A creeping jealousy seems to seep into me as I ask.

"So far, yes. What are you getting at?"

"So, no sex?" _I wasn't certain what our boundaries were, and what she'd do with them._

Shock is etched into her face at that.

"Gods no! I'm not going to demand sex from them!" _Good going, Hollis._

"That's not what I meant. What if they ask for, um... more?"

"Depending on what it is, I might grant it."

"Okay, do I get a say in what you can do with them?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not sure I'm comfortable with you um, 'rewarding' them with sex if they want it."

"Cupcake, not all pleasure has to come from or be about your naughty bits."

I sighed at that. _I know this._

"Okay, but... Can you promise me no sex as a boundary?"

"Yeah. That's not going to happen. Armitage might, at the most, want to be held while sleeping. Would that be okay?"

My face puckered as if I were sucking on a lemon. _They are loyal to Carmilla, and have already risked their life for my safety._

"I feel a little bit jealous at the thought of you sharing your bed with them," I admitted.

"It doesn't change our relationship, Laura. Are you worried that I'll leave you for them?"

I shook my head, knowing the answer. "No. The only people that can break us up are you and me. But as boundaries go, no sex, but kinky pain stuff I guess is fine."

She kissed my forehead. "Good girl. Get some sleep, I need to go check in with Armitage and be sure they are okay after all that’s happened. I think the Audi as a gift may have smoothed over any ruffled feathers."

 


	17. The Lost Chapter: The Picnic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I found a missing chapter! And it kinda fits in here.

"Come on, you said I could surprise you." I had the cooler packed and hanging from my shoulder and the keys to baby Smaug in my hand.  
  
"Last time you did, cupcake, you took me to the build-a-bear workshop in the mall."  
  
"You loved getting Toothless, admit it." I could see the small smile peek through her features which told me I'm right. _Though why she named nicknamed him Fangy, I'll never know._  
  
"Lead the way, Mister Frodo." She said, rolling her eyes. I loaded the smart car and made sure that there was a parasol in the trunk, just in case.  
  
"Does that make me Sam?" I asked, realizing the truth in her statement as I had packed a picnic that could feed a family of 4.  
  
Carmilla got into the passenger seat and put her sunglasses on, trying to look too cool to care. I get us underway as she plus her phone into the car to choose the music.  
  
"Any preference?"  
  
_She's asking me for input?_ "Something fun and mellow." As we pull out of the parking garage, I realize that the weather is too good to leave the top up for this drive. As we hit a red light, I hit the button to lower the roof and put my hat on. Carmilla hits play and pulls her driving scarf out of the glove box, wrapping it around her like a Hollywood starlet.  
  
"This is okay, right? The sun won't be too much for you?" I asked as the trance EDM song began. "I did pack a parasol for when we get there."  
  
"LaFontaine said my V-cell count was nice and low, so I should be fine." She said, tapping her purse. "Even if there's a problem, I've got my injectable enzyme."  
  
"I think it's pretty cool you and LaF found a way to manage your vampirism like diabetes."  
  
"It does make traveling so much easier, especially after we got the formula adjusted."  
  
"Yeah, because early on in our relationship it looked like you really wanted to eat me."  
  
"Well that really hasn't changed, sweetness." I blushed at that. It is kind of sexy to have a vampire for a girlfriend.  
  
Once we're on the highway I turn up the volume and enjoy the drive.  
  
_Tonight_  
Our bodies getting intertwined  
It's fucking filthy feeding off the blood inside  
  
I couldn't help but smile at that. It's like she enjoys being a tease to the both of us. We promised each other that the first time would be somewhere special, and that we'd take care to reduce the chance of scarring. I glance over to the GPS telling me that my exit isn't for another 5 miles, so I happily speed along and reach out for her hand.  
  
_Tonight_  
We're not gonna hold back  
Make way for the freaks giving everybody heart attacks  
What you need  
Is just a little discipline  
And I got a heavy dose of the right medicine  
  
I flick my eyes over to Carmilla and can tell she's lip syncing to it. Because of course she is.  
  
_I'm dominant by definition_  
I'm turned on by your submission  
The dark side is how we've been living  
Let me show you what you've been missing  
  
I let go of her hand so I can sip some water, wary of the large truck that is beginning to come into my lane without signaling. I slow down, knowing we're not in any rush and let him barrel on to wherever he's going.  
  
"What was that buffoon thinking?" Carmilla objected loudly as I shook my head at her. She can't help talk like she's still in the 19th century.  
  
"Nobody says 'buffoon' anymore."  
  
"It's still a good word." She reasons playfully, rewinding the song slightly.  
  
_Tonight_  
We're a living dead  
lure you to my bed the happy ending is  
Your flesh  
Under my nails  
No more fears and no more tears  
You are  
My murder doll  
and this is love at first bite bind you in a rope tight  
  
I make the exit, wondering what it would be like to try rope sometime. It isn't long before we're there and I'm putting the top back up before shutting off the car. Carmilla is pulling off the scarf and putting it away while rapping to the music.  
  
_Master of this fucking game_  
I make you wanna scream my name  
Take it off girl strip it with no shame  
I'm a thirsty animal that cannot be tamed  
Latex, chains and whips make me hard and excite me  
Come on, throw your hands up and pretend you wanna fight me  
  
I kill the engine and we get out, grabbing the cooler as Carmilla opens up the parasol. We get to the line as we see women in wedding dresses go by with a photography crew in tow.  
  
"Picnic at the arboretum. Thought you'd enjoy the pretty nature and the large French Colonial estate that it was built on. And the long garden fountain outside just makes me think of Malfoy Manor."  
  
Carmilla smiled at that. "There will always be a bit of romance attached to that era of architecture." she offered her arm as we paid for entry and I happily took it, enjoying being out and about as a normal couple.  
  
Once past the pavilion, I used the map and plotted a slow, winding path that took us by the late as well as the massive garden fountain. "So was it like this in 1698?"  
  
"The obscenely wealthy exploiting cheap labor to make a beautiful garden that doesn't produce any real food for people? Yes."  
  
I swatted her arm with the folded map. "Not that part. The beauty and serenity of the place. Holding my hand as we explore this place together." She was trying to look aloof but I could tell under her neutral exterior that she loved this.  
  
"I will admit that this is quite nice, particularly with you as company." We paused at the grassy knoll that sloped down to an amazing lake. There were a few couples laying out picnic blankets here, but it felt too open and exposed for us. Carmilla kissed my cheek as she lead us further down a path that put us in the middle of the lengthy rectangular garden fountain.  
  
I watched Carmilla's jaw drop as she took in the area. "Laura, this is-"  
  
I smiled, knowing I did a great job. "Remind you of your mortal life? There's a private sitting area just over there. It's like I can see Lucius bribing some Ministry official there, or reciting love poems to the love of his life, Narcissa."  
  
Carmilla escorted us over to the secluded shaded spot and the cement bench was unoccupied. We took our seats there as I unpacked the food and Carmilla put down her parasol.  
  
"It does remind me in the 17th century somewhat; I would have been flirting my way into some poor girl's pants whose only objective was to marry a wealthy man and serve his needs and hope to not get beaten much. We all had to do some horrible things in order to survive. As for the Malfoys, I see either Lucius or Narcissa cheating on each other with some wench."  
  
"I'd like to think their love was true."  
  
"The bitter irony I've noticed is that those with the least amount of power have the greatest freedom to marry for love instead of obligation."  
  
"You must have cheered on the suffragette movement, then."  
  
"I wasn't around for that, cupcake. I was still locked away in a coffin as punishment from mommie dearest." I forgot about that, but wasn't about to let her keep moping about.  
  
I pulled out a plastic flask of red wine and filled two red solo cups for us. "Brie wrapped in roast beef, wild mushroom tartlets, and chicken cream cheese purses, and some chocolate glazed cream puffs for dessert."  
  
"You really pulled all the stops out for this, didn't you?"  
  
"I show my love through cooking. And I wanted this to be perfect." A little girl shuffled by with a two way radio in her hand, eyeing the two of us as I fed Carmilla a bite of the chicken and cream cheese purse. Our eyes met as she licked the crumbs from my finger as the girl turned and ran in a new direction as something more interesting caught her attention.  
  
"Daddy, can you hear me? I see a pretty bride!" She said into her device.  
  
The radio beeped to life. "Probably just getting photos here, leave her be. Where are you, aren't you supposed to be in a line of sight?" Carmilla and I exchanged adorable glances to each other.  
  
"I can see you, daddy."  
  
The man who presumably was her father started to look around as the girl squatted down and giggled. I couldn't help but point her out while Carmilla sipped her wine from the red cup.  
  
"Don't ruin her fun, sweetness."  
  
I looked between the girl trying to hide and the bride getting her wedding photos done. _Will that ever be us?_ I hoped so. I ate one of my mushroom tartlets and was impressed with the dough recipe I found online.  
  
_Do you see us together, long-term?_ Simple enough to ask, but she’s three decades older than me. I could ask her to choke me, flog me, and even blindfold me and pour hot wax on me. But I couldn't gather the courage to talk about us in a happily ever after context.  
  
"Have you ever thought about having children?" I ask, testing the waters.  
  
"And give birth to a dhampir? I'm trying to blend into society, not get hunters on my tail."  
  
"Well you could always adopt."  
  
"Mother 'adopted' me, and you see how well that turned out."  
  
"You're better than she is. And I think you'd make an amazing mother. You could get a surrogate."  
  
"Well thank you, cupcake, but last time I checked, I don't produce sperm." Carmilla said as she bit into the roast beef wrapped brie, moaning at the flavor hitting her taste buds.  
  
I rolled my eyes at her obtuseness. "Say you were involved with a human girl who could have them for you."  
  
I looked at Carmilla and realized she feigned sipping from her cup for far too long. She was thinking.  
  
"That sounds like an ideal situation. But it's fraught with complications; I'd rather not invest into false hope."  
  
_I'm not false hope._

"So whatever happened to your biological family?"  
  
"Lilita told me to not go looking for them. So naturally, I did. The entire town died of some sort of sickness, probably influenza. Between being sold off as a sex slave by a whore and always being hungry growing up, I really couldn't care less about them."  
  
My heart sank at that, and we continued eating the food in relative silence. Carmilla leaned over and kissed my cheek, and I automatically turned my lips to kiss hers.  
  
"Your concern is touching, sweetness. But family has always been a sore point with me."  
  
"Like it or not, you're Ohana to me. And Ohana means family. And family means nobody-"  
  
"-gets left behind. Or forgotten. Don’t tell the help that I like some Disney movies. I have a reputation to keep." A shy smile was in her lips as she dabbed a napkin behind her sunglasses.  
  
"Of course." We both finished the wine we had and packed away the leftovers, continuing our way through the gardens and admiring the various plants and the koi pond. It was late summer, so everything was in full bloom and everything was brightly colored, contrasting Carmilla in all black and her parasol protecting her pale flesh.  
  
We passed by quite a few brides posing around some intricate archways and flowers, including one lesbian couple that caused some parents to try and block their little daughter from seeing.  
  
"I can't believe parents think that they need to protect children from witnessing that homosexuals actually exist." I stated in frustration. Two teenaged girls walking by must have heard me because they stopped, saw what was going on, and began to kiss each other in full view.  
  
The hapless parent turned their child away from them as well, facing us now. Carmilla narrowed her eyes at them, putting her arm around me as I blushed furiously.  
  
"Gee, you're going to have a hard time hiding the fact that homosexuals exist from your child if you plan on letting them outside your tightly-regulated compound. Hate to accidentally teach your child basic manners such as tolerance for others." Carmilla said loudly to them as the parent now realized that they were getting publicly shamed as the little girl waved happily at seeing the two brides in their stunning dresses.  
  
We walked away, my face buried into Carmilla's shoulder. "That wasn't polite, you know."  
  
"It was honest, though." I couldn't agree with that. We cross a small bridge and I look at the small waterfall nearby, enjoying the sound of the rushing water-  
  
"That is one fat squirrel. How in the world..?"  
  
I turn to see Carmilla stepping over the rope barrier, disregarding the blatant 'closed to visitors' sign hanging from it.  
  
"Carmilla!" I call out, muttering, "You useless lesbian vampire!" I step over the rope as well, wondering how Carmilla thought she wouldn't get caught trespassing while holding a large lace parasol.  
  
"Hey, feral cat!" Carmilla gave a double-meow and pointed off to a nearby tree, and I watched in horror as the cat bolted up the tree and gave the squirrel chase.  
  
"That's my boy! Get it!" I heard Carmilla cheer as I caught up to her.  
  
"Did you just sic that cat on the squirrel?"  
  
Carmilla grinned, watching the cat running down the branch after its prey. "Squirrels aren't supposed to be that large; natural selection should take care of that."  
  
"That squirrel didn't do anything to deserve getting chased!"  
  
"Besides gorge on the litter that humans leave behind? That's just the way the world works, sweetheart."  
  
"Don't ruin her fun, _sweetness_." I reply sarcastically.  
  
Carmilla rolled her eyes at me before frowning and turning to walk away. Now what did I do? Before I follow her, I hear a voice booming overhead with a megaphone.  
  
"Ladies, this area's off-limits. Don't make me ban you from here." She and I laugh as we make our way back over the rope barrier, hand in hand.


	18. The Business Trip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I have to thank CarmillaCarter for her amazing beta-ing. (I literally misspelled 'Robinson' in here...)
> 
> More differences with the original 50 Shades: Christian decides to tell Ana that she's no longer allowed to go to work because of Leila being on the loose. Though Ana tells him that's stupid, he relents and lets her go to work if she has a bodyguard with her at all times, but NOT Taylor because she made friendly conversation with him and worries they might START FUCKING BEHIND HIS BACK OR SOMETHING. (Seriously, trust your girl and your bodyguard...) The argument goes on to the point where she tells him he can't stop her from working and he (of course) threatens "Oh I'd find a way, Anastasia, don't push me." 
> 
> This isn't how you show love!!! (Oh my fucking god I could go on all day about this)
> 
> So even though Christian knows his ex is on the run armed with a gun and he hasn't called the police, even though Ana asked him to? He's obsessed with being in control, but on his terms. "Protection" is just his cover story.
> 
> So at this point I'm pretty much done with most of the original plot and it's going to be hard to stick to it at this point, and I'm sick and tired of pointing out how messed up the original plot was. I've been trying to add elements from the real-world BDSM community here (which you'll see even more soon) which makes recording how abusive the original novel completely messed it up useless since I'm essentially adding a whole lot more to the story from here on out. Enjoy the ride, Creampuffs.

My phone's alarm goes off, startling me awake with _Shatter Me_ by Lzzy Hale and Lindsey Stirling. I wake up alone, realizing I'm not in my dorm room at Silas.

Stretching my arms, I glance at my phone. _6:30 — too early._ It's raining outside for the first time in ages, and the light is muted and mellow. I groggily get out of bed and make my way to the kitchen to get some water and possibly make some coffee. The temptation to peek into Carmilla’s room is hard to resist, so I open the door just a crack only to see her sprawled out all over her bed in a graceless lump beneath the blankets. I can't imagine how she could be comfortable sleeping in that contorted way. _Must be a cat thing._

I smile at the woman whom I call Mistress as I see a familiar shape at the foot of her bed, curled up on a large pet bed that seems thicker than the futon pad I had at home. The bit of light leaking into the room stirs them, and I make my hasty retreat and get to the kitchen, yawning.

Perry is in the kitchen making pancakes and bacon as she points to the coffeemaker. "Just brewed, Laura." I nod my thanks as I grab a cup and pour some, savoring the smell before adding cream and sugar to it. As I start to fully wake up, Armitage is there beside me making a cup as well.

 _My girlfriend spent the night with you, so can I ask what happened?_ I shrug the thought away as they go to the fridge and grab the soy milk container.

"Oh, JP, that's not soy-" I try to warn them as they pour a generous amount into the cup and stir.

"Yeah, it's blood." They say, grimacing. "Ms. Karnstein directed me bring her some coffee... apparently she used to be notoriously difficult to wake up in the morning. My owner is an honest-to-Lestat vampire."

It was my turn to grimace at their choice of words. _Owner._ As much as I wanted to pursue a Dominant and submissive relationship with Carmilla, I couldn't imagine calling her my owner. "Yeah, apparently. The blood thing squicks you out?"

"Most bodily fluids do. A former Sir I was in service to had a boi that was into the whole diaper fetish. So _not my kink_. Bleeding for her is all yours, Laura. I need to get this back to her and set out her clothes for today. Excuse me." Armitage nodded as they went back to Carmilla's room where I could hear her groaning grumpily.

Perry took a sip of her orange juice as she waited to flip the bacon. "Is the coffee okay, Laura?" Her smile was forced as she tried to ignore the conversation that just happened.

"Oh yeah, it's great. Where's LaFontaine?"

"Crawling out of bed soon, I hope. 'Just one more article', they said after midnight. I swear I'm going to take away their smartphone for their own good after 11 PM. The screen is so bright..."

"So you two share a bed?" I say, grinning at the admission.

Flustered, Perry opens and closes her mouth a few times before finally settling on a decent rebuttal to Laura’s suggestion. "I um, didn't say that at all. Just that... you know, adequate sleep is important in order for you to have a productive day."

I take my coffee back to my room and flip on the lights as I shower, brush my teeth, and dress quickly into a business-casual outfit; a fitted, gray pencil skirt; pale-gray silk shirt; and high-heeled black pumps, all from the submissive wardrobe. _I had fought against the clothing before, but it really was useful to have here._ I brush my hair and carefully put it up, then wander back out to the bar by the kitchen, not really knowing what to expect. Carmilla is sipping coffee at the breakfast bar.

"Good morning." I smile as I lean in to kiss her.

"Morning, cupcake. I used to never wake up before noon," she murmurs in wonder. She's showered, clean, fresh— _Hmm, she still smells like incense_ —wearing a crisp white blouse and tailored suit, skirt hitting almost mid-thigh—the CEO is back. _Wow, she looks good like this._

"What?" she asks.

"I wish we could go back to bed," I reply, speaking before I could think.

Her lips part, surprised by my come-on, and she smiles almost shyly.

"As much as that idea appeals to me, I have an ungodly meeting at eight, so I have to go shortly," Carmilla murmurs. Wrapping an arm around me, she kisses me under my ear. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Perry's smile. I flush.

Brody comes in and grabs himself a glass of milk as he sees breakfast is almost done. He's wearing a suit as well, but it comes off more as an MIB agent than corporate tycoon.

"Hey Laura," he says as Perry places plates of pancakes and bacon in front of myself and Carmilla.

"Oh, thank you. Good morning," I mumble. _Jeez—I could get used to this._

"Your lunch is in the insulated lunch box over by the entryway, both you and JP's lunch fit inside the container." Perry says as her eyes dart to see a half-awake LaFontaine amble their way into the kitchen. "Finally you're up."

Carmilla and I share a bemused expression as the non-couple seem awfully close to each other.

"I have to go. Kirsch, you ready?" He nodded as he slammed down his milk and grabbed the last piece of bacon from his plate as Armitage finally made it to the kitchen and fixed themselves a plate and ate quickly.

Carmilla stands and kisses me, grasping my chin. "Laters, sweetness."

"Have a good day at the office, dear," I call after her. She turns and flashes me her beautiful smile then she's gone.

Perry starts to collect the dishes from the table and loads the dishwasher, including my now empty plate.

"You know, I can do that," I mutter, embarrassed that she is doing this for me.

"You go finish getting ready for your day, Laura. This is what I do. I enjoy it. It's nice to look after someone other than LaFontaine and Ms. Karnstein." She smiles sweetly at me.

* * *

 

Five minutes later, Armitage reappears in the adjacent great room. I’ve brushed my teeth, and I’m currently waiting to go. Clutching the lunch box _—I can't even remember dad doing this for me—_ Armitage and I head down to the parking garage via the elevator.

"So..." I try to begin a conversation. "Did you sleep well?"

They had a tiny smile for a moment, gone before I could even be sure it was there in the first place.

"I did. Ms. Karnstein-"

"Call her Carmilla. It's just us here," I said conspiratorially.

They shook their head at that. "That would be a bad habit to get into. I really like it here, and don't want to mess it up. She told me you were nervous about tending to me last night."

I bit my lip, uncertain about how to respond to that just as the elevator dings open and Armitage takes point, looking in all directions as we make our way to their Audi. _Geez, they really are taking this bodyguard thing seriously._ The car beeps itself unlocked as we get in and we make our way to the Channel Three news station.

"So um... what happened?" I finally squeaked out.

"I asked her to hold me and let me fall asleep in her arms. It's... well, been awhile since I had that." _They shared her bed together._ A flicker of rage went through me as I remembered how I saw them.

"When I poked my head in this morning, you were asleep on that dog-bed." I flinched as I realized how bad that sounded. "Sorry."

"It's a sleeping pad, but far nicer than I've ever had before. One time I was literally given an oversized dog bed. She apologized and then just had me sleep in the guest bedroom. I hated it."

"Why would you hate having a bed to yourself?"

"She thought she was being nice, but really she was just pushing me further away. I might be ace- asexual- but I do need some human interaction and to feel useful. Not long after that she didn't want me massaging her feet or doing her nails anymore, and we kind of just turned into roommates. I had no purpose there, and we ended our contract. I felt like a failure for months as I went back for further training as Alexandra and Grendel tried to find a new household for me."

 _Oh._ "I'm really trying to understand this; you referred to Carmilla as your owner?"

"I'm not allowed to call her Mistress, I won't be permitted to wear a collar denoting that I have a home and someone to answer to, so the only thing left to prove that someone wants and will take care of me is that I can call her my owner." They looked over at me as we stopped at a red light. " _I live to serve._ "  

Something about the raw _'don't take this away from me'_ look in their eyes hit me like a punch in the gut. "You're not wanting to date her, but... she wanted me as a submissive, and now you're here... and I know she doesn't want just a vanilla girlfriend."

The Audi rolled forward as we pulled through the intersection, the conversation getting really heavy.

"She doesn't know how to do the vanilla girlfriend thing. She was scared that you'd freak out when she dropped me to my knees to clear her head, and then used me as a bench so she could get dressed."

"It did seem really odd. And I'm not certain I could do that."

"I can't bleed for her. We each have different things she wants, and you both seem to want both a romantic and a Dom/sub relationship. Don't give up on each other and keep an open mind while you both communicate your wants and needs." We pull into the employee parking lot and make our way inside.

"So, you're just going to wait down here in the building's lobby?" I ask. They nod.

"I do not disobey orders. Please come down with our lunches."

I smile. "Sure, and um... thanks."

* * *

 

James gazes at me, assessing my appearance, as I make my way to my desk. "Morning, Laura. Good weekend?"

"Yes, thanks. You?"

"It was good. Please get settled in. I have work for you to do." I nod and sit down at my computer. It seems like years have passed since I was at work. I switch on my computer and fire up my email program—and of course there's an email from Carmilla.

* * *

 

Good morning, Sweetness. I just wanted to say thank you for a wonderful weekend in spite of all the drama. I hope you never leave, ever. And I want to remind you that the news of my investment into Channel Three is embargoed for a few more weeks. Delete this email as soon as you've read it.

_Carmilla Karnstein_

* * *

 

 _Hope I never leave?_ Does she want me to move in for real after college?

* * *

 

Your hand left a lasting impression on my ass, Mistress. Are you asking me to move in with you? And yes, I remembered that your merger with my employer has been embargoed for another four weeks.

_Laura_

* * *

 

"Laura!" James suddenly appears behind me, making me jump.

"Yes," I flush, and James frowns at me.

"Everything okay?"

"Sure."

"Well come on then." I scramble out of my chair and take my notebook before following him into his office.

"Good. As you probably remember, I'm going to that College Journalism Convention in New York on Thursday. I have tickets and reservations, but I'd like you to come with me."

"To New York?"

"Yes. We'll need to go Wednesday and stay overnight. I think you'll find it a very educational experience." His eyes darken as he says this, but the smile remains polite.

"Would you make the necessary travel arrangements? And book an additional room at the hotel where I am staying? I think Sabrina, my previous PA, left all the details handy somewhere."

"Okay." I smile wanly at James. _Crap_. I'm definitely going to need an additional room since she'll want Armitage to be there with me. I wander back to my desk. This is not going to go down well with Carmilla—but the fact is, _I want to go._ It sounds like a real opportunity, and I'm sure I can keep James at arm's length if that's his ulterior motive. Back at my desk there's a response from Carmilla.

* * *

 

I would love for you to move in with me, but I know you still have your final year in college. Perhaps when school resumes in the fall we can stay on the weekends? Just know that once you graduate, your room will be here for you.

_Carmilla Karnstein_

* * *

 

She does want me to move in. _Oh, Carmilla—it's too soon._ But I understand where she's coming from; having dinner on Sunday was really nice. But everything that happened this weekend was extraordinary, not what I should expect every weekend. Heck, I haven't even had a moment to myself to really think through and analyze everything that happened in the last two days.

* * *

 

Thank you for the kind offer; I don't know how busy I'll be on the weekends in my senior year, though. This past weekend was amazing, but I need to see what normal is in your life as well before I commit to cohabitation with you.

Also, I've been asked to go to a conference in New York on Thursday. It means an overnight stay on Wednesday. Just thought you should know.

_Laura_

* * *

 

Do you think I'm about to let you go on your own with that knave?

_Carmilla Karnstein_

* * *

 

Can we talk about this tonight? I'll make sure I have a separate room and will bring Armitage if it makes you feel better. I have no idea how I'm going to explain this to James, though.

_Laura_

* * *

 

So it is with that sleazeball. I really want to say no right now... but I promised not to directly interfere with your career.

_Carmilla Karnstein_

* * *

 

 _Ugh!—it's like she's my dad._ I take a long breath and calm down before I type out my reply.

Yes. It is with James. I want to go, and it's an exciting opportunity for me. Besides, I have never been to New York. So don't get your panties in a twist.

_Laura_

* * *

 

It's not my panties I am worried about. Tell me which flight you'll be on and I'll make sure Armitage is on there with you, preferably sitting between you and that libertine.

_Carmilla Karnstein_

* * *

 

I shout in frustration at my computer, causing the entire office to come to a standstill and stare at me. James peers out from his office.

"Everything alright, Laura?"

"Yes. Sorry," I mutter. "I um... just didn't save a document." I am scarlet with embarrassment. He smiles at me but with a puzzled expression. I take several deep breaths and quickly type a response. _I am so mad._

* * *

Carmilla, you need to get a grip. I am NOT going to sleep with James. Trust me on this. I LOVE you. That's what happens when people love each other. They TRUST each other. I know you had Armitage in your bed last night and guess what? I TRUSTED that you wouldn't do anything inappropriate with them. Please extend the same courtesy to me, since I've given you advance notice and offered to have Armitage go with me just in case.

_Laura_

* * *

 

I sit and wait for her response, but nothing arrives. I call the airline and book a ticket for myself, ensuring I am on the same flight as James and text the flight info to Carmilla so she can book Armitage as well. I hear the ping of new mail. _It's from 'Mother'._

* * *

 

Laura, I would really like to see you for lunch. I think we got off on the wrong foot, and I'd like the opportunity to make that right. Are you free sometime this week?

_Lilith Karnstein_

* * *

 

Holy crap—not Mrs. Robinson! _How the hell did she find out my email address?_ I put my head in my hands. _Can this day get any worse?_ My phone rings and wearily I lift my head from my hands and answer, glancing at the clock. It is only ten twenty, and already I wish I called in sick or something.

"James Stevenson's office, Laura Hollis speaking."

An achingly familiar voice snarls at me, "Will you please delete the emails you sent me and _try_ to be a little more careful in your word choice when using your _work email?_ I told you, the system is monitored! I shall endeavor to do some damage control from here." She hangs up.

 _Holy crap..._ I sit staring at the phone. _Carmilla hung up on me._ She promised not to stomp all over my career, and yet she has the temerity to call me up and chastise me? I glare at the receiver, and know better than to slam it down. I open my emails and delete the one I sent her. It's not that bad. I just make a reference to spanking and that I won't sleep with James. _Jeez, if she's so ashamed of it, she damn well shouldn't do it._ I pick up my Cell phone and call her mobile.

"What?" she snaps.

"I am going to New York whether you like it or not," I hiss.

"God’s Blood, Laura—" I hang up, cutting her off mid-sentence. Adrenaline is coursing through my body. _There—that told her!_ I am so mad. I take a deep breath, trying to compose myself. Closing my eyes, I try to imagine myself in my happy place. _Hmm... feeling all floaty bent over the pool table... with Carmilla._ I shake the image off as I am too mad at Ms. Fifty Flavors right now for her to be anywhere near my happy place. Opening my eyes, I calmly reach for my notebook and carefully run through my to do list. I take a long, deep breath, my equilibrium restored.

"Laura!" James shouts, startling me. "Don't book that flight!"

"Oh, too late. I've done it," I reply as he strides out of his office over to me. He looks mad.

"Look, there's something going on. For some reason, suddenly, all travel and hotel expenses for staff have to be approved by senior management. This has come right from the top, from old Roach himself! Why a fucking _moratorium_ on all spending just now? I don't understand it." James pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes. Most of the blood drains from my face and knots form in my stomach. _Carmilla!_

"Take my calls. I'll go see what Roach has to say. Don't worry, I'll take care of this." He winks at me and strides off to see his boss—not the boss's boss... _Carmilla Karnstein._ My blood starts to boil again.

* * *

 

Please tell me you didn't invoke a moratorium on all spending here at my work just to keep me from going to this conference. I shouldn't have to ask you. I have even deleted the offending email.

_Laura_

* * *

 

I didn't invoke any moratorium, that must be the current shareholders attempting to get a dollar amount of their assets before the merger goes through. The email that you so rashly sent is wiped from the server now, as are my emails to you. Incidentally, I trust you implicitly. It's him I don't trust.

_Carmilla Karnstein_

* * *

 

I check my emails, and see that they all have disappeared. _How did she do this?_ Who does she know that can hack into the email server and remove emails? _I am so out of my league here._

* * *

 

I don't need protecting from my own boss. Even if he makes a pass at me, I can say no and take care of myself. This isn't like Sarah-Jane where I need a bodyguard.

_Laura_

* * *

 

I have seen how "effective" you are at fighting off unwanted attention. I am glad that an honorable man like Brody was there for you. And unlike the rogue, at least Danny loves you. James, however, is a serial philanderer, and he will try to seduce you. Go ahead, ask him what happened to his previous assistant and the one before that. I don't want to fight about this. If you want to go to New York, fine. Just keep your guard up, and have your cell phone record the audio of any interaction you have with him.

_Carmilla Karnstein_

* * *

 

Of course she'd bring up Danny. _Will I ever live that down?_ I was drunk, for heaven's sake! _I wouldn't get drunk with James._ I shake my head at the screen, but figure I cannot continue to argue with her over email. I shall have to bide my time until this evening.

I check the clock. James is still not back from meeting with Roach, and I still need to deal with Lilith. I read her email again and decide that the best way to handle it is to inform Carmilla. _She can concentrate on that rather than me._

* * *

 

While you have been busy interfering in my career and 'saving your ass' from my careless missives, I received the following email from your Mrs. Robinson. I really don't want to meet with her—even if I did, I am not permitted to leave this building. How did she get hold of my email address?

_Laura_

* * *

 

Please don't be mad at me. I have your best interests at heart. If anything happened to you, I would never forgive myself. I'll deal with Mother.

_Carmilla Karnstein_

* * *

 

I read and delete the emails as I try to get back to work. James returns after midday and tells me that New York is off for me though he is still going and unfortunately there's nothing he can do to change senior management's mind on this. He strides into his office, slamming the door, obviously furious. _Why is he so angry?_

Deep down, I know his intentions are less than honorable, but I am sure I can deal with him, and I wonder what Carmilla knows about James' previous assistants. I park these thoughts and continue with some work, but resolve to try to figure out if I can request time off and go to New York on my own if Senior Management just doesn't want to spare the cost for an intern.

At one o'clock, James pokes his head out of the office door.

"Laura, please could you go and get me some lunch?"

"Sure. What would you like?"

"Pastrami on rye, hold the mustard. I'll give you the money when you're back."

"Anything to drink?"

"Coke, please. Thanks, Laura." He heads back into his office as I reach for my purse. _Crap, I promised Carmilla I wouldn't go out._

I sigh. She'll never know, and I'll be quick. Lana from reception offers me her umbrella since it is still raining pretty heavily outside. As I head out through the rear entry, I pull my jacket around me and take a furtive glance in both directions from beneath the overlarge golf umbrella. _Nothing seems amiss._ There's no sign of Number 15.

I march briskly, and I hope inconspicuously, down the block to the deli. However, the closer I get to the deli, the more I have a creepy sense that I am being watched, and I don't know if it's my heightened feeling of paranoia or a reality. _Crap, I hope it's not Sarah-Jane with a gun._ I take another glance and see nobody there. _Like Carmilla said, SJ doesn't want to shoot me. She's after her former Mistress._

Within fifteen minutes, I am back—safe, rattled, but relieved. _I think Carmilla's extreme paranoia and her overprotective vigilance is beginning to get to me._ As I take James' lunch in to him, he glances up from the phone. "Laura, thanks. Since you're not coming with me, I'm going to need you to work late. We need to get these briefs ready. Hope you don't have plans." He smiles up at me warmly, and I flush.

"No, that's fine," I say with a bright smile and a sinking heart. _This is not going to go down well._ Carmilla will freak, I'm sure. As I head back to my desk I decide not to tell her immediately, otherwise she might have time to interfere in some way. I sit and eat the chicken salad sandwich Perry made for me. It's delicious. _She makes a mean sandwich._ I look and find a second one there, meant for Armitage. Sheepishly I take the spare sandwich down to the lobby of the building and find a very annoyed and harried JP glaring at me.

"Forget about me?" They said, plucking the sandwich out of my hands.

"Yeah, sorry." I apologized, "I think there's a drink machine around here. Only has Bad Wolf's _Sontaran Strawberry_ though."

"I meant about your little escape out the back entrance to get creeper up there his own sandwich. I'm not used to having to tail someone on foot in this heat."

"You were the one following me," I said, realizing that there had been eyes on me all the time. "Please don't tell Carmilla, she'll have kittens."

JP's eyes narrow at me in a disapproving manner.

"I wasn't ordered to _rat you out_ should you decide to break your promise to her. I was ordered to stay and protect you. Please don't make my job harder on me."

"I'm sorry, I guess I should have told you."

"Yeah, I could have gotten the sandwich or accompanied you. Like I'm going to have to for New York."

"Well, about that. The company is now refusing to pay for me to go, so we're not going now. Also I've now got a lot more work to do for James before he leaves, so I'm working late."

They nod in understanding and tap their phone. "Call me if plans change, okay?"

I agree and make my way back up to my desk and savor the lunch Perry made me. If I moved in with Carmilla, she would make lunch for me every weekday. _The idea is strangely unsettling._ I never dreamed of having obscene wealth and a house full of servants— only love.

After our wonderful weekend, the reality is hitting home. On one level, I know she's got her issues—I can see that clearly now—and it's both heartbreaking and exhausting. From the small pieces of precious information that she's given me about her life, I understand why. A hungry childhood; a hideously abusive environment; a mother who sold her off to a monster, who taught her how to use people and to take pain when she got fucked. I shudder at the dream I had of her with Lilith. _My poor Fifty._ She wants me as a submissive, and I am willing to be hers, but I have no idea what to expect or how to go about this. _How am I going to make her see I want this, but need her to explain it clearly to me?_ With a heavy heart, I drag one of the stories James wants me to summarize into my lap and continue to read.

Half an hour later, James emails me a document that I need to proofread and polish, ready for printing tomorrow in time for the conference. It will take me not just the rest of the afternoon but well into the evening, too. I set to work. When I look up, it's after seven and the office is deserted, though the light in James's office is still on. I hadn't noticed everyone leaving, but I am nearly finished. I email the document back to James for his approval and check my inbox. There's nothing new from Carmilla, so I quickly glance at my cell phone, and it startles me by buzzing—it's Carmilla.

"Hi," I murmur.

"Hi, when will you be finished?"

"By seven thirty, I think."

"I'll see you at home."

"Okay." She sounds quiet, nervous even. _Why? Wary of my reaction?_

James comes out of his office.

"I have to go. See you later." I hang up. I look up at James as he strolls casually toward me.

"I just need a couple more tweaks. I've emailed the brief back to you." He leans over me while I retrieve the document, rather close—uncomfortably close. His arm brushes mine. _Accidentally?_ I flinch, but he pretends not to notice. His other arm rests on the back of my chair, touching my back. I sit up so I'm not leaning against the backrest. My phone is put away so I'm unable to record this.

"Pages sixteen and twenty-three, and that should be it," he murmurs, his mouth inches from my ear. My skin crawls at the proximity, but I choose to ignore it. Opening the document, I shakily start on the changes. He's still leaning over me, and all my senses are now hyper aware. It's distracting and awkward, and inside I am screaming, _Back off!_ James is leaning directly over the now-healed cut from last night, and it makes me realize something about the way he's talking into my ear. _He's doing the same thing Carmilla does to me._

"Once this is done, it'll be good to go to print. You can organize that tomorrow. Thank you for staying late and doing this, Laura." His voice is smooth, gentle, like he's talking to a wounded animal. My stomach twists. "I think the least I could do is reward you with a quick drink. You deserve one." He reaches towards me and tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear and gently caresses the lobe. I cringe gritting my teeth, and I jerk my head away. _Crap. Carmilla was right. Don't touch me._

"Actually, I can't this evening." _Or any other evening, for that matter._

"Just a quick one?" he coaxes.

"No, I can't. But thank you."

James sits on the end of my desk and frowns. Alarm bells sound loudly in my head. I am on my own in the office. Armitage is downstairs in the lobby. _I cannot leave._ I glance nervously at the clock. Another five minutes before Carmilla is due.

"Laura, I think we make a great team. I'm sorry that I couldn't pull off this New York trip. It won't be the same without you." _I'm sure it won't._ I smile weakly up at him, because I can't think of a thing to say. And for the first time all day, I feel the tiniest hint of relief that I am not going.

"So, did you have a good weekend?" he asks smoothly.

"Yes, thanks." _Where is he going with this?_

"See your girlfriend, what's her name? Caramel?"

"Carmilla," I correct him, hoping he gets the hint. "And yes."

"What does she do?" _Owns your ass..._

"She's in business."

"That's interesting. What kind of business?"

"Oh, she has her fingers in all sorts of pies." James cocks his head to one side as he leans in toward me, invading my personal space— again.

"You can say that again, Laura." _Oh god, I just made a sexual innuendo didn't I?_ I try to play it cool.

"Well, she's in telecommunications, manufacturing, and agriculture."

James raises his eyebrows.

"So many things. Who does she work for?"

"She works for herself. If you're happy with the document, I'd like to go, if that's okay.”

He leans back. My personal space is safe again. "Of course. Sorry, I didn't mean to keep you," he says disingenuously.

"What time does the building close?"

"Security is here until eleven."

"Good." I smile, reaching into my bag and pulling out my phone. I quickly open the voice recorder app and tap the red square button. Switching off my computer, I grab my purse and stand up, ready to leave.

"You like her then? Your girlfriend?"

"I love her," I answer automatically, looking James squarely in the eye.

"I see." James frowns and he stands up from my desk.

"What's her surname?"

I flush. "Karnstein. Carmilla Karnstein," I mumble.

James's mouth drops open. "The city’s richest bachelorette? _That_ Carmilla Karnstein?"

_Carmilla isn't exactly a common name, doofus!_

"Yes. The same." _And she's your future boss who will have you for breakfast if you invade my personal space again._

"I thought she looked familiar," James says darkly and his brow creases again. "Well, she's a lucky woman."

I blink at him. _What do I say to that?_

"Have a good evening, Laura." James smiles, but the smile doesn't reach his eyes, and he walks stiffly back into his office without a backward glance. I let out a long sigh of relief. _Well, that problem might be solved._ Just her name has James retreating away from me and back to his office. I tidy my desk and check my watch as I make my way to the elevator to leave, and allow myself a small victory dance in the elevator once the doors are closed.

 


	19. Lilita's Request

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the end of this story, I’ll be making a video Q&A exclusively for those on Carmilla (Creampuffs) Facebook group. Privately message me (either on Tumblr or Facebook) any question you have and I’ll sort through them and release the video in 2 months time… right around my birthday.
> 
> FYI: ‘Mother’, AKA Lilita, is using the pseudonym Lilith Karnstein.
> 
> In the original novel, it was just a simple issue of her getting blackmailed for a tiny sum of money because she's cheating on her husband. Yawn.

Armitage meets me at the elevator, relieved to finally get home after a longer-than-normal day at work.

"Please call Ms. Karnstein. She didn't want to bother you until you were free."

"Okay," I murmur, pulling out my phone and calling her. She picks up on the first ring.

"Hi," she replies cautiously. She knows I'm still upset at her. _I haven't even worked out what I need to say to her._

"Are you still mad?" she asks.

"I don't know," I mutter honestly as Armitage and I get into their car and I buckle up.

"It's been a shitty day," Carmilla says.

"Yes, it has." But for the first time since I left for work this morning, I begin to relax. Just hearing from her is a soothing balm; all the shit from James, the panic I had at lunch, and the nuisance that is 'Mother' fade into the background. "James wanted all of his paperwork ready in time before he leaves for the trip; I swear, he just wanted to make me stay after and feel bad that because I can't go with him."

"He try anything else?"

"Actually, no. He seemed shocked when he realized who you were and that we were dating."

"He doesn't know about the-"

"-of course not. But you're the richest bachelorette in the city, apparently. But like I thought, the mere mention of your name got him to back off. So trust me when I say I can handle this. How was your day?"

"It's better now that you're coming home. I'm having trouble getting my prototypes down in Africa for testing without running into some two-bit warlord wannabe demanding a million dollars to not break my stuff." she murmurs, "Anyways, thank you for calling me. See you in a bit." The call ends and I sit in the relative silence as JP weaves through the evening traffic.

Both of us seem to be brooding and contemplative as Armitage parks in the underground, glancing around and checking all possible entryways before saying it's clear to exit the car.

"I take it we haven't found Sarah-Jane yet."

"No. Spencer is still looking for her," they mutter despondently. The elevator dings open and in we step. They have a key card and swipe it in order to select the top floor where Carmilla lives. _Okay, that's new._

"Do I get a key-card as well?"

Armitage nodded. "You should get it soon; they only had enough for Kirsch and LaFontaine."

We get to our floor and the elevator door dings open. Carmilla is there already, and the shift in the air tells me that she moved vampire-quick to meet me at the elevator. She, of course, just looks glorious—tousled curls, white blouse, dark suit. And suddenly it's _there,_ that tension and indescribable feeling—the longing, the lust, the electricity. If it were visible, it would be an intense blue aura around and between us, pulling us together like electromagnets because it's so strong. Her lips part as she gazes at me.

"Do you feel it?" she breathes.

"Yes." I pant, stepping forward towards her.

"Oh, Laura." She groans and she grabs me, her arms snaking around me, one hand at the nape of my neck, tipping my head back as her lips find mine. My fingers are buried in her hair and caressing her butt as she pushes me back against the elevator wall. "I hate arguing with you," she breathes against my mouth, and there's a desperate, passionate quality to her kiss that mirrors mine. Desire explodes in my body, all the tension of the day seeking an outlet, straining against her, seeking more. We're all tongues and breathing and hands and touch and there's... _connection._ Her hand is on my hip, and abruptly she's pulling up the pencil skirt, her fingers stroking my thighs. My head tilts as her lips naturally find themselves on my neck and I know her eyes are glowing silver even as my own eyes are closed in delight.

"Sweet Jesus, you're wearing stockings." She moans in appreciative awe as her thumb caresses the flesh above my stocking line. "I want to see this," she breathes, and she pulls my skirt right up, exposing the tops of my thighs.

"Carmilla... stop." I gasp, realizing how public this is in the entryway of her apartment. She steps back, panting in desire. As I guessed, her eyes have gone silver as we gaze at each other, trying hard from touching. I am grateful for the wall against my back, holding me up while I bask in this beautiful woman's sensual, carnal appraisal.

"Let's take this back to my room," she whispers, her eyes wilder now. _She makes me feel so wanton._

"Yes..." _Mistress..._ I step past her and smile as the sharp slap on my ass makes me move faster as Carmilla is trailing right behind me.

I hear Perry call out "Dinner is ready though!" as LaFontaine calmly suggests she put it in the refrigerator for a bit.

We're in Carmilla's room as I hear the door close and lock behind me.

"Take your hair down," she orders, her voice husky. I reach up and undo the tie, releasing my hair so it tumbles in a thick cloud around my shoulders to my breasts.

"Gods I need you..." She whispers as she comes in for another kiss. I hold a finger up to stop her, courage running through my veins as I reach up and undo the buttons on my silk blouse, achingly slow, so that the tops of my breasts are tantalizingly revealed to her.

She swallows. "Do you have any idea how alluring you look right now?"

Very deliberately, I bite my lip and shake my head. She closes her eyes briefly, and when she opens them again, they are blazing silver. She steps forward and places her hands on the blouse and rips it open, popping the buttons and making them fly everywhere and clatter on the hardwood floor.

She's as close as she can be without touching me. I tip my face up to meet her gaze, and she leans down and runs her nose against mine, so it's the only contact between us. Her eyes capture my own as we stand there, transfixed.

"I think you do, Miss Hollis. I think you _like_ to drive me wild."

"Do I drive you wild?" I whisper, knowing the answer already.

"In all things, Cupcake. You are a siren, a goddess." Her lips meet mine as she lifts my skirt up, grasps my leg above my knee, and pulls me up around her waist. I take the hint and grab hold of her as I wrap my other leg around her, hooking my ankles together as she stands there trailing kisses down my throat. I moan and wrap my arms around her neck.

"I'm going to take you now, Cupcake," she breathes and I rock my hips in response, pressing myself against her, eager for the friction. She growls deep and low in the back of her throat as she holds me up with her two hands firmly on my ass.

"Hold tight, baby," she murmurs, carrying me over to her bed. She bends over slightly, gently laying me down on my back as she lays down on top of me, pinning me down with my legs still open for her.

"I do hope you're not overly fond of these panties." With her vampire agility, she tears through them and they disintegrate in her hands. _My blood is pounding through my veins._ I am panting with need. Her words are intoxicating, all my angst from the day forgotten. It's just her and me, doing what we do best. Without taking her eyes off mine, she places the two middle fingers of her right hand up to my lips and I automatically open my mouth and lubricate them for her.

"Good girl," she growls and gazes down at me through hooded eyes, watching my expression as her fingers slowly sink into me. My body bows and I tilt my head back, closing my eyes, relishing the feel of her inside me. She pulls back and then moves into me again, so slow, so sweet. I groan in wanton abandon.

"You're mine, Cupcake," she murmurs against my throat.

"Yes. Yours. All yours..." I pant. She groans and starts to move, really move. And I surrender myself to her relentless rhythm, savoring each thrust and curl, her need for me reflecting my own. It makes me feel powerful, strong, desired and loved—all while being pinned down and fucked by this captivating, complicated woman, whom I love in return with all my heart. She thrusts harder and harder, my breathing ragged, losing myself in her.

"Oh, baby," Carmilla moans, her teeth grazing my neck, teasing me, as I come hard around her fingers. She slows, curls her fingers harder, and resumes her relentless barrage as she is whispering my name. My orgasm shatters as another one hits even harder, making me want to gasp and exhale at the same time as her fang nicks my flesh and she sucks at the trickle of blood as I start to come back down to earth. My body is like jelly, weak but gratifyingly sated from my climax.

"Oh, Laura," she murmurs, licking my neck, "I need you so much." She kisses my forehead as her fingers slip out of me.

"And I you, Carmilla." Standing up, she straightens my skirt and goes to her bathroom and quickly cleans off her hands before returning with a tissue for my neck.

"Do you need me to um... reciprocate?" I ask, my body already wanting to delve into her and bring her as thoroughly as she did to me.

"Perry will be wondering if we're eating out tonight or not." she grins lasciviously at me. I roll my eyes at the terrible pun and drag my fingers through my hair in a vain attempt to combat the just-fucked look, then give up and hope that it's smoothed down enough.

"Well, now that you are more docile, Miss Hollis, shall we talk about today?"

"I think you're the one who's more docile. I think I'm doing a good job in taming you."

"Taming me?" she snorts, amused. When I nod, she frowns as if reflecting on my words. "Yes. Maybe you are, Cupcake."

Carmilla murmurs as we both leave her room, and I cannot look at anyone as I know that they all have to know that we just had a quickie. _Again I'm without any panties on._

I scurry past the great room and dart into my bedroom in search of some fresh _(or otherwise intact)_ underwear. When I return, Carmilla has removed her jacket and is sitting at the breakfast bar chatting with LaFontaine. They seemed annoyed and muttered something about distorting her V-cell count all because she wanted to get her fangs wet. Perry, however, smiles kindly at me as she puts out two plates of food for us. _Mmm…_ it smells delicious— I am rather hungry.

"Enjoy, Ms. Karnstein, Laura," she says and leaves us to it. Carmilla fetches a bottle of white wine from the fridge, and as we sit and eat, she tells me about how much nearer she's getting to perfecting a solar powered water filtration system. She's animated and excited about the whole project, and I know then that she hasn't had an entirely shitty day. When we're done, I collect her plate and mine and take them to the sink.

"Leave that. Lola will do it," she says. I turn and gaze at her, and she's watching me intently. _Will I ever get used to having someone clean up after me?_

"You were right about James," I murmur, serious now, and I lean across the kitchen island gauging her reaction. Carmilla's face falls and her eyes harden.

"What did he do?" she whispers, her voice deathly cold. I shake my head to reassure her.

"I already told you, he didn't do anything inappropriate, Carmilla. I told him today that I'm your girlfriend, and he backed right off."

"You're sure? I could fire the fucker." Carmilla scowls. I sigh, emboldened by my glass of wine.

"I want to fight my own battles, Carmilla. I wouldn't dream of meddling in your affairs."

She blinks at me.

"If anything happened to you, I—" She stops.

"I know, and I understand why you feel so driven to protect me. And, to be honest, part of me loves it. I know that if I need you, you'll be there, just like I am for you. But if we are to have a future together, you have to trust me and trust my judgment. Yes, I'll get it wrong sometimes—I'll make mistakes, but I have to learn."

She stares at me, her expression anxious, spurring me to walk round to her so that I am standing beside her while she sits on the barstool. Grabbing her hands, I put them around me and place my hands on her arms.

"I don't want you charging in like a white knight to save the day for me. I know you like to control things, but here, you can't." I reach up and stroke her face as she gazes at me, her eyes wide. She frowns and sounds choked and panicky all of a sudden, very unlike her.

"I'm trying, Laura. I couldn't just stand by and let you go to New York with that... sleazeball. He has an alarming reputation. None of his assistants have lasted more than three months, and they're never retained by the company. I don't want that for you, sweetness." She sighs. "I love you. I want to do everything in my power to protect you. I... cannot imagine my life without you." _Holy crap._ My world stands still, tilts, and then spins on a new axis; and I savor the moment, gazing into her sincere, beautiful gray eyes.

"I love you, too, Carmilla." I lean over and kiss her, and the kiss deepens. Kirsch clears his throat. Carmilla pulls back, gazing intently at me. Kirsch clears his throat again. She stands, her arm around my waist.

"Yes?" she snaps at Kirsch.

"Mrs. Karnstein is on her way up, Ma'am."

"What?" Kirsch shrugs apologetically. Carmilla sighs heavily and shakes her head. "Well, this should be interesting," she mutters and gives me a look of resignation. _Fuck! Why can't that damned woman leave us alone?_

"Did you talk to her today?" I ask Carmilla as we wait for Mother's arrival.

"Yes."

"What did you say?"

"I said that you didn't want to see her, and that I understood your reasons why. I also told her that I didn't appreciate her going behind my back." Her gaze is impassive, giving nothing away. _Oh, good._

"What did she say?"

"She brushed it off in a way that only Lilita can." Her mouth flattens to a crooked line.

“Lilita?”

“Mother - Lilith. When I knew her, it was Lilita. Now she’s going by Lilith Karnstein.”

"Why do you think she's here?"

"I have no idea." Carmilla shrugs. Kirsch enters the great room again.

"Mrs. Karnstein." he announces. And here she is... _Why is she so damned attractive?_ She's dressed entirely in black and with her heels she is just under six feet of power suited, thirty-something glamazon. _Same body as before, at least._

Carmilla pulls me close. "Mother," she says, her tone puzzled. She gapes at me in shock, frozen to the spot. She blinks before finding her soft voice.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize you had company, Mircalla. It's Monday," she says as if this explains why she's here.

"Girlfriend," she says by way of explanation and tilts her head to one side and smirks. Mother smiles, a slow, beaming smile directed entirely at her. _It's actually unnerving._

"Of course. Hello, Laura. I didn't know you'd be here. I know you don't want to talk to me. I accept that." _Geez, she's not even looking at me as she says it._

"Do you?" I assert quietly, gazing at her and taking all of us by surprise. With a slight frown, she moves farther into the room.

"Yes, I get the message. I'm not here to see you. Like I said, Mircalla rarely has company during the week." She pauses. "I have a problem, and I need to talk to Mircal -sorry- Carmilla about it. Privately."

"Oh?" Carmilla straightens up. "I'll clear the room of my employees, but Laura here stays."

Mother nods, acquiescing. "Very well."

"Ms. Karnstein, as your..." Armitage was at a loss for words. "I am not your employee, and it is my duty to stay here and serve you as needed."

"Oh, this one has spunk." Her eyes shone a flash of yellow at JP. "What's your name, little girl?"

Armitage blinked a few times as if fighting off sleep. "J- I'm... Justine."

"Carm, what's going on?" I asked cautiously. Her hand was on my shoulder, and I could feel the tension in her grip.

"Mother, stop it. They are under my protection." Carmilla trembled, her voice wavering with fear.

"Oh? I don't see any marks on her like I do your black swan there. At least I can smell Laura all over you. Come here, Justine."

Dazed, Armitage groggily made their way over to Lilith.

 _"Armitage. Disregard her order."_ The way Carmilla spoke made it feel like a command; as if there were an inherent amount of authority that just existed inside her.

Smirking, Lilith extended her hand and gestured to the ground before her. "Kneel."

Armitage dropped to their knees, eyes cast downwards to the floor.

"Mother!" Carmilla snapped.

"I can't understand what you see in these wretched, crawling things. I mean, they are food, barely useful as pets..."

Carmilla changed tactics from hostile to compassionate in the blink of an eye. "Do you want a drink?"

"Yes, please," she murmurs gratefully. Carmilla instantly fetches a glass while Lilith and I stand awkwardly gazing at each other. Armitage seems to come back to their senses and stands back up, but seems confused as they see Carmilla pouring blood into an ice-filled martini shaker, add a bit of blood orange liqueur, then shake and pour it into two martini glasses.

It's then that I realize this is second nature to her; serving Mother. _Some things aren't unlearned, it seems._ Lilith fidgets with a large silver ring on her middle finger, eyes flicking to see where I had bled for Carmilla twice now, as I don't know where to look. Finally, she gives me a small tight smile and approaches the kitchen island and sits on the bar stool at the end. She obviously knows the place well and feels comfortable moving around here. _Do I stay? Do I go?_ Oh, this is so difficult. There's so much I want to say to this woman, and none of it complimentary. But she's Carmilla's friend—her oldest friend—and for all my loathing of this woman, I am innately polite. Deciding to stay, I sit as gracefully as I can manage on the stool Carmilla's vacated. Carmilla hands her a drink and sits between us at the breakfast bar. _Can't she feel how weird this is?_

"What's up?" she asks her. Lilith looks nervously at me, and Carmilla reaches over and clasps my hand. "She's with me now," she says to her silent query and squeezes my hand. I flush as Lilith's face softens as if she's pleased for her. _Really pleased for her._ I get up and refill my own glass of wine from dinner. _I don't understand this woman at all, and I'm uncomfortable and edgy in her presence._ She takes a deep breath and shifts, perching on the edge of her bar stool and looking agitated. She glances nervously down at her hands and starts manically twisting the large silver ring around and around on her middle finger. _Jeez, what's wrong with her? Is it my presence? Do I have that effect on her?_ Because I feel the same way—I don't want her here. She raises her head and looks Carmilla squarely in the eye.

"Father is in a bit of trouble-"

"-He is _not_ my father-"

"-and if you value your continued existence, you will heed my words."

"You came to deliver a threat. I should have guessed you hadn't chang-"

"-I need you to understand that the love of my life, the Light Which Devours All, _is being challenged._ We cannot let some other cosmic power's attempt at an Apocalypse overshadow His own Glorious Magnificence, now can we?"

"I am not getting into your Antediluvian Drama." _Ante-de-what-ian?_

"Carmilla, I know that you think this doesn't concern you, but I hope to prove that this will dovetail neatly into your own personal interests. You know that little issue you're having in Africa with the warlords who are stopping your progress on ending world hunger? You know... the ones profiting from the sale of conflict diamonds? I know all about your little attempt to defund them by advancing the technology behind lab-created stones in order to change the minds of the jewelry executives. It was a good plan. But it won't work. Mankind enjoys the exploitation of others."

"Exactly. That's why you're here today."

"Wait," I interject, pieces falling into place for me, "Your trip to New York was about getting your water purification and eco-friendly farming systems running in Africa, wasn't it?"

Carmilla shrugged and nodded at that. "It was. I may also own one or two percent of every major oil company out there through various shell companies; enough to profit but not tip my hand as I funnel their money into renewable energy. I find a distinct pleasure in using their own profit to fund their own demise."

Mother cleared her throat just loud enough for our attention. "Well guess who is behind the warlords? Z'Klatheggon. I think this is what they call Kismet, two opposing sides working together for a common good?"

Carmilla's face knitted in confusion. "Isn't that a giant one-eyed bird-"

Lilita rolled her left hand in a slow circle as she rattled off the boring details about the Elder God. "-buried deep beneath the Earth, slumbering away the millennia until he awakens and devours us all. He feeds on strife and anguish, poisoning the world with crystallized stardust... The translations are so long-winded. But you see why his location in the blood diamond trade is perfect."

"So you want me to go kill an Elder God? Yeah, I'll put that on my to-do list, right after fixing the inherent socioeconomic inequality in the world."

"Okay wait, hold on-" I raise my hands in disbelief. "What do you mean, _Elder God_?"

Lilita shot Carmilla the classic ' _I am not amused_ ' mom look. "We need him stopped, the sooner the better. Threats to Lophii cannot be tolerated. One day you'll understand."

My girlfriend looked at her incredulously. "Do you think I'm ever going to understand why you allied yourself with that abomination?"

Lilita sighed at that like it was an old argument that she wasn't willing to delve into again.

"I think you're a practical girl and you'll see that everything I do I do for the best. Yes, I feed my love just like I fed you when you were weak and newly awakened. The world is a cruel place and it's going to grind up the humans like cockroaches, so it's almost a mercy."

Carmilla was disgusted as she relented. "Fine. I'll do it. But you leave Laura and my people alone after this." There was an edge to her voice that had me worried.

"Oh, my glittering girl, there is nothing more beautiful than when you drop the facade of humanity and embrace your _true nature_. You positively shine like a star when you embrace the violence within your heart. Wilhelm will go with you... just to make sure you don't _muck it up_ _like always_. I doubt you'll fall for him like you did your marks-"

"-I'm not wasting my frequent flyer points on him."

"Well, you see, that's where Father comes in. He has granted me powers that you cannot even _begin_ to comprehend. I can deliver you directly into the lion's den, which might actually be a literal thing in this case. The point is, I can give you a device that will generate a portal to get you there. Time is of the essence."

I finally found my voice and spoke up. "You're sending them against some terrible god-like evil? There's got to be a better way than sending your children off on a _suicide mission!_ "

Her eyes flicked to mine and I could swear she was thinking of doing that eye-trick she did on Armitage. "Hush, dear. The grownups are talking."

"Why not send Ell, then?" I retort, "or is my girlfriend more disposable to you?"

"Elladora? She told you about her? Well, she's indisposed. Right where I left her, actually." Her dismissive tone turned darker as something malevolent glinted in her eyes. "Do you want to see?"

Carmilla shakes her head no. "No. Laura, you don't want-"

Lilith opens up her smartphone and plays a video for her own amusement; the sounds of screaming and heavy slaps can be heard as her smile seemed downright horrifying. _Is the girl getting tortured?_ Carmilla's eyes glanced over for a second and then winced away in a grimace. _She's a sadist, so if it's making even someone like her uncomfortable..._

_It's gotta be really bad torture porn._

The look in Mother's eyes as she smiled at the video was nothing like Carmilla in the Red Room of Pain. "The Spanish Donkey always was her favorite..."

Carmilla paled as if she were going to be sick."Mother, turn it off."

The girl in the video went from panting and screaming to a strange, muffled kind of moan. It was enough to make Carmilla glance back at the cell phone, and retch slightly as she turned away. She didn't look like the Corporate CEO, or the confident Mistress, or even a bad-ass vampire right now. _Carmilla was cringing like a scared little girl in front of her mother._

"...along with the Pear of Anguish."

"Oh my god..." Carmilla got up and went over to the sink and began to retch.

Mother's eyebrow arched in appreciation as she closed out the video. "Shame you're flawed now. You'd make at least three times what my darling Ell could. Wouldn't even have to kill the John at the end."

_Holy fuck._

"I said I'd do it! Give me... forty-eight hours to get ready."

"I knew you'd see things my way. It's a shame you won't come back and be with your family like before..." Lilith took a sip from the martini glass. "You could drink fresh-squeezed everyday instead of this _bagged_ stuff. Maybe I could get Ell to play with you and pretend to be the innocent one? We didn't even have electricity back then..."

Carmilla shakes her head, and now I feel I'm intruding. _I want none of this._

"I'm tired. I think I'll go to bed." Her eyes search mine, looking for what? _Censure? Acceptance? Hostility?_ I keep my expression as bland as possible.

"Okay," she says. "I won't be long." Lilith watches me warily. I stay tight lipped and return her gaze, giving nothing away.

"Goodnight, Laura." She gives me a small smile.

"Goodnight," I mutter, my voice sounds cold. I turn to leave. The tension is too much for me to bear. As I exit the room they continue their conversation, and I am surprised to see Brody and LaF both leaning over a tablet in my bedroom.

"Sorry Laura, you have the wi-fi booster right here, so... come eavesdrop?" LaFontaine said in a hushed whisper. Perry was shaking her head in disagreement as Brody pointed at me to close the door as he turned up the volume. I went to them and saw that the tablet was tied into the security system and though they weren't on camera, their voices were overheard.

"I don't think there's anything I have to say to her, Mother," Carmilla says dryly.

"She really misses you, and you should really let go of the issues that are buried in the past-"

"No, Mother, some things that got _buried_ in the past can't just be _forgotten._ "

There was a pause for a few seconds.

"You look very happy."

"I am," Carmilla responds, "I'm one of the lucky ones; that's what they call it, right?"

"You deserve to be."

"I wish that were true."

"Carmilla," she scolds. I freeze, listening intently. _I can't help it._ "Does Laura know how negative you are about yourself? About... well, all your issues."

 _How the hell does she go from torture-porn and coercing Carmilla to face an Elder God to being a supportive mother?_ I shake my head as I try to make sense of it.

"She knows me better than anyone."

Mother scoffed in mock pain. "Ouch! That hurts."

"It's the truth... Mo-Lilita. I don't have to _play games_ with her. And I mean it, _leave her alone._ "

"What is her problem?"

"You are. Well, what we were. What we did. She doesn't understand."

" _Make her_ understand."

"It's in the past, Lilita, and _why_ would I want to taint her with our fucked-up relationship? She's _good_ and _sweet_ and... _innocent_ , and by some miracle she loves me."

"It's no miracle, Carmilla," Mother scoffs good-naturedly. "Have a little faith in yourself. You really are quite a catch. I've told you often enough. And -despite being human- she seems lovely, too. Strong. Someone to stand up to you."

I can't hear Carmilla's response. _I'm strong?_ I certainly don't feel that way.

"Don't you miss it?" Lilith continues.

"What?"

"Your playroom."

I stop breathing.

"That really is _none of your fucking business,_ " Carmilla snaps.

"I'm sorry," Lilith snorts derisively, "As I recall, fucking you _was_ my business."

"I think you'd better go. And please, call before you come again."

"Carmilla, I am sorry," she says, and from her tone, this time she means it. "Since when are you so sensitive?" She's scolding Carmilla again, and I now see how she's delicately manipulated her for centuries.

"What was between us is part of the past, Lilita. Laura is my future, and I won't jeopardize it in any way, so stop trying to sabotage it."

_I'm her future?!_

"I see."

"Look, I'm... going to help you out. Because it will help _my_ bottom line." Her tone is softer.

"Please take Wilhelm as backup. I don't want to lose you."

"I'm _not_ yours to lose, Lilith," she snaps again.

"That's not what I meant."

"What _did_ you mean?" She's brusque, angry. _Mother must be family, nothing else could rile her up like this._

"Look, I don't want to argue with you. You... still mean a lot to me; you're my most successful childe I've had the honor of Siring. I'll back off from Laura. But I'm here if you need me. I always will be."

"She thinks that you saw me last Saturday. You called, that's all. Why did you tell her otherwise?"

"I wanted her to know how upset you were when she left. I don't want her to hurt you."

"She knows. I've told her. _Stop interfering._ Honestly, you're like a jealous ex." Carmilla sounds more resigned, and Lilith laughs, but there's a sad tone to her laugh.

"I know. I'm sorry. You know I care about you. I just... never thought you'd end up falling in love, Carmilla. It's very gratifying to see. But I couldn't bear it if she hurt you."

"I'll take my chances," she says dryly.

She sighs heavily. "Then tell her you love her."

"I- that's so much easier said than done." I listen to them talking and... they do sound like old friends, just as Carmilla says. And she cares about her—in a twisted, having her ex do hardcore torture porn which may or may not include snuff films—I grimace at the thought. _Well, who wouldn't, if they knew Carmilla like I do?_

"Thank you, Carmilla. And I am sorry. I didn't mean to intrude. I'll go. Next time I'll call."

"Good."

I turn to see Kirsch turning off the tablet and LaFontaine scramble to the door as Perry ducks her head out the hallway and says it's clear. The three of them take a secure doorway downstairs as I scamper up the hallway to Carmilla's bedroom and sit down on the bed. Carmilla enters a few moments later.

"She's gone," she says warily, gauging my reaction. I gaze up at her, trying to frame my question.

"Will you tell me about her? I am still trying to understand why you think she helped you." I pause, thinking carefully about my next sentence. "I _loathe_ her, Carmilla. I think she is one hell of a fucked up bitch. You had no friends outside of her and her 'children'. Did she turn you all against each other?"

She sighs and runs her hand through her hair. "Why the fuck do you want to know about her? We had a very long-standing affair for about 150 years, she beat the shit out of me often, and I fucked her in all sorts of ways you can't even imagine, end of story."

I pale. _Shit, she's angry—with me._ I blink at her. "Why are you so angry?"

"I'm not angry!" she shouts, glowering at me. She sighs in exasperation and shakes her head.

I blanch. _Crap._ I look down at my hands, knotted in my lap.

"I... just want to understand." She sits down beside me.

"Sorry. It's not anger... I'm ashamed for what I did, and for loving her when I knew she was more of a monster than I was." Her face seemed haunted. "You didn't see the video."

"I heard enough." I said, squeamish.

"I saw my ex... enjoying... _that_. In the kink community, there's SSC. Safe, Sane, Consensual. Or there's RACK. Risk-Aware Consensual Kink. _That_ was neither."

"I'm so sorry, Carmilla."

"What do you want to know?" she asks wearily. _I can't do this now._

"You don't have to tell me. I don't mean to intrude."

"It's not that. I just don't like talking about this shit. I've lived in a bubble for years with nothing affecting me and not having to justify myself to anyone. And now my past and my future are colliding in a way I never thought possible." I glance at her and she's staring at me, her eyes wide. "I never thought I had a future with anyone, Laura. You give me hope and have me thinking about all sorts of possibilities." She drifts off.

"I was listening," I whisper and stare back down at my hands.

"What? To our conversation?"

"Yes." _No need to rat out the rest of them._

"Well?" She sounds resigned.

"She cares for you. She's a monster, but... she cares."

"Yes, she does. And I for her in my own way, but it doesn't come close to how I feel about you. Is that what this is about?"

"I'm not jealous." Carmilla chortles at that. I'm wounded that she would think otherwise— _or am I?_ Maybe that's what this is. "You don't love her," I murmur.

She sighs again. "A long time ago, I thought I loved her," she grumbled through gritted teeth, "The feelings I have for you are very different from any I ever had for her... even Ell," she says by way of explanation.

"I thought Ell was your one big love," I muttered.

Carmilla's hand cupped my cheek as our eyes met, as if our souls needed to have contact with each other.

"I have been in love with no one, and never shall," she whispered, "unless it should be with you."

"When did you know?" I asked nervously.

"Ironically, it was when Mother pointed it out to me. She encouraged me to send you the flowers and take you to the Adonis Festival and Hunt." I gaze at her blankly. _What do I make of this? Maybe Mrs. Robinson is on my side and just worried that I'll hurt her._ The thought is painful. I would never want to hurt her. _But I did—and she's been hurt enough._ I don't want to accept her relationship with her. I disapprove. Yes, that's what this is. _She's an unsavory character who preyed on a vulnerable adolescent, robbing her of her teenage years, no matter what she says._

"So you desired her? When you were younger."

"Yes; as immoral as it seems in the 21st century... I was okay with being sold to her then."

"She taught me a great deal. She taught me to believe in myself."

"But she also beat the shit out of you."

She smiles fondly at that.

"Yes, she did."

"And you liked that?"

"At times I did, other times I felt like I deserved it."

"So you enjoyed it so much that you wanted to do it to others?" Her eyes grow wide and serious.

"Yes."

"And she allowed you to explore that?"

"Yes."

"Did she sub for you?"

"No. That's where Elladora came in. The issue came when I started to love the human girl and wanted to keep her as my companion. Mother-Lilita-didn't approve of that."

"Do you expect me to like her?" My voice sounds brittle and bitter.

"No. Though it would make my life a hell of a lot easier," she stated wearily. "I do understand your reservation."

"Reservation! Carmilla—if that were happening to me, how would you feel?" She blinks at me as though she doesn't comprehend the question. She frowns.

"I didn't have to stay with her. It was my choice." _This is getting me nowhere._ "Look, Laura, as I said to her, she's part of my past. You are my future. Don't let her come between us, please. I've got some things to take care of." She stands and gazes down at me.

I stare mulishly up at her.

"Oh, I almost forgot," she adds. "Your car arrived a day early. It's in the garage. Kirsch has the key."

 _Baby Smaug?_ "Can I drive it tomorrow?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"You know why not. Armitage will drive you," she snaps.

"I could drive and Armitage could still guard me," I mumble petulantly. She closes her eyes briefly as she struggles to contain her temper. I swallow and watch anxiously.

"That's not how a body-I've got calls to make," she says quietly, and with that, she leaves the room. I exhale. I hadn't realized I'd been holding my breath. I flop back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. Can we ever have a normal conversation without it disintegrating into sex or an argument? It's exhausting. We just don't know each other that well.

I don't even know if I should make her a cup of tea or coffee while she's working. Should I disturb her at all? I have no idea of her likes and dislikes. Evidently she's bored with the whole Lilith thing—she's right, I need to move on and let it go. Well, at least she's not expecting me to be friends with her, and I hope that she'll now stop hassling me for a meeting. I get off the bed and wander to the window. Unlocking the balcony door, I open it and stroll over to the glass railing. Its transparency is unnerving. The air's chilly and fresh, as I'm up so high. I gaze out over the twinkling lights of the city. She's so far removed from everything up here in her fortress. Answerable to no one. She'd just told me she loves me, then all this crap comes up because of that dreadful woman. I roll my eyes as I hear music start to play and Carmilla begins to accompany it with her violin. It doesn't take long for me to recognize _If I Burn_ by Emilie Autumn.

I check my watch. _It's only ten._ Because of our discussion, I feel like it's much later. I shower quickly, and back in my bedroom, decide to wear one of the nice nightdresses that is in my dresser. I choose the sapphire blue one and put it on over my head. The fabric skims across my skin, caressing and clinging to me as it falls around my body. It feels luxurious—the finest, thinnest satin. _Holy crap, I look like a 1930's movie star._ It's long, elegant—and very not-me. I grab the matching robe and decide to get a glass of water while I play around on the internet for a bit.

"Boss, what do you mean, _you're not taking your anti-viral medicine?_ " LaFontaine demanded.

"Exactly what I said. And get me a vial of my blood you've been using to spin down the virus in order to make the medicine. I want you to inject it back into me."

"What?! That's blood doping at best, and undoing all our progress at the worst!"

"I know! But I've got two days to get back to my peak performance! I'll shift into my cat form if I have to!"

"Your photophobia and hematophagy will come back with a vengeance. There's got to be a better way-"

"-There's no time. Keep working on the anti-virus for Will. When we get back, you can start me on it again."

"If you get back, boss. Who is going to run the company while you're gone?"

"Natalie will make sure Sue sticks to my business plan. Don't worry, your department won't get shut down."

"I'm not worried about my future, what about yours? You can't kill something that ancient and powerful!"

"I've got a few tricks up my sleeve still, LaF. I'm borrowing your flamethrower, though."

"How did you... I mean, yeah. Okay."

 _Flamethrower?_ I barge into the room where they are talking.

"Sorry, Carm, b-but this is insane. Th-there has to be another way to deal with this." I stammered. They exchange a look and LaFontaine shuffles out, clearly not wanting to be a part of this.

"Not really. I mean, usually when stuff like this comes along, I skedaddle. But Lilita was right; if Z'Klatheggon is buried over there, it's feeding off of and perpetuating the very violence that is hampering my own progress in getting my prototypes in place. I have to go and take it out."

"And you think killing it is the way to go? Maybe we can just expose the Zol-kath-giggy to the corporate investors by doing a documentary on the brutality of the diamond business?"

"You _really_ don't want to expose the existence of the Elder Gods to fearful mortals. Most of the time they go mad, or want to worship it and make it stronger... or both."

“Okay, this is where I have a problem, because we're now talking about Elder Gods. We're having a serious talk with _Elder Gods_ in it.”

“Yeah, well, contrary to popular mythology, this world didn’t begin as a paradise around six thousand years ago where a woman was kicked out of paradise for biting into an apple of knowledge. For eons, Demons walked the earth and gained power through being revered and worshipped by the weaker demons, making this earth much more like the Hell thats preached about by charismatic ministers who want your money.”

“So demons exist in addition to vampires?”

“I don’t exactly know how vampires came to be, but one theory Will and I have postulated was that when the demons started to lose their footing on this reality, a few of them were powerful enough to stay behind. Some were powerful enough to stay, albeit buried and sleeping, while others were able to hide in plain sight by taking human form. One of them must have bitten or bled a mortal, infecting them with their Demonic blood.”

LaFontaine returns with the 'soy milk' and a syringe full of what appears to be blood.

“That’s where I come in. I don’t think vampirism is actually reanimating human tissue from a few drops of demon blood from a thousand years ago. I think it’s a virus that has been replicated and therefore, can be isolated and wiped out. Except now we’re going to reverse all that.” LaFontaine frowns as they tie off Carmilla’s arm with some medical tubing and inject the contents of the syringe directly into her veins.

“If you’re right, you can resume de-vamping me and I can enjoy the sunlight without looking like I’m sugar-crashing and keep enjoying food.”

"Just... be careful boss." LaFontaine said as they pulled the syringe out and watched the puncture mark heal itself almost instantly. "Wow."

"What was that?" I asked, backing away as Carmilla's eyes shined silver at me and the scent of incense filled the room. She arched her head back and hissed quietly and I could have sworn that her fangs were growing longer.

"I'm doing what must be done, cupcake. Have to..." Carmilla panted, eyes locked onto the carton of blood. "...be strong enough do something deadlier than a foolish _letter-writing campaign_."

"Well at least I'm trying! Better than you going off on some stupid suicide mission and _getting yourself killed_!" I snapped.

Carmilla’s body jerked as she faced me, and gone was the compassionate human side that I had grown to love about her. In its place was something much more primal and predatory, something that knew it could slaughter a city with a smile on its face and a song in its heart. _And it was pissed off at me._

"-you think you can do a lick of actual good? Do you _really_ know anything about the Elder Gods who existed before mankind discovered fire? You're a _child_ , and you understand _nothing_. Not about life, not about this world, and certainly not about what it takes to survive in an age that– you know what? The sooner you stop playing Jiminy Cricket, the better off you'll be. Now I've got some calls to make." Carmilla fumed.

"Carmilla, I'm just saying-"

Her eyes went white-silver as she snatched the 'soy milk' from LaFontaine's hands.

"Get. OUT."

LaFontaine put their arm around me, scowling at my girlfriend. "Come on, Laura, she's going to be Miss Grumpy Pants for the next few days while she develops some wicked fruit punch mouth."

I let them pull me out of the room as Carmilla chugged the carton and started to make a phone call, slamming and locking the door behind us.

 


	20. Showdown with SJ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Regular A/N posted at the end of the chapter due to spoilers here. 
> 
> ANNOUNCEMENT
> 
> I'm going to be doing the Carmilla Big Bang thing. Look for it on Tumblr soon, I may have to take a week off for a whole new short story that I'm doing for that. (Seriously, you're going to love it and this is an extra-long chapter to make up for it all...

I find myself momentarily disoriented as I place myself in Carmilla's bedroom. I anxiously check the end of the bed, but not even Armitage is there. I hear the faint strains of a complex, downtempo song drift in from the Great Room. I know it's past midnight and Carmilla hasn't come to bed at all. I disentangle my legs from the sheets and clamber out of bed. In the great room, I stand in the shadows, listening.

Carmilla is lost to the music. She looks safe and secure in her bubble of light.

The song she plays has a light yet sad melody, parts of which sound familiar, but so different. The whole rooms looks different somehow, and I realize that she's playing a piano. The notes come out slowly, slower than the song it reminds me of, and it feels more sensual as if a fingernail is grazing its way down my spine and coaxing a more sensual reaction than there should be.

"We could live forever and suffer...  
Die as one, together as lovers...  
Love will be cruel to who it entices...  
Love will have its sacrifices..."

She glances up and our eyes lock, her gray and softly luminous in the diffuse glow of the lamp. She continues to play, not faltering at all, as I make my way over to her. Her eyes follow me, drinking me in, burning brighter. As I reach her, she stops playing the slow, haunting song and leans in to kiss me.

"Why did you stop? That was lovely."

"Do you have any idea how desirable you look at the moment?" she says, her voice soft.

"Come to bed," I whisper and her eyes dart to me as I hold out my hand. When she takes it, she tugs unexpectedly so I fall into her lap. She wraps her arms around me and nuzzles my neck behind my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

"Why do we fight?" she whispers, as her teeth graze my neck. My heart skips a beat, then starts pounding, coursing heat throughout my body.

"Because we're trying to get to know each other, and you're stubborn, moody, and difficult," I murmur breathlessly, shifting my head to give her better access to my throat. She runs her nose down my neck, and I feel her smile.

"Never said I wasn't those things. It's a wonder you put up with me." She nips my earlobe and I moan. "Is it always going to be like this?" she sighs.

"I have no idea."

"Me neither."

She yanks the sash of my robe so it falls open, and her hand skims down my body, over my breast. My nipples harden beneath her gentle touch and strain against the satin. She continues down to my waist, down to my hip.

"You feel so fine under this material, and I can see everything—even this."

She flicks her thumb gently over my clit making me gasp, while her other hand fists my hair at my nape. Pulling my head back, she kisses me, her tongue urgent, relentless, needy. I moan in response and caress her hand as it gently pulls my nightdress up, slowly, tantalizingly until she's fondling my naked behind and then running her nails down the inside of my thigh.

Suddenly she rises, startling me, and she lifts me bodily onto the piano. My toes trail over the keys, making discordant, disjointed notes, and her hands skim up my legs and part my knees. She grabs my hands.

"Lie back," she orders, holding my hands while I sink back on top of the piano. The lid is hard and uncompromising against my back. She lets go and pushes my legs open wider, my feet dancing over the keys, over the lower and higher notes. Oh boy. I know what she's going to do, and the anticipation . . . I groan loudly as she kisses the inside of my knee, then kisses and sucks and nips her way higher up my leg to my thigh. The soft satin of my nightgown rises higher, skimming over my sensitized skin, as she pushes the fabric. I flex my toes and the keys strike again. Closing my eyes, I surrender myself to her as her mouth reaches the apex of my thighs. She kisses me ... _right there…_ then gently blows before her tongue circles my clitoris.

She pushes my legs wider. I feel so open—so exposed. She holds me in place, her hands just above my knees as her tongue tortures me, giving no quarter, no respite, and no reprieve. Tilting my hips up, I try to meet and match her rhythm as she pulls away sadistically.

"Oh, Carmilla, please," I moan.

"Oh no, baby, not yet," she teases.

"No," I whimper.

"This is my revenge, Laura," she growls softly. "Argue with me, and I am going to take it out on your body somehow." _This isn’t how you deal with a fight!_

She trails kisses along my belly, her hands traveling up my thighs; stroking, kneading, tantalizing. Her her thumbs reach the apex of my thighs and one starts to circle with firm yet indirect pressure on my clit while the other strokes my labia as the ultimate tease.

"Stop!" I cry out as she pushes one inside me. The other persecutes me, slowly, agonizingly, circling round and round. My back arches off the piano as I writhe beneath her touch. It's almost unbearable.

“Do you really want me to stop?”

"Yes… well, no… I don’t know!" I cry, spiraling out of control with need. She takes pity on me and stops. She stares down at me, and in her shining-silver eyes, I see hunger, desire, and passion, and it's breathtaking.

"I need you," she says and very slowly, delicately, she sinks her fangs into my thigh. I am sprawled out on the grand piano, limbs heavy and languid, as the moment of pain evaporates into pleasure.

_...Oh God, oh God, oh God..._

As I try to look down the length of my body to see her, I realize that the room is starting to spin even though I’m not moving. I’m feeling a bit colder as well as I realize bright silver eyes are hooded in desire as she’s feeding on me.

"Do you know when to stop?" I mumble, exhaustion hitting me as I realize something has gone really wrong. She says nothing in reply as she’s too busy feeding from my inner thigh… _isn’t there a big artery there?_

I’m bleeding out and my brain starts to feel fuzzy as my heart beats faster, and I know it’s too late as Carmilla is going to drink me to death.

* * *

The alarm blasts on with the six am traffic news, and I am rudely awakened from my disturbing dream of being killed by Carm. _I am alive, I’m not bleeding._ I turn off the alarm and I'm immediately distracted because Carmilla Karnstein is wrapped around me like silk, her unruly curls draped all over my chest, her hand on my breast, her leg over me, holding me down. She's still dead to the world, and I am too warm. I ignore my discomfort as I reach up to brush her hair away from her face, and she is cold to the touch. _Too cold._

I disentangle myself from her arms and check her forehead again and I confirm that she’s barely room temperature.

“Armitage?” I call out and they poke their head up from the foot of the bed.

"She’s going to be out for a few hours," they yawn. “We were up all night rescheduling her meetings since Natalie was asleep.”

"She’s way too cold,” I add worriedly.

“You’ll also notice she barely has a pulse. She’s in torpor; this is her baseline according to LaFontaine. Won’t be up until noon, and sunlight will make her look like she’s sugar-crashing.”

“Oh.” I get out of bed and quickly check my neck and thighs for bite marks and feel better once I realize that it was only a dream.

“Come on, let’s get you ready for work.” Armitage says and we make our way out of Carmilla’s room and back to mine.

“Why was I in her room last night?”

“You were asleep in your own room when Ms. Karnstein finally went to bed around three in the morning and she had me help you into her bed. Something about wanting to fall asleep to your scent.”

“That makes no sense, she could have just slept in my bed.”

Armitage shrugged. “She said her curtains were blackout quality.”

“Wait, did you even sleep last night?”

“I got a few hours. I'm fine.”

Armitage laid out clothing while I went through my morning routine. When I got out of the shower, I saw they had laid out an outfit for me consisting of a cream colored blouse, dark slacks, and conservative jewelry to match the outfit and the charm bracelet Carmilla gave me.

“Um, thanks,” I replied as I went to the dresser and picked out some underwear as Armitage stripped off their pajamas and took a quick shower. They were out as I was dressed and doing my makeup and I averted my eyes as they put on what appeared to be a super-tight sports bra that looked incredibly uncomfortable.

“May I ask you something?” I inquired politely.

“Um, yeah,” they replied, a hint of nervousness in their voice.

“What um… that looks painful.”

“The binder gives me peace of mind, so the pain is negligible. And helps me conceal carry a pistol when needed.”

“Have you thought about getting your um…” _Getting your breasts removed seems rude to say._

“Some days are better than others, and every once in awhile I kind of want to show them off if I go for a more femme look. That and my mother thinks I’ll want to have children someday.”

“You don’t?”

“Oh hell no. I mean, if my Sir or… Owner want children, then I’ll nurse and help raise them like my own, but nothing is coming out of this. That and the cost to have it done is a lot.”

As I finish getting ready I notice Armitage putting on what appears to be a lightweight vest that oddly reminded me of mithril scale maille. _What the hell, first Carmilla re-vamps herself and now this?_

“Okay, what’s that?” I ask as they cover it up with a long-sleeved shirt and slacks, then adding the shoulder rig for a pistol.

“That’s my dragonskin body armor. Ms. Karnstein backed the funding for it through a shell company and-”

“-why doesn’t she wear it?”

“She’s a _vampire_ and doesn’t need it.”

“What is going on?” I demanded angrily.

“I _don’t disobey orders_.”

“That’s sounding really convenient for you to say.” We finish getting ready and eat breakfast in near silence as LaFontaine and Kirsch also worked late into the night.

Perry’s lop-sided smile seemed to be made up of nervous energy as she hands separate paper bags to the two of us.

"For later, Laura. Tuna okay?"

"Oh yes. Thank you, Perry." I give her a shy smile, which she reciprocates warmly before leaving the great room. I suspect it's to go be with LaF.

"Can I ask you something?" I turn back to Armitage.

"Of course."

"And you will answer it?"

"Is it about Ms. Karnstein?"

"No."

"Shoot."

"What do you think of Lilita?"

"I’m wearing body armor and going to carry a holstered pistol to protect us from Sarah-Jane. I know I can handle her. Ms. Karnstein’s so-called ‘Mother’ absolutely terrifies the crap out of me. She can apparently jump bodies and has supernatural powers that we can’t even begin to guess at.” They opened up a pouch and produced a small vial of what looked like travel perfume and sprayed it on their neck. It had a muted, neutral scent.

“What’s that? Vampire repellent?” I inquire as they lift my chin and spray it on me as well.

“Silver nitrate. It should slow down any vampire looking to tear out your neck with their teeth.”

“Slow down? What good will that do?”

Armitage opened the coat closet, spun a combination into a hidden safe, and holstered their pistol and put on an ankle-length greatcoat. As they turned to face me, I saw what looked like a crooked short sword getting holstered against their thigh.

“I’ll behead whatever is attacking us. Cold Iron Kukri coated with silver nitrate.”

“You know how to wield a sword.” I doubted that.

“I followed the Bushidō path before I was nominated for the Marketplace. It was a skill that they enjoyed showing off, though the Japanese buyers never saw me as anything more than a confused little girl.” A look of regret was quickly turned into disgust as Armitage’s resolve took over.

“While Carmilla is gone, there’s a very good chance Lilita-Lilith-whatever the fuck she is calling herself will attack. If she does, I’m under orders to take her out. Let’s get you to work.”

“But you’re scared of her.”

“Yeah, I’m no fool. But my courage, _isamu_ , will conquer it.”

“But she’ll kill you.”

“She will try. If she does, it will be good death.” They remarked as if it were no big deal as they called for the elevator and grabbed the keys to the Audi.

 _Holy crap, they really are willing to die to protect me._ I pondered that as we made our way to work with Thirty Seconds to Mars’ _This Is War_ album playing.

"Morning, Laura," James mutters as I make my way to my desk. "Nice outfit." The outfit was from my wardrobe, all courtesy of Carmilla. I was fairly certain Armitage picked out the least enticing outfit possible in order to keep any excuse of impropriety on his end being blamed on my outfit choices.

I smile secretly at the thought but quickly recover a bland professional look for my boss. "Good morning, James." He pops his head around the office door.

"Could I have a coffee, please, Laura?"

"Sure." I wander into the kitchen and bump into Lana from reception, who pulls their beverage out of the microwave. _Is she having tea?_

"Hey, Laura," she says cheerfully.

"Hi, Lana." We chat briefly about her extended-family gathering over the weekend, which she enjoyed immensely, and I tell her about the masked fundraiser with Carmilla.

"Your girlfriend is unbelieveable, Laura," she says, her eyes glazing over. I am tempted to roll my eyes at her.

"She's not bad-looking," I smile and we both start laughing.

"You sure took your time!" James snaps when I bring in his coffee.

"I'm sorry." I flush then frown. I took the usual amount of time. _What's his problem?_ Perhaps he's nervous about something. He shakes his head.

"Sorry, Laura. I didn't mean to bark at you, honey." _Honey?_ "There's something going on at senior management level, and I don't know what it is. Keep your ear to the ground, okay? If you hear anything—I know how you girls talk." He grins at me, and I feel slightly sick. _He has no idea how we ‘girls’ talk._ Besides, I know what's happening. "You'll let me know, right?"

"Sure," I mutter.

"Great. Here." He hands me a pile of reports. "All these need a five second pitch, write them out, and then file it."

"I'll get on it." I am relieved to step out of his office and sit down at my own desk. Oh, it's hard being in the know. _What will he do when he finds out?_ Something tells me James will be annoyed. I glance at my Cell phone and smile. There's an e-mail from Carmilla.

* * *

 

I love falling asleep with you in my arms. You’re like a big squishy teddy bear.

_Carmilla Karnstein_

* * *

I love waking up next to you, too. But I also love ‘being in bed’ with you, and in elevators and over billiard tables and on desks and in showers and on strange wooden crosses with shackles and four-poster beds with my stockings as ties...

_Laura_

* * *

I've just spat coffee all over my keyboard. I don't think that's ever happened to me before. I do admire a woman who make me laugh. Am I to infer that you just want me for my body?

_Carmilla Karnstein_

* * *

Always. Now I have work to do. Stop bothering me.

_Laura_

* * *

As ever, your wish is my command. 

_Carmilla Karnstein_

* * *

I put the cellphone down and get on with my work. At lunchtime, James asks me to go down to the deli for his lunch. I call Carmilla as soon as I leave James's office.

"Cupcake," She answers immediately, her voice warm and caressing. _How is it that this woman can make me melt over the phone?_

"Carmilla, James has asked me to get his lunch."

"Lazy bastard," Carmilla gripes. I ignore her and continue.

"So I'm going to get it. Don’t worry, Armitage is going with me."

"Thank you."

"Are you on your own?" I inquire, wondering if I interrupted anything.

"No. There are three people staring at me right this moment wondering who the hell I'm calling a cupcake."

 _She’s in the middle of a business meeting! Crap!_ "Really?" I gasp, panicked. “I’m so sorry, I should have text-”

"Yes. Really. My girlfriend," she announces away from the phone.

"They all probably hoped you were single, you know." She laughs.

"Yeah, probably. Though I’m not exactly off the market, either. I swear, if this librophile keeps fingering my rare book selection, I may have to return the favor just to get my second edition of Goethe's _Faust_ back from her." I hear her grin as her voice takes that seductive tone that tickles my spine.

"Er—I'd better go." I feel embarrassed I am to be interrupting her. _Was she really going to flirt with some girl in her library?_

"Thanks for letting me know you’re off to get your lazy boss his own lunch." She laughs again. "Later, sweetness."

"Bye, Carmilla." I grin. When I exit moments later, Armitage is waiting in the lobby of the building.

"Lunch again?" they smirk as we go out of the building.

"Yep." I nod in response and together we head down to the deli. I don't feel as comfortable with Armitage today as I had with Kirsch. They continually scan the street as we make our way along the block. It actually makes me more nervous, and I find myself mirroring their actions. _Is Sarah-Jane out there? Or are we all infected by Carmilla's paranoia?_ It probably has to deal with the fact that Armitage is now armed with two weapons and body armor, and I’ve really got nothing to protect myself besides bear spray. Of course there's nothing amiss, just lunchtime business as usual—people rushing for lunch, shopping, meeting friends. I watch two young women hug as they meet up. _I miss Betty._ It's only been two weeks since she left for her vacation, but it feels like the longest two weeks of my life. So much has happened—she'll never believe me when I tell her. Well, tell her the edited, muggle, NDA-compliant version. _I'll have to talk to Carmilla about that._ What would Betty make of it, me submitting to calling my girlfriend Mistress and that I want to get back into her Red Room of Pain? I blanch at the thought. Perhaps she'll be too busy with Jamie to notice. I feel a rush of excitement at the thought, but I think it's unlikely.

"What do you do while I’m in work all day?" I ask Armitage as we get in line for lunch.

They are in front of me, facing the door, continually monitoring the street and anyone who comes in. _It's unnerving._ "I sit in the coffee shop directly across the street and look out for threats, Laura."

"Doesn't it get very boring?"

"It’s my duty," they say stiffly. “I’m not going to disobey an order.”

"Sorry, I didn't mean to imply-"

“-My job is to protect you. And that's what I'll do."

"So, no sign of Sarah-Jane?"

"None." I frown.

"How do you know what she looks like?"

"I've seen her photograph."

"Oh, do you have it on you?"

"Sorry." They tap their temple with two fingers. "Just in here."

Of course. I'd really like to examine a photograph of Sarah-Jane to see what she looked like before she became Ghost Girl. _I wonder if Carmilla would let me have a copy?_

“So I was on the phone with Carmilla and it sounded like she was… flirting.”

“She usually does when she’s talking to you.”

I cringed at that. “She was referring to someone else.”

“Well did you two agree to an exclusive relationship?”

“No, but I thought it was implied.”

“Nothing should be implied when it can be explicitly negotiated.”

“Well I want us to be monogamous.” I pout, a bit too petulant for my own liking.

“Why?” Their question flummoxed me.

“Well, because… that’s just the way normal people do relationships, right?”

“And you believe you and Ms. Karnstein are normal?” They looked at me in a _‘really?’_  kind of look that made me realize they were right.

“Okay, no, but I’m monogamous. I was way too jealous at first when she hired you because I thought you’d be another sexual submissive with her.”

Armitage glared at me with pursed lips. I muttered a ‘sorry’ immediately.

“So you're monogamous because you need to have _control_ over your partner and what they say and do with their own body because _you_ can't handle _your own_ jealousy?”

“That’s not fair! I don’t need to control Carmilla because I can’t handle my own jealousy!” I was seriously upset at that insinuation. “She’s the one that wants the _control in the relationship_ as you well know!”

“Don’t blame the BDSM dynamic for _your_ insecurity here. _I_ knew what I was getting into and we discussed what kind of relationship she and I would have.”

“I’m not insecure, I just…” _Liar._ “I didn’t know I had to get her to agree to making it just us!”

“Did you previously negotiate boundaries so you know what is harmless flirting and what is over the line? Because from what I’ve seen, she has _never_ tried to force you to be monogamous with her.”

“Well are you going to date anyone while you call Carmilla your _owner?_ ”

“I’ve been promised an evening with Ms. Karnstein every other Sunday. Once this crisis with Sarah-Jane is over, I will request a renegotiation for the other sundays off so I can have some bro-time with Brody!”

I was dumbfounded at that. “Really? You want Kirsch?”

“Well, as a friend, yeah. Just because I’m asexual doesn’t mean I don’t want a relationship.”

I pondered that as we got James’ sandwich and drink and went back to work.

I return with James’ lunch, soda, and a hard copy of his notes for the trip and deliver it all into his office. His eyes light up, and I don't know if it's at me or the food. _I choose to believe it's the latter._ "This is great, Laura." Idly, he looks over the notes. "Yeah, good job. Are you seeing your girlfriend this evening?" His lip curls as he says girlfriend, as if it is a dirty word.

"Yes. We live together." Well, kind of. It's sort of the truth. _We do at the moment._ I hope that it's enough of a clue to get him to back off.

"Would she object to you coming out for a quick drink tonight? To celebrate all your hard work?"

"I have my old roommate coming in tonight, and we're all going out for dinner." _And I'll be busy every night, James._

"I see." He sighs, exasperated. "Maybe when I'm back from New York, huh?" He raises her eyebrows in expectation, and his gaze darkens suggestively. _He really thinks I’ll go for this, doesn’t he?_ I smile politely, shrugging noncommittally, restraining the urge from tossing my cookies right then and there.

"Do you need anything else?" I ask.

"Not now." His voice is low and husky as if he's thinking about wanting something else later. _Crap._ He's not going to back off. I can see that now. I breathe a long sigh of relief when I am out of his office. He makes me tense. Carmilla was right about him, and part of me is pissed about that.

When I turn, James is watching me from the far side of the foyer, his expression unreadable. I smile brightly at him and head back to my desk, feeling his eyes on me the whole time. This is beginning to get on my nerves. _What do I do? I have no idea._ I'll have to wait until Betty is back. She's bound to come up with a plan that doesn’t have me tattling to my girlfriend who is his boss’ boss’ boss. The thought dispels my bleak mood, and I pick up the next manuscript.

At five to six, my phone buzzes. It's Lana at reception. "There's a real cute guy in reception to see you. We must go out for drinks sometime, Laura. You sure know some pretty boys," she hisses conspiratorially through the phone. _They must want to make sure I don’t get roped into working late again._ I roll my eyes as I thank her, hang up, and grab my stuff to leave. I switch off my computer and gather up my purse.

"I'm off now, James," I call through.

"Okay, Laura. Thanks for today, honey! Have a great evening." _I guess it could be worse..._

"You, too." I don't understand him.

I run into Lana flirting with a visibly distressed Armitage and diffuse the situation by hinting that he’s got his eye on a guy back home and she pouts at that.

“That’s a shame, because I could eat you right up.” The look in Lana’s eyes were a bit too hungry as we took the elevator down. My phone rang and I rolled my eyes as I answered it.

“Don’t worry Carm, I’m-”

“Hi, I’m Mary Ringwold, and I am locked out of my dorm room. I was told you’re the new floor Don.” I had to quickly piece together what was going on as I remembered her face.

“Oh, yeah! Perry graduated and I’m… yeah. I can be there in about ten minutes.”

“Whatever.” The line went dead. I looked to Armitage apologetically.

“Can we swing by Silas? I’ve got to let her into her room.”

The elevator doors opened as Armitage agreed and we made our way out of the building only to see Carmilla’s Audi is parked at the curb, convertible top unusually up, and Armitage shakes their head as they take point and open the door for me to get in.

Carmilla lowers her shades as I approach. She's wearing her pinstriped skirt suit, the one that _perfectly_ hugs her hips in that ever-so-enticing way. _How can this Goddess be meant for me?_ I find myself grinning like a loon in answer to her own idiotic grin.

“You seem to be in a better mood.”  _A lot better than the hostile, door-slamming, grumpy-cat Carmilla from last night, at least._

"Yeah, I'm sorry about yesterday, that injection really did a number on me. I slept in, took care of business, and had Perry flavor my blood with some coriander. It was nice. Anyways, I couldn’t bear to be away from you for another moment. Armitage, follow us in your car." Carmilla pulls me into her arms and kisses me soundly.

“Where’s Kirsch?”

“Shopping,” Carmilla says off-handedly, “So he’s got the Jeep.”

"Carm, we have to make a slight detour to campus; floor Don duties. Someone got locked out."

"Let's go rescue your friend." She smiles at me while I buckle up and then unleashes the sports car on the highway. As we head to my dorm, Carmilla vaguely fills me in about her day—a much better one than yesterday, it seems. I smirk as I ask how serious she was flirting with the book lover she had trapped in her library.

“Not too serious, but it is nice to know that a romantic overture wouldn’t be dismissed outright.”

“Armitage says we should clearly discuss and agree about us being monogamous.”

“Did they really?”

“Well, that we shouldn’t assume we’re both doing monogamy and actually discuss it and clearly agree on it together. So, we’re both going to be monogamous, right?”

“What if you fall in love with someone else? I’m not going to force you to deny your heart or have to leave me in order to choose them. You know I have Armitage for some of my needs.”

“Yeah, but that’s not physical or emotional.” I reply, looking ahead and hoping for the exit soon.

“They are definitely fulfilling an emotional need for me. Don’t erase that, please.”

“Carm, I…” Her words hit home hard for me. _I’m not good enough for her, she needs to look outside of us for an obedient slave._

“We’re here.” As we pull up to the dormitory, she fishes her Cell phone from her pocket. "Karnstein," she answers. "Sue, what is it?" She listens intently, and I can tell it's an involved conversation.

"I'll go and get Mary in. I'll be two minutes," I mouth at Carmilla and hold up two nods, obviously distracted by the call. I look back and don’t even see Armitage yet. I make my way into the dormitory and use my key to unlock the lockbox that has the master key for all of the rooms on my floor.

It occurs to me that I haven’t been here in forever. I don’t see Mary anywhere nearby so I wonder if she went up to my room, and has just been waiting for me there. Once I get to my door, I freeze instinctively as I realise that the door is already open. I peek around the door and am shocked as I am faced with a pale, wan figure standing by the bed, holding a small pistol. _Holy crap it’s Sarah Jane._ She's here, gazing at me with an unnerving blank expression, pointing the gun at me like an errant after-thought. I blink repeatedly at Sarah Jane as my mind goes into overdrive. _How did she get in? Where's Mary? Holy shit! Did she do something to Mary?_

A creeping cold fear grips my heart, and my scalp prickles as each and every follicle on my head tightens with terror. _What if she's harmed her?_ I start breathing rapidly as adrenaline and bone-numbing dread course through my body. _Keep calm, Hollis, keep calm_ —I repeat the mantra over and over in my head. She tilts her head to one side, regarding me as if I'm an exhibit in a freak show. Jeez, I'm not the freak here. It feels like an eon has passed while I process all this, though in reality it is only a split second. Sarah-Jane's expression remains blank, and her appearance is as scruffy and ill-kempt as ever. She's still wearing that grubby trench coat, and she looks desperately in need of a wash. Her hair is greasy and lank, plastered against her head, and her eyes are a dull brown, cloudy, and vaguely confused. Despite the fact that my mouth has no moisture in it whatsoever, I attempt to speak.

"Hi. Sarah Jane, right?" I rasp. She smiles, but it's a disturbing curl of her lip rather than a true smile, reflecting the truly broken nature that is her psyche.

"She speaks," she whispers, and her voice is soft and hoarse at the same time, an eerie sound.

"Yes, I speak," I say gently as if to a child. _Why wouldn’t I speak?_ "Are you here alone?"

 _Where is Mary?_ My heart pounds at the thought that she might have come to some harm. Her face falls, so much so that I think she's about to burst into tears—she looks so forlorn.

"Alone," she whispers hoarsely. "Alone." And the depth of sadness in that one word is heart wrenching. _What does she mean? I am alone? She's alone? She's alone because she's killed Mary?_   _Oh god…_ I have to fight the choking fear clawing at my throat as tears threaten.

"What are you doing here? Can I help you?" My words are a calm, gentle interrogation despite the suffocating fear in my throat. Her brow furrows as if she's completely befuddled by my questions. _But she makes no violent move against me._ Her hand is still relaxed around her gun. I take a different tack, trying to ignore my tightening scalp.

"Would you like some hot cocoa?" _Why am I asking her if she wants something to drink?_ It's Dave's answer to any emotional situation, resurfacing inappropriately. Jeez, he'd have a fit if he saw me right this minute. His police training would have kicked in and have her disarmed by now. That’s when I realize that she's not _actually_ pointing that gun at me. _Perhaps I can move._

She shakes her head and tilts it from side to side as if she can read my mind. I take a deep precious lungful of air, trying to calm my panicked breathing, and move toward the kitchen island. She frowns as if she can't quite understand what I am doing and shifts a little so she is still facing me. I reach the mugs and with a shaking hand fill it from the faucet. As I move, my breathing eases. _Yes, if she wanted me dead, surely she would have shot me by now._ I take solace in that morbid yet positive thought. She watches me with an absent, bemused curiosity. As I fill the mug, I'm plagued by the thought of Mary. _Is she hurt? Tied up?_

"Is there anyone else here who would want cocoa?" I ask tentatively. She inclines her head the other way, and with her right hand—the hand not holding the pistol—she grabs a strand of her long greasy hair and starts twirling and fiddling with it, pulling and twisting. It's obviously a nervous habit, and while I am distracted by this, I am struck once again by how much she resembles me. I hold my breath, waiting for her answer, the anxiety building to an almost unbearable pitch.

"Alone. All alone," she murmurs. I find this comforting. _Maybe Mary isn't here._ The relief is empowering.

"Are you sure you don't want cocoa?"

"Not thirsty," she answers softly, and she takes a cautious step toward me. My feeling of empowerment evaporates. _Crap!_ I start panting with fear again, feeling it surge thick and rough through my veins. In spite of this and feeling beyond brave, I turn and fetch a couple of cups from the cupboard.

“Well I’m thirsty and would like some cocoa for myself.”

"What do you have that I don't?" she asks, her voice assuming the singsong intonation of a child.

"What do you mean, Sarah-Jane?" I ask as gently as I can.

"Mistress—Ms. Karnstein—she lets you call her by her given name."

"I'm not her submissive, Sarah Jane. Carm-Mistress understands that I am unable, _inadequate_ to fulfill that role." It hurts me to say it, but I think this is the best way to calm her down. She tilts her head to the other side. It's wholly unnerving and unnatural as a gesture.

"In-ad-e-quate." She tests the word, sounding it out, seeing how it feels on her tongue. She shakes her head slowly, stuttering like the a gear is slipping inside her. "But Mistress is happy. _I have seen her_. She laughs and smiles. These reactions are rare… _very rare_ for her."

Oh. I gulp at the realization. _She is jealous and feels inadequate to me._

"You look like me." Sarah-Jane changes tack, surprising me, her eyes seeming to focus on me properly for the first time. "Mistress likes obedient ones who look like me. The others, all the same…   _all the same…_ and yet you sleep in her bed. _I saw you._ " Her voice went from sing-songy to flat.

_Oh, shit._

She _was_ in the room. _I didn't imagine it._ "You saw me in her bed?" I whisper.

"I never slept in Mistress’ bed," she murmurs, sweeping back a bit of her greasy hair behind her ear in a nervous gesture. She's like a fallen ethereal wraith; not a whole person anymore, if ever. She looks so slight, and in spite of the fact that she's holding a gun, I suddenly feel overwhelmed with sympathy for her. Her hands flex around the weapon, and my eyes widen, threatening to pop from my head.

"Why does Mistress like us like this? It makes me think something… something bad… _Mistress is dark…_ Mistress is a _dark woman_ , but I **_love_** her." _No, no, she's not._ I bristle internally. She's not dark. She's a good woman, and she's not in the dark. She's joined me in the light. And now _Number Fifteen_ is here, trying to drag her back into the darkness with some warped idea of love.

"Sarah Jane, do you want to give me the gun?" I ask softly. Her hand grips it tightly, and she hugs it to her chest.

"This is _mine._ " She gently caresses the gun, “It's all I have left...” my sympathy for her evaporates as her dead eyes look up and lock onto me.

 _She has been waiting here for me, not for Carmilla._ I gulp as that fact settles into my brain.

“... So she can _join her love_." _Holy crap!_ Which love—her dead ex? Carmilla? It's like she's punched me in the stomach. I know she will be here momentarily to find out what's keeping me.

_Does she mean to shoot Carmilla? Some sort of murder-suicide?_

The thought is so horrific, I feel my throat swell and ache as a huge knot forms there, almost choking me, matching the fear that's balled tightly in my stomach. My blood runs cold as I hope Carmilla stays in her car and Armitage comes in first. As if on cue the door bursts open, and Carmilla is standing in the doorway, Armitage behind her. _They have the body armor, Carm! Don’t be a stupid hero!_ Glancing at me briefly, Carmilla's eyes sweep over me from head to toe, and I notice the small spark of relief in her look. But her relief is fleeting as her gaze darts to Sarah Jane and stills, focusing on her, not wavering in the slightest. She glares at her with an intensity I have not seen before, her eyes wild, wide, angry, and bright silver.

 _Oh no… oh no_. Sarah Jane's eyes widen, and for a moment, it seems her reason returns. She blinks rapidly while her hand tightens once more around the gun. My breath catches in my throat, and my heart starts thumping so loud that I hear the blood pounding in my ears. Submissive Number Fifteen uses her spare hand to open her trenchcoat where I see “ **CARMILLA** ” carved roughly into her flesh as I recall Mistress’ playful use of the permanent marker on my torso labeling me as her property. The wounds were seeping as it looked like it was getting infected.

_No, no, no!_

My world teeters precariously in the hands of this poor, fucked-up woman who thinks she has nothing left to lose.

_Will she shoot?_

_Who will she shoot?_

_Me?_

_Both of us?_

_Carmilla?_

The thoughts cripple me. But after an eternity, as time hangs suspended around us, her head dips slightly and she gazes up at her, through her long lashes, her expression contrite. Carmilla holds up her hand, signaling to Armitage to stay where they are.

JP’s blanched face betrays their shock and fear. I have never seen them like this, but JP stands stock-still as Carmilla and Sarah Jane stare at each other. I realize I'm holding my breath. _What will she do? What will she do?_ But they just continue to stare at each other.

Carmilla's expression is raw, full of some unnamed emotion I can’t place. It could be pity, fear, affection… _or is it love?_ No, please, not love! Her eyes bore into Sarah Jane agonizingly slowly as the atmosphere in the dorm room changes. The tension is building so that I can sense their connection, the electric charge between them.

Suddenly I feel as though I'm the interloper, intruding on a sensual moment between them as they stand gazing at each other. I'm an outsider—a voyeur, spying on a forbidden, intimate scene behind closed curtains. Carmilla's intense gaze burns brighter, and her bearing changes in a subtle way. She looks taller, more angular, colder, and more distant. _I recognize this stance._ I've seen her like this before—in her playroom. My scalp prickles anew. _This is_ Dominant _Carmilla_ , and I see how at ease she looks. Whether she was born into or brainwashed by Mother for this role, I just don't know, but with a sinking heart and sickly stomach, I watch as Sarah Jane responds, her lips parting, her breathing picking up as the first flush of color stains her cheeks.

_No!_

It's such an unwelcome glimpse into her past, agonizing to witness. Finally, she mouths a word at her. I can't make out what it is, but the effect on Sarah-Jane is immediate. She drops to the floor on her knees, her head bowed, and the gun falls and clatters uselessly onto the wooden floor.

_Holy fuck._

Carmilla walks calmly over to where the gun has fallen and bends gracefully to pick it up. She regards it cautiously as she releases the magazine and empties the chamber by working the slide before slipping it into her jacket pocket. She gazes once more at Sarah Jane as she kneels compliantly beside the kitchen island.

"Cupcake, go with Armitage," she commands. Armitage crosses the threshold and stares at me.

"Mary," I whisper.

"Downstairs." They responds matter-of-factly, eyes never leaving Sarah Jane. _Downstairs. Not here. Mary's okay._ Relief floods hard and fast through my blood, and for a moment I think I'm going to faint.

"Cupcake," Carmilla's tone is clipped in warning. I blink at her, and I'm suddenly unable to move. I don't want to leave her—leave her with _her_. Carmilla moves to stand beside Sarah Jane as she kneels at her feet. She's hovering over her, protectively. She's so still, it's unnatural. I can't take my eyes off the two of them— together— _like they were meant to be._

"For the love of God, Laura, will you do as you're _fucking_ told for once in your life and go!" Carmilla's eyes lock with mine as she glowers at me, her voice a blistering cold shard of ice. The anger beneath the quiet, deliberate delivery of her words is palpable. _Angry at me?_

Please—No!

I feel like she's slapped me hard. _Why does she want to stay with her?!_

"Why?" I whisper.

"Go. Please." Her eyes blaze frostily at me. "I need to be alone with Sarah Jane." She says it urgently. I think she's trying to convey some kind of message, but I'm so thrown by all that's happened that I'm not sure. I glance down at Sarah Jane and notice a very small smile cross her lips, but otherwise she remains truly impassive.

_A perfect submissive._

My heart chills.

_This is what she needs._

_What she likes._

_What you cannot give her._

The concept of time has deserted me. Carmilla and Sarah Jane, Sarah Jane and Carmilla… _together._

"Armitage. Get Miss Hollis out of here." They nod at her as I stare at Carmilla.

"Laura!" JP holds their hand out to me, imploring me to come. I am immobilized by the horrific spectacle before me. It confirms my worst fears and plays on all my insecurities: Carmilla and Sarah Jane together—the Domme and her sub.

" _Now._ " Carmilla commands, and Armitage takes my hand and twists it, wrenching my arm painfully behind my back.

“NO!” I exclaim as they add torque, forcing me to move towards the door.

“I do **not** disobey orders, Laura.”

The last thing I see as we leave is Carmilla gently stroking Sarah Jane's head as she murmurs something softly to her. _No!_ As Armitage wrenches me out of the dorm room, they close the door behind us when we stop in the hallway. As soon as the door is shut, they release my arm and I am ready to slug them.

Before I know it, my fist is caught mid-air and torqued painfully again, making me lose steam as I drop to one knee and look up at Armitage in burning fury. _Holy crap I was about to punch them!_

“You _know_ it’s a fucking bad idea to leave them alone, JP! That _fucking bitch_ smirked in victory when she knelt for Carmilla and we were ordered to leave.” I exclaim, massaging my wrist as they let go of it again.

“I _know_ , but we were given a direct order and she needed us to _follow it_ right then. Now, _get your head on straight_ , don’t let your emotions overrule your rational thought, and _tell me how you want to go about this_.”

“You’re on my side.” I say in surprise.

“I’m on Ms. Karnstein’s side, _and_ I believe her guilt is pushing her to make a bad decision.”

“Sarah Jane is a threat to herself, to others, and should be hospitalized.”

Armitage nods in agreement as they reach back and grab the doorknob.  “Agreed. We need to tell her to send her to a hospital for treatment and observation, not let her stay with us at all. Ready?”

I nod, and they open the door wide as we make our way in. Carmilla is sitting in a chair, petting Sarah Jane’s hair while her head is in her lap.

“Cupcake, I swear upon all that is-”

“ _-hey fifteen_ , you wanted to know what I have that you don’t? **_I am not a floor mat._** Carmilla needs a submissive who knows when to stand up for what’s right, and to keep her from _making a mistake_.” I spat at her.

“Laura!” Carmilla chastised, “It’s my fault that-”

My eyes blazed with fury as I met hers. “No. It’s not. _She_ chose to leave you, and again to leave her husband, and _again_ to threaten to secrecy of The Marketplace!”

“She needs help.” Carmilla retorted, affronted.

Armitage cleared their throat. “With all do respect, Ms. Karnstein, she requires _professional_ help. She’s a clear danger to herself and should be put under close observation.”

Sarah Jane wrapped her arm possessively around Carmilla’s leg, keeping her face pointed to the ground. “Please don’t send this slave away, Mistress. This slave wishes only to please and serve you…”

She’s referring to herself in the third person. _What the hell._

There was something exchanged in the look between Armitage and Carmilla. _It was obvious that Sarah Jane was doing this to manipulate her._

I looked down at the huddled form of Sarah Jane and realized how this had all been a ruse in order to re-establish her Domme/submissive relationship with Carmilla. I was repulsed and disgusted by it all.

“Mistress, get this _trash_ out of my room. And I _don’t_ want to see her again in your place, either.” I turn and leave my dorm room, leaving Armitage to follow me out.

I am relieved to see Mary as she paces the small lobby, rolling her eyes as she sees me. _Oh, thank heavens she's okay!_ I practically throw myself at Mary, wrapping my arms around her neck. "Mary. Oh, thank God!" I hug her, holding her close.

She shoves me off, looking shocked at the emotional outburst. “I can’t believe they made you the new Floor Don. Just… can you go unlock my door for me please?”

“Yeah, sure… how come you weren’t upstairs waiting for me?”

Mary shrugged nervously. “I um… that seemed like a stupid thing to do.”

I shook my head as I went back up and unlocked her door for her. “Maybe if you had a roommate, this wouldn’t happen to you.”

“I like my privacy,” Mary replies, entering her room and slamming the door shut between us.

Armitage and I make our way to their Audi and I finally have a moment to sit still and let go. All of the crap that’s been going on, all of the stress… and I just want to _scream._

“She’s an idiot. A… useless, lesbian… vampire who could do better if she weren’t wrapped around her so-called Mother’s pinkie finger and didn’t have _drama-filled exes_ , you know?”

Armitage sighs as we drive away from campus. “Just between you and me?” I nod. “Yeah. But you can’t force someone to do the right thing for the right reason. They have to understand why and choose it themselves.”

“I need a drink,” I resigned.

“Way ahead of you.” In a few minutes, we were at a bar with a blue and black striped flag hanging outside, with a single white stripe in the center of them and a red heart in the canton part of the flag.

“Where are we?”

“The Eagle. It’s a Leather bar.”

I try to look in and figure out what they mean by that. “So people who like leather come here?”

They chortle at that. “Yeah, something like that. Lots of gay guys, quite a few bears… best prepare for a culture shock, actually.”

We show our ID’s to the door man and make our way in.

“I like gay guys, why would I- ohmygodhe’sonlywearingajockstrapbehindthebar…” I say in a rush. I look around and most of the men are built, scantily clad, and wearing chest harnesses made out of leather straps. _How are they not cold?_

Armitage gets a jack and coke while I grab a cider and make our way past the pool table, mini-stage where a drag queen is covering Madonna, and sit outside. There’s an old-tyme shoe shine stand where a guy is polishing someone’s knee-high boots. Other than the leather straps, a few of them seem to be in something resembling military uniforms. Armitage’s eyebrows shoot up as they seem to enjoy the eye-candy.

We take a seat as I realize that I’m the only girl here. “Um, JP, there are no women here.”

They take a look around, surprised. “What? No, there has to… huh.” It’s only then that we realize how much we don’t seem to fit in.

“We’ll just finish our drinks and go, okay?” I mutter awkwardly. The next table over a few guys are comparing cigars from a humidor that someone brought in.

“Sorry, I heard that this place was a kink-friendly, so I wanted to check it out.” Our heads turn as a cute young redhead guy is on collar and leash, following a buff-looking blond man sporting a handle-bar mustache. Both of them are going for the demin jeans and leather harness look, but it’s obvious which one is the submissive here. The Dominant guy waves hello and goes past the cigar smokers, and that’s when I see the giant x-shaped cross that I have since learned is a St. Andrew’s Cross.

“Okay, definitely a kink-friendly place…” I mention in surprise.

“Laura?” I turn at the mention of my name and see a guy wearing a leather mask that hides his identity… _and gives him a dog-like snout._

“Um… yeah?” I reply uncertainly.

“I kind of need you two to move. We’re putting up the mosh pit.”

Armitage nods and gets up while I look at the familiar stranger in confusion. “Mosh pit? You’re having a concert?”

JP laughs at me as they grab my drink and move me away from the table. “Pup mosh. Apparently it’s a pup night, right?”

The guy next to me gives a loud “WOOF!” in response, and that’s when it hits me.

“Jamie?” I inquire.

“Um, I don’t go by that here. Sorry for calling you by your real name. Call me Pup-J here.”

I nod at the unusual introduction. “Okay, Pup-J. I uh… I’m still Laura, I guess. So what’s a pup mosh?”

A few other guys come out (who aren’t wearing pup masks) start to lay out interlocking pads on the ground and move the barstools and tables as they make a perimeter and put out various squeaky toys.

“I had no idea you knew about the community, Laura,” Jamie, _Pup-J_ , injects.

“I’m not? I mean, I have a Mistress… Right?” I turn to JP for confirmation.

Armitage smiles politely and takes over. “We’re both in service to the same woman.”

Pup-J nods once. “Congrats. I’m still looking for my own owner, but… um, can you not tell Betty about this? I’m waiting for the right time to try and explain this to her…”

“Because you enjoy letting go of having to be a responsible human and just want to be… a puppy? To let go of the daily hubbub and just chase a ball and chew a squeaky toy?” I offer, shrugging.

Armitage and Pup-J look impressed with me.

“Um, yeah. That’s partly it. I mean, there’s also the whole primal aspect and having others I can pup out with and growl and play tug-of-war with some rope… but, yeah. Can I use what you said when I talk to Betty?”

Armitage winced at that. “Worried that your vanilla girlfriend won’t take it well?”

“Dude, I think I love her.”

I smiled sadly at him. “Then you have to tell her. I mean, she’s accepted that you’re transgender just fine, right?”

He shrugged at that. “Yeah, but that’s different. That’s _normal_.”

One of the guys squeezed a toy and multiple pups turned their head as if it were the Pavlovian bell itself.

I chuckled at the reaction. “Nobody is ‘normal’, and I bet she’ll be fine with this. I’m fairly certain she’s a dog person.” Pup-J grins at that as he adjusts his knee pads and puts on some gloves that restrict his hand use like a dog’s as Armitage gets me a second cider.

As I’m alone at the table, I can’t help the think about how Sarah-Jane was able to fulfill Carmilla’s needs in ways I cannot. _The thought is depressing_. I try to focus on everything that’s happened since we met, but Lilith's words keep coming back to taunt me.

_Don't you miss it - your playroom?_

_Does Laura know how negative you are about yourself?_

_Have a little faith in yourself. You really are quite a catch._

I shook my head at that. She’s evil, yet gives Carmilla decent advice.

_And - despite being human - she seems lovely, too. Strong. Someone to stand up to you._

And she thinks I’m a good person for her since I stand up to her. _She needed someone to tell her to not keep Sarah Jane around._

Armitage returns with the cider as they are sipping a glass of water.

“Do you know where Kirsch is?” I asked, wondering if they knew what happened to her bodyguard.

“Just out shopping.” They shrugged, noncommittally. The mosh pit for the pups was build and Pup-J was apparently having a good time in his puppy mode chasing another puppy as we looked on.

“Looks like fun.” I mention to nobody in particular.

Armitage nods. “Not my thing, but yeah. I can understand it.” They look at me. “So you get it now?”

“I think I do. I miss Carmilla playing with me in her Red Room of Pain.”

They wince at that. “You’ve gotta stop calling it that. Makes it sound like you’d rather avoid it altogether, and she’s deathly afraid of losing you again.”

“The room by itself doesn’t scare me, though. It’s what it means.”

“What it means?”

“That the idea of giving up my control, giving up my assertive, girl-power-y Feminist ideals, handing myself over as if I’m essentially someone’s property to hit, use, and abuse… it scares me that I’ll like it.”

One of the puppy handlers had a bag of gummy bears and was using them like treats to get the pups to beg. We both noticed at the same time as we kept drinking from our glasses.

“They are selling the pup treats as a fundraiser for the Pup title,” Armitage said.

“I sooo want some gummy bears-” I interrupted, pulling out a few dollars out of my purse.

“-me too.” Armitage finished, and before long there was a girl wearing a leather vest with a patch that looked like the flag outside the bar, but had pink stripes instead of blue.

"Pup treats are for a minimum $3 donation. Fifty cent surcharge if you use a card."

"You're a girl," I say before I can stop myself.

“Last time I checked,” She replied, laughing softly.

“Sorry, I didn’t um, know there were women here.”

“The girls of Leather is a pretty recent thing in the community, relatively speaking. Though the Leather lifestyle goes back to gay men getting kicked out of the military after World War Two, and it has that whole rebellious biker vibe as well, it’s becoming more accepting of women, girls, and even heterosexuals.” She raised her eyebrows at that last part like it was amusing.

Armitage guffawed at that. “Oh let’s not forget about the poor straight people.” They handed her the money and we had our own bag of pup treats and were sorting out the gummi bears by color.

“Ladies!” One of the guys at the cigar table approaches us, hand holding a few jello shots, “I’m so glad to see the girls of Leather supporting the community. Here, have one on me.”

I look to Armitage and the girl in the vest and they just shrugged it off as a usual occurrance. We thanked him and took the shot graciously, using our tongues to pull the jello shot out of the cup instead of our fingers. _Apparently it’s some sort of inside joke here._

“Yeah, getting free shots here happens more often than you would think. You know, if you’re in the Leather community or just curious, there’s a group specifically for the 18-35 crowd that is all about education and having a safe place to explore your kinks,” she offered, handing me a card with the name _Lady_HotPants_ and a link to Fetlife. “My Miss helps run the social events, every month we meet up at a bar and next month we’re doing Karaoke…”

“Ooh, I like that.” I turn to Armitage. “Think we can take um… Mistress?”

They shrugged uncertainly. “You may have to put out to get her to agree,” JP deadpanned, taking a few of the red gummi bears at once.

“Oh no. What will I ever do?” I ask, dripping with sarcasm as I pop a few green bears into my mouth.

“Your work is never done.” Armitage replies with a chuckle.

The girl with the treats grinned at the exchange. “Cool, well find me on fetlife, and you’ll see a link to the events we do, okay? Later!” We enjoyed our snacks while one of the pups watched us and whined for a treat. Armitage and I refused to give into such a tactic which got us to talk and bond over being cat people instead.

“Did you know Carmilla can turn into a giant black cat?” I asked, making idle banter.

“ _Really_?!Oh, that explains so much!”

“Like how?”

“Well, like how Ms. Karnstein purrs when I gave her a shoulder and neck massage-”

I slap my thigh in surprise, gesturing at them as I respond. “-licking the bowl clean when she has her cereal with blood-”

Armitage laughed, putting down their water. “-sprawling all over the bed-”

“-and the constant shedding of her hair!” I laughed heartedly at that. _I was really starting to like having someone I could talk to about Carmilla and not judge me._

Our laughter died down as I finished my second cider. “You know about her sleeping habit?”

“Who do you think makes her bed. Perry?”

“Right. I just assumed… you don’t share her bed whenever I’m not there, do you?” As soon as I said it, I knew that I may have killed the conversation.

“I mean, I wouldn’t mind sharing her bed every other Sunday; I hope you realize I’m not trying to ‘steal’ her from you nor do I want to have sex with her.”

I wince at that. “What if she wanted to have sex with you?”

Armitage shrugged. “I’d do it if she ordered me to, but I trust her enough to know that she won’t pressure me to.”

“Ordered you to?”

“Yeah, well, technically ‘ordered’, but you know she’s not one to abuse her power.”

“Well, what if you both want to?”

“But I don’t.” Armitage shrugged as if it were obvious.

“But what if you did?”

“Do you really think it means she no longer loves you because she finds me desirable?”

“Okay, no.” I thought about it, “Maybe if she acts on it.”

“How come? From my count, you two have had more sex with each other than I’ve ever had in my entire life.”

“Oh. Okay. I just… I don’t know if I could be okay with that.”

“Would it mean she loves you any less?”

“I don’t think so, but maybe it makes us… cheaper?”

“It’s not a contest, Laura. I’m not in any kind of competition with you.”

“But I want to be _enough_ for her. Enough so that she doesn’t need someone else.”

“You want to be her girlfriend, submissive, bodyguard, chef, and Varlet?”

I shook my head at that. “No. That’s too much.”

“Then I think you need to realize that trying to be someone’s ‘one and only’ would be forcing yourself to be spread too thin to meet all of their needs.”

“Is that why she’s mentioned that Danny loves me?”

“I think Ms. Karnstein is trying to let you know that she’s not threatened by her. She loves you and wants to see you happy. If you bring it up nicely, I bet you could date her too.”

“I thought that she didn’t like her.”

“From what I gathered, she didn’t like the idea of someone taking advantage of you when you were inebriated. Do you like her is the question?”

“Yeah, well, she was my TA, and then…” I huffed at that. “I guess I expected her to make the first move when the semester was over.” I finished my cider, wondering why nothing ever happened.

“What happened?”

“Nothing. Winter break happened, then we came back, and… nothing.”

“Maybe she was waiting for you to make the first move.”

I shrugged at that as they finished their water. “Or she’s busy with Summer Society things.”

“So you never pursued her and wondered why she never pursued you? Come on, who was supposed to make the first move?”

“I um, don’t know how?” I said uncertainly.

“Yeah, that’s the problem with most femmes who are into women. Heteronormative thinking makes them wait for ‘the guy’ to make the first move. And it sounds like you should just go ahead and try it. Let’s go home, Laura. I’m certain Ms. Karnstein has taken care of Sarah Jane by now.”

“Yeah, I hear that student health services has a great collection of straight jackets and tranquilizers.”

JP shook their head as we left the bar together. “Really? I swear, Silas is weird, even to my standards.” We get into their Audi and I crank the seat back a bit while Armitage lowers the roof so we can drive back in style.

“Did you know that this is Carmilla’s standard gift to her submissives? Because Audi’s are supposedly safer?” I ask, pulling out my cell phone and looking through my messages.

“Oh yeah? So I get to drive a new convertible for the measly cost of doing something that I want to do anyways. You own a smart Car because you _refused a book_.” I laugh at that as I text a message to Danny, “Seems like you got the better end of the deal. This vehicle is in Ms. Karnstein’s name.”

_“Hey, we haven’t hung out in a while. Think you can come over this week and watch some Doctor Who with me?”_

I look at Armitage. “I didn’t realize Baby Smaug was in my name.”

They shrug in reply. “Like I said, it’s not a competition. She loves you and wants you happy.”

Danny’s reply is almost immediate. _‘I’ve been busy lately, but I can make time on Friday for us to hang out.’_

I give her Carmilla’s address and put away the phone, hoping that this was a good idea.

“Do you think we did the right thing, telling Carmilla to deal with Sarah Jane and to not keep her around?”

Armitage nodded as we pulled into the parking garage. “I do. Let’s hope she realizes that, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: 
> 
> Music in the dream sequence is Chongthenomad's edit to "Love will have its sacrifices" Carmilla theme, which is being re-posted on my tumblr today.
> 
> Changes from/issues with 50 Shades Darker: At one point in all this, Christian goes to deal with Leila and Ana consciously decides to ‘unleash my greatest weapon’ as she cries out to him “Don’t leave me!”. Rather than communicate rationally, she has learned and is willing to emotionally manipulate her partner to make him do what she wants. Obviously I removed that.
> 
> Added the whole “I’m not a floor mat” in answer to the “what do you have that I don’t?” question. It was begging to have a response that proves submissives and slaves are supposed to have a backbone because absolute power corrupts absolutely.


	21. Bargaining, Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super-long chapter with no real good 'break spot' for part two, sorry.
> 
> Removed from the original story: Christian's “I’m a sadist.... I like to whip little brown-haired girls like you because you all look like the crack whore— my birth mother. I’m sure you can guess why.” Also ending the fight with a surprise proposal. You don’t agree to marry someone you barely know in order to stop a fight.

The elevator doors open, and I step into Carmilla’s apartment. Kirsch is not waiting there, which is unusual. Opening the double doors, I head toward the great room. Carmilla is on the phone, pacing the room by her violin.

“She’s here,” she snaps. She turns to glare at me as she switches off her phone. “Have you been drinking?” she asks uncertainly.

“A bit.” I didn’t think it was that obvious. She sighs and runs her hand through her hair.

“I told you to come back here.” Her voice is menacingly quiet. “It’s now fifteen after ten. I’ve been worried about you.”

“I went for a drink or two with Armitage while you attended to your ex,” I hiss at her. “I didn’t know how long you were going to be with her.”

She narrows her eyes and takes a few paces toward them but stops. Carmilla turns back to me. “Why do you say it that like that?” I shrug and stare down at my fingers.

“Laura, what’s wrong?” And for the first time, I hear something other than anger in her voice. What? Fear? I swallow, trying to work out what I want to say.

“Where’s Sarah-Jane?” I ask looking up at her.

“In a psychiatric hospital,” she says, and her face is scrutinizing mine. “Laura, what is it?” She moves toward me until she’s standing right in front of me. “What’s wrong?” she breathes.

I shake my head. “I’m no good for you.”

“What?” she breathes, her eyes widening in alarm.

“Why do you think that? How can you possibly think that?”

“I can’t be everything you need.”

“I'm not asking you to be everything I need.”

“But I feel like I should be, Carm. I've been talking with JP, and I have been trying to figure out this whole monogamy versus polyamory thing. I have to know why, since you have said you're monogamous and calling me all yours and suggesting to me that you'd be okay if I wanted to pursue something with Danny.”

“I saw how SJ was.”

“What does she have to do with this? “

“I know I'm your first real relationship, so I don't want you to always wonder 'what if'. I don't want you to think you have to leave me just because you have feelings for Danny.”

“I don't-”

“-I know you, sweetness.”

I sighed at that. “Sorry.”

“No, it's okay.”

“Just… don't push me to do _stuff_ with her.”

“Is that what you thought I was doing? Gods, no. I just didn't want you to think you would have to leave me because you still have all that unresolved sexual tension between you two. If you want to explore it, I’m just saying don’t feel like you can’t because of me.”

 _Oh._ “Let that be my decision, okay?”

“Okay.” Carmilla shrugged as she spoke flippantly. “I'll be down for a threesome if you want.”

“Oh my god Carmilla!”

“What? I'm just being honest, that could be really fun.” There was a gleam in her eye that I couldn’t tell was her flirting or taking some sort of sadistic pleasure out of teasing me. _Or both._

“I can't tell if you're being serious right now.”

“A little bit of levity can go a long way.”

“Yeah, well I can’t share you with Sarah-Jane like that. Seeing her kneel for you...” My voice trails off.

She takes a sharp breath, running her hand through her hair again. “At the moment she’s a very sick girl.”

“But I felt it. Felt what you two had together.”

“What? No, that was in the past.” She reaches for me, and I step back instinctively. She drops her hand, blinking at me. She looks as though she’s seized with panic.

“Carmilla... I—” I struggle to collect my thoughts. _What am I trying to say?_ "I can tell you thrive on that. And I understand why you have Armitage now. But I need time to process this. Please, give me some time."

“No. No!” she says. “I...” She looks wildly around the room. _For inspiration? For divine intervention? I don’t know._ “You can’t go. Laura, I love you!”

“I love you, too, Carmilla, it’s just—”

“No,” she breathes, her eyes wide with panic, and suddenly she drops to her knees in front of me, head bowed, long-fingered hands spread out on her thighs. She takes a deep breath and doesn’t move. What?

“Carmilla, what are you doing?” She continues to stare down, not looking at me. “Carmilla! What are you doing?” My voice is high-pitched. She doesn’t move. “Carmilla, look at me!” I command in panic. Her head sweeps up without hesitation, and she regards me passively with her cool gray gaze—she’s almost serene . . . expectant.

Holy Crap. Carmilla... _the submissive._ She was on her knees at my feet, seeming empty with her steady gaze at me, and it was the most chilling and sobering sight I have ever seen—more so than Sarah-Jane and her gun.

The vague alcohol-based fuzziness I’m suffering from evaporates in an instant and is replaced by a creeping sense of doom as the blood drains from my face. I inhale sharply with shock. _No. No, this is wrong, so wrong and so disturbing._

“Carmilla, please, don’t do this. I don’t want this.” She continues to regard me passively, not moving, saying nothing. She seems... devoid of what makes her Carmilla to me. I get why she calls herself fifty flavors of fucked up. My heart squeezes and twists. _What the hell is she thinking? Did I do this to her?_ Tears threaten to fall from my eyes.

“Why are you doing this? Talk to me,” I whisper. She blinks once, distantly.

“What would you like me to say?” she says softly, blandly, and for a moment I’m relieved that she’s talking, but not like this—no. No. It’s too much to see her in the same position as the pathetic creature that was Sarah-Jane. The image of a powerful woman who was horrifically abused by her 'mother', who feels unworthy of love, is heartbreaking. Compassion, loss, and despair all swell in my heart, and I feel a choking sense of desperation. I wanted to bring her back, to bring back _my_ Carmilla.

The thought of me dominating _anyone_ is appalling. The thought of dominating Carmilla is downright nauseating. It would make me like her—the monster who did this to her centuries ago. I shudder at that thought, fighting the bile in my throat. _No way can I do that._ As my thoughts clear, I can see only one way. Keeping eye contact with her, I sink to my knees in front of her. The wooden floor is cold against my shins, and I dash my tears away roughly with the back of my hand.

Like this, we are equals, we’re on the same level. This is the only way I’m going to retrieve her. Her eyes widen fractionally as I stare right into her, but beyond that her expression and stance don’t change. “Carmilla, you don’t have to do this,” I plead. “I’m not going to leave. All that’s happened... it's overwhelming. I just need some time to think, some time to myself.”

_Why do she always assume the worst?_

My heart clenches again because I know; it’s because she’s so doubting, so full of self-loathing. Lilith’s words come back to haunt me. _‘Does she know how negative you are about yourself? About all your issues?’_ Oh, Carmilla.

Fear grips my heart once more and I start babbling, “I was going to suggest going back to my apartment this evening. You never give me any time... just think things through,” I sob, and a ghost of a frown crosses her face. “Just time to think. We barely know each other, and all this baggage that comes with you... I need… I need time to think it through. And now that Sarah-Jane is off the streets and no longer a threat, I thought...” My voice trails off and I stare at her. She regards me intently and I think she’s listening.

“Seeing you with Sarah-Jane-” I close my eyes as the painful memory of her interaction with her ex-sub gnaws at me anew. “It was such a shock. I had a glimpse into how your life had been, and...” I gaze down at my knotted fingers, tears still trickling down my cheeks.

“This is about me not being good enough for you. It was an insight into your life, and I am so scared you’ll get bored with me, and then you’ll want more than just someone like Armitage, and I’ll end up like Sarah-Jane… an empty shadow. Because I love you, Carmilla, and if you leave me, it will be like a world without light. I’ll be in darkness. I don’t want to run. I’m just so frightened you’ll leave me...” I realize as I say these words to her—in the hope that she’s listening—what my real problem is. I just don’t get why she likes me. _I have never understood why she likes me._

“I don’t understand why you find me attractive,” I murmur. “You’re, well, you’re _you_... and I’m...” I shrug and gaze at her. “I just don’t see it. You’re beautiful and... sexy and successful and good and kind and caring—and I don’t think I can give you what you need. How could you be happy with me? How can I possibly hold on to you?” My voice is a whisper as I express my darkest fears. “I have never understood what you see in me. And seeing you with her, it brought all that home.” I sniff and wipe my nose with the back of my hand, gazing at her impassive expression. “Are you going to kneel here all night? Because I’ll do it too!” I snap at her.

I think her expression softens—maybe she looks vaguely amused. It’s hard to tell. I could reach across and touch her, but I don’t want her to cower or to default to sex to get us past this problem. I don’t know what she wants, or what she’s trying to say to me.

“Carmilla, please, talk to me,” I beseech her, wringing my hands in my lap. I am uncomfortable on my knees, but I continue to kneel, staring into her serious, beautiful, gray eyes, and I wait.

Armitage clears their throat, and I feel them trying to get my attention. “ **Mistress** , she needs you.”

She blinks, startled, as her eyes seemed to come back to life again. It was creepy how still and death-like she could be. _She is a vampire, though._

“I was so scared,” she whispers. Gratitude overwhelms me, and I swallow, trying to contain my emotion and the fresh bout of tears that threatens. Her voice is soft and low. “When you didn’t come right back, I knew something was wrong. Armitage caught up with us and stormed inside to see her there like that with you—and armed? I died a thousand deaths, Laura. Someone _threatening_ you... all my worst fears realized. I was so angry; with her, with you, with myself.” She shakes her head revealing her agony.

“I didn’t realize how volatile she could be. I didn’t know what to do, or how she’d react.” She stops and frowns. “And then I realized; she looked so contrite. And I just instinctively reacted.” She pauses, gazing at me, trying to gauge my reaction.

“Go on,” I whisper. She swallows.

“Seeing her in that state, thinking I was responsible for her mental breakdown...” She closes her eyes once more. “She was always mischievous and lively.” She shudders and takes a rasping breath, almost like a sob. This is torture to listen to, but I kneel, attentive, lapping up this insight. “She could have harmed you, and it would have been all my fault.” Her eyes drift off, filled with uncomprehending horror, and she’s silent once more.

“But she didn’t,” I whisper. “And you’re not responsible for her choices, Carmilla. And you do realize she did that to play you, right?” I give a small smile, encouraging her to continue. It dawns on me that everything she did was to keep me safe, and perhaps Sarah-Jane, too, because she still cares for her. _But how much?_ The question lingers in my head, unwelcome. She says she loves me, but still ordered me to leave my own dorm room.

“I just wanted you gone,” she murmurs, with her uncanny ability to read my thoughts. “I wanted you _away from the danger_ , and... You. Just. Wouldn’t. Go,” she hisses through clenched teeth and shakes her head. Her exasperation is palpable. She gazes at me intently. “Cupcake, you are the most stubborn woman I know.” She closes her eyes and shakes her head once more in disbelief.

Oh, she’s back. I breathe a long, cleansing sigh of relief. She opens her eyes again, and her expression is forlorn—sincere. As I look into her eyes, I can see her pain and anguish.

“Yeah, I am.” I agree, getting up to my feet and extending a hand to help her up. She takes my hand as she gets to her feet, and I clasp her hand with both of mine. “I’m not leaving you.”

Carmilla nods at that. “Okay.”

“So why were you hinting through Armitage that you’d be okay if I dated Danny?”

Her eyes darted away in shame. “I think for the exact same reason why you seeing SJ kneel for me was threatening to you. You seem to think you can’t be my submissive, and would want something normal-”

“-So the werewolf who threw you into a tree is normal?” I inquired.

“You know what I mean. There’s chemistry there, and I don’t want you feeling like you have to leave me to explore that.”

I rolled my eyes at that. “Carm, I’m not leaving you. And thank you for saying I can hang out with my friend and you won’t be jealous. But let’s leave it at that, okay?”

She nods at that, and I let go of her hand. I take a chance as we seem to be in a talkative mood.

“I’m worried about your little task from Lilita.” I hope she’s willing to assuage my fears about this.

“I’ll be fine; spiking my v-cell count is part of my plan on how I’m going to survive facing the… ancient evil bird.”

“And the rest of your plan?”

She shakes her head. “Sorry, certain Old Ones are really good with invading minds and dreams. Nobody but me has the full plan, and that’s actually part of plan, so I’m going to shut up. Please don’t look into this.”

“Just trust that your suicide mission is going to go well.” I say uncertainly.

“It’s a classic Kobayashi Maru scenario.”

“Oh.” I reply, mind whirring at that.

_So it’s a no-win scenario?_

“Stop it. And trust.” I knit my eyebrows at that and realize I was doing exactly what she asked me not to.

“Trust.” I reply like a mantra, nodding. “Trust.”

I move closer to her so her eyes fill my sight as I close my eyes and kiss her, letting it dissolve the tension between us. I feel my desire and need for her blossom as we kiss, and I realize that I want to take the initiative with her. She’s no longer in her submissive mode, and I’m glad for that as I whisper into her ear that I want her to follow me back to my room. She gives a coy smile as she follows me there.

Once she crosses the threshold and closes the door, I turn to face her and push her up against it, surprising her. “Trust.” I mutter as I start to undo the buttons on her shirt. It’s tricky as it feels backwards. I flex my fingers as the buttons start to fall away, one by one, revealing her chest. She swallows, her lips part, and her breathing increases as I sense her rising panic, but she doesn’t pull away.

“Trust.” She replies, breathy. The sight of her like this, offering herself to me, is like a wake-up call. I reach up, and my hands still as I hold onto the seams of her blouse, right by the collar… waiting for her permission. Very subtly she nods her head once, steeling herself in anticipation for whatever I will do next, and tension radiates from her, but this time it’s not in anger—it’s in fear. I hesitate. _Can I really do this to her?_

“Yes,” she breathes—again with the weird ability to answer my unspoken questions. I pull her blouse off of her shoulders and leave it at her elbows, effectively restraining her up against the door.

She closes her eyes, and her face creases as if she’s experiencing pain. It’s unbearable to witness, so I back away immediately, but she quickly notices and speaks up to me.

“No,” she says, her voice strained. “I need you to.” Her eyes are screwed up so tightly. “Trust. I trust.”


	22. Bargaining, Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Changed from the original story: having Armitage comfort Laura instead of having Carmilla chase after her, removed the 3am sex scene where she tells her Dominant that she’s *really* not in the mood but Christian Grey of course takes that as a challenge to just get her aroused enough to fuck. That’s pretty shady behavior there, trying to coerce consent for sex while ignoring someone’s plaintive ‘no’.

 “What do you need?” I ask, wanting to make this easier on her.

 “No. What do you want?” She countered, eyes fixed on me.

 I put my hands on her chest and let my fingers trail over her scars as I press my lips to the cross-shaped one just above her bra cup. Her eyes are gray fire and silver starlight as they blaze at me, her vampire side awake with a look that is beyond intense. The feral hunger there stirs my blood and I squirm under her gaze.

_But she hasn’t stopped me._

I trace my fingertips up over her chest again as I slip and lower the bra straps down, and grin as her mouth goes slack. She’s panting, and I don’t know if it’s from fear, or something else. I’ve wanted to kiss her there for so long that I hold her gaze for a moment, making my intention perfectly clear. I slowly bend towards and gently plant a soft kiss above her heart, feeling her cool, incense-smelling skin beneath my lips. The scar tissue is soft rather than hard, but the texture lets me know how deep the scarring goes. Her strangled groan moves me as her eyes are shut, and she whispers, “Again.” I do so as I pull down her bra and expose a nipple to my lips and let my teeth trail over her hardening nipple, and I know right then exactly what she wants as I slowly, deliberately, bite into her flesh.

She groans loudly, and suddenly her arms are around me, and her hand is in my hair, pulling my head up painfully so that my lips meet her insistent mouth. And we’re kissing, my fingers knotting into her hair.

“Oh, Laura,” she breathes, and she twists her head and exposes her neck to me, and I know what she wants as I automatically sink my teeth into her flesh and she cries out in pleasure as she’s up against the door and I feel as if I am one with her in this moment. I realize that she enjoys a bit of pain as well, and while I might not be the type to wield a flogger or a cane, I can do this for her.

“You’re a masochist, aren’t you?” I ask as our lips can’t seem to get enough of each other.

“I am. It’s sometimes difficult to get a submissive to understand that I like it rough, too, because it seems to be too close to letting them be ‘on top’, as it were. I’m a sadomasochist, Laura. I like receiving and inflicting pain as a part of my sex.”

I recall the first conversation I had with her in the Red Room of Pain. “You said you weren’t a sadist,” I whisper.

“No, you asked if I was a sadist, and I replied that I was a Dominant.”

“Why the lie of omission?”

“I saw the deer-in-the-headlights look on your face and I needed to make the distinction, I’m sorry that I didn’t just come out and say that then. I do have limits, and I was honestly a bit selfish back then and didn’t want to just scare you away. Mother is a _pure sadist_ , with Elladora as her perfect masochistic counterpart. I saw firsthand how extreme they could play and have a complete lack of empathy for the humans they use.” She looks briefly down at her manicured fingernails. “I’m nothing like that.” My memory went back to when Lilita showed Carmilla some video on her phone.

 _She was mortified_.

“You thought I’d run away because of it.” I took a step back from her and she shrugged guiltily.

“When you asked me that question, I had envisioned a _very_ different relationship between us,” she murmurs. I can tell by her gaze that she’s terrified. Then it hits me like a wrecking ball. If she’s a sadist, she really _needs_ the whipping and caning stuff. And she wants to receive some pain, too. And be my Mistress.

“You’re still here. I thought you would be out of the door by now,” she whispers, a bitter chuckle tinging her voice.

“Why? Because I might think you’re a psycho-freak for wanting to tie up, beat, and fuck women?” I answer, knowing that I stood on on the verge of making a drastic decision between us.

“Well, I wouldn’t have put it _quite_ like that, but yes,” she says.

“The bar that Armitage and I wound up at was The Eagle.” I looked at her to see if she recognized the name. “It’s a Leather bar.”

She shrugged at that. “Don’t know it.”

“Well, between getting to see lots of buff, scantily-clad men and seeing some people dress up like puppies and have a mosh pit… I kind of found out that there’s a local community for BDSM. Complete with a dungeon.”

Carmilla’s eyes flashed in understanding, but still seemed wary. “Okay, and what about it?”

“Well, I thought that maybe we could go to some events, maybe some workshops and classes for the 18-35 crowd. I’m still new to this and would like to understand the subculture and make some friends who are also into this stuff.”

Carmilla winced at that. “I’ve tried to keep my personal predilections private. Not to mention I’m a bit over 35.”

“I know you’re over three hundred, but I’m guessing you have some sort of fake ID for this purpose. And you can use a ‘scene name’ like a secret identity there.” I pucker my lips as she contemplates. “Pleeease?”

“Okay, but you had better not out me-”

“Thank you thank you thank you!” I exclaim, wrapping my arms around her and kissing her cheek in adulation.

“Okay, sweetness, and you can’t talk about where I got Armitage from, either.” She said as my stomach grumbled. She looked down at my stomach expectantly.

“What? Being thrown out of my dorm room after witnessing my Mistress interacting intimately with her ex-sub _considerably_ suppressed my appetite.” I glare at her with my hands on my hips. Carmilla shakes her head and opens my bedroom door.

_So much for sex._

“Let me fix you something to eat,” she says, extending a hand to me.

“Can’t I just go to bed?” I mutter wearily as I place my hand in hers.

“No, you need to eat. Come along, Pond.” Playful Carmilla is back, and it’s a relief. She leads me to the kitchen area and ushers me toward a bar stool as she heads to the fridge. I glance at my watch. It’s after ten thirty and I have to get up for work in the morning.

“Carmilla, I’m really not hungry.” She apparently ignores me as she rifles through the enormous fridge.

“Cheese plate with crackers?” she asks.

“Not at this hour.”

“Pretzels?”

“In the fridge? No,” I snap.

She turns and grins at me. “You don’t like pretzels?”

“Carmilla, I’m going to bed. You can _rummage_ around in your refrigerator for the rest of the night if you want. I’ve had a long day, and I’m tired.” I slide off the stool and she scowls at me, but right now I don’t care. I want to go to bed—I’m exhausted.

“Macaroni and cheese?” She holds up a blue box and carton of milk. She looks so hopeful and endearing. _A three hundred plus year old vampire with mac and cheese._ I can’t help but smile at that.

“You like macaroni and cheese?” I ask. She nods enthusiastically, and my heart melts. She looks so young all of a sudden. _Who would have thought?_

“You want some?” she asks, sounding hopeful. I can’t resist her infectious attitude as I’m hungry. I nod and give her a weak smile. Her answering grin is breathtaking.

"Good girl, have a seat."

_I was going to have to remember that one for later..._

She boils water and throws the macaroni in, stirring it efficiently as she measures the milk and margarine to add with the nuclear-holocaust-orange cheese packet. I perch back on the stool and marvel at my girlfriend/Mistress gracefully move about her kitchen.

Before long, she’s purging the pasta and water through a colander and has the margarine melting in the still-warm pot as she stirs the rest of the ingredients.

“So what was cooking like before the invention of the microwave?” I tease softly.

“You do realize I’m older than the wood-burning stove, right?” She took the pot off of the heating element and served it into two separate bowls for us. “It’s still hot, in case you didn’t know.”

We each take a bite when it’s cool enough and I love it; I’m devouring my whole bowl while Carmilla looks dejectedly at it.

“What’s wrong, Carm?”

“I can’t seem to handle food anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, outside of taking a few bites here and there to keep up appearances as human for three centuries, I’ve only really eaten solid food since I hired on LaFontaine and they figured out the serum I needed to lower my V-cell count.” She passed her bowl over to me and went back to the fridge and drank straight out of her ‘soy milk’ container.

_She really is back to being a vampire._

“So when did you have your last meal?”

“Mother did this big thing for my eighteenth birthday, made it a lavish affair. She did a great job at hiding the fact that she didn’t need to eat food around me, and I had learned to not ask questions… else the beatings wouldn’t end with a mind-blowing orgasm.”

I cringed at that notion, but did my best to keep a neutral face and listen.

“It was squab and some fresh rolls, paired with green grapes that were still in season along with a red wine. I was drunk, of course, by the end of the meal and wound up in her bed when she told me that she wanted to make me immortal like her and Matska.”

“Matska?” I hadn’t heard this name before.

“Oh, Mattie. She was one of Mother’s ‘friends’ who occasionally stayed over and would take a man to bed with them to share.”

My stomach lurched at that. “And when you say ‘share’...”

She nodded. “Yeah, I found out how they liked to kill together. After she turned me, she asked if I wanted to join in. I refused those nights, and spend the night with Will instead.”

I bristled at all this. “So you and Will…?”

Carmilla scoffed at that. “Gods, no!”

“Hey, I don’t know exactly how incestuous your history is.”

“It was only with Mother. Mattie _wanted_ me, but she honestly scared me. And after I got mutilated by the Inquisition, I was no longer _perfect enough_ for them so they left me on my own.”

I didn't know how to feel about that. "I'm sorry, I think."

"I'm not, it made me realize that I was nothing like them." She looked at the carton that had blood in it and took another sip, but seemed guilty and disgusted by it.

I finished the mac and cheese and put both bowls in the sink.

“Don’t go to work tomorrow.” Carmilla whispered into the silence.

“I have to go to work tomorrow. My boss is leaving for New York.”

Carmilla frowns. “Do you really want to go on the trip? I’ll have the company authorize you to go if you want.”

“The forecast calls for rain and a 70% chance of sexual harassment,” I say, shaking my head. “I would rather not have to deal with that on top of worrying about your… um, trip.”

“Oh, so what do you want to do?”

“I just want to get through one day at a time at the moment.” I raise my gaze at her, but Carmilla looks deep in thought, distracted.

“Sorry about Sarah-Jane,” she murmurs.

“It’s fine, I’m glad that nobody got hurt and she’s getting help.” I try to sound nonchalant about it all.  “So what did you do with Sarah-Jane, before she got sent away?” I glance up at her, and she freezes to be deathly still as I look at her. _Oh no, that’s not good._

“You really want to know?” The food in my stomach feels like it’s going to rio.

“Yes,” I whisper. _Do I? Really?_

Carmilla’s mouth flattens into a line, and she hesitates. “We talked as I cleaned her off in the shower.” Her voice is hoarse, and she continues quickly when I make no response. “And I dressed her in some of your clothes you had there. I hope you don’t mind.”

Holy Crap. She _bathed_ her?

“-she was filthy.” Carmilla tried to say as an excuse my mind reeled at the idea of my girlfriend, my Mistress, soaping down the naked, emaciated body of that… WHORE.

The cool, rational part of my brain knows that she just did that because she was dirty, but it’s difficult. Anger and jealousy leapt at the thought of them together like that, and I didn’t know if I want to scream or cry—not succumb to quiet tears but rage-filled, screaming in pain kind of crying. I take a deep breath to suppress the urge, but my throat feels dry and uncomfortable from my unshed tears and sobs.

“It was all I could do, Laura,” she says softly.

“Ha! ‘All I could do’. Do you still have feelings for her?”

“No!” she says, appalled, and closes her eyes, her expression one of anguish. I can’t bear to look at her.

“Then why?”

“To see her like that—so different, so broken? I was once responsible for her, so yeah, I care about her as one human being should care about another.” She shrugs as if to shake off an unpleasant memory.

“Laura, look at me.” I can’t. I know that if I do, I will burst into tears. _This is just too much to absorb._ I simply _cannot cope_ with any more crap. Carmilla caring for her ex-sub in such an intimate fashion—the image flashes through my brain. _Bathing her, for pete’s sake—naked._ A harsh, painful shudder wracks my body. The dam of emotions is breaking, and I hate the feeling of a hot tear escaping and rolling down my cheek.

“Laura.”

“What?!”

“Don’t. It doesn’t mean _anything_. It was like caring for a child; a broken, shattered child,” she mutters. _What the hell would she know about caring for a child?_

“She wasn’t a child; she was a woman that YOU had a _deviant sexual relationship_ with. Contract, non-disclosure agreement, and all the breaking was _probably_ done by you!”

“That’s not fair and you know it. She left me, and you’re just lashing out at me right now out of anger-”

“-SHUT UP! Just shut up! I am _so tired_. I’ve had enough of _all this shit_ today. I am going to bed. I am tired and emotional. Now let me be.”

“Laura?” I stand to leave. “Laura, please.”

I whirl around and face her.

“Just stop, Carmilla! Just _stop_ with the ‘Laura, please’!” I shout at her, and my tears start to trickle down my face. “And I just- I- just **don’t care!** I am so tired. Tired on like, _a cellular level._ ” This is so fucked up, and I’m just too exhausted of all this. I need sleep.

I practically run to my bedroom there, taking with me the memory of her wide-eyed, shocked stare. I strip out of my clothes and drag on one of her T-shirts and head for the bathroom. I gaze at myself in the mirror, hardly recognizing the gaunt, pink-eyed, blotchy-cheeked person staring back at me, and it’s too much. I sink to the floor and surrender to the overwhelming emotion I can no longer contain, sobbing huge chest-wrenching sobs, finally letting my tears flow unrestrained.

I hear my door open and I throw a pillow, hoping to make Carmilla get the message to leave me alone. Instead, Armitage catches the pillow and hugs it gently as I can see they are in a similar state as I am.

“Hey.” They say gently at the doorway. “Do you mind if I stay here tonight?”

I shrugged in confusion. “Isn’t your place at the foot of her bed?”

“It can be, and I’ll sleep there if she orders me to… but I overheard that and…” Armitage shook their head. “I don’t _want_ to be around her tonight.”

I nod, patting on the mattress beside me. “Yeah, fine. No floor for you though.”

“Thanks.” They get in bed next to me and I curl into their shoulder and we’re holding each other as they stroke my back and my hair. “I’m sorry I failed at keeping you safe today,” they whisper to me, and that makes me cry even harder and hug them tighter.

“It’s not your fault, Armitage.”

“It feels like it is. I don’t like failing.”

“That’s not fair,” I try to soothe them, but they aren’t having it.

“Life isn’t fair, and the worst part is that nobody is really the ‘bad guy’ in this.”

“Maybe SJ.”

“Yeah. Even then…” We sit there for a long time as we cry ourselves out and fall asleep.

* * *

I awake with a jolt as I realize something is off. I’m too warm. Armitage is wrapped around me like I’m their teddy bear. They grumble slightly as I slip out of their clutches, but stay asleep. Sitting up, I check my cell and see that it’s only three in the morning. I make my way to the kitchen for some water and some painkiller. The lights are on in Carmilla’s study, and I don’t want to face her right now anyways.

_She’s gone nocturnal too?_

After I swallow the tablet, I refill my glass with some apple juice. It’s crisp and refreshing as I try to wrap my mind around everything that has happened. I want to be with her, I want to go to community events and learn more about the lifestyle that Carmilla seems to want for us. Having JP _“I will not disobey an order”_ Armitage is one thing, but I really need a confidant who is in a similar position as I am. Someone I can complain to and laugh about the idiotic mistakes my Mistress does and it won’t get back to her.

_Someone who will definitely think that bathing her mentally unhinged, self-cutting, gun-toting ex is over the line._

I go back to my room and find Armitage tossing and turning in bed, deep in a nightmare.

“Armitage!” I lean over and grab them by the shoulders and try to shake them awake.

“NO!” Their eyes are wide awake, and terror is in them. “I don’t want to- don’t want-”

“You’re safe!” I say, uncertain how true that statement is. “It was just a dream.”

“Huh?” Their face was slack as they took in the room and saw me, hands gripping my own tightly as they shook. “Laura?”

“I’m here,” I murmur softly in an effort to reassure them. They envelop me in a hug, almost crushing me with the embrace.

“I’m here, too.” They replied, more to themselves than anything. “I’m here now.”

“Sorry… sorry… I’m sorry.” Armitage muttered into the darkness.

“You don’t have to apologize. You okay?”

“Yeah. Bad dream.”

I climbed back into bed and laid down as Armitage curled around me and I just held them, understanding that their nightmare must have been really bad.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“My last owner… I was perfect for him. Set out his suits in the morning, shoes perfectly shined, shirt freshly ironed and I’d do up his tie as well. I was really good at the trinity knot. After work I’d have dinner ready and a glass of Johnny Walker ready as soon as he got home.”

I stroked the back of their head and upper part of the back, making quiet soothing noises as they went on.

“We had a good dynamic; every week I’d go through my duties for him. Laundry, wash/wax/detail the car, even be his fencing partner. Occasionally he would want to go out and have a cigar or try to pick up a woman, and on evenings he couldn’t find one he’d request that I take care of his needs instead.”

I was aghast at that. “But you two weren’t... involved... like that.”

Armitage shrugged, and in that moment, they seemed a bit more vulnerable as I held them. “It was a task; do the dishes, ensure the floors were swept, give him head… just another chore for me.”

“I’m so sorry. He had no right to demand-”

“-He kind of did. But I was happy to serve my Sir. Things were fine in our arrangement, until he thought he was _using me_ too much sexually and started having romantic notions and wanted to ‘return the favor’. It was when he had me blindfolded and handcuffed that he decided to pull me up from my knees and attempt... intercourse with me.”

“Didn’t you-” I couldn’t bear to say the words out loud. _Didn’t you tell him no._

Armitage’s voice wavered at that, and it sounded unusually feminine. “It’s um, really awkward to live your life in a gender-neutral way only to have it undermined in such a direct and intense fashion.”

“Did you safe-word?” _God, Laura, really? That’s what you say to this?!_

“No, he _honestly thought_ that I’d enjoy it if he tried hard enough. And I wanted to serve and please my Sir, so I let him. The problem was that he then tried to tell me that I had permission to orgasm, but I was miles away mentally, just mechanically reacting to him so that he’d finish. I never let him see me cry afterwards.”

“And when your trial time was over, you declined to stay with him and instead went back to the Marketplace?”

They muttered a quiet ‘yes’, and my heart broke as _‘I will not disobey an order’_ took on a whole new meaning.

“You’re here now, and Carmilla won’t ever take advantage of you like that.”

“I know. I dream that sometimes I’m back there with him, and I want… so hard to be able to… just to make him happy. _‘Come on baby, I need this. Come for me.’_ Sometimes in my dream I am turned on and think I can, feel like I _really can_ orgasm to make him happy. But it never happens, no matter how intense or creative or hardcore the sex is. And he has this fucking _disappointed_ look on his face that I know he tries to hide from me, and it just reinforced to me that _I_ am the fucked-up one; that I am somehow _broken_.”

My lips on are their forehead and I’m telling them that they aren’t broken, and that they are valued here, and that I wouldn’t ever let Carmilla take advantage of them like that as we both cried ourselves to sleep.

 


	23. Blackmail and Blood Feud

I woke to music as my eyes opened blearily. I didn’t want to wake up, but movement in the bed made me turn my head and see Armitage reaching over me to turn off their alarm.

 _Everything you have, everything you are-_  
_You've got to give, on the battlefield._  
_When everything is chaos-_  
_And you have nothing but the way you feel_  
_Your strategy, and a sword!_  
_You just think about the life you'll have together after the war..._

“Sorry Laura, didn’t mean to wake you.” Armitage apologized as I reluctantly turned on the light on my nightstand.

“Was that from Steven Universe?” I ask groggily as I look at the time on cell phone. It’s already eight in the morning. Crap! I’m going to be late. I scramble out of bed and dash to the bathroom. I am showered and out within four minutes.

I grab some work clothes—black slacks, black button-down shirt—a bit too reminiscent of Lilita, but I don’t have even a second to change my mind. I hastily get dressed and put on the barest amount of foundation and lip gloss and get out of my room before noticing the lack of Armitage.

Kirsch was waiting there, handing me some pop tarts and a capri-sun.

“Breakfast of Champions, Laura. I didn’t want to barge in on you, but we’re cutting it close if you want to get to work on time.”

“What? Where is Armitage?”

“I’m your dude-scort today, Laura. They got some errands to do with Carmilla today before she goes and deals with, um… stuff.”

“Okay. Thank you,” I mutter, disappointed and confused at the abrupt change of plans. We make our way down to the parking garage and I realize by the keys in his hand that we’re taking my smart car today.

It was worth it to see all six feet of Kirsch try to get into the driver’s seat that was set for me for a whole minute before I put him out of his misery and offered to drive us.

“Um, yeah. That works.” I start my engine and Baby Smaug purrs as I pull the tiny convertible out of the building and get myself to work, less than ten minutes late.

“Okay, wait in the lobby I guess?” I mention as I leave the keys with him.

“JP gave me directions, don’t worry.” His goofy smile was as charming as it was disarming, but I couldn’t help but think he wouldn’t be adequate defense against Carmilla’s vampiric sire.

 _Was Armitage in trouble?_ I would have to ask later on; they shouldn’t get in trouble for last night. Carmilla wouldn’t be so petty to punish them for not wanting to sleep at the foot of her bed. Lana grins at me as I rush through reception and make my way to my desk.

“Laura!” James calls me. “Get in here.”

Oh shit. As I duck in there, he’s furious. _Too furious for being eleven minutes late._

“What time do you call this?” he snaps.

“I’m sorry. I overslept.” I flush crimson.

“Don’t let it happen again. Fix me some coffee, and then I need you to do some letters. Jump to it,” he shouts, making me flinch. Why’s he so mad? What have I done? I hurry to the kitchen to fix his coffee. Maybe Carmilla was right; I should have ditched work.

I could be spending time with Carmilla, having breakfast with her, anything before she goes on this crazy mission of hers. James barely acknowledges my presence when I venture back into his office to deliver his coffee. He thrusts a sheet of paper at me—it’s handwritten in a barely legible scrawl.

“Type this up, have me sign, then fax it to the number below.”

“Yes, James.” He doesn’t even look up as I leave. It is with some relief that I finally sit down at my desk. I take a sip of tea as I wait for my computer to boot up so I can check my e-mails.

* * *

Please use your cell phone.

_Carmilla Karnstein_

* * *

My boss is mad, I can only guess that James is grumpy that he can’t have me this weekend. Is everything okay with Armitage?

_Laura_

* * *

They are fine; Kirsch needs a bit of practice at bodyguard duty, anyway. AND USE YOUR CELL PHONE. This is not a request.

_Carmilla Karnstein_

* * *

I take my Cell phone out of my purse and eye it with skepticism. As I do, it starts ringing. _Jeez, can’t she leave me alone?_

“Yes,” I snap.

“Laura, hey—” Danny’s voice surprised me for a second.

“Danny! How are you?” Oh, it’s good to hear her voice.

“I’m fine, Laura. Look, are you okay?”

“Er—sorry, I’m at work and my boss is being a b-i-t-c-h.”

Danny gives a big sigh of relief. “Oh good, I was worried that… never mind. I am looking forward to hanging out with you.”

“Oh, yeah, I’ll be at Carmilla’s. Is that okay?”

There was a pause for half a second before she replied. “Yeah, that’s fine. I thought we’d head to a bar and catch a drink and catch up, but I can bring over a six pack.”

“Or we can raid her fully stocked bar and play with her pool table.” I reply, knowing that I should pace my drinking so we don’t have a reoccurrence of what happened last time. _Except that I’ve been given the green light, so maybe it’s not so much taking advantage of me because maybe I do want to see if there's anything here?_ It was so confusing, I shrugged the thought away for later.

“If that’s the case, could I crash there? Not like, in your room or anything, I just guessed that there would be a sofa or a guest room-”

“Yeah, of course! I think the guest room is downstairs next to Perry and LaFontaine’s room.”

“They share a room?” Danny asked, chuckling at that.

“They are pretending like they don’t, but nobody is fooled.”

“Cool, I’ll see you then. Bye, Laura.”

“Bye.” And as she hangs up… _Holy cow_. There’s something there I haven’t noticed before. I become aware that I am biting my lip till it hurts.

“Laura!” James pulls me abruptly out of my reverie. Is he still mad? “Where’s that letter?”

“Er—coming.” _Crap. What crawled up his butt?_ I type up the letter in double-quick time, print it out, and nervously make my way into his office.

“Here you go.” I place it on his desk and turn to leave, noticing his sandwich from yesterday in the trash. James quickly casts critical, piercing eyes over it.

“I don’t know what you’re doing out there, but I pay you to _work_ ,” he barks.

“I’m aware of that, James,” I mutter apologetically. I feel a slow flush creep up my skin.

“This is full of mistakes,” he snaps. “Do it again.”

He’s beginning to sound like someone I know, but rudeness from Carmilla I can tolerate. James is beginning to piss me off.

“And get me another coffee while you’re at it.”

“Sorry,” I whisper and scurry out of her office as quickly as I can. _He’s being unbearable._ I sit back down at my desk, hastily redo the letter, which only had two mistakes in it, and check it thoroughly before printing. Now it’s perfect. I fetch him another coffee, letting Lana know with a roll of my eyes that I am in deep doo-doo. Taking a deep breath, I approach his office again.

“Better,” he mumbles reluctantly as he signs the letter. “Fax it, and file the original. Do you understand?”

“Yes.” _I am not an idiot._ “James, is there something wrong?” He glances up, eyes darkening as his gaze runs up and down my body. _My blood chills._

“No.” His answer is concise, rude, and dismissive. _And full of crap._ I stand there fuming before I shuffle back out of his office. I make my way to the fax machine—which of course is suffering from spam in the form of advertisements—and when I’ve finally got a chance to send something out, I find it’s out of paper. _This is not my day._ When I am finally back at my desk, I find James is already there and ready to ambush me.

“Where have you been?”

“I had some business to attend to in reception.” She is really getting on my nerves. “I want my lunch. The usual,” he says abruptly and stomps back into her office. _Why didn’t I stay home with Carmilla?_ Picking up my purse and phone, I head for the door. I check my messages. Of course, Carmilla texted me.

* * *

_Your work e-mails are monitored. HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS? USE YOUR CELL PHONE._

* * *

I roll my eyes, and decide call her. I don’t want her to worry.

“Carmilla Karnstein’s phone, Natalie speaking.” Oh. I am so confused that it’s not Carmilla who answers that it halts me in the lobby, as Kirsch comes up and mouths the word "sandwich?" silently at me.

I nod absently as we make our way to the deli. “Hello? Can I help you?” Natalie fills the void of awkward silence.

"Sorry... uh...  I was hoping to speak to Carmilla—”

"Ms. Karnstein is in a meeting at the moment.” She bristles with efficiency. “May I take a message?”

“Can you tell her Laura called?”

“Laura? As in Laura Hollis?”

“Yes.” Her question confuses me. “Hold one second please, Miss Hollis.” I listen attentively as she puts the phone down, but I can’t tell what’s going on. A few seconds later Carmilla is on the line.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine.” I hear the quick release of her held breath. She’s relieved. “Carmilla, why wouldn’t I be okay?” I ask, looking over my shoulder. Kirsch seemed oblivious compared to Armitage's acute paranoia.

“You normally reply quickly to my e-mails. After what I told you yesterday, I was worried,” she says quietly, and then she’s talking to someone in her office.

“No, Natalie. Tell them to wait,” she says sternly. Oh, I know that tone of voice. I can’t hear Natalie’s response. “No. I said wait,” she snaps, "explain that it's an order from me, okay? Use those _exact_ words."

“Carmilla, you’re obviously busy. I only called to let you know that I’m okay, and I mean that—just very busy today. James has been cracking the whip. I mean...” I flush and fall silent. Carmilla says nothing for a moment.

“Cracking the whip, eh? Fairly certain that's my job, or at least I called dibs on it.” Her voice is full of dry humor. “Don’t let him Top you, baby. That's definitely _my_ position."

“Carmilla!” I scold her and I know she’s grinning.

“Just watch out, that’s all. Look, I’m glad you’re okay. When should I expect you?”

“I’ll e-mail you.”

“From your cell phone,” she says sternly.

“Yes, Mistress,” I snap back.

“Good girl. Until then.” I feel an unexpected bit of heat pool inside of me at those two words.

“Bye...” She’s still hanging on.

“Hang up,” I scold, smiling. She sighs heavily down the phone.

“I wish you’d never gone to work this morning.”

“Me, too. But I am busy. Hang up.”

“You hang up.” I hear her smile. _Oh, playful Carmilla. I love playful Carmilla._ I love Carmilla, period.

“We’ve been here before.” Maybe I can get her to hang up first.

“You’re biting your lip.” Shit, she’s right. _How does she know?_ “I know you better than you think,” she murmurs seductively in that way that makes me weak and wet.

“Carmilla, I’ll talk to you later. Right now, I really wish I hadn’t left this morning.”

“I’ll wait for your message, Miss Hollis.”

“Good day, Ms. Karnstein.” Hanging up, I lean against the cold, hard glass of the deli store window. _Even on the phone she owns me._ Shaking my head to clear it of all thoughts Karnstein, I head into the deli, depressed by my thoughts about James and his bitter attitude today.

* * *

He is scowling when I get back.

“Is it okay if I take my lunch now?” I ask tentatively. He gazes up at me and his scowl actually deepens.

“If you must,” he snaps. “Forty-five minutes. Make up the time you missed this morning.”

_That. Is. It._

“James, can I ask you something?”

“What?” He snapped, sipping his coffee while ignoring the sandwich entirely.

“You seem, kind of out of sorts today. Have I done something to offend you?” He blinks at me momentarily.

“I don’t think I’m in the mood to list your many misdemeanors right now. _I’m busy_.” He continues to stare at his computer screen, effectively dismissing me.

 _What the fuck have I done?_ I turn and leave his office, and for a moment I think I’m going to cry. _Why has he taken such a sudden and intense dislike to me?_ A very unwelcome idea pops into my head, but I ignore it. I don’t need this shit right now—I have enough of my own. I head out of the building to the nearby Starbucks with Kirsch in tow, order a latte, and sit down in the window. Opening the music app on my cell, I plug my headphones in. I need music to think by.

My mind drifts as the long instrumental to Muse’s _Knights of Cydonia_ plays. It’s soothing, so I press repeat so it will play over and over again.

Carmilla the sadist. Carmilla the submissive. Carmilla the untouchable. Carmilla’s ‘Mother’. _Carmilla bathing Sarah-Jane._

I groan and close my eyes while that last image haunts me. Carmilla is... so much to take in. She’s complex and difficult, but deep down I know I don’t want to leave her despite all her issues. I could never leave her. I love her. It would be like cutting a hole into myself to remove my own heart like that warlock did. Right now, I have never felt so alive, so vital. I’ve encountered all manner of perplexing, profound feelings, new experiences, and new ways to have a relationship since I met her.

It’s never a dull moment with her... before my life before Carmilla, it’s as if everything was in a muddled black and white. Now my whole world is in rich, bright, saturated technicolor. And my sex life; it’s as if she’s flipped a switch and lit me up from within. I am soaring in a beam of dazzling light, Carmilla’s dazzling light, even if she doesn’t see it herself.

It’s been an education knowing her; I have discovered more about myself in the last few weeks than ever before. I’ve learned about my body, my hard and soft limits, my patience, my compassion, and my capacity to love.

That’s when it strikes me like lightning—that’s what she needs from me, what she’s entitled to—unconditional love. She never received it growing up, nor from Lilita—and that’s exactly what she needs. Can I love her in that way, despite everything I now know about her? I know she’s damaged, but I don’t think she’s irredeemable. I sigh, recalling Lilita’s words. She is way too hard on herself. I’ve seen the evidence of her goodness—her charity work, her business ethics, her generosity—and yet she doesn’t see it in herself.

_She doesn’t feel deserving of any love._

Given her history and her scars, I have an inkling of her self-loathing—that’s why she’s never really let anyone in. _Can I get past this?_ She once stated that I couldn’t begin to understand the depths of her depravity. Well, she’s told me now, and it doesn’t scare me anymore. _Though it was still a shock to hear it out loud._ And now that I know she has kinks, does it devalue her love for me?

I don’t think so. I don’t think she’s ever felt this way before and I know that I haven’t. Honestly, the both of us have come so far. Tears prick and pool in my eyes as I recall her final barriers crumbling when she opened up to me. _Jeez, it took Sarah-Jane and all her crazy to get us here._ Perhaps I should be grateful. The fact that she bathed her is not quite such a bitter taste on my tongue now. I wonder which clothes she gave her _. I hope it wasn’t the plum dress, I liked that one._

So can I love this woman with all her issues unconditionally? Because she deserves nothing less. Her sadism is what concerns me most—that she needs that and has always found like-minded women who need it, too. It scares me, but I want to be with this woman, to be her submissive within certain boundaries and limits we negotiate. I gaze out at the bustling city. I glance at my phone. Crap! I leap up from my seat and dash to the door—a half hour of just sitting—where did the time go? James is going to go ballistic!

Kirsch understands the time crunch and we haul our butts back into the building, even as I have Muse repeating in my head as I pass by reception as I realize I’m going to get back just barely in time. I have a vicious grin as I’m jamming along, lip-synching the lyrics as I make my way past Lana and wait for the elevator. I barely recognized the startled look on her face as I really didn’t care and was loving every second of Matthew Bellamy’s voice.

 _No one's gonna take me alive!_  
_The time has come to make things right!_  
_You and I must fight for our rights!_  
_You and I must fight to survive!_

I sneak back to my desk within the 45 minutes James _so graciously allotted_. He’s not in his office and it looks like I’ve gotten away with it. I gaze intently at my computer screen, unseeing, trying to reset my brain into work mode.

“Where were you?” I jump. James is standing, arms folded, behind me.

“I was in the basement, photocopying,” I lie. James’ lips press into a thin, uncompromising line.

“I’m leaving for my plane at six thirty. I need you to stay until then.”

“Okay.” I smile as sweetly as I can manage.

“I’d like my itinerary for New York printed out and photocopied ten times. And get the brochures packaged up. And get me some coffee!” he snarls and stalks into his office. I breathe a sigh of relief and stick my tongue out at him as he closes the door.

 _Does he really even need ten copies to tell himself where he needs to be? Bastard_.

He grunts his thanks as he takes the coffee and seems to have his eyes glued to his monitor. The sandwich I got him was in the trash, not even touched. _Why do I even bother?_ I get back to my desk and resume my proofreading of news stories before they would go on the air. This wasn’t what I expected journalism to feel like, not at all. I text both Carmilla and Kirsch that I’m working late.

By six fifteen, the office is deserted. I have everything, _copied ten times_ , ready for James. His cab to the airport is booked, and I just have to hand him his documents. I glance anxiously through the glass, but he’s still deep in his telephone call, and I don’t want to interrupt him—not in the mood he’s in today. As I wait for him to finish, it occurs to me that I haven’t eaten today.

Since James isn’t about to get off the phone anytime soon, I quickly skip down to the kitchen to see if there are any cookies left. As I’m raiding the communal cookie jar, James appears unexpectedly in the kitchen doorway, startling me. _What’s he doing here?_ He stares at me as the poorly ventilated room has me gagging on the Axe body spray he must have just swam in.

“Well, Laura, I think this might be a good time to discuss your misdemeanors.” He steps in, closing the door behind him, and my mouth instantly dries as alarm bells ring loud and piercing in my head.

 _Oh crap_. His lips twitch into a grotesque smile, and his eyes gleam a deep, dark cobalt. I notice that they are contacts; really good, but the color was fake.

“At last, I have you on your own,” he says, and he slowly licks his lower lip.

_What?!_

“Now... are you going to be a _good girl_ and listen very carefully to what I say?”

Fear chokes me.

Oh crap.

_What does he want?_

James’ eyes flash the darkest blue, and he sneers as he casts a leering look down my body.

_Oh holy crap._

From somewhere deep inside and despite my dry mouth, I find the resolve and courage to squeeze out some words, my Krav-Maga lessons tell me that I’m too far away so it’s best to just keep him talking until I get a shot.

“James, now might not be a good time for this. Your cab is due soon, and I need to give you all your documents.” My voice is quiet but hoarse, betraying me. He smiles, and it’s a _fuck-you_ smile that has his eyes glinting malevolently under the fluorescent strip light above us in the windowless room.

_No escape route but through him._

He takes a step toward me, glaring at me, his eyes never leaving mine. His pupils are dilating as I watch—the black eclipsing the blue.

My fear escalates.

“You know I had to fight with Elsie to even _give you_ this job...” His voice trails off as he takes another step toward me, and I step back against the dingy wall cupboards.

_Crap. Crap. Crap!_

“James, what _exactly_ is your problem? If you want to air your grievances, then perhaps we should ask HR to get involved. We could do this with Elsie in a more formal setting.”

_Where is building security?_

_Are they patrolling yet?_

“We don’t need HR to _over-manage_ this situation Laura,” he sneers. “When I hired you, I thought you would be a _hard worker_. I thought you had _potential_. But now, I don’t know. You’ve become distracted and sloppy. And I wondered - is it your _girlfriend_ who’s leading you astray?” He says girlfriend with unreserved disgust.

_What will HR say if I assault this asshole in self-defense?_

“I decided to check through your e-mail account to see if I could find any clues. And you know what I found, Laura? _What was out of place?_ The only personal e-mails in your account were to your hot-shot CEO _girlfriend_.”

He pauses, assessing my reaction.

“And I got to thinking... where are the emails from her? There are _none_. Nada. **Nothing.** So what’s going on, Laura? How come her e-mails to you aren’t on our system? _Are you some company spy, planted in here by Karnstein’s organization?_ Is **that** what this is?”

_Holy shit, the e-mails._

“James, what are you talking about?” I try for bewildered, and I’m pretty convincing. This conversation is not going as I expected, but I don’t trust him in the slightest. Some subliminal pheromone that James is exuding has me on high alert. This man is angry, volatile, and totally unpredictable. _Why do I feel so afraid of him?_ I try reason with him.

“You just said that you had to persuade Elsie to hire me. So how could I be planted as a spy? Make up your mind, James.”

“Karnstein _fucked_ the New York trip, didn’t she?”

_Oh shit._

“How did she manage _that_ , Laura? What did your rich, _lesbian girlfriend_ do?”

What little blood remains in my face drains away, and I think I’m going to faint.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, James,” I whisper. “Your cab will be here shortly. Shall I fetch your things?”

 _Oh please, let me go_. James continues, enjoying my discomfort.

“Does she think I’d make a pass at you?” He smirks and his eyes darken. “Well, I want you to think about something while I’m in New York. I _gave you_ this job, and I expect you to show me _some gratitude_. In fact, I’m **entitled** to it. I had to _fight_ to get you. Elsie wanted someone _better qualified,_ but I—I saw something in you. So, we need to _work out a deal_. A deal where you **_keep me happy_**. D’you understand what I’m saying, _Laura?_ ”

**_Fuck!_ **

“Look at it as _refining_ your job _position_.” They way he emphasized ‘position’ and looked at the ground told me exactly what position he wanted me in. “And if you _keep me happy_ , I won’t dig any further into how your girlfriend is pulling strings, _milking her contacts_ , or cashing in some favor from one of her wall street, _hedge-fund-speculators_.”

My mouth drops open. _He’s blackmailing me for sex!_

What can I say? _News of Carmilla’s merger is embargoed still._ I can barely believe this is happening.

James moves closer until he’s standing right in front of me, staring down into my eyes. His cloying body spray invades my nostrils—it’s nauseating—and the bitter stench of... something metallic is on his breath. _Fuck, he drinks a lot of coffee._

“You are such a _tight-assed, cock-blocking, prick tease_ , you know, Laura,” he whispers through clenched teeth.

What? _Prick tease?_

“James, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I whisper, as I feel the adrenaline surge through my body. He’s closer now. I am waiting to make my move.

If James touches me—if he even breathes too close to me—I will take him down. My breath is shallow. I must not faint, I must not faint. “Look at you.” He gives me a leering look. “You’re so _turned on_ , I can tell. You’ve really led me on. Deep down you want it. _I know_.”

The man is completely delusional. “No, James. I have never led you on.”

“You have, you prick-teasing _bitch_. I can read the signs.” Reaching up, he gently strokes my face with the back of his knuckles, down to my chin. His index finger strokes my throat, and my heart leaps into my mouth as I fight my gag reflex. He reaches the dip at the base of my neck, where the top button of my black shirt is open, and presses his hand against my chest.

“Admit it, Laura. Because I know I’m _really_ gonna enjoy this.” Keeping my eyes firmly fixed on him and concentrating on what I have to do—rather than my mushrooming revulsion and dread—I place my hand gently over his in a caress. He smiles in triumph. I grab the little finger, and twist it back, pulling it sharply down backward to his hip.

He cries out in pain and surprise, and as he leans off balance he tries to grab my wrist. I bring my knee, swift and hard, up into his groin, and make perfect contact with my goal. I dodge deftly to my left as his knees buckle, and I get him with a right cross directly into his nose as he collapses with a groan onto the kitchen floor, grasping himself between her legs.

“Don’t you **_ever_** touch me again!” I snarl at him.

“What the hell was that?!”

“I’ve been in Krav Maga since age eight! Now, your itinerary and the brochures are on my desk. I am _going home now_. And in the future, get your own damn coffee!”

“ ** _You fucking whore_**!” he half screams, half groans at me, but I am already out the door. I run full pelt to my desk, grab my jacket and my purse, and dash to front reception, ignoring the moans and curses coming from the bastard from the kitchen floor. I burst out of the building and stop for a moment as the cool air hits my face, take a deep breath, and compose myself. But I haven’t eaten all day, and as the surge of adrenaline recedes, my stomach wants to retch as my legs give out beneath me and I sink to the ground. I watch with mild detachment the slow motion movie that plays out in front of me: Carmilla and Armitage in dark suits and white shirts, leaping out of the waiting car and running toward me. Kirsch’s hands lifting me up to my feet on wobbly legs as Carmilla’s eyes are wide and feral as she is at my side.

On some subconscious level, all I can think is: _Mistress is here._ My love, Carmilla is here.

“Laura, Laura! What’s wrong?” She puts her arm around me, holding me up as Kirsch grabs my belongings from the ground. Grabbing my chin with her free hand, she stares with wide, terrified, gray eyes into mine. I sag against her, suddenly overwhelmed with relief and fatigue. I’m cold and trembling after all that and Armitage is letting building security know that I’m okay.

“Laura.” She shakes me gently. “What did that sleaze ball do to you?” I sense rather than see Carmilla’s swift glance at Kirsch, who abruptly disappears into the building.

Somewhere next door to crazy, a giggle bubbles in my throat. I recall James’ groan as the pain in my fist told me that I broke his nose. “More like what I did to him.” I start giggling and I can’t stop.

“Laura!” Carmilla shakes me again, and my giggling fit ceases. “Did he touch you?”

“Only once.” I feel Carmilla’s muscles bunch and tense as rage sweeps through her, and she stands up swiftly, powerfully—rock steady—with me in her arms. _She’s furious._

“Where is that fucker?” From inside the building we hear muffled shouting. Carmilla sets me on my feet. “Can you stand?”

I nod.

“Get in the car,” she barks at me.

“Carmilla, no.” I grab her arm.

“Get in the _fucking_ car, Laura.” She shakes me off.

“No! **I broke his fucking nose!** ” I shout at her. Stunned, Carmilla grins and runs her hand through her hair and gazes upon me, clearly impressed. The shouting inside the building escalates, and then stops suddenly.

 _Oh, no. What has Kirsch done? Or was it Armitage?_ Carmilla fishes out her cell phone.

“Carmilla, he has my e-mails.”

“What?”

“My e-mails to you. He wanted to know where your e-mails to me were. He was trying to blackmail me.” Carmilla’s look is murderous.

“DAMN IT!” she splutters and narrows her eyes at me. She punches a number into her phone.

Oh no. I’m in trouble. _Who’s she calling?_

“Stinson. Karnstein. I need you to access Channel Three’s main server and wipe all of Laura Hollis’ e-mails to me. Then access the personal data files of James Stevenson and check they aren’t stored there. If they are, wipe them... Yes, all of them. Now. Let me know when it’s done.” She stabs the off button then dials another number.

“Roach. Karnstein. Stevenson—I want him out. NOW. This minute. Call security if you have to. I will personally clear his desk and office, and if you do not terminate him, I will liquidate this company immediately. _When I’m done with this place, there will be nothing left but ashes._ Do you understand?” She listens for a moment and hangs up seemingly satisfied.

“Cell. Phone.” she hisses at me through clenched teeth. She looks over my shoulder and calls out to JP. “Armitage, secure his office, bring me the hard drive, every CD, and every last Memory Stick you find!”

“Please don’t be mad at me.” I blink up at her.

“I am SO mad at you right now,” she snarls and once more sweeps her hand through her hair. “Get in the car.”

“Carmilla, please—”

“Get in the _bloody car_ , Laura, or so help me I’ll put you in there myself,” she threatens, her eyes blazing with fury. This is Very Angry Carmilla. _I’ve never seen her this mad before._ She’s barely holding on to her self-control, and the smell of incense is rolling off of her in waves.

“Okay,” I mutter, placating her. Pressing her lips together in a hard line, she points angrily to the car, glaring at me. _Jeez, okay, I get the message._

“Did you _ever_ mention a _certain ancient evil chicken_ in our emails? Do any internet searches for an Old One?!”

“No!” _At least, I don’t think so..._

“Are you _certain?_ ”

“Yes, I’m certain! I didn’t do anything like that!” _Holy Crap-sticks, if I had I may have ruined Carmilla’s plan against the Z’Katheggon!_

That’s when it all comes to a screeching halt and why she’s being so paranoid. _If the Elder God she’s got to go slay has any warning, it could cost Carmilla her life._

_Carmilla is worried that I have killed her._

She blinks rapidly and stills, lowering her arm while she takes a deep breath. “Good,” she says, her eyes softening. Her eyes burn into me as I head to the car, open the front passenger door, and climb in. Once I’m safely in the comfort of her Jeep, she disappears into the building, and my heart leaps again into my throat.

 _What’s she planning to do?_ I sit and wait. And wait. And wait. Five eternal minutes. James’s cab finally pulls up, and I give a bitter laugh. Ten minutes. Fifteen. _Jeez, what are they doing in there?_ The wait is agonizing.

Twenty-five minutes later, Carmilla, Armitage, and Kirsch exit the building. Armitage has a cardboard box of equipment as they make their way to the employee parking lot, probably to drive Baby Smaug back home. The cab drives off—without a passenger—as Carmilla and Kirsch reach the car. Opening the driver’s door, Carmilla slides smoothly into the driver’s seat, presumably because I am in the front, and Kirsch gets in behind me. Neither of them says a word as Carmilla starts the car and pulls out into the traffic. I risk a quick glance and see her mouth is set in a firm line, but she seems distracted. The in-car phone rings.

“Karnstein,” Carmilla snaps.

“Ms. Karnstein, Stinson here.”

“I’m on speakerphone, and there are others in the car,” Carmilla warns.

“It’s all done. But I need to talk to you about what else I found on Mr. Stevenson’s computer.” Carmilla sighs, but it’s less rage-filled than before.

“I’ll call you when I reach my destination. Thank you.”

“No problem, Ms. Karnstein.” _What else is on James’s computer?_

“Are you still upset at me?” I ask quietly. Carmilla glances at me, before fixing her eyes back on the road ahead, and I can tell she’s still mad.

“No,” she mutters sullenly. I wrap my arms around myself and stare unseeing out the window. Perhaps I should just ask her to drop me off at my dormitory, and save us both the inevitable fight. But even as I think it, I know I don’t want to leave her to brood, not after yesterday. Eventually, we pull up in front of her apartment building, and Carmilla climbs out of the car. Moving with easy grace around to my side, she opens my door.

“Come,” she orders as Kirsch clambers into the driver’s seat. I take her proffered hand and follow her through the grand foyer to the elevator. She doesn’t let go of me.

“Carmilla, why are you so mad at me?” I whisper as we wait.

“You know why,” she mutters as we step into the elevator, and she punches in the code to her floor.

“God, if something had happened to you… the scoundrel ran away like a coward. I wanted to hunt him down and-” Carmilla’s tone chills me to the bone. The doors close. “As it is, I’m going to ruin him so he can’t ever work in this city again and take advantage of women.” She shakes her head, and it wasn’t a human gesture. It was more like a large cat ripping a neck open with its jaws.

She straightens, releasing a deep breath as the elevator comes to a stop. “So you broke his nose?” Carmilla’s tone is lighter with a trace of admiration, and I think I’m forgiven.

“Yes,” I whisper, “Dave was a raging paranoid when I grew up, day-of-the-week bear spray on top of Krav Maga lessons.”

“I’ll need to remember that.” Taking my hand, she leads me out of the elevator and I follow, relieved. I think that’s as bad as her mood is going to get.

“I need to call Stinson. I won’t be long.” She disappears into her study, leaving me stranded in the vast living room. Perry is adding the finishing touches to our meal. I realize I am famished, but I need something to do.

“Can I help?” I ask.

“No, but thank you, Laura. May I fix you a drink or something? You look beat.”

“I’d love a glass of wine.”

“White?”

“Yes, please.” I perch on one of the bar stools, and she hands me a glass of chilled wine. I don’t know what it is, but it’s delicious and slides down easily, soothing my shattered nerves. _What was I thinking about earlier today?_ How alive and exciting my life has been since I met Carmilla. I could really use a few boring days.

 _What if I’d never met Carmilla?_ I’d leave my empty dorm room to be in New York with James for the weekend, not knowing the kind of sleazeball he is until it’s too late. As it is, I’ll never set eyes on him again. _But who will I work for now?_ I frown. I hadn’t thought of that.

_Crap, do I even have a job still?_

“Evening, Lola,” Carmilla says as she comes back into the great room, dragging me from my thoughts. Heading straight to the fridge, she drinks from her soy milk container.

“Good evening, Ms. Karnstein. Dinner in ten?”

“None for me, I’m back on my ‘special diet’.” Carmilla raises the carton.

“To raging paranoid fathers who train their daughters well,” she says and her eyes soften.

“Cheers,” I mutter, raising my glass.

“What’s wrong?” Carmilla asks.

“I don’t know if I still have a job.” She cocks her head to the side.

“Do you still want one?”

“Of course.”

“Then you still have one.” I roll my eyes at her and she smiles. Perry makes a mean chicken cordon bleu. She and Kirsch join us for dinner, and I feel much better now I’ve had something to eat. We are sitting at the breakfast bar, and despite my best cajoling, Carmilla won’t tell me what Stinson has found on James’s computer. I drop the subject, and ask where Armitage and LaFontaine are.

“LaFontaine is hacking past the firewall on the hard drive, Armitage is handling some shopping and paperwork.” She says smoothly. _Shopping?_

I decide to change the subject to something I think I can get a clear answer on. “Danny called,” I say nonchalantly.

“Oh?” Carmilla turns to face me.

“We are going to go out on Friday.”

“Alright. Take Brody with you.”

“I don’t need an escort. She’s my _friend_ , Carmilla. I haven’t seen her since her fundraiser. And that was too brief. I want to see her, _without supervision_. I’ve been a poor friend to her.”

“She can come here, then,” she mutters. “It would be safer for everyone.”

“Thank you. You know, since I kind of now live here, too...” I trail off. Carmilla nods. She knows what I’m trying to say.

“It’s not like I haven’t got extra space.” Her lips quirk up slowly. I get up to clear the plates and then load them into the dishwasher.

“I have some work to do for a while,” she says apologetically.

“Cool. I’ll find something to do.”

“Come here,” she orders, but her voice is soft and seductive, her eyes heated. I don’t hesitate to walk into her arms, clasping her around her neck as she perches on her bar stool. She wraps her arms around me, crushes me to her, and just holds me.

“Are you okay?” she whispers into my hair.

“Okay?”

“After what happened with that fucker? And after what happened yesterday?” she adds, her voice quiet and earnest. I gaze into dark, serious, gray eyes. _Am I okay?_

“Yes,” I whisper, “I just want a few days of normalcy.” Her arms tighten around me, and I feel safe, cherished, and loved all at once. It’s blissful. Closing my eyes, I enjoy the feel of being in her arms. I love this woman. I love her intoxicating scent, her strength, her seductive eyes. She kisses my hair and inhales deeply.

“You smell heavenly as usual, Laura.”

“So do you,” I whisper and kiss her neck. All too soon she releases me.

“I should only be a couple of hours.”


	24. Nutella and Handcuffs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOOKING FORWARD TO SEASON ZERO.
> 
> OMG THAT FINALE...
> 
> Removed from the original book: Buying a new house, the Real Estate lady being friendly, and Ana seeing that as SHE IS FLIRTING AND BETTER STEP AWAY FROM MY MAN!!! I can’t roll my eyes enough at that scene as it was over the top overreaction that everyone just seems to think is normal protective girlfriend behavior.

I grab a snack container of Nutella and wander listlessly through the apartment as Carmilla is still working. I'm so bored, I don’t even want to read. If I sit still, I’ll recall James and his fingers on me. I check out the guest bedroom downstairs. Danny can sleep here—she’ll like the view. It’s only eight fifteen, and the sun is already setting into the horizon. The lights of the city twinkle below me. It’s glorious. Danny will definitely like it here.

Back down the hallway I find myself outside the playroom, and without thinking, I try the door handle. Normally it is locked, but surprisingly, the door opens. Feeling like a Gryffindor that is sneaking into the forbidden forest, I walk in. It’s dark. I flick the switch and the lights under the cornice light up with a soft glow. It’s just as I remember it; a warm, womb-like room.

Memories of the last time I was in here flash through my mind. The cane... I wince at the recollection. Now it hangs there innocently, next to the floggers and whips, on a set of hooks beside the door. Tentatively I run my fingers over the implements; the belts, paddles, floggers, canes, and the whips. I gulp, feeling fear and desire battle inside me as I imagine what Carmilla will do to me the next time we’re in here.

Wandering over to the bed, I sit on soft red satin sheets, gazing around at all the equipment. Beside me is the bench, above that the assortment of bottles. _Are all those just lubricants?_ Surely one is enough? And then there’s the large table. I can’t even imagine what she does on it. My eyes fall on the chesterfield, and I move over to sit on it. It’s just a couch, nothing extraordinary about it—nothing to fasten anything to, not that I can see. Glancing behind me, I spy the belted museum chest. My curiosity is piqued. _What does she keep in there?_ As I pull open the top drawer I realize my blood is pounding through my veins.

_Why am I so nervous?_

This feels so illicit, as if I’m trespassing, which of course I am. An array of instruments and bizarre implements—I don’t have a clue what they are, or what they’re for—are carefully laid out in the display drawer. I pick one up. It’s bullet-shaped with a sort of handle… _what the hell would she do with that?_ My mind boggles, though I think I have an idea when I see it comes in four different sizes.

My scalp prickles and I glance up, knowing my face has the guiltiest look on it. Carmilla is standing in the doorway, staring at me, her face unreadable. _Crap, how long has she been there?_ I feel like I’ve been caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

“Hi.” I smile nervously at her, and I know my eyes are wide and that I’m deathly pale.

“What are you doing, sweetness?” she says softly, but there’s an undercurrent in her tone. _Is she mad?_ I flush, realizing that getting caught is turning me on.

“Uh… I was bored and curious,” I shrug, embarrassed to be found out.

“That’s a very dangerous combination.” She runs her long index finger across her lower lip in quiet contemplation, not taking her eyes off me. I swallow and my mouth is dry. Slowly, she enters the room and closes the door quietly behind her, her eyes liquid gray fire. As she enters, her fingers trail over the implements on the wall, and I recognize her stride as predatory and cat-like. She leans casually over the chest of drawers, but I think her stance is deceptive.

“So, what exactly are you curious about, Miss Hollis? Perhaps I could... enlighten you.”

_Curiosity killed the cat, Hollis!_

“Well, the door was open... I—” I gaze at Carmilla as I hold my breath and blink, uncertain of her reaction or what I should say. Her eyes are dark. I think she’s amused, but it’s difficult to tell. She cocks her head to one side, and her lips twitch in amusement.

“You brought food into this room.”

I gulp, realizing how expensive the equipment might be. And the silk sheets.

“I’m sorry for trespassing… with Nutella.” My voice is quiet, though I’m relieved. Carmilla’s brow creases once more.

“Yes, you’re _trespassing_ , but I’m not mad. I mean, I would want you to be greeting me here in the proper way”—she gestures to the floor where I knelt nearly naked for her before—“but for now...” She taps her lips with her index finger. “Hand me that _contraband_.”

Oh, crap. I’m in trouble. “I’m sorry Carmilla, I won’t do it again.” I hand her the Nutella 2 Go.

“Won’t you now?” She arches an eyebrow, and her beautiful mouth curves up in a smile, a shy smile. She puts the container down on the table and reaches into the chest, pulling out a pair of black metal handcuffs, different from the first pair as I realize that there is no trick latch on them.

_I think she’s being playful._

“Strip down, Miss Hollis.”

 _I think we’re going to ‘play’._ My heart is in my throat as her silky warm voice caressed the deepest parts of me and I rushed to obey.

“Yes, Mistress.”

I had my shirt off and was kicking off my shoes as Carmilla dangled the handcuffs before me, the metallic clinking upping the tension in the room as I unhooked and removed my bra and slacks, leaving myself exposed except for the panties as I assumed the kneeling position in front of her.

The look in her eyes was hungry as she took her time to walk around me, the cold metal of the handcuffs brushing my arm as she bent over and the ratcheting clicks confirmed that I was in fact handcuffed.

“I think you ought to be punished for bringing food into my playroom, cupcake.” She says as she’s behind me, and I try to turn my head to look, only to have her hand turn my head back forward. _I think she’s being playful..._

“My apologies, Mistress.” I can’t figure out what she’s doing behind me until I hear the scuffle of her shoes on the floor and see a _completely naked_ Carmilla walk past me with a remote control as she went and picked up the Nutella.

“Spare your tongue. I have plans for that.” Carmilla pushed a button on the remote and a familiar song started playing overhead on speakers I couldn’t see. She sat up on the table and curled her finger, indicating that I should approach her.

She held out one of the mini-breadsticks that was dipped in the hazelnut goodness, and I happily take it into my mouth, savoring the flavor. She then laid back on the table, using her finger to smear the Nutella on her left nipple. I was compelled as my lips and tongue seized upon her, making her gasp and moan in pleasure.

 _I think I'm drowning_  
_Asphyxiated_  
_I wanna break this spell_  
_That you've created_

Her hands were on my head, pulling me off of her breast as our mouths met and tongues fought for dominance. I wanted to put my hand on the table for balance, but the cold restraint of the cuffs reminded me who was in charge right now.

_You're something beautiful_  
_A contradiction_  
_I wanna play the game_  
_I want the friction_

I pull away from the kiss, feeling slightly loopy from it, and I see a new line of Nutella tracing down the flat of her stomach, pointing me in a direction that I very much want to go. _I want my mouth on her - there._

_You will be the death of me  
You will be the death of me_

“Good girl.” Carmilla cooed as I kissed the ticklish valley between her abdomen and the start of her leg, making my way towards her sex and surprised her as I boldly seized upon her and used my tongue, lips, and teeth on her with abandon. I take her clit into my mouth, sucking hard, enjoying her shocked astonishment as her mouth drops open. She gazes down at me, watching my every move, eyes so dark and filled with carnal bliss.

 _Bury it_  
_I won't let you bury it_  
_I won't let you smother it_  
_I won't let you murder it_

I sheath my teeth and suck harder. She closes her eyes and surrenders to me; this blissful, carnal pleasure that I’m giving her is arousing me. I know what I do to her, and it’s hedonistic, liberating, and sexy as hell. The feeling is heady, I’m not just powerful—I’m omniscient. “Fuck,” she hisses and gently cradles my head, rocking her hips as she is enjoying my mouth. _Oh yes_ , I want her and I flick my tongue on her, pulling hard with a bit of suction, over and over.  “FUCK, LAURA!” Carmilla shouts in surprise, trying to push me away from her clit but I refuse to be moved as I have missed her scent and her flavor, and I am flooded with the need to please her. To be the reason why she has a mind-blowing orgasm.

 _Our time is running out_  
_Our time is running out_  
_You can't push it underground_  
_You can't stop it screaming out_

“Let me make you come, Mistress.” I say as I am revering the apex of her thighs as if I am having a religious experience between her legs while my arms and wrists are restrained behind me.

“Fine, then do it!” Carmilla commanded through clenched teeth as her fingers wove through my hair and gripped tightly, that not-too-subtle act of possessiveness spurring me on to continue working on her with my tongue and lips.

I delved into her, letting my tongue slide in and out of her warmth and enjoyed her reaction as I could feel her already starting to crest and knew that she needed me just as much as I needed her. The handcuffs that restricted my hands from doing anything reinforced the idea that I was being used and needed to please her and it just flat-out did it for me.

_I wanted freedom_  
_Bound and restricted_  
_I tried to give you up_  
_But I'm addicted_

I redouble my efforts as I can tell she’s close.

“Please,” she pants. “I’m almost there, Laura,” she groans.

Carmilla’s hips rocked and her thighs clamped together on either side of my head, quivering as she grunted out her orgasm as she was laid out on the table. This was fast and hard, a quickie that proved how long we had gone without it and needed each other as her moans came to a head.

_Now that you know I'm trapped_  
_sense of elation_  
_You'd never dream of_  
_Breaking this fixation_

“LAURA!!!!”

_You will squeeze the life out of me_

She grins back at me, a wicked, salacious grin. “My turn, Miss Hollis.” Suddenly her mouth is on mine. She groans. “Gods, I can taste myself on your lips. But you taste better,” Carmilla says as she gets off of the table and kneels on the floor before me, spreading my legs apart and slid two of her fingers into me quickly, making me whimper with pleasurable pain. It wasn’t long before her fingers curled and rocked into their perfect spot in me while her thumb flicked my hood with expert grace.

 _Bury it_  
_I won't let you bury it_  
_I won't let you smother it_  
_I won't let you murder it_

“Oh Carm!” I exclaim as I hear her warm chuckle as she’s enjoying seeing me become undone in front of her.

“Come on, Creampuff,” She cajoled, increasing her rhythm to something inhuman as if she were that scary Hitachi vibrator she tried before. _Okay, vampire constitution has its benefits..._

 _Our time is running out_  
_Our time is running out_  
_You can't push it underground_  
_You can't stop it screaming out_  
_How did it come to this?_

 _Oh-oh-oh, yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah…_  
_Oh-oh-oh, yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah…_  
_Oh-oh-oh, yeah-yeah-oh-yeah-yeah..._

“Mistress I’m going to… may I… pleasepleasecome?” I am begging as Carmilla’s fangs are pressed against my neck and I tilt my head to let her bite me. “DO IT.”

Her teeth pierce me right as I explode from her ministrations, making me go limp in her arms as her two fingers keep working in and out of me, building up another wave of pleasure as I could feel suction on my neck as I melted into my Mistress, Carmilla.

_You will suck the life out of me_

_Bury it_  
_I won't let you bury it_  
_I won't let you smother it_  
_I won't let you murder it_

Her lips leave my neck and are kissing me as the familiar build up is cresting a second time amidst the flavor of copper on my tongue. I feel myself tighten and pulsate as I let go and ride the waves of pleasure a second time as I vaguely realize I’m tasting my own blood on my lips as Carmilla holds me up by her other hand.

_Our time is running out_  
_Our time is running out_  
_You can't push it underground_  
_You can't stop it screaming out_  
_How did it come to this?_

_Oh-oh-oh, yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah…_  
_Oh-oh-oh, yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah…_  
_Oh-oh-oh, yeah-yeah-oh-yeah-yeah..._

I slumped over the table, sated and feeling a small trickle of blood run down my neck as Carmilla’s deft tongue licked it up before she turned down the music and uncuffed me. I rubbed my wrists idly as I turned to face my Mistress, my love, and realized that I could indeed see myself spending the rest of my life with her, and go down the rabbit hole that is her playroom and see what all we can do together.

Even fully naked, Carmilla conveyed a level of confidence and authority that utterly fascinated me. _I always thought it was the suits, or the leather pants… but it is just her._ Looking satiated, Carmilla lazily looked over the chest and picked up one of the silver bullet things I had noticed before.

“Do you know what this is?” She asked, grabbing the smallest of the four.

I thought I knew, but didn’t want to be wrong, so I stuttered rather than have any intelligent noises come out.

“I um, think it, uh…”

“Cat got your tongue, Miss Hollis? This is a butt plug,” she says gently.

 _Yep, I was right. Butt plug._ I smile nervously and recall some of the raunchier slash fics from my teenage years where Snape had Ron in detention… _Focus, Hollis!_

Carmilla’s eyes knitted together in concern. “It’s a plug. For your butt.”

I chortled at that. “I know what a butt plug is.”

“Sorry, you seemed… really quiet for a second.” _Was I blushing?_ I probably was.

“I never imagined having a conversation with the word _butt plug_ in it.” I gesture towards the trunk, “Behold, Carmilla’s _butt plug collection_. Four different _plug_ sizes for your _butt_.”

The vampire before me smirked at my rambling. “You’re just milking it at this point, aren’t you?”

“Maybe.” My eyes go to the largest one of the bunch which I uncomfortably realize is just a bit smaller than Carmilla’s hand. “Who used to be able to use that one?”

“WHAT?!” Carmilla looked at the plugs. “Oh, sweetness, no… these are all brand new. I don’t share insertable toys from one partner to the next.”

I exhale a breath of relief, only to realize that _this one is meant for me._ “So no communal butt-plug. Good. But you think that will fit in me?”

“I do, but it involves you being okay with it, being really relaxed, and training you up one size at a time.”

I try to remember our discussion about sex toys and hard limits right after the semester ended. _I think at the time I said I would try._ Now, actually seeing them in person, I don’t know if it’s something I want to do. _At least not the large one, that’s for darn sure._

“And that?” I point out a long, black rubbery object, made of gradually diminishing spherical bubbles joined together, the first one large and the last much smaller. Eight bubbles in total.

“Anal beads,” Carmilla replies in a no-nonsense manner. I examine them with an interested, fascinated horror. All of that, _inside me._ “They have quite an effect if you pull them out mid-orgasm,” she adds matter-of-factly.

“They do?” I whisper.

“They do.” She nods slowly.

“This is the butt stuff drawer?” She smirks.

“It is. You didn’t mind the remote-controlled, vibrating egg drawer.” I close it quickly, blushing redder than a stoplight.

“Too much for your virgin ears?” she asks innocently, amused.

“You’ve pretty much taken care of that, _Mistress._ ” I reply, trying to look cool and collected. “There are few parts left of me that haven’t been penetrated by you yet.”

As our eyes meet, I can’t help but look at the hungry look in her eyes and realize she’s going to take that as a personal challenge. And I realize, deep down, that I will let her.

_I want her to have all of me._

I clear my throat and turn back to the drawers, opening the second drawer. She grins. “Next drawer down are the vibrators.” I shut the drawer quickly.

“And the next?” I whisper, breathy once more, but this time from arousal.

“That’s more... interesting.” _Oh god!_ Hesitantly I pull the drawer open, not taking my eyes off her beautiful but rather smug face. Her eyebrow was cocked up in challenge, and I gathered my courage to look inside the new drawer. Inside there are an assortment of metal items and some clothespins. _Clothespins?!_ I pick up a large metal clip-like device.

“Genital clamp,” Carmilla says. She stands up and moves casually around so that she’s beside me. I put it back immediately and choose something more delicate—two small clips on a chain.

“Some of these are for pain, but most are for pleasure,” she murmurs. “Like those nipple clamps—that’s for both.”

“Both pleasure and pain.” I think I understand how that works.

She takes it from me. “Hold out your little finger.” I do as she asks, and she clamps one clip to the tip of my finger. It’s not _too_ harsh. “The sensation is very intense, but it’s when taking them off that they are at their most painful and pleasurable.” I remove the clip, and feel the blood rush back into the finger. _Damn, she has a point there._  

I squirm at the thought.

“I like the look of these,” I murmur and Carmilla smiles.

“Do you now, Miss Hollis? I think I can tell.” I nod shyly, biting my lip. She reaches up and tugs on my chin so I release my bottom lip.

“You know what that does to me,” she murmurs. I put the clips back in the drawer, and Carmilla leans forward and pulls out two more.

“These are adjustable.” She lifted them up for me to inspect. There seems to be a metallic nut on top that I can twist.

“Adjustable?” _Why would you make it adjustable?_

“You can wear them very tight... or not. Depending on your mood.”

"Don't you mean your mood, Mistress?"

Carmilla's voice was dripping with desire. "I live to serve."

_How does she make that sound so erotic?_

I swallow, and to divert her attention, pull out a device that looks like a spiky pastry cutter. “This?” I frown.

“That’s a Wartenberg pinwheel.”

“For?” She reaches over and takes it from me.

“Pinwheeling.”

“Let me feel it.” She raises an eyebrow. “Please.” I add politely.

“Give me your hand. Palm up.” I offer her my left hand and she takes it gently, sliding her thumb over my knuckles. A shiver runs through me; her skin against mine, it never fails to thrill me. She runs the wheel over my palm.

“Ah!” The prongs bite into my skin—there’s more than just pain. In fact, it tickles slightly.

“Now imagine that over your breasts,” Carmilla murmurs lasciviously, "and your nipples...".

I flush and snatch my hand back. My breathing and heart rate increase, and I looked back at that implement with awe.

“There’s a fine line between pleasure and pain, Cupcake,” she says softly as she leans down and puts the device back in the drawer.

“Clothespins?” I whisper.

“You can do a great deal with a clothespins.” Her dark eyes burn into me. I lean against the drawer so it closes.

“Is that all?” Carmilla looks amused.

“No...” I pull open the fourth drawer to be confounded by a mass of leather and straps. I tug at one of the straps... the ball gag.

“To keep you quiet,” says Carmilla, amused once more.

“I'll scream.” I whisper.

“But you'll still breathe. And that's what matters.” Taking it from me, she replicates a mouth clamping down on the ball with her fingers.

"Breath play?" I wasn't certain about that.

“It’s about control, cupcake. How trusting would you have to be, knowing I had that much power over you? That I had to read your body and your reaction, making you climax harder than you ever could before? It makes you more dependent, puts me in ultimate control.”

I swallow. “You sound like you miss it.”

“It’s what I know,” she murmurs, gazing down at me. Her dark eyes are wide and serious, and the atmosphere between us has changed as if she’s in the confessional.

“It's all I know, too.” I whispered, reaching up to gently stroke her cheek. She leans her face into my touch and reaches for me, her hands around my waist. She pulls me against her.

“Have we finished show and tell?” she asks, her voice soft and seductive. Her hand moves up my back to the nape of my neck.

“Why? Did you want to do more?” She bends and kisses me gently, and I melt against her, grasping her arms.

“Laura, you were nearly attacked today.” Her voice is soft but ice-cold and wary.

“So?” I ask, enjoying the feel of her hand at my back and her proximity. She pulls her head back and scowls down at me.

“What do you mean, ‘so?’ ” she rebukes. I gaze up into her lovely, grumpy face, and I’m dazzled.

“Carmilla, I’m fine.” She wraps me in her arms, holding me close.

“When I think what might have happened,” she breathes, burying her face in my hair.

“When will you learn that I’m stronger than I look?” I whisper reassuringly into her neck, inhaling her delicious scent. There is nothing better on the planet than being in Carmilla’s arms.

“I know you’re strong,” Carmilla muses quietly. She kisses my hair, then to my great disappointment, releases me. Bending down I fish another item out of the open drawer. Several cuffs attached to a bar. I hold it up. “That,” says Carmilla, her eyes darkening, “is a spreader bar with ankle and wrist restraints.”

“How does it work?” I ask, genuinely intrigued.

“You want me to show you?” she breathes in surprise, closing her eyes briefly. I blink at her. When she opens her eyes, they are blazing. Oh my.

“Yes, I want a demonstration. I like being restrained,” I whisper as my insides clench in anticipation.

“Oh, Laura,” she murmurs in adoration.

I realize in that moment that I do adore her. I love this woman unconditionally. I launch myself at her and push her up against the wall. Grabbing her face between my hands, I pull her lips to mine. I can taste her surprise as I push my tongue into her mouth. I am standing at the same level as her, but I feel euphorically empowered. Kissing her passionately, my fingers twisting into her hair, I want to touch her, everywhere.

Regardless, my desire unfurls, hot and heavy, blooming deep inside me. She groans and grabs my shoulders, pushing me away. “Do you want me to fuck you right here?” she mutters, her breathing ragged. “Because right now, I will.”

“Yes,” I murmur and I’m sure my dark gaze matches her.She glares at me, her eyes hooded and heavy.

“No. I want you in my bed.” She scoops me up suddenly over her shoulder, making me squeal, loudly, and smacks me hard on my behind, so that I squeal again. _Her vampire strength has some good uses._ As she heads out of the play room, she stoops to pick up the fallen spreader bar. Perry is coming out of the utility room when we pass through the hall. She awkwardly smiles at us, and I grin as I give her an upside-down wave.

_I don’t think Carmilla cares that Perry just saw us. Naked._

In the bedroom, she sets me down on my feet and drops the spreader on to the bed. She takes my head in her hands and kisses me, long and hard, and I can barely taste traces of my own blood. “I want you so much,” she whispers against my mouth, panting.

“I want you too,” I reply, kissing her back as I wrap my arms around her and grab her pert butt possessively, “all of you.” I let my kisses trail down her neck and collarbone, past the cross shaped scar, and press my lips on every scar she has left on her torso that she usually keeps covered up.

She’s holding her breath, but stands stock-still as I plant a gentle kisses among the soft, light-colored scars. She’s gazing at me, and there’s a look of satisfaction, calm, and . . . wonder on her face.

“It’s getting easier, isn’t it?” I whisper. She nods as I crawl onto her bed next to the spreader bar, indicating that I’m ready for it.

“What have you done to me, Laura?” she murmurs. “Whatever it is, don’t stop.” And she crawls onto the bed on top of me, fisting both her hands in my hair and pulling my head right back so that she can have easy access to my throat. She runs her lips up to my jaw, nipping softly. _Oh, I want this woman._

“I’ve already bled tonight for you.” I whisper.

“I know, I don’t need more. I just like your neck.” Carmilla whispers into my ear.

“I like your mouth on me, but I want to try the new toy.”

She gives me a wicked grin and reaches for the spreader bar. Grabbing my left ankle, she quickly cuffs it, strapping the buckle tightly, but not too tight. She tests how much room I have by sliding her little finger between the cuff and my ankle, just like one would do for their pet’s collar. Grasping my other ankle, she quickly and efficiently cuffs that one as well, so that my feet are about two feet apart. “The good thing about this spreader is, it expands,” she murmurs. She clicks something on the bar, then pushes, so my legs spread further.

_Whoa, three feet apart._

My mouth drops open, and I take a deep breath. _Fuck, this is hot._ I’m restless, needy, and once again wet for her. Carmilla licks her lower lip.

“Oh, I’m going to have some fun with you, cupcake.” I look down and see two more cuffs on the spreader bar, just inside of where my ankles are restrained at. “These are for your wrists. I’ll think about using them too. Depends if you behave or not.”

“When do I not behave?” I whimper, wanting her to restrain me some more.

“Say you’ll be a good girl, then.”

“Oh fuck, I’ll be a good girl. I’ll be a really good girl, Carm. Please...” I find myself begging as she puts the tango on herself and stands over me.

She smirks, her eyes alight with pure devilment. She’s so sexy, it takes my breath away. Carmilla crawls up the bed so that she’s kneeling between my legs, gloriously naked, the toy just barely poking at me, and I’m helpless.

“Hmm. You are _so exposed_ , Miss Hollis.” She runs the fingers of both her hands up the inside of each of my legs, slowly, surely, making small circular patterns. Never breaking eye contact with me. “It’s all about _anticipation_. What will I do to you?”

Her softly spoken words penetrate right to the deepest, darkest, part of me. I wriggle on the bed and moan. _She knows exactly what I want her to do to me._ Her fingers continue their slow assault up my legs, past the backs of my knees. Instinctively, I want to close my legs but I can’t.

“Remember, if you don’t like something, just tell me to stop,” she murmurs. Bending over, she kisses my belly, soft, delicate kisses while her hands continue their slow tortuous journey north up my inner thighs, touching and teasing.

“Oh please, Carmilla,” I plead.

“You were quite merciless in your _amorous assaults_ upon me. I think I should... return the favor.” My fingers clutch the duvet as I surrender myself to her, her mouth gently heading south, her fingers north, to the vulnerable and exposed apex of my thighs. I groan as she eases her fingers inside me and buck my pelvis up to meet them. Carmilla moans in response.

“Gods, you never cease to amaze me. You’re so sweet,” she murmurs against the line where my pubic hair joins my belly. My body bows as her mouth finds me. She begins a slow and sensual assault, her tongue swirling around and around while her fingers move inside me. Because I can’t close my legs, or move, it’s intense, really intense. My back arches as I try to absorb the sensations.

“Oh, Carmilla,” I cry, and she eases off of me. “Arrgh! Please!” I beg.

“Say you’re mine,” she commands.

“I’m yours, Mistress,” I call, hardly recognizing my own voice—it’s so high-pitched and needy.

“Again,” she breathes. “Mistress, I’m yours, all yours!” I call out loudly.

“You are mine.” Her voice is soft and deadly as she pulls her mouth off of me and helps flip me over onto my stomach. “Knees beneath you, wrists between your ankles. Head on the pillow.”

I do as I’m told and she pulls both my hands backward and cuffs them to the bar. My knees are drawn up, my ass in the air, utterly vulnerable, completely hers.

“Laura, you look so beautiful.” Her voice is full of wonder, and I hear the flip top of her bottle of lubricant. She runs her lubed fingers over my labia and presses the tip of her thumb over my ass. “When you’re ready, I want this, too.” Her thumb is circling and I gasp loudly as I feel myself tense under her gentle probing. “Not today, sweetness, but one day... I want you _every way_. I want to possess every inch of you. You’re mine.” I think about the butt plug, and everything tightens deep inside me. Her words make me groan, and her fingers help guide the tango into more familiar territory. Moments later, she’s slamming into me.

“Aagh! Gently,” I cry, and she stills.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, but gently... let me get used to this.” She eases slowly out of me then eases gently back, filling me, stretching me, twice, thrice, and I am helpless.

“Yes, good, I can take it now,” I murmur, relishing the full feeling. She groans, and picks up her rhythm. Moving relentlessly, deeper; claiming, filling me… and it’s perfect. There’s joy in my helplessness, joy in my surrender to her, and to know that she can lose herself in me the way she wants to. The way she needs to.

_I can do this._

She takes me to such dark places, places I never knew existed, and together we fill them with blinding light. And I let go, glorying in what she does to me as I find my sweet, sweet release, and come again, loudly, screaming her name. And she stills, pouring her heart and soul into me.

“Laura...” she cries and collapses beside me.

Her fingers deftly undo the straps, and she rubs my ankles then my wrists. When she’s removed the tango and the spreader bar from the bed, she pulls me into her arms and I drift, exhausted. When I surface again, I am curled beside her and she’s gazing at me.

I have no idea what the time is.

“I could watch you sleep forever, Laura,” she murmurs and she kisses my forehead. I smile and shift languorously beside her. “I never want to let you go,” she says softly and wraps her arms around me. Hmm.

“I never want to go. Never let me go,” I mutter sleepily, my eyelids refusing to open.


	25. Swordfight and Send-off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Removed 15 pages of source material: psychologist Dr. Flinn and his analyzing the merits of making Christian give up the NDA and the BDSM dynamic as he head-shrinks Ana as being ‘the cure to all his ills’. That’s the worst way to ‘fix’ anyone, to appoint another person as your savior.

Carmilla is nuzzling my neck as I slowly wake. “Morning, baby,” she whispers and nips at my earlobe. My eyes flutter open and close again quickly. Bright early morning light floods the room, and her hand is softly caressing my breast, gently teasing me. Moving down she grasps my hip as she lies behind me, holding me close. I stretch out beside her, relishing her touch, and feel her lips against my neck.

“You’re pleased to see me,” I mumble sleepily, turning suggestively against her. I feel her grin against my jaw.

“I’m always pleased to see you,” she says as she skates her hand over my stomach and down to cup my sex and explore with her fingers. “There are definite advantages to waking up beside you, Miss Hollis,” she teases and gently pulls me round so that I’m lying on my back.

“How are you awake this early?” I ask, spreading my legs for her access.

“I didn’t sleep a wink. Didn’t need to after last night.” Her voice conveys pure carnal pleasure.

“Thank you for that, Carmilla.”

“Did you sleep well?” she asks as her fingers continue their sensual torture. She’s smiling down at me—her dazzling, takes-my-breath-away smile. My hips begin to sway to the rhythm of the dance her fingers have begun. She kisses me chastely on the lips and then moves down my neck, nipping slowly, kissing, and sucking as she goes. I moan at her teasing nature. She’s gentle and her touch is light and heavenly. Her intrepid fingers move down, and slowly she eases one inside me, hissing quietly in awe.

“Oh, Laura,” she murmurs reverentially against my throat. “You’re always ready.” She moves her finger in time with her kisses as her lips journey leisurely across my clavicle and then down to my breast. She torments first one, then the other nipple with teeth and lips, but oh-so-gently, and they tighten and lengthen in sweet response. I groan. “Hmm,” she growls softly and raises her head to give me a blazing gray-eyed look. “I want you now.” She reaches over to the bedside table.

 _Who is the nookie monster now?_ I giggle at the thought.

“Are you giggling, Miss Hollis?”

“No.” I try and fail to straighten my face.

“Now is not the time for giggling.” She shakes her head in admonishment and her voice is low, stern, but her expression— holy cow—is glacial and volcanic at once. My breath catches in my throat.

“I thought you liked it when I giggle,” I whisper hoarsely, gazing into the dark depths of her stormy eyes. “Makes things clench harder.”

“Not yet. I have to be inside you first,” she says as her body covers mine, and once again I am lost in her.

* * *

 

“What would you like for breakfast, Laura?”

“I’ll just have some granola. Thank you, Perry.” I flush as I take my place at the breakfast bar beside Carmilla. The last time I set eyes on the very prim and proper Perry, I was naked and being unceremoniously dragged into the bedroom over Carmilla’s shoulder.

“You look lovely,” Carmilla says softly. I’m wearing my gray pencil skirt and gray silk blouse again.

“So do you.” I smile shyly at her. She’s wearing a pale blue shirt and jeans, and she looks cool and fresh and perfect, as always. _She’s not dressed for going into work today._

“We should buy you some more skirts,” she says matter-of-factly. “In fact—I’d love to take you shopping.” _I hate shopping._ But with Carmilla, maybe it won’t be so bad. I decide on distraction as the best form of defense.

“I wonder what will happen at work today?”

“They’ll have to replace the sleazeball.” Carmilla frowns, scowling as if she’s just stepped in something extraordinarily unpleasant.

“I hope they take on a woman as my new boss.”

“Why?”

“They are less likely to try and want to get into my pants.” I tease her. Her lips twitch and she starts on her omelet. “What’s so funny?” I ask.

“You are. You really think women can’t sexually harass each other?”

* * *

Kirsch sits in the passenger seat of the Smart car as I’m behind the wheel and waiting for the garage barrier to lift. “Mind if I have the radio on?” I ask as we wait at the first stop light. He flips it on to Muse’s _Starlight_. I wonder how Betty is doing. I should try to call her today. I won’t have much to do at work. Anxiety blooms in my stomach.

_What will happen when I get to the office?_

_Will everyone know about James?_

_Will everyone know of Carmilla’s involvement?_

_Will I still have a job?_

“Hey, Laura. Green light.” Kirsch drags me into the here and now as I pull up at the next stoplight. “You’re very distracted. You okay?” he asks.

“I’m just thinking about work.”

“You’ll be fine.” Kirsch smiles, “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

When I reach my desk, I find a note asking me to go straight to Elsie’s office. My heart leaps into my mouth. _Oh, this is it. I’m going to get fired_. “Laura.” Elsie smiles kindly, waving me into a chair before her desk. I sit and gaze at her expectantly, hoping that she can’t hear my thumping heart. She smoothes her thick black hair and regards with me with somber, clear blue eyes.

“I have some... rather sad news.” Sad! _Crap..._ “I’ve called you in to inform you that James has left the company rather suddenly.” I flush. _This isn’t sad for me_. Should I tell her that I know? “His rather hasty departure has left a vacancy, and we’d like you to fill it for now, until we find a replacement.”

 _What?_ I feel the blood rush from my head. _Me?_

“But, I’ve only been here for a week or so.”

“Yes, Laura, I understand but James was always a champion of your abilities. He had high hopes for you.” I stop breathing. _He had high hopes of getting me on my back_. “And honestly, we don’t have anyone else to spare to do his job, which apparently he was sloughing off on you anyways. You were only supposed to be an intern, and from what it looks like, he had you doing his job for him. Anyways, here’s a detailed job description. Have a good look through it, and we can discuss it later today.”

“But—”

“Please, I know this is sudden, but your work hasn’t gone unnoticed by the rest of us. You have a sharp mind, and we all think you can do it.”

“Uh, okay.” _This is unreal._

“Look, think about it. In the meantime, you can take James’s office.” She stands, effectively dismissing me, and holds out her hand. I shake it in a complete daze.

 _“I’m-glad-he’s-gone,”_ she whispers in a rush and a haunted look crosses her face. Holy crap. _What did he do to her?_ Back at my desk, I grab my cell phone and call Carmilla. She answers on the second ring.

“Cupcake. You okay?” she asks concerned.

“They’ve just given me James’s job, temporarily,” I blurt out.

“You’re fucking kidding,” she whispers, shocked.

“Did you have _anything_ to do with this?” My voice is sharper than I mean it to be.

“No—no, not at all. I mean, with all due respect, sweetness, you’ve only been there for a week or so—I wouldn’t have promoted you that fast. Sorry.”

“Okay.” I frown. “Apparently James really put me in high regard.”

“Did he now?” Carmilla’s tone is frosty and then she sighs. “Well, if they think you can do it, I’m sure you can. Congratulations. Perhaps we should celebrate after I get back.”

“That would be nice.” I replied, wondering what her idea of celebration might entail.

“If you need anything, let me know. I’ll be here. And cupcake?”

“What?”

“Congrats again.” she repeats cheerfully. She doesn’t hang up as I expect her to but takes a deep breath.

“I mean it. If you need me, I’m here.” Her words are much softer, conciliatory.

“Okay,” I murmur. “I’d better go. I have to move offices.”

“I love you.” I sense her grin at the other end of the phone.

“I love you, too, Carm. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Laters, baby.” I hang up and glance at James’s office. My office. Holy crap—Laura Hollis, Acting News Editor. _Who would have thought?_ I should ask for more money. What would James think if he knew?

I shudder at the thought and wonder idly how he’s spent his morning, not in New York as he expected. I stroll into his—my office—sit down at the desk, and start reading the job description.

At twelve thirty, Elsie buzzes me. “Laura, we need you in a meeting at one o’clock in the boardroom. Jerry Roach and Kate Brown will be there—you know, the company president and vice president? All the commissioning editors will be attending.” _Crap!_

“Do I need to prepare anything?”

“No, this is just an informal gathering we do once a month. Lunch will be provided.”

“I’ll be there.” I hang up. I check through the current list of reports that are ready for airing. _Yes, I’ve pretty much got those nailed_. I take a deep breath—I cannot believe it’s lunchtime already. The day has flown by, and I’m loving it. There has been so much to absorb this morning. A ping from my phone tells me Kirsch is ready to take me to lunch.

In all the excitement I have forgotten about our lunch. I fish out my cell phone and try frantically to find his phone number. My phone buzzes.

“Hey Laura.” Brody’s voice is hushed. “Bad time?”

“No, it’s fine. I have a meeting with, uh, I got a promotion. They are feeding me, so go get your own lunch, okay?”

“Sweet deal, Laura! Be back in a half hour.”

It’s three thirty when I return to my new office. The meeting went well. I have even secured approval to run my own research on two stories I was pushing. It’s a heady feeling. On my desk is an enormous wicker basket crammed with stunning white and pale pink roses. Wow—the fragrance alone is heavenly. I smile as I pick up the card. _I know who sent them._

* * *

 

_Congratulations, Laura! I knew you would excel at whatever you do.  
Love, Carmilla_

* * *

 

I pick up my phone to text her.

* * *

 

_‘Thank you for the beautiful flowers. They’ve arrived in a huge wicker basket that makes me think of picnics and blankets’_

* * *

_‘You want to go on a picnic? We could have fun in the great outdoors, Cupcake. How is your day going, baby?’_

* * *

_‘The day has flown by. I have hardly had a moment to myself to think about anything other than work. I think I can do this! I’ll tell you more when I’m home. Outdoors sounds interesting. Love you.’_

* * *

It’s Lana from reception, desperate to know who sent the flowers and what happened to James. Holed up in the office all day, I have missed the gossip. I tell her quickly that the flowers are from my girlfriend and that I know very little about James’ departure. My phone buzzes and I have another text from Carmilla.

* * *

_’No problem. We’ll talk tonight. Love you too._ ’

* * *

At five thirty, I pack up my desk. I can’t believe how quickly the day has gone. Kirsch and I make our way back home, and Armitage is ready and waiting for him with a pair of wooden samurai swords.

“DUDE YOU FOUND SOME?!” Brody said, eyes lit up like Christmas.

“Yes, this is a daitō, a type of bokutō, what you would call a katana. I also went ahead and got some padding and safety equipment for you.” Armitage said, passing him one of the wooden katanas.

Kirsch took it happily, looking at JP cautiously. “What about you? Didn’t you get yourself any?”

The way JP Armitage looked so natural with the sword made me realize something that Brody was going to have to learn the hard way. _Never underestimate your opponent._

“If you hit me, I deserve the injury. First we’re going to go over form and technique I’ve cleared the library so we can work there.”

Perry and LaFontaine looked on from the kitchen, bemused looks on both of their faces. Perry spoke up first. “Does Kirsch have any idea what he’s getting into?”

LaFontaine smirked at that. “Not at all; but I’m certain Armitage will take it easy on him at first.”

Carmilla was on her cell phone, standing and staring out the glass wall as I entered the great room. Turning, she beams at me and wraps up her call. “Sue, that’s great. Tell Stinson and we’ll go from there. Good-bye.” She strides over to me as I stand shyly in the entryway. She’s changed now into a white tank top, suspenders, and black pants, looking like a bad-ass hard femme. _Whoa_.

“Good evening, sweetness,” she murmurs and she bends to kiss me. “Congratulations on your promotion.” She wraps her arms around me. She smells delicious.

“You’ve showered.”

“I was working out, making sure I am up to… you know.”

“Oh.”

“Will should be over in a bit, along with Lilita with whatever portal we will be using to go deal with  you-know-what.”

 _“Fear of a name only increases the fear of the thing itself.”_ I quote Hermione Granger to the room as a way to steel my nerves.

“I’d agree in most things; if we could dissect it, we could understand it,” LaFontaine replied, obviously disturbed at this, “but this is more than just a scary monster that makes you taste purple and see bitter.”

“Su-LaFontaine!” Perry chided quietly, handing them a towel and putting them to work drying dishes.

The knock on the door broke up the nervous energy that was obvious in the room now as Carmilla scented the air and smiled as she went to open the door, greeting Will by name before even seeing him.

_Yeah. She’s full vampire again._

Will wears black pants and a pale-blue open-necked shirt—no tie. His eyes seem to miss nothing. “Hey, kitty.” She smiles amicably.

“You remember Laura?”

“How could I forget? She’s as good as family now.” Carmilla gestures to to the couches for us. I sit, trying to look relaxed, resting my hand on the couch rest, and she sprawls on the other couch beside me so that we’re at right angles to each other. A small table with a simple lamp is between us. I note with interest a box of tissues beside the lamp. This isn’t what I expected.

Carmilla crosses her legs, her ankle resting on her knee, and stretches one arm along the back of the couch. Reaching across with her other hand, she finds my hand on the couch rest and gives it a reassuring squeeze. “Mother thinks she can just order us to go fight her battles for her.”

“It’s worth it for the deal she cut.” I raise my eyebrow at him. “Oh—the same one she made with Carmilla, she’ll leave me and mine alone from now on.”

“Do you trust her to keep her word?” I ask uncertainly.

Both Will and Carmilla stare at me, and Carmilla releases my hand. “Do we, sis?” Will’s brow furrows, and he glanced quizzically at Carmilla. Carmilla shrugs.

“You really are playing this close to the chest, aren't you?” Will asks her. “The problem is this, I trust the devil I know more.” Will’s lip twitches. “Which really isn’t much.”

“No, it really isn’t.” Carmilla answers after a beat, and she looks amused, too.

“As I thought.” Will turns his attention back to me. “Well, I got the… ‘door-stop’, as it were. Did you get all of your equipment?”

“I did, and I decided to re-up my V-cell count for this mission.” says Carmilla softly, glancing at me.

I flush and Will narrows his eyes and locks onto my neck. “Laura. You’ll have to forgive me, but I think I need to speak with my sister _privately_.” I glance nervously at Carmilla. _What just happened?_

“Very well, Laura?” she looks to me, “I’ll see you in a bit. Go um, watch and make sure Armitage doesn’t kill Kirsch on accident.”

I blink at her. _I’m being dismissed._

“You’re going to tell me what all is going on,” I answer, my voice soft and hesitant. I sound so nervous.

“When we can.” Will smiles kindly at me. “So, Mircalla, shall we take this to your office?” Carmilla shrugs like a surly teen.

“Whatever pleases you, _Wilhelm_.” Will’s face registers her annoyance once more, and gazes shrewdly at me. Holy crap. I gaze down at my fingers.

“I’ll be downstairs,” I reply, making my way down to the library.

“Thank you, cupcake,” Carmilla says impassively.

I give her one long, searching look then stalk out of the room. _Phew_. I immediately relax as I’m away from the two of them. I go ahead and make my way into the library to see Kirsch and Armitage facing off against each other, the Zeta trying his best to mirror his diminutive counterpart.

“Okay, stance wide. Keep your center-of-gravity low like you’re skating. Step clockwise-”

Kirsch starts to move and Armitage prods him with the top of the wooden sword, easily knocking him over.

“CONCENTRATE! Balance is the key!”

“Damn, dude! I didn’t realize I would have to learn to walk all over again!” Kirsch chided, getting up.

“First you learn to move, THEN you learn to block, THEN you learn to attack! Say it again!”

“I am a swordman, not a baboon brandishing a stick!”

“Then prove it!”

“You took that from Harry Potter!”

“Focus, eyes on me, not the daitō. Left foot!” As Armitage moved forward, Kirsch countered with his left as he backed away, awkwardly holding his katana in front of himself.

“Right foot!” Kirch stepped forward and, rather than Armitage moving backwards, they side-stepped and slowly swung and the wooden swords clacked as Brody countered with a pivot.

“GOOD! Now go even faster!” They repeated the same dance again, and again Armitage side-stepped and attacked Kirsch, the clacking of wood louder than before.

“Put your whole body into it!”

“Yes sir!” Kirsch yelled, swinging his sword towards Armitage, who dropped to the ground and swung into the back of Kirsch’s thigh, making a loud noise as the wood met flesh.

“Kiai!” Brody fell onto the ground, hands grabbing the back of his thigh in pain as he winced and rolled on the floor.

_Holy shit, did they break his leg?!_

“Dude that was bitchin!” Brody chuckled as he got back up. “I almost got you, though.”

Armitage laughed at that. “I saw that coming from a mile away. You attack me before we’re at that part of the lesson, I’ll return the favor. Now stretch that muscle before you get a cramp.” The pair of them finally noticed me at the doorway.

“Oh hey Laura,” Kirsch said, attempting to look less hurt than he was. “How’s Carmilla?”

“She and Will are having a heated talk in her office. He didn’t know she re-vamped herself.” I replied as Armitage handed Kirsch a water bottle.

“Oh, that’s gotta be hard.” Brody replied, handing back the water to Armitage. “They both have been striving to live a more human life and Carmilla just gives it all up as they go on a... “ He can’t finish the sentence.

_As they go on what should be a suicide mission._

“Ms. Karnstein has to have some aces in the hole to even think about doing this.” Armitage muttered.

Kirsch’s eyes widened at that. “Hey, we both were sent shopping for different items, maybe we could compare notes and-”

“NO.” I said, cutting him off. “Her plans works because not everyone knows all parts of it.” _But did I trust her plan to succeed?_ I wasn’t certain.

Brody looked to JP curiously. “How is it you’re so… disciplined? You follow orders and don’t let emotions get in the way?”

“I do it to serve. I do it for Her. If I lose focus, if I fail her, then there’s no future.” Armitage said coldly. “My advantage is that I am fully invested to Ms. Karnstein. I have to trust her fully and be prepared to do whatever it takes to help her succeed.”

I understood exactly what they were saying. I saw it when SJ had the gun pointed and Armitage obeyed without question to save me and not Carmilla. They didn’t just like that song from Steven Universe, but they essentially lived to a code just like it.

_What they don't know_  
_Is your real advantage_  
_When you live for someone_  
_You're prepared to die_

I spoke the thought out loud before I realized it. “You’re prepared to die if that’s what it takes.”

“I am. I fight every battle like there is no tomorrow. I cannot worry about my life after the war; if I do, I am not fully focused on the battle at hand. I should be going with her and Will!”

“Yeah, but bro, the boss says it’s too risky for us. Our job is to defend her home and everyone here until she returns.”

“If she returns. I may only be human, but I can still draw my sword and fight when needed!” They retorted earnestly.

“You know those ancient beings cause madness and terror with mortals. You could go postal on them and not know it. Might not even be able to put up a decent fight here.” Kirsch tried to comfort JP, but it wasn’t working.

Armitage nodded, hating that he was probably right. “Shall we resume?”

“Not today, bro. We’ll continue the ninja training later, after my leg heals.” He limped his way over to the sofa and sat.

“Ninja training? It’s a good thing you’re cute, Brody.” JP sat next to him and took back the bottle of water, taking a large gulp before returning it.

“Sorry. Hey, can I ask you a question? You’re all sorts of confident and bad-ass… how do you um, approach someone that you like?”

Armitage looked at Kirsch like he grew a third head. “You are so asking the wrong person for this. I mean, I’d just directly talk to the person and say what I want.” I arched an eyebrow at them, and they shot me a stern ‘shut up, Hollis’ glare.”

Their phones buzzed at the same time and they both checked it, shooting each other a meaningful look as they got up from the sofa and made their way past me to leave the room.

Armitage seemed to take charge. “Laura, Lilita’s coming up. Please inform Ms. Karnstein. I’ll be at the door while Kirsch brings her in.”

_Oh, crap._

I was at the door of Carmilla’s office and could hear them yelling at each other before I knocked.

_“-just giving up on **everything** and turning back into the monster you’ve been fighting against!”_

_“I need the strength and fortitude to make sure everything goes according to plan, and I wasn’t going to make you do this too!”_

_“Classic Mircalla, just waltzing into a problem without thinking of the ramifications of her actions! ‘I think I’m in love with this mortal!’ ‘Mother won’t stand in the way of true love!’ Did you ever cross your mind that perhaps your choices were horrible?!”_

I knocked on the door, loudly.

_“Not now!”_

“She is here!” I yelled back through the closed door.

_“Fuck! She’s early!”_

_“My staff can handle her for a bit, Will. Just have to compose ourselves.”_

The door opened up and Carmilla and Will came through, both of them taking the effort to calm down as Carmilla drank her ‘soy milk’ in the fridge while Will poured himself a scotch on the rocks.

Lilita strode in, wearing the same face she had last time, clutching something that looked like it was made before the Bronze age. Kirsch was by her side while Armitage stayed at the door, and I realized for the first time how they both were wearing jackets now. _Holy crap, they are armed._ The device in Lilita’s hands was a cold-iron loop, the size of a frisbee, but with the center cut out of it. Another piece looked like some sort of rod out of similar material, but was blocky and covered in writing that I couldn’t decipher.

Carmilla, however, seemed able to recognize it instantly. “Sumerian Transdimensional Portal. Too bad they don’t work.”

“Hello to you too, dear. Glad to see my children getting along. Now, this portal _will_ work, but only when the blood of an Elder God is placed inside of it. I take it you can read the inscriptions, daughter?”

“Don’t call me that anymore, Lilita.” Carmilla said, getting mock-offense in return from her.

“Oh, you wound me.” Her eyes narrowed at me as her voice flattened. “I can _wound you back_.”

Will interrupted before Carmilla said anything to make it worse. “We’ll need some blood to get there, though. Also, you’re early.”

Lilita shrugged as she put the device on the breakfast nook and produced a glass vial to put next to it. “I wanted to see you, son. Ask about that _darling_ little morsel of yours and your intentions with her.”

“You leave her be!” He spat back, “I’m doing this for her.”

“No,” Lilita replied coldly, “ _you’re doing this for **me**._ Best you not forget that.”

Kirsch turned to her. “You’ve made your delivery and made a few veiled threats. I think we’re done here.”

“Who are you, boy?” She asked, taking the time to look him over. “What is your angle here? Why are you in my daughter’s clutches? You’re not her type.”

Carmilla stepped in this time. “My hiring decisions are mine alone.”

“But he’s so handsome! Primitive by way of the neoclassical! Whatever she’s paying you, I can triple it. And throw in my daughter Elladora as... part of the fringe benefits.”

“No thanks, lady. Besides, I don’t like the idea of Mommie Dearest _pimping off her daughter_ like that.”

Lilita shrugged at that like it was no big deal. “She belongs to me, I can use her as I see fit.” Her eyes turned meaningfully to Brody. “Which you would get to do as well, should you-”

“-The answer is still no. And may I add an ‘ew’ to that.”

Lilita shrugged. “Fine, your loss. Good luck with Z’Katheggon, then.” She turned on her excruciatingly high heels and walked away, putting enough sway in her hips that made everyone notice her as she got back to the elevator.

Armitage cleared their throat, alerting Brody to snap out of whatever trance he was in.

“Sorry.” He muttered as he followed after her, entering the elevator with her. There was a collective sigh of relief as the doors finally shut and Armitage talked into a wireless earpiece to ensure that Lilita would indeed leave the building.

“Well now that’s over with, let’s gear up, brother.” Carmilla’s voice held a note of tension that wasn’t there before as she pressed a button on her bluetooth earpiece. “LaFontaine, we’re coming down to your lab.”

They walked into the room with Perry in tow. “More like your personal armory as of this week. You going to tell me why my geiger counter kept crackling non-stop around those boxes from Corvae Corp?”

Carmilla sighed, rolling her eyes. “It was the Thorium-based ammunition. I owe Theo a favor for it.”

“WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! Did you just say THORIUM? What in the name of Skrillex do you need… I mean, I can see the radioactivity will make it self-sharpen as it punches through armor... “ LaFontaine gasped in horror as they figured something out.

“Not another word. Please.” Carmilla said as she and Will made their way downstairs.

LaF was flanked by myself and Perry as Armitage closed in. “What’s going on?” Perry asked.

LaFontaine did their best to bite their lip as I was putting some of the pieces together now.

_She couldn’t get her prototypes in place due to the local warlord._

_The elder god fed on strife and misery._

_Joseph Kony and his so-called ‘Lord’s Resistance Army’ was terrorizing central Africa for over 20 years with children soldiers, where it was reported in Rolling Stone Magazine that they were brainwashed to think cannibalising their enemies gave them strength and were given sex slaves as a reward._

We exchanged a look, and then I saw it in Armitage’s eyes as well. A second later Perry gasped with a quiet, “oh.”

_Carmilla and William were going up against an entire army._

Carmilla and William returned to the great room, both looking like they were supposed to be in _Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3_. They both had on all black gear with a drop holster on their right leg for a pistol; Carmilla seemed to have the full-size glock 31 that shot .357 ammo while Will had the .50cal Desert Eagle.

Both of them had a MOLLE vest on with extra magazines of ammo, but Carmilla had what seemed to be a first aid kit whereas Will was laden down with a plethora of grenades. Strapped to both of their chests was the H&K MP5, while Carmilla had what looked like a Katana on her back while Will had what appeared to be a British Naval Officer’s cutlass.

I was impressed and still scared at what I saw. “So when you sent Kirsch and Armitage shopping, it wasn’t for groceries.”

Kirsch’s eyes watered at that. “Best. Toys. Ever.”

Armitage looked at Carmilla skeptically. “Do you even know how to use that, Ms. Karnstein?” They nodded to the sword. Carmilla unsheathed it and I realized that it wasn’t a Katana at all, it was wider at the end like an oversized machete.

“I was proficient with the rapier and main-gauche before I picked up a Dao just before the First Opium war.” The way Carmilla handled the blade was graceful and with purpose, and it took a second for Armitage to close their mouth and not look surprised.

“Qing Dynasty? How old are you?”

Carmilla sheathed the sword, smiling at Armitage. “Wow. You know your history. I’m three-hundred and thirty-five, JP. So trust me when I say that Will and I can handle this. I need you here, protecting my home with Brody.”

Armitage smiled and nodded, the relief visible on their face. “See you soon.” And like that, the two of them seemed to be good with each other.

Carmilla went and picked up the device from the counter and read the inscription on the rod and dropped it in the center of the ring, watching it hover on its own and slowly rotate as Carmilla held the ring with her two hands.

“Okay, that’s creepy.” I said, watching the rod slowly move.

“What’s creepier is realizing that the rod isn’t rotating, even though it looks like it is.” Carmilla replied.

“Yeah, it totally is though-” I looked again and it wasn’t _actually_ rotating. “-but it was.” _Was it the earth rotating and the rod staying still?_

LaFontaine piped up as they figured it out. “It’s attached to a different world with different physics.” They looked to Carmilla and to me. “Trying to make sense of it will only drive you mad.”

“Exactly. Will, grab hold of the ring on your side and pour the blood onto the rod itself.” Carmilla spoke quietly as to not disturb the ancient artifact before her.

“All of it?” He asked warily, holding up the small vial. Carmilla cursed something in Romani under her breath.

“She only gave us enough to get there, to ensure we’d kill our target in order to come back home. LaFontaine, activate the doorstop.”

They nodded, pulling out their cell phone and hitting a few buttons. Will’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“You made an app for that?”

LaFontaine smirked. “Yeah, wouldn’t you?” They looked to Carmilla. “Twenty-four hours enough?”

“Double it, just in case. First sign of trouble, shut it down. I don’t want anything foreign to escape into our reality.” Carmilla looked over to me. “I love you, Laura. Be safe, and I’ll return as soon as I can.”

Will opened the vial, held onto the artifact with one hand, and poured the blood of an Elder God onto the floating part of the mechanism, making a flash of red light as the pair of them vanished instantly.

“I love you, too.” I replied, a moment too late.

Perry patted my shoulder as I looked at the spot where Carmilla had been just moments ago, making me direct my attention to her. “She’ll be fine, she’s armed to the teeth and has her brother there as backup.”

Armitage took my hand in theirs and gave me a reassuring squeeze. “And even then, her teeth are also weapons.”

I nodded absently as I let everything sink in.

“LaF?” Kirsch asked, looking at the spot where Carmilla and Will had been moments ago, “What door are we stopping?”

“Well, it’s nothing really, just-”

Armitage looked to the resident scientist as well. “Yeah, if it’s being used in conjunction with an ancient Transdimensional Portal, it is a _definitive_ security risk.”

“It’s um, the first of seven gates to the underworld… what you might call hell.”

 


	26. New Born

Glancing at the clock I note it’s almost seven—I must have slept through the alarm again. I push myself through my morning routine, worry in my chest as I had to resort to sleeping pills to get some rest after hearing that Carmilla and Will essentially took a portal to Hell. It didn’t help that LaFontaine tried to explain to Perry and the rest of us that it wasn’t the Judeo-Christian idea of hellfire and torment as much as it was the Underworld where departed souls would either find happiness, torment, isolated lonely wandering, or bump into primeval forces beyond our comprehension that defies description and have been hungry since the dawn of time.

_Sometimes I really want to tell LaFontaine to shut the hell up._

I shower and get ready in record time as I meet up with Armitage in the kitchen for breakfast. My left wrist feels a bit tender now, probably from when Carmilla used the spreader bar on me. _I bet a bruise would show up soon enough as a reminder of it._ Perry smiles at me warmly, probably doing her best to forget most of what happened last night.

“What would you like for breakfast, dear?”

“Just granola. I need to get to work.” _I feel ambivalent to everything._ I didn’t even realize that Armitage was with me in the elevator going down to the parking garage.

“I think I should drive today, if you don’t mind.” They said, taking the keys out of my hand.

“Why are you here?”

“Doing my job, Laura.” They reply as we get into baby Smaug and we make our way to work.

“Where were you yesterday?”

“Out shopping.”

I gave them a blank stare until they looked back at me at a red light.

“Okay, fine, she put me on dead-lock.”

“Dead-lock? What’s that?”

“I’ve been given specific orders to follow at specific times, in case the worst should happen. And no, I haven’t opened them yet.”

_In case the worst should happen._

“That didn’t require Brody to be my guard yesterday, she could have given you that at home.”

“I um, met the lioness Hawaogopi. Apparently only you and I know about her volunteer work at the big cat sanctuary. Ms. Karnstein wanted to have a talk with her; say goodbye just in case she didn’t come back.”

“Oh.” _Carmilla was a bit worried over her plan to fight Z’Katheggon._ “Wait, what did the lioness say about you?”

“I’m apparently a small warrior and can kill an antelope to make sure you are fed.” Armitage frowned at that slightly. “I _think_ that’s a compliment.”

“Why do you think she showed you that?” _I thought that was a ‘just us’ thing._

“Ms. Karnstein knows that as much as I yearn to be of service, that I don’t want to wind up in a situation like I was last time. She asked if I liked animals and could see myself living here and getting up at the crack of dawn to make sure all of the cats here are fed and their habitats are maintained.”

“So she’s lining you up with a new job?” I liked Armitage and didn’t want to see them shipped off.

“More like, if she doesn’t come back, I think Ms. Karnstein has put in an offer to buy my contract permanently. Either to maintain her household or to work here, should I choose to. I still have to agree to the terms, but this would mean I’d never have to go back on the auction block and worry that my next owner would try to have sex with me.”

 _I didn’t even think about that._ “So this is a good thing?”

Armitage frowned and nodded sadly. “I am her Varlet, and I will not give up on her nor fail in my duties. Ms. Karnstein will make it back alive, and I will have her armor to mend, boots to shine, and a sword to be re-sharpened. And perhaps a decent sword fighting partner.”

We arrive at my work, and I understand better the level of tension that they have been carrying as we made our way into the building. “She’s going to be okay,” I said, offering them a hug.

JP took a deep breath and hugged me back. I tried to relax into it, but could feel the concealed firearm under their jacket.

“Take care of my Mistress, Armitage.” I knew she could take care of herself, but remembering that moment with SJ and the gun still makes my blood run cold.

“Of course. See you at lunch.”

Work seems to drag on as I mostly send out emails informing people that I’m temporarily taking over James’ role at Channel Three News, and am having to comb through his contacts and emails to see what stories he was investigating.

_There’s a suspicious lack of anything labeled ‘Carmilla’. I’ll have to ask LaFontaine if they found anything on the hard drive._

I wonder what time it is wherever she’s at and decide to call her. The phone goes straight to her voicemail, a simple _‘Karnstein’_ before it beeps at me to leave a message.

“Hi... um... it’s me. Laura. Are you okay? Call me,” I stutter through my message. _I’ve never had to leave a message for her before._ I flush as I hang up. Reluctantly I get back to my work, calling up sources about a local scandal involving the Mayor. My phone rings unexpectedly and my heart jumps.

_Carmilla?!_

No—it’s Betty, my best friend finally! “Laura!” she shouts from wherever she is.

“Betty! Are you back for good? I’ve missed you.”

“I am. And I’ve missed you, too. I have _so much_ to tell you. We’re on campus—me and _my man._ ” She giggles in a most un-Betty-like way.

“Cool. I have so much to tell you, too. I’m interning at Channel Three news right now, so I’ll be here until this evening.”

“See you back at the dorm room?” _Lately I’ve been living with Carmilla, actually..._

“I’m hanging out with Danny tonight. Join us.” I offer, thinking I can explain it better then.

“Danny’s in town? Sure! Text me where.”

“Okay.” I beam. My best friend is back. _After all this time!_

“You good, Laura?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Still with Carmilla?”

“Yes.” _And I kind of have my own room at her place now._ Damned lesbian stereotypes.

“Good. Laters!”

“Yeah—laters.” I grin and she hangs up. Wow. Betty is home. _How am I going to tell her all that has happened?_

I don’t want to try and explain the BDSM aspects, even if I didn’t sign the non-disclosure agreement. Some things should just be private, and I don’t think she would understand.

_Of course, her boyfriend Jamie likes being a puppy, so there’s that..._

I wrap up my work and leave for lunch, taking Armitage to their choice of place as a reward for not having to get James another damn sandwich again. We wind up at an asian fusion place where I get sushi and they get some strange seafood flatbread that I can only describe as squid pizza.

“That’s just weird.” I said as they dove into their food.

“Better than ramen.” They replied, apparently relishing the flavor.

“So have you heard from Carm?” I asked innocuously.

“No, and I don’t expect to. Unless she walks in through our front door tomorrow, my orders have been sealed to be opened at a certain time and only after then should I assume that the worst has happened.”

We ate for a few more moments in an uncomfortable silence.

“Don’t trouble yourself with worry, it won’t do you any good. Instead focus on stuff you need to do; either at work or research the toys in the playroom and what you might want to try out next. I saw she had an amazing wax kit.”

“Waxing? Like my legs?”

“No, like dripping hot wax of different colors on you. Look up a video, but not at work, obviously.”

“Have I mentioned that I like the fact you’re experienced in kink and don’t judge?”

“Thanks, but why would I judge?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. My roommate Betty just got back in town, and I don’t know if she could handle knowing what Carmilla and I get up to.”

Armitage looked at me curiously. “Why is it any of her business?”

“It’s not,” I back-pedaled, “but she doesn’t understand boundaries and will want all the details.”

“Tell her no.”

“That’s as effective as using bug spray on Voldemort.” We both laughed at that and made our way back to work.

After what feels like an unending torrent of calling contacts and following up on leads, I glance at the clock—it’s four fifty-five, and a small thrill of excitement pulses through me.

I make my way out of work in record time and Armitage gets me home in time to see Danny already waiting at the garage elevator.

"Danny!" I exclaim, punching in the code for the three of us to get to Carmilla's floor.

_Goodness, I haven’t seen her in ages._

“Laura, wow! You look great. So grown up.” She grins at me. She hugs me hard. “And tall,” she mutters in amazement.

“It’s just the work clothes and the shoes, Danny. You don’t look so bad yourself.” She’s wearing jeans, a white T-shirt, and a black and white check flannel shirt.

When the elevator dings open, I hear Perry belting out Billy Idol's White Wedding as LaFontaine played the song on the Rock Band guitar that they have set up in the great room.

I grab two bottles of Revolver’s _Blood and Honey_ from the fridge and head over to the sofa where Danny is seated.

“You found Carmilla’s place okay?” I can’t recall if I gave her the address, though.

“Yeah. It looks like quite a place. Betty asked where we were so I texted her the address. Hope you don’t mind.”

“No problem. And yeah, it’s quite a place. I uh, kind of have my own room here.” Danny is visibly stunned at that.

“Okay, that was fast. Well, Laura, I'm happy for you.” I couldn't determine if she was being sarcastic or not.

I smile politely as we clink bottles. I try to distract her by asking her a question.

“So, no hot babe to keep you busy? Last time I saw you, you had half a dozen Summer sisters hanging on your every word.” I arch an eyebrow at her.

“Nah, Laura. It's poor form to date your sisters. Besides, none of them could keep up with me on the full moon.” She’s all bravado.

“Oh sure. Danny Lawrence, lycanthropic lady killer.” I giggle.

“Hey—I have some game, Hollis.” She looks vaguely hurt, and I am chastened.

“Sure you do.” I mollify her.

“So, how’s Karnstein?” she asks, her tone changing. _Again I can't seem to read her._

“She’s good. We’re good,” I murmur.

“Pretty serious?” she asks, tapping at her neck to indicate the bite mark there. _Oh, crap._

“Yes. Serious.”

“Sure she’s not too old for you?” She winks at me as she says it, and I can’t help but crack up at that.

“Oh Danny. She's not even three hundred and fifty, there’s still some life in her yet.”

“Cool.” Danny’s mouth twists as she chuckles at that. With that, we're back to a friendlier rapport.

“You doing anything interesting during summer break?” I ask.

“Oh, you know, Summer Society stuff.”

“Shall we go join Perry and LaFontaine in _Rock Band_? They seem like they need a bass guitarist and a drummer.” She agrees and we make our way over.

We all get set up; LaFontaine is holding the mic while Danny takes drums and I try my best with the bass guitar while Armitage takes the main guitar and Perry takes the keyboard.

“Okay, Perr, you got this.” LaFontaine cheered her on as the Muse song began and the redhead quickly played the keys for the intro.

Before too long, my notes were scrolling down the screen and I actually nailed it. _Thank goodness they put this on easy mode._

“ _Link it to the world_  
_Link it to yourself  
__Stretch it like a birth squeeze”_

Danny was right on time with the drums as the song continued and I did my best to concentrate on my job on the right side of the screen.

_“The love for what you hide_  
_The bitterness inside_  
_Is growing like the new born_  
_When you've seen, seen_  
_Too much, too young, young  
_ _Soulless is everywhere”_

We all got a break as Armitage bared their teeth and dove right into the guitar solo.

“Get it, JP!” LaFontaine cheered, and the rest of us gave them similar cheers before Danny and I had to join back in.

_“Hopeless time to roam_  
_The distance to your home_  
_Fades away to nowhere_  
_How much are you worth_  
_You can't come down to earth  
_ _You're swelling up, you're unstoppable”_

_“'cause you've seen, seen_  
_Too much, too young, young  
_ _Soulless is everywhere”_

_“Destroy the spineless_  
_Show me it's real_  
_Wasting our last chance_  
_To come away_  
_Just break the silence_  
_'cause I'm drifting away  
_ _Away from you”_

I get to take a minute break and watch Danny and Armitage play together, both seeming fully invested to get it perfect before my notes come back and I’m doing my best to keep up.

_“Link it to the world_  
_Link it to yourself_  
_Stretch it like it's a birth squeeze_  
_And the love for what you hide_  
_And the bitterness inside  
_ _Is growing like the new born”_

_“When you've seen, seen_  
_Too much, too young, young  
_ _Soulless is everywhere”_

_"Destroy the spineless_  
_Show me it's real_  
_Wasting their last chance_  
_To come away_  
_Just break the silence_  
_'cause I'm drifting away  
_ _Away from you”_

As the song ends, Armitage gives all of us a high-five for surviving the song together. “What next?”

“Um, ‘Don’t fear the Reaper’?” Danny suggests.

LaFontaine objected before I could. _That’s just a bit too close to home today._

“Black Sabbath’s ‘War Pigs’.” I counter. “I can do the drums for that one.”

Armitage goes for the mic while Danny and LaFontaine argue over who will be lead and who will take bass guitar. We don’t even get to start the song before Kirsch is letting someone in at the front door.

“Laura!” I turn at the sound of my name, and there’s Betty with Jamie. She looks gorgeous: sun-kissed, bleached strawberry-blond hair, golden tan, and beaming white smile, and so shapely in her white cami and tight white jeans. All eyes are on Betty. I leap up from my seat to give her a hug. _Oh how I’ve missed this woman!_ She pushes me away from her and holds me at arm’s length, examining me closely. I flush under her intense gaze.

“You’ve lost weight. And you look different. Grown up. What’s been going on?” she says, all mother hen, concerned and bossy. “I like this look. Suits you.”

“A lot’s happened since you went away. I’ll tell you later when we’re on our own.” _I am not ready for the Betty Spielsdorf Inquisition just yet_. She regards me suspiciously.

“You’re okay?” she asks gently.

“Yes,” I smile, though I’d be happier knowing where Carmilla is.

“Cool.”

“Hi, Jamie.” I grin at him, and he gives me a quick hug.

“Hi, Laura.”

"Did you tell her yet?" I whisper into his ear.

"Couldn't find a good segue.” Jamie whispers back, pulling away from the hug. “Hey Armitage." I start to do introductions but realize that they already know each other.

Danny frowns at him. “How do you know them?”

“Long story,” Jamie says cryptically. _Oh?_

“Jamie—you know Danny?”

“We’ve met,” Danny mutters, assessing Jamie as they shake hands.

“Yeah, you could say that,” Jamie says, smiling pleasantly at Danny. _Okay that was awkward._

“Right— who’s ready for another drink?” I make my way to the restrooms. While there I text Carmilla again. There are no missed calls from her and no e-mails. _This is not like her._

“What's up, Laura?” Danny asks as I come back to the party.

“I can’t reach Carmilla. I hope she’s okay.”

“She’ll be fine. Like another beer?”

“Sure.” Betty leans across.

“Kirsch says some mad stalker ex-girlfriend was in our dorm room with a gun?”

“Well, yeah.” I shrug apologetically. _Oh jeez—do we have to do this now?_

“Laura—what the hell’s been going on?”

“Stuff that I’d rather not get into right now. Can’t we get back to some _Rock Band?_ ” I turn away from Betty, only to have Danny grasp my wrist and make me wince in pain.

“Ow! Danny!” I pulled my wrist away from Danny and massaged it. _Crap, it was really sore._

“I barely touched you. Is that a bruise?” I winced again, but not from pain this time.

"It's okay-"

"But she’s hurt you!" Danny exclaimed, looking over me and wondering if she could find any more marks on me.

Jamie and LaFontaine exchanged a look and they cleared the room, taking with them my overly nosy roommate who was trying to justify her need to stay and listen.

_Apparently we are going to get into this right now._

I faced off against Danny, which isn’t easy considering she’s so much taller than me. "I consented to it; and it's not your job to protect me from my girlfriend!”

“Of course it's my job—”

“Excuse me? Your **job?** ”

 _“I care about you!_ ”

“Yeah, well, stop trying to push me into the _girlfriend zone!_ ” _Ugh, why did Carmilla put this idea into my head in the first place?_

“I don't mean to do that!”

“ _Yes, you do!_ I am offering you _friendship_ , and yet you go out of your way to insult my choice of partner and how we like to show affection!”

“You call that _affection_?? Damn it Laura, _I love you_ , and I'm trying to wrap my head around the concept of why you are willing to be with someone who _bleeds you!_ ”

“You _love_ me? You seem to have a crappy way of showing it.”

“But she’s _hurting_ you!”

“No, she’s not.” That seemed to silence her for a moment as she looked me over, as if she had never really seen me before. “We kind of like it rough.”

“Whoa, really? But she’s...” Danny had her back to Betty as she pointed to her canine teeth and mouthed the word ‘vampire’.

“Yeah. Really. It's kinda hot.” The anger that was building inside me dissipated as understanding flooded her. _Laura Hollis is a grown adult and can make her own life choices._

“Oh. I guess I was always worried I'd um, lose control and hurt you.”

“That’s why you were too scared to make the first move back then, huh? Is this one of those, um,” I lower my voice to a whisper, “ _werewolf things?_ ”

“Yeah, it tempts me to just let loose sometimes, but you're human, and…” Danny huffed as she tousled her hair “I can't believe I just told you how I feel. I'm sorry, I should just go.”

“You don't have to, Danny, I've known for awhile. And it’s okay.”

“I don’t just mean the drunk kiss at the bar-”

“No, I know that your feelings are more than just a drunk mistake that one time. But can you respect my choice of girlfriend?”

“Yeah, I can respect your choice. She’s... actually a good woman, fuzzy handcuffs notwithstanding.” She smirks as she points to my wrist. _Fuzzy handcuffs? You have no idea, Danny._

“Thank you.” I wrap my arms around her, and enjoy the embrace for what it is, and for what it could be. I feel the emotion and love there and can’t help but to squeeze tighter, realizing that my face is literally pressed against her breasts. _Oh, that really isn’t helping right now..._

I pull back, slightly blushing, as I look up and see a similar look on Danny’s face. I raise myself up on the tips of my toes as I try to hug her again without accidentally motorboating her, but somehow find my lips pressed against hers.

They are soft, _incredibly soft_ as I realize I’m _kissing_ Danny Lawrence. I don’t know if it was just all of the stress lately, some sort of morbid ‘what-if’ curiosity, or that weird moment of clarity you normally only get during magic hour, but I kissed her back, and opened myself to try and feel and understand what’s been going on between us all this time. I just… needed to know.

I remembered the first time I was in her TA ‘office’ that she shared with three others and I had a page full of questions about what kind of citations she would want in our paper, particularly with regard to the format for internet sources. She had called me an over-achieving know-it-all, and I could have sworn that was when the crush started.

Her tongue probed my mouth and I responded, her arms wrapped around me and lifted me off of the ground as I felt her moan into it before coming back into her senses and putting me down, hands clasped over her face in horror.

“Laura, I'm so sorry. I shouldn’t have-” Danny’s eyes were terrified. _Terrified that she’d just ruined our friendship._

“I'm not.” I said kindly, realization flooding through me from the kiss. _She was an amazing kisser, and before Carmilla I would have thought that was perfect, or close enough to be true love..._

“I don't... I don't poach.” Danny looked apologetic and guilty as she stood there. “You’re with Carmilla, and I shouldn’t have-”

“You're not poaching. Carmilla said that this was okay… so I could figure this out.” I pointed between us to indicate the complicated nature of our feelings.

“She’d be okay with this?” Danny asked, perplexed.

“Yeah, we had a talk; she’s not worried you’d ‘steal me’ from her or anything…” _I love you, Danny, but I’m not in love with you._

I had no idea how I was going to tell her that, though.

“I’d never try to ‘steal you’. Do you mean she’s willing to share you, relationship-wise?” The look of hope on her face was something I didn’t ever want to have to snuff out. _I didn’t want to break her heart._

Armitage came back into the room, eyes tearing up as they held an opened envelope in their hands.

"Armitage?" I ask, my anxiety peaking.

“Carmilla has missed her check-in to countermand dead-lock.”

“Dead lock?” I whisper as all the breath leaves my body. Oh, no.

_The worst case scenario._

 


	27. Dead Lock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little shorter than my usual 3K words per week, but I liked the end point here.
> 
> Also, in case you can't tell, this and the next two chapters are completely new and are nowhere to be found in 50 Shades, therefore no 'correction' from the original plotline.

_Worst. Case. Scenario._

Despite the warm summer evening, I’m cold. Bone-chillingly cold. I’m aware of hushed voices, many hushed voices. But they’re in the background, a distant buzz. I don’t hear the words. All I can hear, all I can focus on, is Carmilla.

_Where is she?_ I wrap my arms around myself, and the world falls away from me and reality bleeds into my consciousness. The creeping emptiness inside expands some more.

_Carmilla and Will are missing_.

“Laura. Here,” Perry gently coaxes me, her voice bringing me back into the room, into the now, into the anguish. She hands me a cup of tea. I take the cup and saucer gratefully, the rattle betraying my shaking hands.

“Thank you,” I whisper, my voice hoarse from unshed tears and the large lump in my throat. The tea was just hot enough to be soothing as I sipped it.

Kirsch sits across from me on the larger-than-large couch, holding hands with Grace. They gaze at me, pain and anxiety etched on their lovely faces. Grace looks older— _when did she get here?_ I blink dispassionately at her.

I can’t recall her arriving as I try to offer a reassuring smile, but there’s nothing inside me; just blankness and the growing emptiness. _Am I in shock?_ So much has happened in so little time, that it almost seems comforting to know that I’m in shock and not just emotionally numb to everything.

I should be scared and terrified at the prospect of Carmilla not making it back, but for now all I feel is… _nothing._

I gaze at Armitage, Danny, and LaFontaine, who stand around the breakfast bar, all serious faces, talking quietly. Discussing something in soft subdued voices. Behind them, Perry busies herself in the kitchen.

Idly, it occurs to me that I’ve never seen so many people in this room, yet they are still dwarfed by its sheer size. Little islands of lost, anxious people in my Mistress' home.

Betty and Jamie apparently left, as they still had unpacking to do back at the dorm. I flipped through the international news, but nothing stood out. Maybe no news is good news?

_Would the news even report two vampires fighting a terrorist army?_

The fact is—she’s missing. She’s been missing for twenty-four hours. No sign, no word from her. And we don’t know where she is. She could be hurt, thirsty, or worse.

_Please let Carmilla be okay. Please let Carmilla be okay._ I repeat it over and over in my head—my mantra, my lifeline, something concrete to cling to in my desperation. I refuse to think the worst. _No, don’t go there_. There is hope. _I must not despair._

Idly I realize that an emotion has been creeping into me, and it’s the last thing I want right now. Despair. The absence of hope. My mind betrays me for a moment and I selfishly think that if I at least knew she were actually dead, then I could mourn her and not have this sense of dread just linger on.

Please let her be okay. She cannot be gone. An involuntary sob escapes my throat, and I clutch my hand to my mouth. _No. I must be strong_. Danny is suddenly at my side, or has she been there a while? I have no idea.

I turn and face her, burying myself into her chest as she hugs me and chest-wracking sobs roll out of me. She holds me even tighter and I’m glad for it as I realize that I’ve needed to find and release all of these emotions that have been misplaced inside myself. Still no tears come, but I don’t care. I just let it out and find some emotional footing as I finally pull away from her, taking deep breaths as I feel better, albeit momentarily.

“Do you want to call your dad?” she asks gently. _No!_ I shake my head and clutch Danny’s hand. I cannot speak, I know I will dissolve if I do, but the warmth and gentle squeeze of her hand offers me no solace. Grace rises to join the boys, distracting me. Perry comes to sit beside me too and grabs my other hand.

“She will come back,” she says, her voice initially determined but cracking on the last word. Her eyes are wide and red-rimmed, her face pale and pinched from lack of sleep. _Even Danny seems to be worried._ I gaze up at Kirsch, who has his arm around Grace. I glance at the clock. It’s after eleven, heading toward midnight.

With each passing hour, the clawing emptiness expands, consuming me, choking me. Grace has passed out from exhaustion and is laying down in the guest room downstairs. I can’t sleep like this; I know deep down inside that I am preparing myself for the worst. I close my eyes and offer up a silent prayer, clasping Danny’s and Perry’s hands. Opening them again, my smile fades and pain lances through me.

_This is really bad. She would have responded by now if she could._

Danny’s phone vibrates and she excuses herself, wandering down the hall towards the bathroom.

Perry puts her arm around me and it takes everything I have left to not succumb to a torrent of tears. “She’s a strong… undead thing. She can’t get killed that easily. Maybe there’s just no signal over there.” She shrugs as she unsuccessfully tries to cheer me up.

Danny walks back in, her face painted with the same Lexa-style from the 100 and with a sense of purpose in her step. “Emergency meeting, Laura, I promise I’ll be right back after this, okay?”

“Um, okay.” I reply in confusion as Danny swoops in and kisses my forehead, the emotions rolling off of her in waves as I smelled the forest on her. _Her inner wolf seems ready to fight..._

“Don’t worry, Laura. Carmilla is coming home, safe and sound. Love you.” There was something in her eyes, some sort of resolve as she left that had me confused.

I didn’t know what I could say other than the knee-jerk response of ‘Love you too’, and she was already gone.

* * *

Even though I was surrounded by my friends, I felt completely abandoned and alone. I wasn’t certain what I could do about any of this, and I couldn’t just throw my efforts into making brownies or cleaning because Perry was already doing that.

Armitage let me read the first set of Deadlocked orders from Carmilla. It stated that if she didn’t call and countermand this, that Armitage was supposed to have their contract renewed and purchased for lifetime service, and that they were to decide whether they wished to remain as a Steward of the house, or move on to live in the big cat sanctuary.

“So what are you going to do?” I asked.

“I liked that Carmilla gave me the option to leave the household, in case the memories were too painful to continue here. But I like you. And Kirsch. And everyone here. I plan on giving Ms. Karnstein’s estate their money’s worth.”

“What happens to her company?” I asked.

Kirsch spoke up. “Her second in command, Sue, will continue in Ms. Karnstein’s endeavours. LaFontaine will have their own discretionary budget and will continue their research and attempt to market the cloned blood so that there will never be another blood shortage in the world.”

Armitage piped in. “What about the solar-powered aquaponic food systems for Africa?”

LaFontaine waved the question away. “That’s past R&D and is in the production stage.”

Perry came by with a plate of brownies as she joined the conversation. "Their main issue is getting it deployed. Hopefully this will help."

“So what do we do?” I asked the room in general.

“If you had work in the morning, I’d say you should call in sick.” Armitage replied.

“Work? What day is it?” I ask. _My mind completely forgot the date._

“It’s Friday night. June seventeenth,” Kirsch looked at his watch, “Okay technically it’s Saturday morning now.”

I sat upright, mind reeling at that. “What time is it?” Should I be in bed? _There’s no way in hell I’m sleeping tonight._

“Just after three in the morning.” Brody replied, sipping a coffee while looking at his phone. “Bro, you get some rest. I’ll take the first shift.”

Armitage shook their head stubbornly. “I want to be here when she comes back.”

“And you will be, but you’ll do no good if you’re exhausted. Get some shut-eye.” Kirsch explained patiently.

Armitage rolled their eyes, but nodded as they sat next to Brody on the couch adjacent to me. “Fine, one hour nap.” They laid out on the couch, resting their head on Kirsh’s lap. “So you can’t get up and let me oversleep.”

I looked at them oddly as they gave me a quick wink.

_That smooth bastard._

“You too Laura. You should get some rest… even it it’s just out here.” Brody said, trying to find a place to rest his hand on Armitage.

I curled myself up and tried to catch a few winks of sleep in the great room, but my mind was too busy trying to remember any detail from the warlords down there, and what that would mean for Carmilla and Will.

_They were facing two completely different types of evil, and I wasn't certain how they both would survive this._

* * *

I bolted awake as Kirsch woke up the sleeping Armitage in his lap, panic in his voice.

“BRO! Something is coming through LaF’s lab!” It took almost 2 whole seconds for JP to go from asleep to wide awake, eyes darting around to get their bearings. Adrenaline was pumping though both of our bodies as we got up and took stock of the situation.

It took me another second until my own heart was pounding in my chest and was able to react. _What’s going on? What is in the lab?_

LaFontaine had their phone out as they checked their Doorstop App. “Definitely something coming from the other side of the First Gate.”

Coming from the other side. _Traveling._ Dread flooded through me at the idea that Z’Katheggon could be trying to invade this world. _It feeds on anguish and fear, and the Elder ones bring forth madness, terror, and bedlam… holy crap._

“Are you telling me that the Doorstop can be used as a **_freaking portal_**?” I ask fearfully. _That’s why they were supposed to be monitoring it._

“It’s not supposed to be a doorway, but it could work like a… a type of beacon if you knew exactly where it was…” LaFontaine replied nervously.

“Can you shut it down?” Armitage asked, unholstering their weapon and making their way downstairs to the lab. “Come on Brody!”

“Yeah, maybe, but what if it’s Carmilla?” LaF asked as the rest of us followed them, Armitage waiting for Brody to catch up so they would enter the lab together.

“Then we shut it down after they are through!” I reply.

“Ms. Karnstein has the device to bring her back here; she shouldn’t need to use the doorstop!” Armitage yells, opening the door and filing in with Kirsch. “LaF, you and Laura stay back!”

I peeked around the door to see LaFontaine’s laboratory; it looked like a mixture of every biology and chemistry lab I had in college, except for the fact that in the middle of the room was a confusing mass of ancient rocks inscribed with a language I couldn't understand, enmeshed with a collection of wires that went between them like confusing spider webs. It was all hooked up to a large computer that had some sort of alert flashing on the screen.

“I said stay back!” Armitage repeated as the runes glowed a dark red, sapping the electricity from the room. Sparks exploded from the computer instantly as the whole room went dark. The acrid smell of burning plastic hit the air as LaFontaine groaned in frustration.

“Not my computer…” LaFontaine huffed. “My lab has a backup generator, it should kick in soon.”

“Dude,” Kirsch pointed out the stones, “what’s controlling the doorstop now?” We all looked in and saw the stones were still glowing in the language we couldn’t read as the acrid stench of melting plastic was overpowered with the gut-wrenching smell of burnt sulfur filled the room as the light from the stones grew brighter and began to flood the room. We all had to shield our eyes as the sound of someone collapsing onto the ground could be heard in front of us.

“IDENTIFY YOURSELF!” Armitage commanded, gun drawn down on the movement before them. The lights in the room kicked back on and everything was once again super-bright and almost painful to look at.

As our eyes adjusted, I recognized the battered and bloody bodies of Carmilla and William on the ground; groaning in pain, covered in sickly black ichor, and bleeding freely onto the floor. LaFontaine called up the stairs for Perry to get the first-aid kits. Bits of broken plastic and metal surrounded them and I pieced together the remnants of what once was a P-90. _What in the world could have destroyed that into splinters??_

Carmilla was crawling on all fours, eyes darting around madly, trembling as she had her Dao in a white-knuckle grip as a new sword was sheathed onto her back. She had a red swath of blood going diagonally across her face, as if she tried to stop a nosebleed with her wrist and instead smeared it up to and across her eyebrow. Her lips and jaw were dripping with blood as well, reminding me of the Buffy quote about ‘fruit punch mouth’. It would have been funny if she didn’t seem so… _inhuman._

“ **NOTHING IS REAL. EVERYTHING IS PERMITTED**.” She was hissing and spitting like a terrified cat and there was an acrid stench that told me she had either thrown up or pissed herself in fear. There didn’t seem to be anything resembling human left in her right then.

_What the hell happened to her??_


	28. Dead Inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all new material, btw. Much different than 50 Shades.

Carmilla was crawling on all fours, eyes darting around madly, trembling as she had her Dao in a white-knuckle grip as a new sword was sheathed onto her back. She had a red swath of blood going diagonally across her face, as if she tried to stop a nosebleed with her wrist and instead smeared it up to and across her eyebrow. Her lips and jaw were dripping with blood as well, reminding me of the Buffy quote about ‘fruit punch mouth’. It would have been funny if she didn’t seem so… inhuman.

“NOTHING IS REAL. EVERYTHING IS PERMITTED.” She was hissing and spitting like a terrified cat and there was an acrid stench that told me she had either thrown up or pissed herself in fear. There didn’t seem to be anything resembling human left in her right then.

_What the hell happened to her??_

As much as Carmilla seemed to have lost her humanity, Will, on the other hand, rolled over onto his back and slapped the ground in jubilation. “We fucking survived, Mircalla! We’re good!” His laughter wasn’t reassuring, though; it was full of stress and held the edge of madness in it, which disturbed me even more as I noticed that Kirsch and Armitage weren’t lowering their weapons yet.

“I FUCKING KILLED LAURA, WILHELM! SHE STOOD IN THE WAY AND I TORE HER APART!” Her voice was hoarse, as if she had bits of broken glass in her throat.

_Holy shit she thinks she killed me._

“Carmilla! I’m here! It’s okay. You’re safe!” I called out, getting her attention and her bright-silver eyes locked onto me.

_Her irises were feline. Was she about to turn into her panther form?_

Her head movements were jerky and primal, and everything about it told me to not spook the frightened vampire before me. Everything about the way she looked at me screamed predator, and it was like ice went through my veins.

“ ** _Nichts ist real; alles ist erlaubt._** ” Carmilla stated forcefully as she started to crawl her way towards me. Armitage stood in the way, forcing her to look up at them and see JP’s gun trained right at her forehead.

_Her last orders were for Armitage to protect and defend me._

“Ms. Karnstein, you’re back. Let go of the weapon.” There was a level of authority in their voice that I hadn’t heard before.

“It’s a trick. Nothing is real. Everything is permitted.” She repeated as a mantra as Will was still on the ground, laughing as if he were still in a delusion.

“Mistress, it’s your cupcake. It’s me, Laura.” As soon as I said it, I knew I screwed up. She sniffed the air and licked her lips hungrily.

“Sweetness? No, that’s a lie. Fucking Baron! Lugenbaron! _Verbrenne den Dämon!_ ” Her eyes fastened onto mine and it was like someone else was there. “You made me think I killed Laura, Baron. Not. Again.”

“Mircalla, you killed that bastard and drank him down like shotgunning a beer at a frat party!” Will howled with laughter, making the beer-drinking gesture with his hands in front of his face as he rolled on the ground. There was an edge to his laughter that told me he didn’t want to be laughing, that he was in hysterics, but that laughing was all he was able to do. “helpmeplease…” he muttered as he chuckled, his eyes wide in horror as he caught his breath and continued to laugh, with a high-pitched whine cutting through it. “ **LIE! Mask the pain...** ”

LaFontaine looked at him in confusion. “Will, how can I help?”

Will convulsed as he muttered on. “...child that’s forsaken…”

“ _Reiße dieses verdammte Herz aus meiner Brust!_ ” Carmilla cried out, red tears running down her cheeks as Armitage kept their weapon trained on her forehead.

“LIE!” Will screamed again in agony, rolling over and vomiting what looked like the black ichor that was coated all over him. “...praise the _New Regime_ …”

Brody’s eyebrows knitted as he seemed to know what was going on. “Will, what can I do, bro?”

“Help... cut into.. the madness.”

Pinkish tears flowed down Will’s eyes, and I could tell blood was mixed into it. “Ques-question all you tr-tr-trust… I s-see-see the-the…” Will’s laughing broke down into hysterical sobs, “ripping at my soul now.” His face went eerily calm as he spoke-sang what must have been lyrics. “I-I know the man. I know him all too well…”

Kirsch knelt down in front of him and gently continued the song, in order to help calm down Will down. “There's nothing here for free. Lost who I want to be-”

Will said the next line as his body went from violent shaking to a gentle tremble. “My serpent blood can strike so cold. On any given day, I'll take it all away…”

Will and Brody continued the song together as it seemed that the madness was fleeing him as they looked into each other’s eyes. “Another thought I can't control. This means war…”

Will smiled at Kirsh and nodded, signaling that he would be okay. He helped the vampire up from the ground and they backed away from where Armitage still had Carmilla at gunpoint.   

“Will, what happened?” I ask frantically as Carmilla is clearly still not okay. He just shook his head, as if refusing to want to remember or recount any of it.

Perry arrives with a first aid kit; cleaning up and bandaging Will’s wounds while LaFontaine helps direct them out of the lab and into relative safety as Carmilla’s eyes dart from them back to me in rapid succession.

“Dead. All Dead. I killed thousands. **_Mii ucisa lungul secolelor!_** ” Her face went from shock to anger as she looked at me. “AND IT WASN’T ENOUGH, YOU SICK FUCK!”

LaFontaine shrugged as I looked towards them. “No idea, but that wasn’t German this time.”

Armitage turned slightly towards Kirsch. “Just like code three. Go.” They said as softly as possible so as to not scare Carmilla. “Ms. Karnstein, you’re back home. This is your submissive Laura, not a monster.”

“ **De omul cel vechi constă ca intotdeauna!** ” My Mistress yelled back at Armitage as Brody left the lab.

“Okay, that sounded Romanian.” Armitage muttered. “How many languages can she know?”

“ **Heller Schein am Firmament!** ” Carmilla screamed at me, silver eyes wide in fury. “Der hungrige Licht, das alles verschlingt!” In the corner of my vision, I saw LaF leave the room and I only had JP to help me calm down a frenzied vampire who looked well on her way to turning into her cat form.

“Laura, prove to Carmilla you’re hers.” Armitage said, shifting their weight as their shooter’s stance was getting laborious.

_Prove I’m hers??_

“How do I do that?”

“I don’t know, kneel for her, call her a special nickname, tell her something nobody else would know…?”

I gulped down the fear and rising bile from my stomach as I got down to my knees and assumed the submissive kneeling position she liked me in. “I bought you a Toothless dragon at Build-A-Bear, Mistress.”

She shook her head at that, apparently indicating that it wasn’t enough. “You said that before. You’re in my head. I know your tricks, demon!”

“Did she just call me a demon?” I muttered fearfully.

“Yeah, we need Kirsch back here with the tranqs.”

I decide to try something different as I stand up and sweep my hair back to expose her bite on my neck to her. “ **Mircalla**. I am Laura Trevelyan Hollis. And I am _yours_.”

She scented the air and there was a primal recognition there. “Mine.”

“Yes, yours. Now get off of the floor and act like a proper Dominant!” Her eyes were fury, but not necessarily at me. Slowly she forced herself up onto her feet, using the Dao like a cane as the tip dug into the ground.

“...the fuck are you doing Hollis?” Armitage whispered to me.

“She’s been tortured and thinks she killed me because Z’Kathy feeds off of pain, misery, and suffering. So I’m giving her righteous fury and anger instead.”

Armitage looked at me in horrified confusion. “You’re insane.”

“Maybe?” I shrugged as Carmilla took a closer look at me.

“Trevelyan?” She was panting and her fangs dripped with saliva as she shuffled closer to me.

Composing myself as cool as possible, I smile and roll my eyes at the name as I hoped my gambit would pay off. “Yeah, my great-grandmother’s name. Shall we go upstairs and get a drink for you?”

“Want. You.” Carmilla stated as she moved closer, not even noticing Armitage get in the way.

“First you get control of your hunger, Ms. Karnstein. You don’t want to overindulge and harm Laura.” They stated calmly as Kirsch came back in with the tranquilizer pistol in hand.

“Turn.” Kirsch said, and Armitage instantly stepped towards and around Carmilla, getting her attention as they exposed their neck to my Mistress.

“Go ahead.” They said, and I wasn’t certain if it was towards Brody or my Mistress as Carmilla bit into Armitage’s neck while a soft puff of air informed me that Brody took his shot.

Armitage gasped in shock, the noise turning into something oddly sexual as Carmilla bit down and drank as the tranquilizer dart hit Carmilla square on the butt. Within moments, the vampire went from drinking JP to swaying drunkenly in their arms, the Dao dropping to the floor with a loud clatter.

“Laura, pull out the dart, she’s going to be a bit woozy for now.” Armitage said, supporting their combined weight with some difficulty.

“Wha…?” Carmilla turned her head to look at Armitage. “You’re blurry.”

“Come on, Ms. Karnstein, let’s get you out of here.” Armitage replies as they help her out of the lab.

“Am I really home?” Carmilla asks us.

“Yes you are, Mistress. You’re home safe.” I reply, seeing a frazzled Grace looking over her boyfriend Will in horror, looking at the bandages and inky black ichor that was coating him.

I couldn’t pay attention to what they were saying as all of my attention was on Carmilla.

She’s home safe. We’re going to be okay.

Perry laid out plastic tarp on the sofa for Carmilla and Will to sit down on as she poured two glasses of blood from the fridge.

“I um, here you two go.” She cringed as she served them the drinks while LaFontaine beamed at her. “Sorry it’s cold.”

“We don’t apologize for the hardcore, Perr.” They said in loving admiration to their ‘best friend’.

Will sipped at his glass politely while Carmilla took long gulps, quickly burning off the sedative that would have kept a werewolf down for hours.

“Oh gods, I fucked up,” Carmilla said into her glass of blood, looking around, “Armitage, you okay?”

They had a bandage on their neck to stop the bleeding and Perry was already there with the antibiotic cream. “Of course, Ms. Karnstein. Brody was coming back with the tranq gun so I had to distract you.”

Carmilla nodded appreciatively. “Good man… good… both of you.”

“You didn’t countermand dead-lock. You’re stuck with me now.” Armitage had a wry smile as I understood the exchange. _Carmilla had them renew the contract with Armitage for life, and they were choosing to stay in the household._

“Varlet.” Carmilla tried out the title and smiled back at them. “ _Never again_ am I going into a battle without you by my side.” Carmilla said, forcing back tears. “Hug?”

Armitage embraced my Mistress as the pair of them sobbed in relief, and I was actually glad that they both had each other. Carmilla looked at me as she held JP, her eyes saying exactly how much she loved and needed me as well.

Her eyes were still feline, but had returned to their normal brown with silver flecks. _They might be stuck this way._

I mouthed the words ’I love you too’ back to her, and she smiled at that. Their hug ended and Armitage looked over my Mistress.

“Lots of cleaning and patching up to do, need to get you contacts to appear human again, and broken P90… _that’s kind of impressive in itself_ … but what’s with the new sword?”

“I um, tried to take out two birds with one stone. I met up with an ancient foe of Father’s in order to obtain a weapon that could be used to kill it. It’s the enchanted blade of Hastur; don’t ever unsheath or wield it unless you want to die.”

“Magical suicidal sword. Why would anyone make that?” I asked in horror.

“It’s a black hole in the reality of the world, the one thing that can devour the Hungry Light. It also happens to consume all who wield it. At least that’s what He Who Lives in Shadow said.” Carmilla replied. “So leave it be.” She gave them a stern look.

“Yes, Ms. Karnstein.”

LaFontaine gave a worried smile to her. “Glad you’re back boss. So, how did you mess up, and how were you able to use the doorstop like a portal?”

Will grinned at that, opening up a pouch on his MOLLE vest and pulling out an inscribed stone. “Backup escape route. Carmilla and I both have one.”

Carmilla nodded at that. “Will and I didn’t trust Lilita to keep her word, so we planned on taking out both Z’Katheggon and Lophii-Father-thing.”

“You never could pronounce it.” Will chuckled at that.

“So what happened?” I implored.

“You know the trouble I’ve had in Africa with the war lord and the brainwashed child army. Ever wonder what happens if you offer them immortality if they kill their general and their inferior God for you?”

_Holy shit._

“So you turned an entire child-army to help you kill an Elder God?” I was horrified at that.

“It’s not like they were innocents. I gave them leave to drop their weapons and go home. A lot of them did. The ones I selected had actually bragged about the hearts they had eaten and the number of girls they have raped to prove their prowess. The ones I turned? There was no remorse or humanity left in them.”

Will nodded at that. “Even when Mother, Ell, and Mattie were at their worst, they killed and fed to survive. They didn’t brag about the torture they did. They didn’t rape.” He shuddered at that.

“Not until recently, it seems.” Carmilla added, her eyes distant as she tried to not think of the video on Lilita’s cell phone. “We arrived at night and just took them one at a time; biting, draining, then injecting them with my blood with the really high V-cell count.”

Perry gasped at that. “That’s why you forewent LaFontaine’s treatments.”

Carmilla shrugged as she continued. “They already saw themselves as monsters who would literally _eat the hearts of their enemies_ to gain more power and saw girls as cattle to enjoy. Offering to make them vampires wasn’t a much of a stretch for them.”

"So you turned a bloodthirsty, cult-like child army into vampires, killed Z'Katheggon, and then tried to turn them against Lilita's 'Father'?" I asked, disturbed at what she had done.

"Yeah, I thought it was worth a shot. Had no idea Lophii's light could kill vamps. But that's why you lead with your pawns." Carmilla replied off-handedly.

LaFontaine murmured in appreciation. "So you win either way; the Elder Gods are killed, or you dispose of the army that was cutting into your business. Pretty ballsy, boss."

“Yeah, LaF… I am going to need… a black scuba suit, maybe even a welding mask before I go back down there and try again. That thing was hibernating and the light was still enough to vaporize a vampire army..”

Armitage pointed at the sword on Carmilla’s back. “Maybe that would suck it all up instead?”

Carmilla shrugged. “Maybe, and even then it will consume the wielder. It’s a last resort; I’d rather just Oppenheimer it.” We all looked at her strangely. “Plant a nuclear bomb and remote detonate it from the other side of the First Gate. He was the physicist behind the Manhattan Project?”

"Well that might work as long as the Anglerfish in the Deeper Well doesn't tell Mother you made a run at him tonight, right?" Grace asked, smirking slightly at that.

"Yeah..." Will replied nervously as horror swept over his face, looking as his girlfriend as if he had never really seen her before. "I never told you about the Deeper Well..."

"Oops." The look on Grace's face changed to something much more malevolent as what Will figured out finally hit me. _That was Mother._ "I expected Mircalla to act out, but you, Wilhelm? That I simply won't tolerate. I expected better from you."

 _She killed Grace just so she could jump into her body._ So she could be here. I scrambled to get away from her as Kirsch hesitated at what to do. _Where’s Armitage?!_

Lilita-Grace’s eyes flashed silver-red as blood gushed out from his gut, making him double over in pain. _Holy crap this is some new type of vampire power!_

"Mother! I'm sorry!" Will said as blood poured out of his mouth, gasping in torment as Lilita's gaze seemed to have the power to slice him open. It sounded like he was going to drown in his own blood.

"You should have thought about that before _you left your family!_ " There was no trace of Grace in her voice anymore.

"Carmilla is my family, too!” Will grunted out as black blood started to leak from his eyes.

“Yes, and I buried her alive for decades, and she’s my favorite. What do you think I’ll do to you?”

Will convulsed in staggering pain as he was on his hands and knees on the floor. “You killed my Grace?! Why?!"

"I was getting hungry and the last body I was in was _absolutely delicious._ "

I paled at that. "What does she mean by that?"

Carmilla bit back bile as she responded. "She isn't a regular vampire. She needs more than just blood to survive.”

Lilita’s eyes went red and more blood poured out of Will, splattering onto the floor.

“MOTHER! You don’t need to do this." Carm’s voice wavered with fear as she expected her pleas to fall on deaf ears.

“Hold on, dearest.” Lilita's silver eyes flashed red again as Will's neck seemed to tear itself open all the way to the vertebrae. As Carm turned her face away from Lilita in disgust, I noticed that she tapped her bluetooth earpiece.

“You didn’t need to kill him, _Mother_.”

Lilita leaned towards Carmilla and smiled. She fucking smiled at her. “Yes, I did. You, my darling daughter, need to learn this lesson.”

“What? That you’re a horrible person?” Carmilla looked at her in sheer horror.

Lilita, however, seemed positively cheerful.

“Oh, my glittering girl, don’t you understand what I’ve been trying to teach you all this time? There's almost nothing in this world that isn't absolute. And you'd be surprised at what you can learn to coexist with.

“You see, darling one, there are no _heroes_ and _villains_ ; the universe really doesn’t care if you’re ‘ _good_ ’ or ‘ _evil_ ’. There is just **power** , those who have the fortitude to do what it takes to survive… and those who don’t and get trampled.”

“How many people have you _trampled, killed, and eaten_ over the centuries?”

“No more than the number who die by... dog bites or car accidents. The mortals are simply food, and you would do better to _remember that!_ ”

“They are more than that, though! That’s where we differ in opinion. I used to be mortal, remember?”

“Yes, and I pried apart the jaws of Death herself to revive you! I loved you for centuries and sought out Father for the power in order to wipe away all of your scars, Mircalla! You used to love and worship the ground I walked on, until you met _Ell_.”

“Yeah, I did, _Lilith_. You once were the tabernacle that I happily supplicated to. But I realised something. After you turned Ell, the girl I loved for her mortality, I understood that there was nothing inside you; no soul, no ethics, no remorse. Living with you and your ‘family’ made it feel like I had died long, long ago.”

Lilita raised a hand, and Carmilla reluctantly rose to her feet and fought herself as her body was compelled to move towards her creator, who cupped her cheek in a oddly loving manner. “You just need a reminder of how alive I can make you feel.”

Though she tried to fight it, I could see my Mistress lean into the touch as temptation flooded through her. “I know the magic you wield, but as much as you try to fake it, I know the truth.” She pulled her face away from her. “You’re completely _dead inside._ ”

“And you think you’re any different, _Mircalla_? You committed mass murder in order to snuff out an Elder God.” Lilita smirked at that. “Don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy it. Have I ever mentioned how proud I am that you learned to transform yourself into a black panther? Shame that your eyes are probably going to forever be stuck like that, but maybe you’ll have better night vision.”

“You’re right; you did teach me a few things. You taught me how to read people, how to lie and manipulate, and even how to kill without remorse. I very nearly had to make myself as dead inside as you are in order to do it. But I _didn’t_ enjoy it, and that’s the difference.”

Lilita shrugged at that like it was inconsequential. "Well, your attempt to betray me has failed. And now I'm going to slaughter most of your friends here and once again bury you alive. This time, with Laura and Justine so you can decide which one _you'll eat first._ Any last words?"

Carmilla squared herself off as she faced off against Lilita "Yeah, one, Lilith: _**EXECUTE**_."

Armitage was directly behind Lilita, pistol aimed at the back of her skull as a cloud of red exploded where her face was once at. I heard three pops as Grace-Lilita fell to the ground in surprise.

"YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS TREACHERY!" Lilita screamed, even as the body on the ground looked dead even by zombie standards.

_Holy crap she’s still talking after taking three rounds to the head!_

"No, I won't." Carmilla sniped back, hitting a button on her earpiece that routed her phone call to the home audio system.

Jessie’s voice was the first one I could recognize among the gunshots. “The Summer Society sends their regards!”

Jia's voice broke over the cacophony of gunshots. "GRENADE LAUNCHER IS HOT!"

Danny's voice added to the bedlam. " _FOR OUR FALLEN SISTERS!_ "

"BY ARTEMIS!" Another screamed almost shrilly as the rest of the Summer Society girls repeated it like a war cry. “ **BY ARTEMIS!** ”

"Jessie, I need a light spell!" That voice didn’t seem familiar.

"Holy shit, the bodies are half-eaten!"

There was an echo of Silas’ catastrophic alarm siren overhead, and it still rattled deep into my teeth and bones as if I were on campus. When the ground shook like an aftershock, I knew that something really bad was going down. A myriad of car alarms were going off in the distance.

“ _Omnis amas et mox moriturum!_ ” A plethora of disembodied voices seemed to whisper that directly behind my ear, making me instantly crouch down and look around to make certain that nothing was about to kill me from behind. _Latin! Latin is never good!_

" **Fall back! They are getting up! HOW THE FUCK ARE THEY-** "

"We got shamblers. Sam!" Levi yelled as gunshots kept going off. “Zombie protocol!”

"On it!" The rapid fire of a shotgun exploded, making me want to duck as I saw JP loot Will's now-beheaded body, pull out a grenade from a pouch, read the label, and shoved it under Lilita’s still-twitching body. For extra measure, they used Will’s sword to pin the body to the floor.

Lilita was still trying to move. _What the fuck is she??_

Carmilla saw it as well as she grabbed and pulled me away from the imminent danger as I heard a shriek overhead.

"LIVING SHADOW! FUCK! FALL BA-!" Danny cried out in surprise, her voice trailing off unexpectedly overhead.

“USE INCENDIARIES!” Armitage yelled back to her, running away from the now skewered corpse that can apparently survive gunshots directly into the brain.

The grenade must have been incendiary and not explosive as it exploded and the body was engulfed in flame. It wasn't yellow-orange flames like you'd see in a fireplace; this was white-hot flame, so bright that it could blind you if you stared at it too long. The heat from it was so intense it felt like it was crisping our skin from feet away. The smell was too much like cooking meat, but at least it stopped the body from moving.

_I am swearing off of meat for at least a week._

"Danny! Get out of there!" Jia's voice screamed in panic. That was followed by a heavy, wet cough that didn’t sound good.

_“DANNY!” I screamed, praying that she would be okay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ENJOY THE BODY COUNT.
> 
> Yeah I went there. I'm camping this weekend, and look forward to your reviews.


	29. I'm Not Afraid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the penultimate chapter to 50 Flavors Bittersweet. Changes from the original novel are many; there is no panic-induced proposal in order to make a fight go away, the confrontation with Mrs. Robinson is vastly different, and Christian's family finds out that he had a sexual relationship with his mother's best friend and they all see it as abuse (as it rightly was) but nobody sees how Christian actually prospered from the discipline in his life.
> 
> I'm not saying a grown woman taking advantage of a child is good, but that the child's upbringing essentially spoiled him and nobody really challenged him growing up to find value in himself. It turns out to be horrible that the only way Christian Grey can fuck is by essentially beating up and fucking a stand-in for his crackwhore mother (outside of being slapped around and Dominated by Mrs. Robinson because deep down he needed the degradation from her to reinforce his own mental image of himself before he could change it) but Christian really needed a stricter upbringing as he was a troublemaker and frequent fighter when he was growing up in school.
> 
> This doesn't pair up with his abhorrence of guns, though. The book never really explains why he's against it, outside of his adopted parents' perspective of poor children and young adults getting shot. Christian doesn't seem to believe much of what his parents believe in, so it doesn't make sense that he'd share their anti-gun views.

"The… ugh… shadow skewered me with the fuel tank to the flamethrower.” Danny groaned through clenched teeth, “I feel the shadow burning in me already.”

"I'll come back down for you!" Jia responded, her voice panicked with a hint of wolf in it.

"DON'T YOU DARE, JIA!" Danny commanded, and dread made me shiver as if I were freezing while Kirsch used a fire extinguisher to keep the roasting remains of Grace’s remains from burning down the rest of the apartment.

"But Danny-"

"It-it's okay…. I'm not afraid. Just,” Danny coughed up something thick and wet. _I didn’t want to think what it could have been._ “…do me one favor."

"Name it," Jia replied, voice taking a much richer tone than human. _Their wolf was at the surface._

" _Fire on my position._ "

" **Fuck you** ," Jia replied, choking back sobs, “Don’t ask me to do this.”

“Damn it, Jia, don’t let Lilith win now! I can feel the shadow taking over me, I don’t know how long I can fight it!”

"Okay, damn it! See you in the Elysian Fields, sis. _By Artemis!_ "

" **By Artemis.** " The call ended.

"Danny!" My heart was in my throat, heat threatening to choke me as I felt like I might throw up. _I have to see her!_

“We have to go!” I yelled, wrenching myself out of Carmilla’s grip and making my way to get my purse and keys. I turned to look at the rest of them who seemed frozen with inaction.

“We don’t even know where they are.” Kirsch replied, still pointing the fire extinguisher at the smoldering remains. I looked at Carmilla, whose face looked haunted as her eyes went red with bloody tears. She wiped them away angrily as she realized a tear began to roll down her cheek.

“Lustig Building. She stores her bodies for feeding in the basement of the Lustig building.” Carmilla’s voice broke as she said it. _I didn't want to think about 'bodies', plural_. I knew she was still in shock and grieving her brother Will, but I had to go see if Danny was okay.

Carmilla took her brother’s sword off of his body and used it to behead Grace’s remains and found a box to push the head in. “LaF, can you incinerate this and dump the ashes into a river? Same with the rest of the body, but a different stream. And um, Danny had your flamethrower. So you’ll need to improvise.”

“That seems extreme, but sure.” They replied hesitantly.

“I’m not taking any chances with her coming back. Kirsch, grab the rest of the incendiaries and take my Jeep there to collect…” He nodded, grief etched deeply into his very soul as he numbly went to work. “Laura, can you drive?”

“Yeah.” I replied, my voice feeling hollow. 

* * *

As we got there, I recognized five Summers by their ritual war-paint. I immediately recognized Jia, Jesse, and Levi. Jia’s basic eye black and black military fatigues looked stark against the _honest-to-god grenade launcher_ in their hands, while Jessie’s blood-red Braveheart paint was lit eerily by the large, glowing ritual dagger in her hands. Levi looked like the oddly normal one of the bunch with braided hair, her Batman-styled war paint, and a Ruger LC9 in either hand and in a tank top and shorts like she were Lara Croft, ready to shoot if anything undead ran out of the now-burning Lustig building.

The remaining two girls were completely new to me. The short-yet-built brunette had tattoos going up either arm and wore the Tiwaz rune as her war paint as she held a tactical shotgun at the low ready, while the final girl had chin-length blonde hair, jungle cat war-paint, and had a compound bow along with some sort of machete. They both were standing over the charred remains of Danny, ready to shoot her if she ‘revived’.

 _She was dead. Danny was dead._ _And her sisters were ready to kill her again if needed._

Jessie lowered the glowing dagger, and they all seemed to breathe a collective sigh of relief. “Sam, Chloe, it’s okay. There’s no Shadow in her now.”

Jia was kneeling over the charred remains of Danny as Carmilla and I approached them. Kirsch and Armitage were moments behind us with the Jeep and the rest of the military-grade incendiary grenades.

“Where are the police? The fire department?” I asked, noting the utter lack of sirens.

“It’s a jurisdiction issue right now; the university provost has to allow non-university authorities access. And _they_ prefer to ignore Silas University entirely,” Carmilla explains blandly. “It’s pretty smart of them, really. They can’t handle the looming threat that is pinned beneath us, tethered behind the First Gate.”

Jia nodded; I saw resolve flood her features as I could have sworn their inner wolf was itching to come out. “We’ve lost six sisters in total since 1914, one every twenty years like clockwork. It was time for a little payback.”

Armitage held what looked like a bastardized tommy gun as Kirsch poured a jug of water over them, drenching their clothing in the pre-dawn sky. JP made their way towards the burning building, looking in through the basement windows before working the pump action and shooting in another one of those incendiary grenades.

“I wonder if this was why the Dudley Chapel burned down. And the Lustig building nearly burned down again in 1904,” Kirsch mused.

I looked at him, surprised.

“Zetas had to memorize campus history in order to earn their trident.” He shrugged.

I nodded absently at that as Armitage went around the building, the cylinder rotating to line up a fresh canister before shooting it through another basement window.

“So we’re just engaging in recreational arson now?” I asked, pointing at Armitage’s immolation.

Carmilla looked to Jia. “How many bodies were in there?”

“Eight. Sam kneecapped most of them so they can’t run in case Lilith tried to possess them, but we did torch the body in the ornate coffin first. That’s when all hell broke loose.” Jia replied.

Carmilla sighed a breath of relief. “So you got her original body. Good.”

Jia’s ears perked up as did Carmilla’s.

“Sirens in the distance. We have to go,” Carmilla muttered quietly.

“Can you get her body to the hunting site? We’ll give her a proper send-off with a funeral pyre and ritual songs,” Jia asked, taking charge of the situation. “She earned it. And Mel needs to know about…”

Carmilla nodded, blood trailing down her cheeks. "Yes. Sunrise is coming; I'll forward the coordinates to my Varlet." She nodded to Armitage, who had walked the perimeter of the building and expended all 6 cylinders of the flaming ordinance.

"Nice toy," Jia mused appreciatively.

"They mean more to me than just- you mean the Sage Control. Yeah, it’s pretty bad-ass." Carmilla corrected herself. Jia nodded at that as Sam and Chloe carried Danny's remains to the Jeep. "Do you want to ride with her?" She turned to the girl with the jungle cat war-paint. “Chloe?”

They both declined. Jia turned to face the rest of the sisters. "Summers! Let's get out of here before the Board finds us."

The tattooed girl with the Tiwaz rune on her face clasped my shoulder in a comforting gesture. “I’m Sam. I know we didn’t meet before at the Adonis Festival, but Danny said a lot of good things about you. She… she really loved you.”

I nodded at that as I just felt… _empty._

“Thank you.” _Thank you? Is that all I can think to say here?_

“She wasn’t afraid in the end. She had a good death.” Sam looked from me to Carmilla as the vampire had red tracks running down her face. “Thank you for… you know. Sorry about your brother.”

Carmilla gave the barest shake of her head as Armitage offered her a blood bag.

_Why aren't I crying? What’s wrong with me?_

“Ms. Karnstein, you’ve cried out a lot of blood.” Frowning, Carmilla snatched the bag away from them and sipped from the protruding tube like a straw.

“Hey, can I ride with her? Danny shouldn’t be alone,” Sam asked. Armitage agreed as the rest of the Summer Society left the area.

“I’ll go too,” I blurted out. JP looked between us and told Kirsch that they would ride back with Carmilla.

* * *

The windows were open as Kirsch drove the full-size Jeep to the Summers hunting ground. It was a tight fit for both myself and Sam, but we made it work.

"Nice job with the Tiwaz rune," I said, pointing to her face.

"Oh, thanks. Some of the sisters thought it was a band reference. How did you know?"

"I studied runes.”

“Really?” She looked surprised at that.

“I was really into Lord of the Rings. I studied Elvish, too." She smirked and nodded in that ‘oh, gotcha’ kind of way.

“You shipped Legolas with...?”

“Aragorn, of course!” We both grinned at that.

We sat in the silence of the early morning as my mind wandered back to making this trip with Carmilla the first time. _So much has changed, and now Danny is gone_.

I look over and realize Sam isn't crying either. _She seemed to really care about her, though_.

"What's wrong with me? Why can't I seem to cry?"

"You worry you're not mourning her."

"Yeah. We kissed before she uh, joined you all." _Her ‘meeting’ was to go kill Mother, though it turned out she was under our noses all along._

"She had a good death, so don't mourn her. She's in the Elysian Fields now."

"Do you really believe that?" I wasn’t certain what to believe; I couldn’t imagine a Heaven existed before, but I also couldn’t believe in vampires or werewolves, either.

"Yeah. I hope to see her again someday."

"Is the Summer Society a pagan group?"

"Not explicitly, but there's a lot of overlap there. Artemis, Diana to the Romans, was a Goddess that was worshipped for centuries and is still revered today."

I nodded, trying to understand how it all worked. _Elder Gods from before time existed, so why not the Greek Gods of old?_ Sam looked over to the wrapped body of Danny and seemed to be in deep contemplation, so I looked out the window and watched the sun rise in the distance.

Half an hour later, we had Danny's body wrapped up and stored in the on-site cabin. Sam checked the firewood stock and determined that there was enough for a funeral pyre.

"Thanks for bringing her out here. I'll see you at the pyre tonight?" Sam inquired.

"You're not coming back with us?" I asked, confused.

She shook her head. "Going to stay with her as her spirit makes its way past the seven gates.”

“Seven gates?”

“To the afterlife. It’s best that you not dawdle between the gates. That's why there's usually some guide or ferryman to help you get there.” She took two coins out of her pocket, uncovered her face, and put them over her eyes. “Swift journey, sister.”

“Oh, okay.” I replied uncertainly. As Brody and I paid our respects, Sam sang quietly to herself.

 _“_ _Honored maiden huntress, Artemis,_  
_Maiden, come to us._  
 _Mother of the Forests and Hills, Artemis,_  
 _Mother, come to us._  
 _Ancient queen of wisdom, Artemis,_  
 _Crone, come to us. ”_

* * *

I fell asleep on the drive back home, only waking up when the familiar movement and vibration of the Jeep ended as we were parked in the garage beneath the building.

“Laura, we’re here.” Brody said, nudging me awake.

I yawned, not understanding how I could be tired when the sun was out.

“What time is it?”

“Just after seven in the morning. I need to get this car detailed after… you know.” _After Danny._ I nodded in understanding and climbed out of the vehicle, letting him guide me into the elevator to Carmilla’s floor.

Carmilla was unconscious to the world in her own room for the day while Perry and Armitage were forcibly removing parts of the hardwood floor where Will and Grace died. LaFontaine had left with the remains of the bodies earlier to cremate them.

“Hey,” I called out to JP and Perry. They got up from the floor, looking grateful for a reason to take a break.

“Morning, Laura… there’s leftovers in the fridge if you’re hungry,” Perry offered gently.

I shook my head. “Not hungry. But thanks. I think I’ll just slip into bed and nap for a while.” I turn to go towards Carmilla’s room, but I pause as I wonder if that’s a good idea. I look back at Armitage, noticing they had a bandage on their neck.

“Is um, it safe to go curl up with her?” I ask, pointing at their neck.

JP nodded. “She had another pint before passing out. She’s exhausted, not thirsty.”

I go to her room and find her pillowcase drenched in red tears. _She cried herself to sleep?_ I didn’t want to sleep in the blood so I took JP’s spot at the foot of the bed. It wasn’t too uncomfortable as I realized how well-padded the bedding was.

As I laid on the floor, exhaustion battled my hyperactive brain that refused to shut up now.

_Danny is dead._

She promised she’d be right back, kissed me and said she loved me, and now she’s gone.

_“Love you too.”_

Was I lying when I said that? _Does it matter anymore?_ It was such an automatic response, but I don’t know if I would have said it to anyone else.

And now I’ll never get to figure it out.

My memory of the attack replayed in my mind, but it was all jumbled as we were dealing with the un-dying remains of Lilita right in front of us.

_“Execute.”_

Carmilla had said that single word before the red-and-pink cloud misted before me. She had her Bluetooth earpiece in and was on a phone call, maybe even a conference call, with the Summer Society.

_This was planned out in advance._

But not everything went according to plan. Carmilla and Will never expected to lose so easily against Lophii. All of the secrecy, all of the resources and military gear, and they barely got out alive from the other side of the First Gate.

I’m not even certain anybody expected Lilita to be wearing Grace’s body. So it was sheer luck that we made it out alive.

_Except not all of us did; and Carmilla’s not unscathed._

Her eyes might be permanently stuck as panther eyes; she even blood-doped herself to maximize her V-cell count to make a vampire army. _Actions like that have to stay with you._

I didn’t know what to think morally of her decision. She took monstrous people – technically still children – who willfully wanted to become inhuman and bragged about their exploits and used them like cannon fodder to take out Z’Katheggon, only to be wiped out by Lophii’s light.

_I can’t even imagine her mental state right now._

She has been captured by the Inquisition, buried alive in a coffin by her so-called ‘Mother’, and willingly went into hell with her brother in order to protect us from Lilita. Carmilla has been through so much, and honestly, so have I.

I still can’t seem to find the tears to mourn the loss of a girl I had wanted to date, and that she died in an attempt to take out Lilita isn’t lost on me.

 _I'm just tired._ I closed my eyes and prayed to have no dreams.

* * *

“Comfy, Laura?” Armitage asked, waking me. I opened my eyes to realize that I was in their bedding.

“Surprisingly so. Sorry for taking your spot-”

“It's okay.” Armitage replied.

“I just wanted…”

“-to be near her?” They finished my thought for me.

“Yeah. Does that make sense?”

“It does, actually. Come on, you need to get up and ready for the funeral.” I get up from the floor and see that Carmilla isn’t in bed. That’s when I hear the sound of violent retching coming from her bathroom.

“Is she okay?”

They shrugged. “She’s drank a lot of blood in a short period of time. Even as a vampire, that iron content is going to get to you. Humans can’t drink more than a pint without getting sick… she had a small army.”

“Varlet! Water…” Carmilla cried out from the bathroom.

“On my way, Ms. Karnstein. I gotta take care of this.” Armitage replied apologetically. I gave them an understanding nod as I made my way back to my room to shower and get ready.

* * *

We all arrived at the hunting grounds in two vehicles, LaFontaine carrying a small cardboard box that contained the ashes of Grace-Lilita’s head to throw into the stream there. It felt so surreal to remember how unkillable she seemed to be.

_But now she’s just ash and bones, and even the bones were ground up into a fine powder._

Levi and Mel were there, both wearing what appeared to be white doric chitons, the same kind of historic dresses that Athena or Artemis would have worn. Where Mel’s sleeves and embellishments were silver and green, Levi’s were red and gold and had a matching leather armguard on her left forearm. Both were wearing their personalized war paint and looked fierce rather than mourning. Mel’s eyes were blacked out entirely, making them look sunken and fierce. _She’s the Anya to Danny’s Lexa, isn’t she?_

“Mel, was Danny your second?” I asked.

She smiled slightly at that. “She was, how did-” Her attention went past Carmilla and myself to someone behind us. “You got a lot of nerve showing your face here, Williams!”

I turned around and saw Jamie frowning in consternation. He squared his shoulders, firm resolve on his face as other Summer Society members arrived and whispered among themselves. Only a handful had war paint on, but all of them were wearing outfits that suggested they were about to take on the capital alongside Katniss.

“I’m here to pay my respects. I was Danny’s second.” Jamie replied as a few Summers tried to stand in his way.

“You renounced the sisterhood.”

“I didn’t feel comfortable anymore since I’m a GUY!”

“We’ve striven to be radically inclusive; we even have genderqueer and trans girls-”

“ENOUGH!” I scream out loud, shocking even myself. “We’re here to remember Danny, not squabble like petulant children!”

Mel nodded. “Levi’s lighting her. Not you.” Jamie nodded at that and we all made our way to the clearing where Danny’s body was laid out on top of a wooden table made out of fallen trees and firewood, that was doused in what I think was kerosene.

At the perimeter of the circle around the body, there was a Summers at each cardinal direction holding a candle. Each of them lit their candle while muttering a quiet incantation. As I realized that they were essentially calling the corners, Carmilla’s arms were around me as Armitage, Perry, and LaFontaine had their heads bowed behind us.

Mel cleared her throat once before speaking.

“Artemis, Goddess, Huntress, Lady of Wilderness, mercurial queen of solitude, inviolate, fearless, and free.

“Artemis, unequaled adventuress who cavorted with nymphs and Amazons alike, reveling in the chase!

“Artemis, Queen of the moon, shaman, the first Priestess of feminism, be thou in the world today!

“Goddess of childbirth, do you hear songs of your daughters in spirit? One of our sisters returns to you for the Great Hunt. Please accept and embrace Danny Lawrence into your ranks.”

Mel stepped away from Danny and joined the rest of us, nodding to Levi, who had a flaming arrow on her bow. As the arrow was let free, it hit the target precisely and the body caught fire instantly.

The rest of the sisters began a chant as the flames licked their way up to the dusky sky. I couldn’t really follow it, but it sounded like something ancient and pure. Like the Gregorian chants that were popular in the mid-90’s, but it was about Mother Earth and how Artemis was a caretaker. It was soothing yet uplifting, and I could feel the sisterhood that was here among the Summer Society and why they would go into battle with each other for the right cause.

 _Danny died, in part, to help save me and Carmilla._ I turned and saw red streaks down her cheeks again as she looked on in grief and I felt tears well up in my eyes as I finally let myself say it out loud and know that I meant it.

“I love you, Danny.” I choked on the tears and turned away from Carmilla, not wanting to see her reaction. She squeezed me tighter as she sobbed even harder.

“We love you, Danny. I’m so sorry, I had no idea-” Carmilla turned towards me and I held her as she broke down in my arms, and I finally found my tears falling as my shirt went red with Carm’s tears. _She loved her too?_

In that moment, as she sobbed into me and let herself be vulnerable, I knew that it was okay. Somehow they got to know each other, probably when they plotted to take out her ‘Mother’, and they found a spark of something that would never come to pass.

“Shh. It’s okay, Mistress. I’ve got you now. It’s going to be okay, she had a good death.” I stroked her hair as her body was wracked with sobbing as the chanting continued and the fire burned on. I had no idea when or how this change happened, but it didn’t matter anymore. We loved each other and we had each other.

And maybe someday I’d get to see Danny again in the Elysian Fields.


	30. Brave New World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 50 Flavors Fulfilled will begin on Valentine's Day, 2016.
> 
> In case you haven't seen it, I found a 'lost' chapter! (Rewind to chapter 17 to find it here)
> 
> 50 FoC One-Shot "Armitage" will be posted on Yule.
> 
> My contribution to the Carmilla Big Bang Project, "A New Covenant", the Underworld/Carmilla crossover, will be posted on the 16th.
> 
> Stay tuned to my tumblr, Cysteine-Snape-Writes, for my Q&A video. (Send in questions for the video!)

The pyre had burned down to ash and red coals by the time the rest of the Summers began to leave, and even Perry and LaFontaine were headed back to the apartment when Carmilla spoke up.

“We should really get home.”

“I’m comfortable here.” I’m sitting between her legs and she’s holding me close. I don’t want to move. Carmilla murmurs her assent. But suddenly I’m bone tired, world-weary. So much has happened this last week—enough for a lifetime of drama— and now Danny is gone.

“It’s been a busy week.”

She frowns. “That it has.”

“I am glad you’re back in one piece, Mistress.” I whisper, sobering at the thought of what might have been. She tenses and I immediately regret reminding her.

“You don't have to call me that... I don't feel like much of a Dominant right now.”

“But I want to. Unlike your former submissives, I'm not your floor mat. I want to stand beside you when things get tough, console you when you're upset, and _politely_ tell you off when you’re wrong. I enjoy kneeling at your feet and all of the wicked, sensual things you can do to me in your red room-your playroom. I'm still going to be my own person, finish college, and have my own career. And we’ll continue this journey into the BDSM community together, because I am choosing _of my own free will_ to be yours.”

Carmilla's eyes threatened to spill more tears at that. “I love you, Laura.” I wrapped my arms around her and embraced her with all the love I felt for her.

“I love you too, Carmilla.” She winced in pain and I took another look at her. She was moving carefully so as to not to hurt herself too much, and I could tell she was wearing makeup to cover up some of the bruises she took to the face. _I thought she would have healed all this by now_.

“So what went wrong with Lophii?”

“It literally _vaporized_ the first wave of vampires and caused complete chaos as we moved about past the First Gate. I didn’t want to risk multiple incursions, not to mention the device wouldn’t have moved everyone at once, so we hoofed it through the Underworld from Z’Katheggon to Lophii. Kind of glad I turned as many vampires as I did. He Who Lives In Shadow told us the shortcut and gave me the Sword of Hastur.”

“What’s up with the Voldemort-y name? And you mentioned something about a Baron before?”

“Baron Vordenberg. Old-tyme vampire hunter; a real stake-and-hammer guy from the 16th century. Apparently he sold out for immortality by serving the Chicken-God and tried his best to drive me mad and kill myself.”

“How did he…?”

“Though I’m a vampire, my mind was once human. Their existence is the antithesis of our own; without the ‘blessing’ of an Elder One, you can be driven insane just trying to look at one of them and make sense of it. I didn’t want to lose my form nor my mind, so I… attempted a partial transformation to my panther form.”

“Oh my god, but it worked!”

“Yeah, a little too well, it seems. Apparently you shouldn’t try to work magic past the First Gate nor that close to an Antediluvian being. I've tried shifting back to my panther form and back again; my eyes are stuck this way now. Vordenberg tried to make me believe he was you and tried to kill me himself. He was invulnerable as long as Z’Katheggon was alive.”

“Wait, so how did you kill him?”

“I had to keep reminding myself that it was all lies while I had Will the the rest of the vampires put out a semi-circle of Claymore anti-personnel mines pointing into the earth where it was buried. A lot of the vampires died shooting and cutting it up as they erected the circle. Oh, and the bloody thing had tentacles! Why is it all of the Old Ones have…” Carmilla trailed off, shuddering at the horrific memory. “I was scared,” she confesses, much to my surprise.

“Earlier?” She nods, her expression serious. _Holy crap._ My eyes sweep up to her, and she looks grave as the smoke from the fire blew away from us.

“How close a call was it?” She gazes down at me.

“Close,” she pauses. “For a few awful seconds, I thought I’d never see you again.” I hug her tightly. “But seconds there are not the same as here, so it went on forever.”

“I can’t imagine my life without you, Carmilla. I love you so much it frightens me sometimes.”

“Me, too,” she breathes. “My life would be empty without you. I love you so much.” Her arms tighten around me and she nuzzles my hair.

“I won’t ever let you go.”

“I don’t want to go, ever.” I kiss her neck, and she leans down and kisses me gently. After a moment, she shifts. “I’m sorry that you lost Danny. I knew how much she loved you, and I didn’t want to stand in the way, because-”

“-you started to love her too.” I finished for her.

Carmilla grimaced guiltily at that.

“Yeah, I wasn’t expecting it. Not after we nearly killed each other in the woods. But I can’t deny that there was some powerful attraction between us when I had her over to discuss... dealing with Mother.”

I smiled slightly at that. “She was the girl in your library when I called you.”

Carmilla nodded at that. “She literally made a Beauty and the Beast reference when she looked over my rare books collection. It was then that I realized there was no jealousy between us; we both love you and wanted you happy. That she was willing to risk her life for you, and didn’t want you to know she was doing it? I couldn’t stand in the way of that. We wound up talking for a lot longer than I expected, and one thing lead to another. We kissed, and promised that I’d talk to you about all this once Mother was taken care of.”

_Carmilla’s feeling guilty not just for getting Danny killed, but because she wanted to see where the three of us would go as a relationship._

“It’s not your fault, Carm.”

“It is, though. I gave them the location and the threat assessment, but had no idea Lilita took over Grace nor that she could wield living shadow. She always lied and kept things from us.”

“But, Carmilla, I loved Danny, but I wasn’t _in love_ with her. I chose you, both as a girlfriend and as a Mistress.” As I told her that, her eyes met mine and wavered as I looked into her brown panther eyes.

“It was never supposed to be a competition. The heart is illogical at best.”

“I’d like to hear about you and Danny sometime.” I said, resting my head on her shoulder.

“Sure thing.”

Armitage politely cleared their throat for our attention. “Ms. Karnstein, I’m ready to drive us home.” She turned and thanked them with a nod as we both got up and made our way out of the clearing, our final respects made to Danny Lawrence.

* * *

 

Before we can even set foot off of the elevator, Betty comes barreling toward the two of us. She looks furious.

“You two! I want to talk to you.” She snarls in her you-better-not-fucking-mess-with-me voice. I glance nervously at Carmilla, who shrugs as we follow her into Carmilla’s office, leaving Armitage bemused at the threshold of the great room. She shuts the door and turns on me.

“What the fuck is this?” she hisses and waves a piece of paper at me. Completely at a loss, I take it from her and scan it quickly. My mouth dries.

_Holy shit. It’s the contract Carmilla gave me when I first saw her playroom._

All the color drains from my face as my blood turns to ice and fear lances through my body. Instinctively I step between her and Carmilla.

“What is it?” Carmilla murmurs, her tone wary. I ignore her. _I cannot believe Betty is doing this._

“Betty! This is _nothing_ to do with you.” I glare venomously at her, anger replacing my fear. _How dare she do this?!_ Not now, not today. Surprised by my response, she blinks at me, green eyes wide.

“Laura, what is it?” Carmilla says again, her tone more menacing.

“Carmilla, would you just go, please?” I ask her.

“No. Show me.” She holds out her hand, and I reluctantly I give her the contract.

“What’s she done to you?” Betty asks, ignoring Carmilla. “A _sex_ contract?!” _She looks so apprehensive._ I flush as a myriad of erotic images flit quickly across my mind .

“That’s _none of your business_ , Betty.” I can’t keep the exasperation out of my voice.

“Where did you get this?” Carmilla asks, her head cocked to one side, her face expressionless, but her voice was menacingly soft, and it has its desired effect.

Betty flushes. “That’s irrelevant.” At her stony glare, she hastily continues. “I was unpacking and needed a pair of scissors, so I checked her desk and found it.” Faced with Carmilla’s burning gray gaze, Betty’s steeliness slips a little, but she seems to recover and scowls at her. She’s a beacon of hostility in a slinky, midnight-black dress. _She looks magnificent._

“Have you told anyone?” Carmilla’s voice is like a silk glove.

“No! Of course not,” Betty snaps, affronted. Carmilla nods and appears to relax. She turns and heads toward the fireplace. Wordlessly Betty and I watch as she picks up a lighter from the mantelpiece, sets it aflame, and drops it into the fireplace until it is no more. The silence in the room is oppressive.

“Not even Jamie?” I ask, turning my attention back to Betty.

“No one,” Betty says emphatically, and for the first time she looks puzzled and hurt. “I just want to know you’re okay, Laura,” she whispers.

“I’m fine, Betty. More than fine. Please, Carmilla and I are good, _really good_ —and this is old news. Please ignore it.”

“ _Ignore_ it?” she says. “How can I ignore that? What’s she done to you?” And her green eyes are so full of heartfelt concern.

“She hasn’t done anything to me, Betty. Honestly—I’m good.” She blinks at me.

“Really?” she asks. Carmilla wraps an arm around me and draws me close, not taking her eyes off Betty.

“Really. We love each other, and we enjoy a bit of… authority in the bedroom.” Carmilla said simply, hoping to diffuse the situation rather than exacerbate it.

“Betty, you should go talk to Jamie. He kind of understands this.” I hedge, hoping that I’m not going too far.

“He would? Is this that whole dog-collar-and-leash kind of thing?” Her eyes were wary as she looked at the two of us.

Carmilla shrugged in that way that meant everything and nothing at the same time. “I’ve never put cupcake here on a leash yet, but I might if she’s into it.” I blush deep red at the thought of that.

“I might like that, Mistress.” I mutter quietly back to her, getting a kiss on my cheek in response.

Betty’s face seems stuck in deep confusion. “Huh. Okay. My innocent, _virginal_ roommate is kinky as fuck.” I smile back at her as she bites her lip in wonder.

“Yup, and I love her.” I say, yelping in surprise as I feel Mistress’ hand swat my ass once. Betty looks at the exchange and shakes her head.

“I’ll take that as she loves you too.” Betty chuckles at that, leaving Carmilla’s office more assured of our relationship. As I turn and look at a smirking Carmilla, my love and my Mistress, I felt reassured as well.

* * *

 

 

**_Epilogue._**

 

The cigarette end glows brightly in the darkness as he takes a deep pull. He blows the smoke out in a long exhale, finishing it and tossing the butt out the window of his car, his skin looking pale and ghostly in the moonlight. He shifts in his seat, bored, and takes a long gulp of the blood-infused coffee before resting the cup back in the cupholder.

_I can’t believe that little bitch ruined my plans to expose and destroy Carmilla._

His mouth twists in a sardonic sneer. Hiring her girlfriend had been a mistake after all, but smelling her sweet fear rise as his eyes went silver in bloodlust? Good thing he wore contacts to hide them; once he saw bite marks on Laura he knew that Carmilla was tapping that.

_Yet again that bitch got what I wanted._

But scaring her, making her pulse race and arouse her? James knew he was a junkie for that; it always made the blood flow faster when he eventually bit them. But he had to play it safe now and only sip from his latest victim. James was glad that he gagged her in the trunk; the last thing he’d need now is having to deal with that bitch screaming for Carmilla to come rescue her. Kidnapping that mentally broken whore from the psych ward was probably one of the most exhilarating things he’s ever done.

_Now I can pump her for information on Carmilla, and figure out the best way to get my revenge._

They have underestimated him, they all have. If Karnstein thought for one minute he’d go whimpering quietly away, that cunt didn’t know who she was fucking with. But of course she didn’t know who he was; it had been the same thing in all their lives. People constantly underestimating him—just a boyish runt who read books.

_Well fuck that! I’m finally going to get the respect I deserve._

He knew how life had never been fair to him; how Carmilla made her way through the decades with fake ID’s and winning “scholarships” to go to Silas U and then move on to get an MBA. James never got those breaks in life; he had to scrounge every day through the Great Depression. He had to survive off of battlefield casualties in the Civil War. He was never given a chance to have a family put a silver spoon in _his_ mouth. But he did work his way up finally, got an internship through the few connections he had back when the mob ran things _the right way_. Even had to leapfrog his credentials by taking an alias and being his own assistant time and time again.

People come and go, and it got difficult to stay in the same city for more than a decade and not age. _Not to mention the constant supply of people I went through in order to live._ Not bad for the spurned sibling who wasn’t bought off of their whore mother. Not bad at all for the kid who had to do it all on their own, and went back and repaid the village that treated his mother like dirt.

They all died at his hands, and it was _magnificent_. Now he was almost ready with his expose on Mircalla, and prove that she was cutting a deal with warlord terrorists and their child armies so she could play at being the white savior in Africa. But now all of that has been fucked to hell, _all because of Karnstein and her human prick-teasing bitch!_ He really wanted to give it to her, and hard. Over and over, until she begged for mercy and her vocal cords gave out from constant screaming. Wanted to fuck her until she went silent and catatonic, so he could hear her agony and misery as he stuck her, over and over, like the cattle she was as he drained her of blood and felt her grow cold around his hard cock. He really needed to get himself off again, and good. Watching those videos were great, but he really wanted to see _her_ suffer, and not the guy who invariably died as she rode him to completion. He never could see her face in the videos, so he just imagined it was Mircalla there as he pumped himself into whatever useless cunt he took home and bled.

_It's not the same, though. I’m having to settle for sloppy seconds._

He scowls at the tall apartment building as it represents everything he despises. _There’s nothing to be done about that now_. The only good thing that he had now was Sarah-Jane in his trunk. She was almost perfect for his needs, as if Mircalla practically gift-wrapped this little blood slut for him. He chuckled mirthlessly, then winced in pain. His ribs were still sore from the car that hit him after that little bitch sucker-punched his nose and made him flee before security caught him.

_And how the fuck did she burn my hand with a fucking bracelet?_

He replayed the scene in his mind. The burn on his hand had actually surprised him.

_“I’ve been in Krav Maga since age eight! Now, your itinerary and the brochures are on my desk. I am going home now. And in the future, get your own damn coffee!”_

That bitch will get what’s coming to her. James never ate the sandwiches he sent her to get - it was just his way of reminding her who was in fucking charge; he was the predator, and she was the food. He settled back in his seat. _Looks like it’s going to be a long night._

“It’s going to be an even longer night for you, fuck-meat.” James called out to the trunk. Sarah-Jane’s screams had turned into whimpers hours ago, and was now just silent sobbing. He would have to feed her and change her clothes soon like an ungrateful baby. But not yet. She would have to _earn_ that privilege first, and understand that he was in charge and not her.

_Maybe I could give her a makeover, curl her hair and call her Mircalla as I fuck her ass raw until she loses her voice from screaming. Yeah, that’s hot. Bitch will probably like it, too._

“Fuck-meat, you’re a pain slut, right?” James laughed at his own joke.

But for now, he’ll stay, watch, and wait. James took another sip of coffee. His chance will come. His chance will come soon.

 

* * *

 

 

**_END PART TWO_ **

 


End file.
